news max inside scoop

"You get to a place where, you know, you have to re-evaluate your insides and like, change, because, you know, I'm a monster. I mean I can be," he said, according to the Los Angeles Times. "It's like, you know, I've been offered every kind of excess that money and fame brings and it's not good enough."

Gibson made his remarks during a 40-minute live Q&A before 3,800 invited guests at the evangelical Azusa Pacific University on Saturday.

As he has from the very beginning of the controversy, Gibson emphatically denied that the film, which depicts in exceedingly graphic scenes the suffering of Jesus during the last 12 hours of his life, is anti-Semitic.

The Times reported that when Gibson was asked whether the film will foster anti-Semitism, he said "I'm not anti-Semitic. My Gospels are not anti-Semitic. ... I've shown it to many Jews and they're like, it's not anti-Semitic. It's interesting that the people who say it's anti-Semitic say that before they saw the film, and they said the same thing after they saw the film."

One critic of the heavy marketing of the film, Kenneth L. Waters Sr., assistant professor of the New Testament at Azusa Pacific University, said that while he thinks the marketing aspect is a little bit too heavy-handed, personally, he called the film "gripping and very captivating ... and pretty much held the line as far as the biblical story was concerned." He told the Times he did not think the film was anti-Semitic.

Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles, has seen the film twice and repeated his widely reported charge that the movie is "the work of Mel Gibson" and not a story from the New Testament, a criticism denied by scores of biblical experts who have seen it and testified that it faithfully follows the Gospels.

"As someone who has dealt with the issue of anti-Semitism professionally since 1977, I know about what it is more than Mel Gibson," Hier said. "Every Jew who appears in this film, except for the disciples of Christ, are portrayed cruelly and portrayed as a people with an almost sinister look in their eyes. ... Jews who see this film, I believe, will be overwhelmingly horrified."

Gibson supporters, however, stress the fact that many of those who have seen the film are themselves Jewish, and deny they saw anything anti-Semitic about it.

Speaking of the film's R-rating, Gibson said it is justified given that the scenes of the crucifixion are brutal and relentless. "Part of what I was endeavoring to do was to kind of push it to the edge a little bit," he said. When it was suggested that he could have toned the film down, Gibson responded, "Dude, I did tone it down."

The film premiers in over 2,000 theaters on Ash Wednesday, Feb. 25. Experts say it could recover the $30 million Gibson spent making it in as little as five days.

My pastor just secured tickets to an advance screening. He just laughed when I suggested he try to find me one.

bye bye brogblog

Today is Kyle's last day. He'll be heading away to Hattiesburg, MS, to be a part of BMDMI, as their director of communications. I'm thankful for his friendship and look forward to hearing how God blesses him and his family.

Please pray for their safety as they travel, for their home here in GA to sell quickly, and for a prosperous ministry that impacts eternity.

an editing question

in your perception, is there a difference between saying, "planning where you are meeting next..." and "planning where your next meeting is...."

Which is more engaging, more positive? Should either or both be avoided? Suggestions for alternatives?

its all downhere from here

I can't comment on the following inbox fodder experientially, especially because this has a bit of a feminine bent to it...

Midlife is when
... the growth of the hair on your legs slows down. This gives you plenty of time to care for your newly acquired mustache.

...you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!

...you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

...you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

...you receive the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

...you look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

...your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

...the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

...you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

...your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

...you start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
before it's no longer a healthy choice?

clark barred

The General has surrendered.

And I'm wondering just how many others will utilize these highly original titles and statements in conveying the same message elsewhere.

Hey, I work for Bush, I'll extend my creative energies in his direction, or at least for his benefit.

decision '04

With the results in that Kerry has "pasted" VA & TN (once again revealing Gore's tremendous [lack of] political clout), reported with near ebulliance by the NBC wonks who could barely conceal their glee that the Nor'easter Blowhard swept through the South against a weak field of competition, I offer this, found at Bible.Org's 10,000 illustrations, this one regarding leadership:

Selecting A New President
When the board of directors of a large food company was considering the selection of a new president, one of the directors worked out this questionnaire:

1. Who of the possible candidates is the best known as a personality to the most company people?

2. Who is the most liked and trusted by them?

3. Who is held in the highest regard outside the organization...in public life and “in the trade”?

4. Who is the most warmly human in his dealings with people?

5. Who has demonstrated the best capacity for selecting able people, and the greatest willingness to delegate authority and responsibility?

6. Who will be apt to do the best job of keeping his desk and mind clear of day-to-day operating problems, so he will have time to think in broader terms of tomorrow and next year?

7. Who does the boldest—yet soundest—thinking?

8. Who is most open-minded and willing to revise decisions when important new facts come to light?

9. Who inspires the best cooperation and exercises the best control and coordination, without “trespassing” on responsibility once delegated?

10. Who is most self-possessed in all situations, best able to adjust to personalities and circumstances and tact and understanding?

11. Who can be depended upon to make the most of a promising new plan or idea?

12. Who can “take it” the best under a heavy load of responsibility?

13. Who is the best builder of the people under him?

14. Who is most likely, in good times and bad, to remember that the basic job of the president is to operate the business at a profit?

In a two-candidate race, between the Appeaser Dem and the Tested GOPer, I'll stick with the incumbent.

truly, wit?!?!?!

Christopher has rendered me speechless with the anecdote of a mother who just might be worthy of losing parenting rights...at least for a temporary period, where she could decide if that was, in fact, her final answer (please excuse me for mixing my infotainment references). Maybe if it were Simon shaming her, she might be compelled to parent.

TWOTD

Demolition Derby mash 'em bash 'em

compounding problem

I'm all for women voting. I'm just saying if you're going to make a TV movie about it, two details.

First, hyphenate compound adjectives.

Second, make sure your lead female actor actually has registered to vote.

guilty

No matter how convincing I sound when I call it "research," the result remains:

Yes, you are wasting time.


Are you wasting time?
brought to you by Quizilla

carry-ed away

From News Max's Left Coast Report:

Jim Carrey has discovered something that a lot of folks in La-La Land and society at large have yet to find out: There's a difference between pleasure and happiness.

Carrey tells Playboy magazine he has given up almost all pleasurable pursuits and is living like a monk.

"I don't eat wheat. I don't eat dairy. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't smoke pot. All these things I've enjoyed. I live very sparingly," the actor explains.

Carrey goes on to say, "Heaven is the other side of that feeling you get when you're sitting on the couch and you get up and make a triple-decker sandwich. It's on the other side of that, when you don't make the sandwich. It's about sacrifice ..."

I always find it interesting when celebrity lends its voice to spirituality. It's also interesting how he juxtaposes wheat and dairy consumption with tobacco and chronic consumption. I'd also agree that heaven is about sacrifice, but it's impossible to tell if our world views are similar or disparate without further self-disclosure (on his part, that is).

ms. manners-in-training

Kelli: Kelsi, would you like more bread?

Kelsi: Yes

Kelli: Excuse me?

Kelsi: Yes...ma'am.

Kelli: Very goooood..here you go.

Me: Kelsi, would you like more apple juice?

Kelsi: Yes

Me: Excuse me?

Kelsi: Yes...ma'am.....daddy?!?

Me: eh...close enough. Here you go.

got a light?

The latest bonfire has been lighted....bask in the warmth of bad blogging.

what is...a good guy finishing first?

The answer is: Tom Walsh, the most successful Jeopardy champion ever. Here's Mr. Walsh's blog...his success has to be good for his blog, which he mentioned twice in his interview, like any good blogger should.

Links via Gleeful Extremist.

orlando produce, spiritually speaking

Here is the link to Pat Morley's presentation to our state partners in Orlando. Good reading for men who take seriously the matters of Christ transforming every aspect of their lives.

sung to the tune of oops....i did it again

I earnestly tried to write a parody of Ms. Spears' song with a theological message. I was embarrassed with the result, which probably meant it was the perfect candidate. Even so, I have enough self-respect to avoid that train wreck.

The fact is, I am the King of Oops. You've not been on a trip with me unless we've made at least two U-turns. I often say I don't apologize unless I mean it, but I still apologize often. Despite priding myself for communication skills, it seems like 90 percent of the conflicts I meet have to do with mistakes in communication. And the most telling thing is, there has yet to be a day in my life that I can cognitively recall where I have not had to realign myself with the Lord at one point or another. Every single day, I start off with great intentions. I plan to live for him, and if necessary, die for him (although I believe the former to be much more difficult than the latter). I intend to speak up and speak out for His name's sake. I have the most sincere intent to be a living witness with every thought, every word, and every action. But then I get out of bed, stub my toe, and the plans are shot.

