i confess

earlier, i posted a manipulated answer to the "princess bride" exam.

upon reading my beloved bride's results, i am convicted and compelled to reveal my true results:



Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

i apologize for my temporary lack of ethics.

but this proves my wife and i are of one heart.

t-woooo wuuv...

m-i-c- see you real soon!

the cootiehogs have a varmint problem.

they debate glue traps, humane catchers, kitties, and other options.

i've only got two words when you're thinking about how to deal with these cutesy-tootsie-disease-transpoting-organisms-of-plague:

monkey pox.

i'm sorry, but as i re-read the in-the-comments discussion, i was reminded of something. do you know what's inhumane?

monkey pox.

on this we agree

there is a universal standard of funny in the mcanally household.

and its name is fluid pudding.

(alert: not a recommended link for sensitive readers)

cute...or just creepy?

and i shall call him...

i've seen these freaky little stepford bride of chucky dolls before, but up to this point, just for the girls. and i can understand why they'd think its cool. but really, what self-respecting boy is going to ask for, much less appreciate finding this thing under his tree come christmas time.

can't you just picture it....

the tree is twinkling. outside a gentle snow sways to and fro until it lights atop the earth like a frosty blanket of love from mother earth. oh yeah, there's an open fire, upon which chestnuts are cracklin'. ma's in her kercheif and pa's in his cap. everyone's awoken from the long winter's nap. and it's time for presents.

junior runs in, skids to a halt on bent knees at the hearth. he grabs the large package wrapped in blue with the big green bow. he tears into it, pulling away paper, tape, and ribbon...

...only to find a mutated mini me staring coldly back at him through a plastic windowed sarcophagus.

"AAAAUGH!" he screams. "What kind of voodoo is this?" he asks, his fear-filled heart beating so wildly you can notice its erratic rhythms through the highly flammable pjs he wears.

...only to notice the mini me is wearing the exact same pair!

"AAAAUGH!" he screams. "AAAAUGH!"

"calm down, junior," pa says, adjusting his cap. "we got you a my twinn doll. you see, it's special because they spell 'twin' with two n's."

"mommy, it won't quit staring at me..." junior whines as he uncontrollably wets his underoos.

"ohhh, honey," she tries to console, "he's your new best buddy!"

"mommy, daddy...thank you," junior says, trying to collect his wits. "thank you for ensuring a childhood filled with horrific nightmares and countless playground and school yard pummelings. i'll never forget this. no matter how hard i may try."

cotter's efforts at creativity:

names for...

...his toy yellow car: yellowish
...his toy bull dog: bully
...his toy car with a walkie-talkie decal: walkie

it looks like we have a little work to do.

i don't think that word means what you think it means

inconceivable!





Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

linked via drumwaster

sung to the tune of you give love a bad name

the rocky mountain news predicts a broncos defeat.

traitors.

everybody knows you pick these games with your heart, not your head.

my revised prediction....it will be close, but the broncos will prevail:

broncos 56
chefs 3

woe there, big fella

with what could be the nadir of the gary barnett coaching regime, the cu fluffaloes lost to *baylor* university.

and it wasn't even close.

it's not hard to see how this happened. i mean, they only had two weeks to prepare for this team that has averaged 0.57 big twelve victories a year over the seven-year existence of the conference.

boosters will likely not support any barnett claims that the colorado squad was just attempting to be magnanimous to the troubled texas university over its recent scandals.

small consolation: csu won. very small.

be patient

kyle's busy...but he'll blog again, i hope.

there is nothing funny about this

I hope only for complete healing and full recovery for roy of siegfried and roy, despite how creepy he is as half of the world's most popular ambiguously gay duo.

according to the associated press, "People attending the German-born duo's show Friday night at the Mirage hotel-casino said the white tiger lunged at Horn shortly after he led it on stage, and that he tried to beat the animal off with a microphone."

i'm just curious...does anyone know who is who? even with going to two official web sites, I couldn't find out.

well, you know what they say about playing with wild animals....


yeah, i don't know if they really say anything about that, but to me it never seemed like a very smart idea.

cbs contortionism

cbs has managed to stand shoulder to shoulder, arm in arm with rush limbaugh, while at the same time plunging a dagger gleefully into his back.

links by newsmax.

while i'm not a total "mega dittos from the deep south via the rocky mountains mega super dittos" rush fanatic, i like the guy. now, if he broke the law with las drogas, then he must deal with los federales. he may be a hot-headed, opinionated, pill-poppin', pain-hatin' user/abuser...

...but he's not a racist.

be like steve

steve pisano is an awesome man who follows the Christ, Jesus of Nazareth. He is a member of Fraser Valley Baptist Church in Fraser, Colorado. Steve was paralyzed a couple of months ago in a mountain biking accident. Please pray for him as he goes through rehabilitation, and remember to praise God for his witness to others about the grace and mercy of the Lord God.

bob, we barely knew ye

bob "serious as a hear attack" graham will likely sit out of the rest of the race.

what you hear is the overweight operatic warming her vocal chords. even if he wasn't planning on throwing in the proverbial moist towellette, he pretty much has to do so now. once it was clear that the florida senator wasn't popular enough to carry florida, the only course of action became obvious.

not that i endorse wagering in any way shape or form, but those folks who took a flyer on bob at 25-to-1 are surely a little disappointed.

beep beepmmbeep beep yeah

friday fiver:
1. What vehicle do you drive?
a 2003 dodge durango and a 1979 cadillac deville

2. How long have you had it?
about three months, and about 3 or 4 years

3. What is the coolest feature on your vehicle?
a motor that operates reliably, and the pimpish red & white paint job

4. What is the most annoying thing about your vehicle?
gas consumption, and the pimpish red & white paint job

5. If money were no object, what vehicle would you be driving right now?
a larger SUV that required huge quantities of old-growth timber as gasoline and alaskan caribou blood for its oil.

rush-ing to judgment

proverbs #140

meekness is not weakness but strength harness for service.

proverbs #139

beat not out thy brains to fathom the unrevealed.

proverbs #138

there can be no peace where pride reigns.

this is a first

it took 31 years, but today i was the beneficiary of my first "courtesy flush" in the men's room.

and yes, i was very appreciative.

i thought you'd want to share this moment with me.

have we talked about the broncos lately

with the results showing that 100% of the audience firmly behind a bronco victory, i've proven that my polling is just as reliable as that of the LA Times.

and speaking of 100, both Mike Shanahan of the broncos and Dick Vermeil of the chefs won their 100th games as coaches last week.

mr. vermeil will have to wait a week before getting #101.


deja vu all over again?
in two games last year, shannon sharpe caught 184 passes for 3233 yards and 32 touchdowns against the chefs.

things are about to get busy

at work we're undertaking a redesign of our Baptist Men On Mission organization. We've created