It's only by God's grace and provision that I'm anything more than the oafish stooge I can still adeptly manufacture in moments of unbridled self. It is God who gives me wisdom, who provides me with patience and understanding. It is God alone who offers a capacity to love and give that is an otherwise altogether unidentifiable personal trait. If I am a good husband, a good father, a good worker, a good churchman, a good man...it is because of God and God alone. And what is truly amazing is that God has accomplished this in me, through and occasionally in spite of my "oops" moments. God has repeatedly demonstrated throught my ineptitude and total lack of ability that He is worthy, He is able, and He is sufficient. By this, He has shown that if He can accomplish these great and wonderful things in someone so incredible flawed as myself, than how much more so can He through the rest of you.

Friends, I tell you this is no false modesty. I am nothing without God. I bring nothing to the table. Even the things that I once thought I brought to the table I now recognize that I only did because God first provided them to me. Wit, talent, knowledge, flair...all God. And when it fails, its because I have misused what God has given. When it succeeds, its because God has accomplished it. Without God, I would be flat on my face without a single hope, without a single ability to even lift myself off the ground and accomplish even the most basic effort toward accomplishing an aspiration. However, through faith in the Christ who lives within me, I am more than a conqueror. I am mighty and I am victorious. I can do all things through Him. I can move mountains and I can accomplish everything that is set before me. And when those mountains are moved and those tasks are accomplished, it is not I who did it, but Christ through me.

I've learned important lessons along the way from my "oops" moments. Lessons like "don't get in knife-throwing contests with a short-tempered sibling" and "Flinging the dog poo over the fence into the neighbor's yard isn't the same as 'cleaning it up (don't worry, both of those were adolescent 'oops' experiences). '" I've learned recent lessons that you never misstate how long you've been with the love of your life, and you can only forget your password into payroll so many times before the administrators lose their patience. But through all my oops moments, here are some of the most important lessons I've learned, but am still learning, too:

• God cannot love me more than He does at this moment


• That love is based on who He is, not how I'm doing


• God still expects me to obey Him, because He loves me, not "so that He will love me."


• Broken fellowship with God because of my sin is proof of His holy love, not the absence of it


• If I want His fellowship, all I have to do is agree that my sin is sin, and its not His plan for me


• I have just as much or as little ability as the heroes of my faith to hear His voice and discern His will


• You can't spell "opportunities" without "oops." Mistakes can be blessings when they're used as tools for learning

Look, what I know might fill the bottom third of a shallow thimble. But I know this -- God loves me, the King of Oops. And there's no mistaking that.

kelsi's latest vernacular additions

I don't knoOOoow --"I'm inclined to disagree with you."

I don't know what to dooooooo -- "I would greatly appreciate you sharing with me some of what you are eating."

Kaywyn Muh-ee! -- "Kaylyn, my dear sister, I really want your undivided attention!"

shunshIne -- "Please sing You are my Sunshine, I like it so."

BushUHpeck -- "Please sing Bushel and a Peck, I like it so."

Teec-kle teec-kle -- "Please sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...yes, I do like it so."

Cheeses of me, hiss I know, foda Biboe del meeso. Widowuhns dewimeelong. They weekim stong. YES Cheeses of me. YES Cheeses of meeeeee YES Cheeses of me...dubiboe del meeso -- "Thank you and goodnight. Don't forget to tip your Sunday School Teacher, and try the cheddar goldfish, they're delicious!"

lifts and separates

Here's an entertaining column regarding a surprising reason to agree with Dean, albeit for different reasons. Rumors that President Bush is asking Congress for an additional $33 Billion to fund the investigation are being confirmed.

On a related note, we did see the digitized haze obscuring the elderly lady's bosom. Of course, I'd have rather they filmed it more creatively so it had never been on film, but that wasn't the creative decision. Instead, all they accomplished was illustrating how silly a network can appear when it initially tries to be "cutting edge," only to jump back in fear when colleagues/competitors are slapped on the hand for similar, but edgier, content. The decision rendered ER the dramatic equivalent of Quincy.

what matters to bloggers

Michele offers an exit poll about what concerns you in the upcoming election. Go cast your vote.

no, you're the man!

Indeed, Tony is a generous friend. I threw out the request for a count-down script and before I could blink, he sent it my way.

I'm grateful, brother!

sung to the tune of you gotta fight for your right to 'party'

The interesting, but long, transcript of the Colorado legislature's ad hoc committee interviewing collegians about ideological discrimination on the campus and in the classroom.

I lived it. I took a multiple classes where I was ridiculed, demeaned and denigrated for being a voice of the opposition. I voiced my concerns on multiple evaluations and never observed a response. The result for me was a steeled determination to live for and share Truth. I'm not certain that others resolve to pursue similar efforts.

for coloradoans and the people that love them

from the inbox, slightly edited:

Barbies for Colorado

Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Englewood Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and beat the tarnation out of mullet-haired Ken when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Percocet prescription available.

Thornton Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting.

Greeley Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Greeley Barbie or Ken.

Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

this week, on a very special e.r.

from the inbox:

St. Peter is handling paperwork at the Pearly Gates, when he hears a knock. He looks up to see a man and says, "Be right with you!"

A moment later, he walks to the Gates, and no one is there. So he goes back to his paperwork.

Another knock, same man. St. Peter quickly signs the document he's holding, and walks to the Gates. No one is there.

A bit annoyed he goes back to the paperwork. A third knock, the same man. St. Peter throws down his pen and says, "Hey, are you playing games with me?!!?"

Much embarrassed, the man replies in small voice, "No sir! It's just that they're trying to resuscitate me."

its not the fall that hurts...

A good primer on the necessity of worker's comp.

spamcycle

Today I received nine emails in my work inbox on purchasing codeine 13.

Things aren't that bad. Really.

a simple question

Cotter: Daddy?
Me: Yes son?
Cotter: Does this color look like a booger?
Me (looking): Well...it is a booger. So, yes.
He (flicking it into the trash): I thought so!

the failed quiz...explained

1. Favorite Team -- Broncos. Explanation: I will root for all teams Colorado. Following in importance behind the Broncos are the Buffs, the Rockies, and the Nuggets. Truth be told there are probably a few teams that are more dear to me than the Nuggets, including but not limited to: The Colorado Crush (Arena Football), The Mammoth (Pro Lacrosse), The Silver Bullets (women's pro baseball), The Gold (Defunct USFL), The CSU Rams, DU Pioneers, Metro State Roadrunners, Air Force Falcons, and the Moffat County High School Bulldogs.


2. Favorite Pet -- Holly. Explanation: Other special pets include Patches, my first dog, an Austrailian Shepherd mix. He chased cars, apparently thinking they were super-powered automated sheep needing corralled. This problem was exacerbated by the extenuating fact that we lived across the street from the hospital emergency entrance at the time. You can put two and two together on that one. Bud was a great golden retriever who used to fetch golf balls. I could drive ball after ball into the hayfields and he would perch at the tee, just out of danger, and watch as I hit. He'd then sprint into the field and sniff and search until he found it. Inevitably, I'd tire before he would. He also liked to protect us from the evil and dangerous threats approaching our yard. Unfortunately, he considered deer and horses as some of those threats. I came home one day to learn that Bud had "run away," which I later understood to be euphemistic for "met a similar fate as Old Yeller."


3. Time Kelli & I have been together -- 10 1/2 years Explanation: This is the question that flawed the quiz. I was lovingly corrected by my bride that our time really is 11 years. It wasn't that I forgot time, but I forgot the important lesson of when recounting time spent with the one you love, never never never "round off." Kelli and I will celebrate our ninth year married on June 24 of this year. We originally re-discovered one another August of 1992, and consider Thanksgiving of that year our "relationship turned serious" date. So even by simple math, one could should consider Thanksgiving 2003 an 11 year anniversary.


4. Closest male friend -- Clay. Explanation: Each of these men is dear to me. Jamie, my brother, Troy, my best friend from high school, and Chris, by closest friend in college. I love one of these guys and thank God for them. Clay, though, is my friend who you'll grow to know better upon the launch of Two Sents. We were casual friends in high school who reconnected at seminary. We talk every week and pray for one another every day. We trust one another with every detail of our lives and go to one another for counsel and support. He's a great source of wisdom, truth, and understanding. Other than Kelli, I have no closer friend. He is a gifted communicator and an anointed minister. I truly look forward to the experiences and insights he and his lovely bride Laura will share with all of us in the area of student ministry as he joins the Two Sents team.


5. Worst Mom's Birthday present -- A series of stuffed owls. Explanation: This question illustrated a trend I am guilty of establishing in gift-giving to my mother. If she mentioned that she liked something, I would give it to her repeatedly until she had to announce, occasionally hysterically, that if she received one more of the given item, she might possibly go insane. The hysterical presentation lent credibility to the claim. At progressive points in our relationship, she received unfortunate series of music boxes, porcelain dolls, ceramic GOP elephants (what began as a "haha-gag" gift, and ended as "I think I'm going to throw up-gag" gift), and of course the nadir of the list, the stuffed owls. I have seen the practice repeated with my mother-in-law, though she's not gone into a conniption (although I wouldn't blame her if she chose to), regarding an overwhelming accumulation of Santa Claus figurines. Kelli has seen similar accumulations of various items, but has assured me that she'll inform me in a calm, rational manner when I've hit the limit on any given gift theme. As far as I'm concerned, I'm totally okay with people continuing to gift me with Bronco/Buff regalia, antique books, and biblical commentaries. Too much is never enough in these categories. But I've learned my lesson. I promise.


6. First Manuscript -- Delta Iota Epsilon Explanation: This cheesy title was the first draft of a hundred-plus page effort about a secret college society where a "rush event" goes horribly wrong. You see, I thought it was clever because the Greek letters of the fraternity were the equivalents to D.I.E.....pathetic, I know. It actually was a decent effort, carnally speaking. I had Kelli read it while we were dating (before I had come to faith). She'd return chapters with huge red X's through entire pages. I'd say, "what's wrong with this?" And she'd lovingly reply, "It's trash!" The other works mentioned were Fish Dance, a short story about a suicidal goldish, despondent over the loss of his tankmate. Let's just say it wasn't a happy ending. To Touch the Sun, another short story about the childhood recollections of a young man horribly injured from a house fire, a bit of a modern-day Icarus. Finally, In Your Eyes was a youthful essay written to a girl I thought I loved, in response to the Peter Gabriel song by the same name. It turns out that I didn't love her so much as I loved the idea of her. Actually, it turns out I didn't really love the idea of her so much as I love the idea of everything except her. In that regard, the title takes on an entirely different meaning than originally intended.


7. Last non-ministry job -- Video Rental Dude I also worked as a courier, an apartment manager, and fraternity president (though the president gig wasn't really a job, I treated it like one). As a courier I drove 220 miles every day, listened to countless books on tape, and got two speeding tickets and a citation for running a red light (that to this day I contend was yellow when I entered the intersection). As an apartment manager, I discovered a corpse, was invited to join a drug distribution ring in exchange for rent, and once had to comfort a Mexican woman abandoned by her husband (and illustrating to me that four years of Spanish taught me nothing about how to comfort a rapidly-but-non-English-speaking, panic-stricken woman with no money for rent). My work as a video rental dude took place in a hospital kiosk with a great Jewish entrepeneur who had a great idea to rent video machines, tapes and camcorders to patients. We were always busy renting movies & video game systems to extended-stay patients, bored with hospital TV offerings. I think of Dave Guttmann often when I watch The Apprentice, and think he'd show these posers a thing or two about initiative and creativity. I witnessed to him often, and heaven only knows the fruits of those efforts. The Lord definitely used him to sharpen me.


8. Most Foolish Prank -- Playing with Quarter Sticks of Dynamite. Explanation: Again, another confusing question, because I have done all these things, and the degree of foolishness was determined by me, solely on the potential to lose valuable extremities. As a youth, I was once arrested (but not "booked," they decided to let my dad execute justice on my guilty behind) for curfew violation. I've had no other run-ins with the law, but I've done lots of other stupid stuff. I've oft said that I could have starred in Jackass, but only if they took away all the safety measures.


9. "Celebrity" with whom I've brushed the closest -- George HW Bush. Explanation. This one was the most incorrect. I've been in the same arena as John Elway, but never closer. The restraining order has a lot to say about that matter. I've also passed by Harry Shearer (of SNL and The Simpsons) and Jerry Tarkanian (former coach of the UNLV Runnin' Rebels!) in airports. But it was crossing paths with President George HW Bush and his Secret Service Contingent on a jogging path at the Cooper Clinic in Dallas, Texas, that will forever stand out as the closest I ever came to someone important (as well as the closest I ever came to being wrestled down by a team of skilled musclemen).


10. Finally, of course, the new blog venture is Two Sents. The count-down continues!

adjust your records accordingly

Cotter McAnally
Daddy....Golf is my ninth favorite sport.

--Today, for no apparent reason

reality answers

1. Survivor All Stars
2. Road Rules
3. The Apprentice
4. Average Joe Hawaii
5. Fear Factor
6. Celebrity Mole
7. Real World
8. Meet the Folks
9. American Idol
10. Surreal Life

last call for altarcall!

Soooo....what do you think about a church in a bar?

Link gracias to Brett, who shares his opinions at his place (sorry, no permalinks).

In the tradition of Boys in the Sink

Weird Al's "I Bought on Ebay"

and, with this in mind...ebay finds:

Drew Barrymore's Eye Booger

Domesticated Flatulence in a Jar

Pair of Very Sweaty Used Men's Socks

Half-Eaten Sandwich

Somebody's Gold- and False Teeth

Aerosole Shoes/Doggie Chew Toy

Three Useless CPUs

Ernie McAnally Baseball Card (no relation...I think)

heyya redux

Here's a re-link to the the Peanuts/Outkast video. I've saved it this time on my hard drive, so now I don't have to google the next time I'm looking to smile, or deal with insomnia.

sdrawkcab ti gnitteg

This from the WSJ BOTW:

A second-grader was suspended for a day for telling a classmate he'd go to hell for swearing to God. She was told to stay home because she had violated the policy forbidding profanity.

As the BTOW rightly states, it was her counterpart who was guilty of being profane, but I doubt that his offense was what the administration had in mind when they issued their decree. They were, in all likelihood, more concerned about vulgarity, rather than profanity. On that sentiment, though, I'd submit that the girls was not even guilty of uttering a vulgarity. Soteriological issues aside, she was not being hateful, just admonitory. Whether her caution is regarded as being deported to somewhere as real as Des Moines or as fanciful as Neverland is irrelevant. What matters is that the school's leaders were so worried about silly rules that they were completely in the wrong and they stole a day from this girl's matriculation.

cool! literally.

It's lightly snowing here in North Georgia.

It won't stick, but still....

it's snowing!

whaddeesay?

As one who will one day have the need for auditory augmentation, due to years spent firing rifles, I offer the following, from the inbox:

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's get a drink."

blog decisions

After receiving your much valued input, I've decided that beginning March 4, 2004, Clarity amidst Chaos will be re-introduced to the blogosphere as Spare Change, a part of Two Sents.net. It will in fact be the first offering of Two Sents, which in time will provide a wide range of ministry services designed to help the local church experience health, growth, and reproduction.

I've invited a few friends to partner in this adventure. You'll be reading entries from them from time to time as they write about any matter that interests them (much like myself), but specifically in the areas of preschool, children, youth, adult ministries, men's and women's ministries, and also missions. Each of these topics will address the essentials of healthy church life, relevant to churches of every demographic and every age from the starting church to the well-established congregation. And of course, there will still be a regular visitation of other topics ranging from the sublime to the silly.

I appreciate all of you who have given input that has helped me make the decision about the name. If I happen to have gone in the direction other than what you have suggested, please know that I'm not disregarding your opinion. I took everything in to consideration before making the decision.

Lastly, why March 4?

There is no logistical reason. It is merely symbolic and historic. The favorite sermon I have ever preached was on March 4, 2001 (which I'll modify to post on the day of the launch), based upon one of the Scriptures the Lord has used as a touchpoint in my own life. The fact that Two Sents can "march forth" on this date is special to me, and that is reason enough!

Again, mark your calendars, and prepare to adjust your bookmarks and blogrolls, please! Thanks again to all my friends who have supported this blog, who have given tech support, offered wise counsel, and provided great feedback. I thank God for you, and hope you stick around for the next stage in the journey!

venti no whip double blessing latte with a splenda

via email:

THE SPARROW AT STARBUCKS

The song that silenced the cappuccino machine

by John Thomas Oaks

It was chilly in Manhattan but warm inside the Starbucks shop on 51st Street and Broadway, just a skip up from Times Square. Early November weather in New York City holds only the slightest hint of the bitter chill of late December and January, but it's enough to send the masses crowding indoors to vie for available space and warmth.

For a musician, it's the most lucrative Starbucks location in the world, I'm told, and consequently, the tips can be substantial if you play your tunes right. Apparently, we were striking all the right chords that night, because our basket was almost overflowing.

It was a fun, low-pressure gig-I was playing keyboard and singing backup for my friend who also added rhythm with an arsenal of percussion instruments. We mostly did pop songs from the '40s to the '90s with a few original tunes thrown in. During our emotional rendition of the classic, "If You Don't Know Me by Now," I noticed a lady sitting in one of the lounge chairs across from me. She was swaying to the beat and singing along.

After the tune was over, she approached me. "I apologize for singing along on that song. Did it bother you?" she asked.

"No," I replied. "We love it when the audience joins in. Would you like to sing up front on the next selection?"

To my delight, she accepted my invitation.

"You choose," I said. "What are you in the mood to sing?"

"Well. ... do you know any hymns?"

Hymns? This woman didn't know who she was dealing with. I cut my teeth on hymns. Before I was even born, I was going to church. I gave our guest singer a knowing look. "Name one."

"Oh, I don't know. There are so many good ones. You pick one."

"Okay," I replied. "How about 'His Eye is on the Sparrow'?"

My new friend was silent, her eyes averted. Then she fixed her eyes on mine again and said, "Yeah. Let's do that one."

She slowly nodded her head, put down her purse, straightened her jacket and faced the center of the shop. With my two-bar setup, she began to sing.

Why should I be discouraged?
Why should the shadows come?

The audience of coffee drinkers was transfixed. Even the gurgling noises of the cappuccino machine ceased as the employees stopped what they were doing to listen. The song rose to its conclusion.

I sing because I'm happy;
I sing because I'm free.
For His eye is on the sparrow
And I know He watches me.

Holy moment
When the last note was sung, the applause crescendoed to a deafening roar that would have rivaled a sold-out crowd at Carnegie Hall. Embarrassed, the woman tried to shout over the din, "Oh, y'all go back to your coffee! I didn't come in here to do a concert! I just came in here to get somethin' to drink, just like you!"
But the ovation continued. I embraced my new friend. "You, my dear, have made my whole year! That was beautiful!"

"Well, it's funny that you picked that particular hymn," she said.

"Why is that?"

"Well . ..." she hesitated again, "that was my daughter's favorite song."

"Really!" I exclaimed.

"Yes," she said, and then grabbed my hands. By this time, the applause had subsided and it was business as usual. "She was 16. She died of a brain tumor last week."

I said the first thing that found its way through my stunned silence.

"Are you going to be okay?"

She smiled through tear-filled eyes and squeezed my hands. "I'm gonna be okay. I've just got to keep trusting the Lord and singing his songs, and everything's gonna be just fine."

She picked up her bag, gave me her card, and then she was gone.

Was it just a coincidence that we happened to be singing in that particular coffee shop on that particular November night? Coincidence that this wonderful lady just happened to walk into that particular shop? Coincidence that of all the hymns to choose from, I just happened to pick the very hymn that was the favorite of her daughter, who had died just the week before? I refuse to believe it.

God has been arranging encounters in human history since the beginning of time, and it's no stretch for me to imagine that he could reach into a coffee shop in midtown Manhattan and turn an ordinary gig into a revival. It was a great reminder that if we keep trusting him and singing his songs, everything's gonna be okay.


The author's Web site:

you say its your birthday

Happy Birthday Mr. President.

May your likeness one day grace Mount Rushmore.

name that reality tv show

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.

8.

9.

10

And if you want to look into the mouth of the beast, go to this page that links to reality TV casting calls. There, you'll learn the important lesson that "real life" only exists in Southern California or New York City. The rest of us just live in the Land of Make Believe.

cheese

Can you spot when somebody is really baring it when they grin?

Apparently, I can 75% of the time.

Thanks Jen.

shady practices

Heidi is the new Sam.

After watching last night's episode of The Apprentice, I've determined that this program should be mandatory viewing for Christian ethics classes, as a means for educating common acceptable business practices juxtaposed against biblical standards. Understandably, some of the elements aren't ideal business models (like all the participants sharing a place in Trump Towers), but the varying assignments each week do provide adequate portrayals (at least so far) of how the world does business. Lessons so far have included:

• Backstab Your Friend to Stay Alive


• Sex Sells


• Put Yourself First


• If You Are Silent, You Must Be Guilty


• It's Not Deception if the Customer is Stupid


• Manipulate Your Way to the Top


• The 3 C's of Business: Cussing, Crying, and Conniving

workers ketchup

Amidst the news that 112,000 new jobs were added last month, once again confirming that reports of the US economy's demise were greatly exaggerated, I decided to see if the Heinz corp., and by extension, John F Kerry, could take any credit for the rebound.

Much like U2, I still haven't found what I'm looking for, but if I were to follow the logic of the Democrats, that must mean there was never threats increased condiment production, aka Workers of Massachussets Democrats. Subsequently, I concur that my decision to request ketchup with my fries was part of a strategery to draw out the enemy to lead to a potential confession of where these WMDs may be hiding.

THIS JUST IN: No sooner that I posted, "news agency" Reuters releases the "report" that the US workforce grew by "only 112,000 workers last month." They further suggest that this "disappointing report" will "weigh on President Bush's re-election campaign." I'm sure those 112,000 people were "unhappy" that they've found "work," and are now "earning money" that will "meet needs" and "pay for goods."

also....still no WMDs, but I have found this, which is promising -- possibly even a smoking gun.

back up

The quiz is back up. Thanks for waiting. I'll post results today or tomorrow.

worst fears realized

Unfortunately, Carlie has been found dead.

My prayers and condolences to her family.

at the corner of desperation and manipulation

I just read at my "real radio" web page, that authorities fear that abducted youth Carlie Brucia may be dead.

The less "real" news sources such as Fox & MSNBC haven't gone so far, only saying that the suspect is being "uncooperative."

I thought it was interesting that the Brucia family has hired a psychic, who has reported that she's still alive, but is "somewhere dark and tied up." I occasionally think we don't hold psychics to high standards anymore, especially in such instances when their predictions can be tremendously encouraging and devastatingly incorrect at all the same time.

Harkening back to recent conversations about Dru Sjodin, I was surprised to read (which I post here so you don't have to register to see the link):

GRAND FORKS, N.D. -- Grand Forks police say they hear almost daily from people who call themselves psychics -- claiming to have information on a missing University of North Dakota student's whereabouts.

Dru Sjodin, of Pequot Lakes, Minnesota has been missing since Nov. 22.

Grand Forks Police Lt. Dennis Eggebratten said the department has received more than 600 tips from those claiming to be a psychic or a visionary. He said none of the psychic leads have checked out in the Sjodin case.

A convicted sex offender from Crookston -- Alfonso Rodriguez Jr. -- is charged with kidnapping Sjodin. He is jailed in Grand Forks on $5 million bail -- and has denied any involvement in her disappearance.

Call it a hunch...a premonition, if you will...but I predict that only one name keeps coming to mind when they meditate on Dru's unfortunate situation....their own.

every now and then i fall apart

I haven't been able to talk about it until now...

...but the Atlanta 80s station has changed formats.

They've gone "all talk," bragging that they're Atlanta's only FM talk station. That's great I guess, but a bit like NBC deciding to be the only nation-wide station with cable access programs. Thanks 105.3 for saving me the strenuous work of pushing that AM/FM button when I need to hear people yammering away like their opinions matter. When I want that, I choose to read the yammering. In fact, I choose to write the yammering. It's called a blog.

Actually, I like talk radio much of the time. I even like Bob & Tom, the nationally syndicated morning show that replaced the regionally-syndicated MJ morning show. Like its predecessor, though, I have to turn the station when they start talking about weiners. If they'd just keep the comedy a little more current event-oriented, I'd appreciate it. I mean, I appreciate "boy humor," and think its eminently acceptable to laugh at a well-timed bodily emission. I just think it is a too oft-dipped-in well that, whilst its rancid waters may never run dry, its acrid savorings require little to last long.

So, for the time being, I'm without my source for Bonnie Tyler, the Human League, and Toto. Like all things, this too shall pass.

sung to the tune of crazy

A convicted murderer successfully obtained a stay of his execution by acting insane, including imitating John Wayne, Harvey Dent, and Pontius Pilate.

The pivotal word is "acting" and not "insane." Entering into rehab 14 times to (unsuccessfully?) overcome addiction does not a crazy man make. In fact, I'd argue the cognizant determination that one needs to "dry out" evidences lucidity. In such perspective, his accompanying conduct is reflective of a man desperate to avoid the gallows for just punishment meted for a violent crime.

I am mildly bemused at the concept of subpoena-ing Jesus.

Rusty the Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

Jesus: Well, I am the Truth, the whole Truth, and nothing but the Truth. So there shouldn't be a problem.

Foolish Client's Attorney: Thank you for being here today, Mr. Christ. Before we begin, I just need to know if you have gone by any other name?

Jesus: Uhhh...yeah. Let's see....How 'bout....Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End, Prince of Peace, The Lion of Judah, The Sacrificial Lamb, The Balm of Gilead, The Rock of Ages, The Mighty One, The Everlasting, The Physician, The Healer, King of Kings, Lord of Lo-

FCA: Okay, that's fine. Suffice it to say, you've got quite a reputation and are known by many names, is that correct?

Jesus: Yes, on both accounts.

FCA: Hmmm...interesting. Or should I say....suspicious?!? Moving on, as you may know-

Jesus: Oh yes, I know...

FCA: As I was saying for the record, you've received a subpoena to provide new details that we believe will cast reasonable doubt on my client, which is, of course me, unless I'm not me, and am instead at the time The Ringo Kid, which-

Jesus: Hey! Focus!

FCA: Oh. Right....Mr. Christ...where were you on the night in question?

Jesus: I am everywhere. All the time.

FCA: So you do not deny being in the general vicinity of the crime at the time that it is alleged to occur?

Jesus: I suppose not, since I'm everywhere. Always.

FCA: AHA! So if you admit to being there, how can we be sure that you yourself weren't responsible for this heinous act?

Jesus: You're serious, Matlock?

FCA: Ladies and Gentlemen, I rest my case. Clearly we cannot convict my client when we have the Son of Man's own confession that very well may implicate Himself and exonerate an innocent man.

Silly? Sure. Contrived? Certainly. Absurd? Absolutely.

But don't think for a moment that a similar mindset isn't out there, because it is.

what I meant to say was

This is a translation of the previous entry:

This entry is being entered using the voice recognition tools of Microsoft Word's software. As you can tell it is far from a perfect science at this point. Apparently, its supposed to get better the more I'm willing to train the computer to learn the rhythm and intonations of my voice. That said, it's going to take some time because each leasson requires about ten minutes of work to do. So (unknown) even though it's nonfunctional at this point, I'm fairly impressed its able to pick up wors like intimations and nonfunctional and the like. I'm not very impressed --well -- I am impressed but not very surprised that it is able to understnd words like Microsoft Word.

I don't understand why it chose to start a new paragraph here.

(ha ha laughter) I guess I'll understand better as time goes on (unknown). As I read this as I recite text, I can see just how unintelligible it really is. I'm sure that as I show this to my children they will be baffled and amazed. They'll of course want to train this with their own voice which I don't foresee as happening, but I look forward to seeing the look on their faces (unknown).

After a further review, a translation will soon follow.

asphinctersayswhat?

This century the as being insured using the voice recognition tools of Microsoft words software as you can tell it is far from a perfect science at this point apparently it, so as to get better the more I?m willing to train the computer to learn the rhythm and intimations of my voice that said it?s going to take some time because each lesson requires about ten minutes of work to do so happens I even though it?s nonfunctional this point I?m free impressive even able to pick up words like Information is recognition and the like I?m not very impressed well

But not very surprising is able to easily understand words like Microsoft word that only understand why it chose the storm

You?re not against all understand better as time goes on satisfying as I read this as I recited because I can see just how unintelligible really is unsure that as I show this to my children they will be baffled enemies lives of course one to train interactive as their own voice which I don?t often as those capabilities but a look for to them unless it?s see the local on this basis from offenses to foreign after a further review a translation will soon follow

another invitation

I've offered this before, but I'm going to do so again, because I believe it to be the most important thing we have to offer.

Be one in a million.

prayer update

Just talked with Guy and Aletha is progressing OK. The therapist is getting her out of bed today and getting her to walk with a walker. She still doesn't eat like they would like her to, but that is not a real concern at this point. The blood clot continues to dissolve with medication. Guy thought by sometime next week that they might be able to transport Aletha to either St. Mary's or maybe to Craig depending on how Aletha progresses the next few days. Guy is doing OK and doesn't need anything but prayers at this point.

thanks for praying...please continue!

what goes up

inbox ha ha:

mikey's physics phunny
One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask "Why do we have to study this stuff?"

"To save lives," the professor responded and continued with the lecture.

A few minutes later the same student spoke up again. "So, how does physics save lives?" he persisted.

"It keeps the ignoramuses out of medical school," replied the professor.

this pie tastes like humble

Have you ever had one of those times when you have been going along thinking you're pretty smart, feeling like you've got a good grasp on things, only to spend a little time with someone who really is pretty smart and really does have a good grasp on things, which causes you to realize that you're really not as smart as you thought and your grasp isn't as good as you originally perceived?

Yeah.

That would describe what just happened to me.

I'm sure I'll be thankful for this.

Eventually.

you think you know...

I've made a quiz about myself. Let's see how well you know me. And read each question carefully.

axiom

JOY

Jesus
Others
Yourself

learn it.
live it.
love it.

victory

Paul 'Bear' Bryant
In order to have a winner, the team must have a feeling of unity; every player must put the team first-ahead of personal glory.

I'm not exactly covering new territory when I state that the church has been called, challenged, commanded, commissioned, and congregated for the purpose of unity. God has said that it is "good and pleasant" when His children live together in unity.

It's no secret that the key to success in any team endeavor is unity. The team should have one focus, one pursuit, one agenda. When competing agendas are present, the team's success is almost inevitably sacrificed.

The healthiest organizations are those that understand their priorities and operate in unity accordingly. The organizations that struggle or even fail are the ones that are confused about why they exist and what they hope to accomplish. In this paradigm, one subset pursues a goal, and another subset pursues an equally-worthy, albeit different goal. Unfortunately, resources are divided, communication is splintered, and impact is lost.

What is the purpose of your church? Why has God brought you together as a body of believers? What has He equipped you to accomplish through His heavenly resources? Come to agreement on these matters and in unity devote yourselves to them wholeheartedly and without distraction.

The reality is, there's no such thing as a 'practice scrimmage' in the calling and direction of a church. We are in the battle for the very souls of men, women, and children. Every opportunity is life and death, and every detail ripples through eternity. If your agenda is different from the Coach's, you're an obstacle to success, not an implement for it. Set your own agenda aside and chase after the title that He's set before us. For some of you, that's going to mean starting something new -- doing something you've never done but that He's assigned specifically for you. For others, its going to mean stopping something old -- putting down something you've been doing for far too long that He never assigned to you in the first place. Either option takes faith, and your willingness to comply will say more about what you believe about God than you do about yourself or your church. Regardless of the option, the context in which it exists is servanthood.

What would the church look like if every person was really on God's agenda? What would the world look like if every church was really on God's agenda? Some day we will know. Until then, we pursue the prize by faith.

proverbs #156

If God wants you on the mission field, neither your money nor your prayers will ever prove an acceptable substitute.

proverbs #155

There is no "home" and "foreign" distinction in God's missionary vocabulary.

proverbs #154

He who holds a false doctrine, holds it first in his own thinking and then seeks it in the Bible as a second source.

step right up

The carnivals' doors have opened:

Christian #3

Vanities #72

The Bonfire should commence soon.

three good reasons

Here's an excellent article by Patrick Morley giving three reasons to disciple men.

I had the distinct honor of introducing Patrick to our state partners last week at our Orlando meeting. He spoke during one of our lunches and was encouraging and affirming. He is partnering with us to develop the newest incarnation of our leadership materials.

Some of the most significant things he said in our time together last week is (and these are all loose paraphrases):

The main reason men don't share their faith or provide ministry or do any of the things that we typically expect Christians to do is becuase they don't have enough Jesus to share. They're interaction with Christ is minimal. Their disicpleship is minimal. Their worship is minimal. The vast majority of men barely have enough Jesus for themselves, much less an experience of the overflow that God promises. They're just in survival mode. They're barely getting enough Jesus to get from Sunday to Sunday. It's no wonder they don't have enough of Him to give to anyone else.

Jesus said, "Make disciples and pray for workers." How many churches are making workers and praying for disciples?

The decisions we make today as Christian men and leaders has the potential to impact the next thirty years. That is millions of children who can grow up under a blessing, or under another generation of a curse. Small decisions today have huge ramifications later. Make your decisions wisely and carefully.

100% of the precincts reporting

Let's review:

Ketchup won 5 of 7.
Edwards won South Carolina in an "attaboy" vote.
Clark takes Oklahoma, by a whisker.
Dean averaged a little better than 10% of the vote.
Lieberman's gone.
Sharpton's just enjoying the ride until he can pretend to be relevant somewhere else.
Kucinich continues to be clearly undeniably insane.

I love Democracy.

i'm with stupid

Via WSJ BOTW, I learned that Hillary's daddy owned a silk-screening business in her childhood.

Now we know from where such pithy terms have originated, such as:

• it takes a village


• vast right wing conspiracy


• my husband got impeached and all i got was this lousy t-shirt


• Living History Book Tour '03 -- Charlotte Rocks!


• Bush is a WMD!


• Gore/Clinton '04


• Clinton/Clark '08


• Clinton's Intern Assessor

denouement +lieberman = dejoement

Tony has informed me once again, they all rolled over and one fell off.

Comment-worthy excerpts from the good Senator's noble, but futile campaign:

"I have decided tonight to end my quest for the presidency of the United States of America. Am I disappointed? Naturally. But am I proud of what I stood for in this campaign? You betcha," Lieberman told supporters in Arlington, Va.

Do I hate it when speakers ask and answer their own rhetorical questions I do? Naturally.
Am I willing to withhold my vote over this habit? You betcha.

"I offer a mainstream voice, and I still believe that is the winning voice for our party and our country," he said.

I concur that relative to his competition, he is correct on both aspects of his statement.

let me count the ways

from the inbox:

Whether a man winds up with the nest egg or a goose egg depends a lot on the kind of chick he marries.

Trouble in marriage often starts when a man gets so busy earnin' his salt that he forgets his sugar

Too many couples marry for better or for worse, but not for good.

If a man has enough "horse sense" to treat his wife like a thoroughbred, she will never be an old nag.

Judgin' from the specimens they pick for husbands, it's no wonder that brides often blush.

On anniversaries the wise husband always forgets the past...but never the present.

The bonds of matrimony are a good investment only when the interest is kept up.

Reasons why I love Kelli:

• When she smiles you feel like she's giving you a hug.


• She believes it is her responsibility to show her daughters how to be a lady, and her son how to recognize one.


• She has the ability to talk about anything from deep theology to the Rockies' lineup.


• She's liberal with her pity laughter -- giving a chuckle even when we both know what I said wasn't really that funny.


• She makes me look much more handsome than I really am.


• She is passionate about seeing people come to faith in Jesus as their Savior.


• She always wants me to have first choice of supper servings.


• She doesn't complain about being woken up in the middle of the night -- by any of us.


• Her spirit is as beautiful as her countenance.


• She genuinely cares what people think.


• She values friendships.


• She wants to see other people succeed.


• She has amazing patience, and regrets those rare times she misplaces it.


• She is honorably submissive.


• She knows how to hold her own against worthy opponents.


• She's able to discern who is and isn't a worthy opponent.


• She loves 42, 'Ho!,' and 7 Up, 7 Down.


• She'll watch 'guy movies' with me.


• She's easily moved to tears.


• Scrap books and photo albums are important to her.


• She loves my family as her own.


• She's willing to repeatedly question one of our children until she gets the answer accompanied by a "ma'am."


• She's discerning without being judgmental.


• She forgives me of my shortcomings.


• She's incredibly hard-working, organized, and professional.


• She lives for roller coasters, the Broncos, and cuddling.


• She's my Nicole Kidman and I'm her Ewan McGregor, and we'll sing Moulin Rouge full tilt with no apologies.


• She's my best friend, my wisest counsel, my most compassionate critic, and my most helpful companion.


• Being in her presence causes my heart to leap, my worries to cease, and my joy to multiply.


• Because her heart, her soul, her life and her future rest securely in the hands of our Savior, Jesus.

These reasons and an uncountable multitude of others can barely begin to quantify the blessing and joy of my life that is my bride, my friend, my love, my wife Kelli.

in the tradition of the nova

I'm reminded of the story about the ultimate sales failure of the Chevy Nova in Hispania because "no va" in the native tongue translates to "doesn't go."

Here are other rejected names for prospective automobile models:

• The Ford Seabiscuit


• The Pontiac Conundrum


• The Lexus Arrhythmia


• The Mercedes Zeig Heil!


• The Saab Paxil


• The GMC Innuit


• The Chevrolet Refinancer


• The Hyundaii Hara Kiri


• The BMW Pretension


• The Mitsubishi Miyagi


• The Honda Accordian


• The Renault Singe de Redditiont*


• The Nissan Metrosexual


• The Oldsmobile Octagenarian (with perma-blink left turn signal)


• The Mercury Poisoning


• The Volkswagen Dustmite


• The Saturn Uranus


• The Aston Martin Lazenby


• The Volvo Mulva


• The Hummer Saddaminator


• The Peugot Heinz-Kerry


• The Jaguar Wildebeast


• The Cadillac Yacyacyacyac Youottaknowbynow


• The Mary Todd Lincoln


• The Toyota Turgidity


• The Cooper V.D.


• The Buick Technicolor Yawn


• The Suzuki Tom Cruiser

*Surrender Monkey

planes, trains, and automobiles

I've received my travel schedule for the next several months. All I can say is 'wow.' Actually, I could probably say other things, but 'wow' seems to embody the essence of my sentiment at the moment.

On my itinerary:
March -- Road trip to Canton, Georgia (I'll come home each night).
April -- Columbus, Ohio
May -- Cochrane, Alberta, Canada
June -- Indianapolis, Indiana (SBC Convention)
July -- Open (so far!)
August -- Boston, Massachussetts
September -- Virginia (exact location yet to be determined)

There are still October and November obligations that haven't been assigned. And we just got a request for a Colorado event in August that I may receive as well (of course I'd reluctantly accept that one).

I know other people travel much more than this, and I'm not complaining about my schedule. I love to visit people, and I love to visit churches. It's just a more full schedule than I originally anticipated. Our general rule here though is that if a request comes in and we can honor it, we'll do everything we can to do so.

idol cream

Week Three efforts that rose to the top:

Ryan's day in song.

Riley's day in dogthought.

Jon's observations of a janitor's day.

Manda's day in pictures.

John's Bible's day, theoretically.

There were other good ones. I just thought these were the ones that resonated best with me.

Blog on!

around the horn

from the inbox:

SOCIAL SECURITY:
Since many of us have paid into FICA for years and are now receiving a Social Security check every month -- and then finding that we are getting taxed on 85% of the money we paid to the federal government to "put away," you may be interested in the following:

Q: Which party took Social Security from an independent fund and put it in the general fund so that Congress could spend it?
A: It was Lyndon Johnson and the Democratic-controlled House and Senate.

Q: Which party put a tax on Social Security?
A: The Democratic party.

Q: Which party increased the tax on Social Security?
A: The Democratic Party with Al Gore casting the deciding vote.

Q: Which party decided to give money to immigrants?
A: That's right, immigrants moved into this country and at 65 got SSI Social Security. The Democratic Party gave that to them although they never paid a dime into it.

Then, after doing all this, the Democrats turn around and tell you the Republicans want to take your Social Security.

And the worst part about it is, people believe it!

it's no bare bosom, but still....

Lj posts ESPN's top 10 Super Bowl Commercials.

I completely agree with #1, except replace "best" with "worst." I confess that at one time in my life, I may have found this puerility humorous, or even hilarious, but then puberty hit. I will neither confirm nor deny actually partaking in activities similar to those represented in the ad, but let's just say I've learned the hard way that eyebrows can take years to regrow.

I didn't see the Parcells/Jones ad, but it made my bride laugh out loud, so it had to be good. I had an intellectual "disconnect" with the Charmin ad, simply because I refuse to describe my or anyone else's bottom as an "end zone." The fact that a person would pause to appreciate the softness of TP stuck to another person's backside is off-putting in its unsanitary implications, and further repulses me. The product is not made cuter by a cartoon bear who happens to love the product for his own ursine cleanliness issues.

Something that I never saw nor heard response of, but heard much promotion about was the gladiatrix Pepsi commercial that was to star Pink, Britney, and Beyonce(?). Did that one air, or was it successful like a pregnant polevaulter?

Fearless prediction: J. Jackson (and I don't mean Jesse or Jermaine) will star in an ad in next year's campaign that will give a *winkwinknudgenudge* to this year's controversy. Possibly for Victoria's Secret. Or for a glue product.

janet jackson awards

The inaugural Janet Jackson awards have been announced in commemoration of boobs exposed during or after significant sporting events.

Awards were given yesterday in three different categories. Winner of the Worst Body Art category was the as yet publicly unidentified streaker who delayed the kick-off of the second half of Sunday's Super Bowl. The moron initially posed as a referee before stripping down to a g-string and began dancing spastically, revealing a whole lotta flesh and some illegible advertising on his backside. He gave flight when slow-witted security personnel eventually realized that this is unusual behavior for a ref, even one of the NFL's caliber and sought to cover the exposed boob. The drama ended spectacularly when New England Patriot Linebacker Matt Chatham knocked the idiot into the third row with a well-placed shoulder to the head.

A second Janet Jackson was awarded to another as yet unidentified Boston man in the category of "Worst Attempt at Crowd Control." The boob was arrested for driving the wrong way down a street filled with Super Bowl victory revelers, running over and injuring three of them, two seriously.

Additional awards were unsuccessfully attempted to be awarded to several Patriot fans, boobs who were exposed in the Worst Rendition of "This Little Light of Mine" category, for igniting bonfires at landmarks, turning over cars, and other similar brainless activities. The recipients' trophies are being held at the Boston Municipal Police Headquarters and are available for pick-up at the recipients' convenience.

The first Janet Jackson (known as "a Booby" in the industry) was awarded for its namesake for shamelessly exposing her breast as part of Super Bowl XXXVIII's half-time entertainment show, then disingenuously attempting to explain it away as an accident. It's estimated that a potential US audience of 90 million viewers were exposed to the exposure.

a day in the life of haiku paparazzi

L. DiCaprio
Catch me if you can, man
Caught you picking nose




Oprah turned fifty
That's not like two 25s
O! AARP!




Sarah Jessica
Soon to see life's not about
Sex, nor the city




Blonde Charlize Theron
Got dumpy as the "Monster"
Shops at TJ Maxx




Kiwi director
Peter Jackson stands alone
Will he ever bathe?




Uma vows to Kill Bill
First she must go buy gloves to
Cover her huge hands




Mel Gibson's Passion?
Playing "Gotchyer ears Jesus!"
He hears no evil




Jenny Aniston
Likes to go to hair salon
Whoa! Stop the presses

Brad Pitt thanks hero
The one who showed him the ropes --
B. McAnally




Gwyneth's womb blossoms
She will name him "Ben" or "Fleck"
Suuuure she's over him.




Pam Anderson
VIP, Baywatch, Playboy
Fifteen minutes gone




David and Courtney
Cox-Arquette or Arquette-Cox?
Don't know or don't care?




Letterman's a dad
So is Clint, Jack, Paul and Mike
Wow! Viagra works!




Spiderman sequel
Star Tobey McGuire oops!
Wears Hulk Underoos





J-lo's beau no show
Forgoes Soul-Glow Expo dough
no mo' info, yo!




Jacko sis bares boob
Might as well insert sagging
Career joke right here




Former Mouseketeers
Tend to pursue skankiness
All Mothers beware!




A big day is done!
Photos will buy my new car
or land me in jail


this was part of the blogger idol writing project. Click on the link to see how others are spending their day.

sung to the tune of let's wait a while

In just a quick hop around the blogosphere, Christ-follower's corner, I've seen that many of the brethren, like myself, didn't see Janet's (or Justin's or MTV's, or whoever's) lack of control. However, I would assume that there are many, like myself, who were exposed to the nasty situation when her escapade was re-aired on the morning news today. Graciously, at least her chest was digitized in the re-airing.

Today, surely nobody is asking Janet, "what have you done for me lately?" Although she may be asking herself, "What'll I do?"

In possibly the most interesting of the post-whoops now-moment discussion, Thinklings has rounded up a few dozen responses and observations about Ms. Jackson's body that loves you. In these comments, you might find it interesting, as did I, the number of bloggers who are able to discuss in great detail the intentionality of the pop diva, based upon close examination of her anatomy and its accessorizing regalia, apparently and obviously easily available on this WWW.

I'm not judging anyone...I promise. I just want to encourage you men to resist the temptation to hop on over to a site...even one that is normally credible for its news, for a quick glance. Don't do something that would make you the real boob here, by justi-fying yourself for going somewhere you don't need to go, for reasons that should be avoided. You're better than that. Really.

And despite her possible/probable lack of judgment, so is she.

a passion-ate rebuttal

I worshipped on Sunday with a fellow who started talking about Mel's new movie, and said he, as an expert on Roman Catholicism (his words, not mine), couldn't endorse it to evangelicals, because it contained an overwhelming amount of Roman Catholic mysticism as its content, including the presentation of Mary as co-redemptress and Jesus being rescued from a fall (literal, not figurative, from what I could tell) by a demoniacal spirit.

Those of you who have seen it, what say you?

we're goin' to dollywood

My pastor is being commissioned this Saturday by the North American Mission Board of the Southern Baptist Convention as a Nehemiah Project church planter. We're making the 170 mile trip to experience his commissioning and see the all that that can be seen in an eight-to-ten hour period.

you're in good hands

via email...and note that this is from a woman who, when we first met, was antisocial, had a fear of crowds, and was hate-filled due to a life marked by abuse, divorce, isolation, and abandonment. Through an faith encounter with Jesus of Nazareth, she is fully engaged in life, at peace with others, and is hope-filled due to a life now marked by restoration, redemption, forgiveness, and fellowship.

A basketball in my hands is worth about $19.
A basketball in Michael Jordan's hands is worth about $33 million.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A baseball in my hands is worth about $6.
A baseball in Mark McGuire's hands is worth $19 million.
It depends on whose hands it's in.

A tennis racket is useless in my hands.
A tennis racket in Venus Williams' hands is a championship winning.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A rod in my hands will keep away a wild animal.
A rod in Moses' hands will part the mighty sea.
It depends whose hands it's in.

A sling shot in my hands is a kid's toy
A sling shot in David's hand is a mighty weapon.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in my hands is a couple of fish sandwiches.
Two fish and 5 loaves of bread in God's hands will feed thousands.
It depends whose hands it's in.

Nails in my hands might produce a birdhouse.
Nails in Jesus Christ's hands will produce salvation for the entire world.
It depends whose hands it's in.

As you see, it now depends whose hands it's in.
So put your concerns, your worries, your fears, your hopes, your dreams,
Your families and your relationships in God's hands because...
It depends whose hands it's in.

snow day

from the email:

Norman and his blonde wife live in Prince George. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street so the snowplow can get through."

Norman's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again. The radio announcer begins, "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park--," but then the power goes out.

Norman's wife says, "Honey, I don't know what to do!"

Norman says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

did I just see a boob on cbs?

I'm referring of course to the executive who is responsible for the decision to hand a book of matches to the pyromaniacs at MTV, entrusting them with the production of the explosive half-time show of the biggest sporting event in the world.

Thanfkully, I didn't see Janet's Jackson's "Do you feel a draft in here?" moment. I only read about it on Jen's blog. I'm relieved because my two oldest children sat on either side of me and had been watching the "entertainment" together. That is, until a flag-draped Kid Rock came out screaming as if a herd of angry carnivorous boweevils had embedded themselves in his cranium just as he came rushing onstage. I asked Cotter, "what do you think about that?"

"It's cool, I guess," he said. "But he sure seems angry about tearing his flag."

That's when we turned the channel.

interesting

2004 presidential predictions..updated regularly.

thanks to uncle sam's cabin for the link.

My prediction: this site will gain increasing traffic as November approaches (the election one, that is -- I don't know enough about Uncle Sam's work to make any assumptions there).

On a related note, maybe, this humble blog was named in a recent article at The Blogging on the President: 2004, regarding the belly-button nature of blogs.

Apparently, along with many of my friends and cohorts listed in my blogrolls, I'm an innie.

Now, that may be an over-simplified interpretation of the data, complete with a bell curve, but that's the gist of it.

This would explain all the lint that's been gathering.

bowling for memories

We had a very pleasant evening. We accepted an invitation over to our pastor's home, where we were surprised to see that there was some sort of football game garnering widespread attention. We were only able to stay through the first quarter because of school preparations for Kaylyn. While we were there, though, the party welcomed the presence of the host's parents, who happen to be the governor and 1st lady of the state of Georgia.

Our three children, who aren't scheduled to begin their protocol classes until next fall, immediately flocked around the man who looked a bit liked their Papa (my dad). It was entirely surreal to watch them play catch with the governor, and he was entirely in his element, just a man who loves children. I asked him if he had a rooting interest in the game, thinking that maybe he had an interesting story of a friendly wager between his counterparts in North Carolina and Massachussetts. "Yes," he said, "I'm rooting for Atlanta."

So it turns out, he's just a fan in denial just like me.

We came home and watched the rest of the game. Cotter stayed up past his bed time, but did devise the novel concept of rooting for whichever team happened to be in the lead at the time. He just wanted to make sure he didn't end the season disappointed. Hey, I can hop on to that ride. Truly, a phenomenal game, apart from a bad half-time show (from what I saw of it), a bunch of bad LCD*-humor commercials, and the fact that my Broncos weren't scoring that winning field goal, much less even in the game.

Huh....

....turns out that I am disappointed after all.


*lowest common denominator; i.e., ignited horse flatulence, crotch-biting dogs, et al..

mama, don't let your babies grow up to be hank, jr.

Cotter: Daddy?
Me: Yes, son
Cotter: Are you ready for the Super Bowl?

freedom blogger idol posts

pressed -- the fallacy of freedom
ian -- the fact of freedom
life being beautiful -- the foolishness of freedom

good job bloggers...lots of good reads...many good insights to freedom.

there and back again, sponsored by delta

I awoke this morning at 4:15 AM with a splitting headache. I forgot to bring anything with me, so I went down to the front desk where I was charged 94 cents for two Bayer caplets that did nothing except get stuck in my throat.. Nothing was relieving the pain (which now that I think about it wasn't as much "splitting" as it was "pounding" as if my cranial coconut was being grasped by an island primate, repeatedly struck against a sharp rock in an attempt to split it open and find its meaty contents, thus satiating its monkey-sized appetite and convincing a small band of researchers that the creature was evidencing its evolutionary origins of problem solving and implement utilization....but I digress).

I decided a bite of breakfast might help allay the pain. I was correct. Technically.

Something in the breakfast caused an allergic reaction, which, by the time I arrived at the Orlando International Airport resulted in a runny nose, a closing throat, repeated sneezing, watery eyes, swelling lips, and a dry tongue. I looked a bit suspicious, but I was simply in need of pseudoephedrine.

Which I soon found and was pushing between my swollen lips before I had paid the necessary extortionist's fees common in airport shops. By this time, the headache no longer concerned me. "Do you want to buy water?" the worried clerk asked.

"no...time...." I urked out.

We were delayed by twenty minutes because the ground crew forgot to do the security sweep. This is what the flight attendant said to me and my next door neighbor, since we were in the main door bulkhead/confessional booth. This added time had allowed me to progress toward normal biological operations, but I still thought I might have wanted to have remained blissfully ignorant of the nature of the delay. Now that I was aware, I began to wonder what else they might have forgotten. It's kind of like when the captain gets on the mic and says, "we've got a small team of engineers working on a small mechanical 'thing,' in the back. It's absolutely vital, but no big deal. We'll tell you when its ready." I'd rather they not just say anything and let me assume the flight crew is simply reviewing their extensive game plan on how to make this the most wonderfully spectacular flight ever so I don't instead take the mental journey through a highlight reel of every airline disaster movie starring Robert Stack, Ernest Borgnine, Burgess Meredeth and/or Shelley Winters that I saw in the late 1970s.

The flight went fine, with my inevitable slumber between take-off and touchdown. We sat on the tarmac in Atlanta for 15 minutes because Traffic Control Terminal Party Seat Planners gave away our seat at the gate because we were behind schedule.

The guy who sat next to me, who I can declare with a certain amount of confidence was the John McNair mentioned in this article here, was totally stressed out because the delays were certain to make him miss a connecting flight that would later connect to a flight to Lake Tahoe for a ski trip with friends. I tried to be comforting, compassionate, and encouraging. In the end, though, I fell back asleep.

My family was waiting for me at the airport. There's nothing quite like having your children run at you with unbridled joy. Kelli was happy too, but her joy was bridled by the fact that she had already extracted my luggage from the regurgitator.

It's nice to be home. Especially after the two hour nap to sleep off the excess pseudoephedrine. Of course, the antihistimine has completely dehydrated me, so I feel like I could give an alpaca a run for its money with the wooly saliva being spun in my mouth. But I'm home, and that's what matters.

bush compassionate conservative hypocrisy

from e-thepeople.org via newsmax:

Bush cost me my job, my kids and my houses


Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. When Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but in the last year, we had to close our operations. We simply could not compete with foreign labor. This foreign labor worked for low pay under very bad conditions.

They worked very long shifts, and many even died on the job.

This competition could hardly be called "fair." I was forced out of the place where I had worked for 34 years.

Not a single government program was there to help me.

How can Bush call himself "compassionate?" Far worse, I lost two of my sons in Bush's evil war in Iraq. They gave their lives for their country, and for what? So that Bush's oil buddies can get rich. My pain of losing my sons is indescribable.

While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left. How can Bush call himself a Christian when he neglects people like me? I am a senior citizen with various medical problems. I'm not in a position where I can begin a new career. I was reduced to the point where I had to live in a hole in a ground, all because of President Bush.

And when the authorities found me there, did they have any compassion for my misfortune and ailments? No, I was arrested. Mr. Bush, I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a compassionate man! I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a Christian. If I had any money left, I would donate it to the Democrat Party.

If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons!

Regards,

Saddam Hussein

packing it in

We made our excursion to Universal Downtown tonight. We walked in the rain over to the Hard Rock Cafe. Five Baptists Who Couldn't Have Been More Out Of Place. Actually we went at the discretion of boss³ and it was a good time. There was a big cheerleading competition that will take place there tomorrow, so the place was packed with teenage girls. At one point, there was a dramatic interpretation of Bring It On, as two squads opposed one another for an in-your-face impromptu competition. Team One, AKA "The White Girls" did a peppy little cheer evocative of the whole "we got spirit yes we do, we got spirit how 'bout you?!??!" thing that was popular when I was a youth.

Then, they were answered by Team Two, AKA, "The Girls with Rhythym." For a moment they stood there incredulously, as if to say with hand in the air, "nuh-uh you di-unt." Then, spontaenously, they erupted into this stomping, clapping, slapping, shouting cheer that momentarily made me think that even I could have stood and shook my groove thing.

Don't worry. I didn't. I'm a Baptist, remember?

It was all very entertaining. But it was loud. So loud, in fact, that one of my dinnermates at one point actually plugged his ears and scrunched his face in such a grimace that I feared for his very life. At one point, the restaurant crew began dancing to YMCA, and encouraged us all to join in. I somehow don't think it would have been entirely appropriate to have a quintent of denominational servants acting as the caboose of a Groove Train engined by Hard Rock Gals and linked by cheerleaders. We decided that it was time for us to call it a night.

We head for the airport at 7 AM -- I'm sure I'll sleep until I touch down again in Atlanta. It's been as intense of a trip as I've been on since beginning my work here. It's been an awesome experience to be a part of it. Cool stuff happened today, I'll write of it soon.

looking in to this one

The friend I mentioned a while back as a finalist in the MoveOn.org "I hate the President" campaign has sent an email that CBS is "censoring" the leftist political organization by refusing to air the winning ad from the competition.

Here's MoveOn's position on the issue, which I haven't reviewed closely.

I totally oppose censorship, even (especially) if it's designs are to protect a president I support (despite his recent propensity to spend taxpayer money like Paris Hilton trying to shop her way out of a video scandal-induced depression).

Is it censorship, or merely CBS's right to make a business decision to avoid controversy?

I really don't know, I'm asking.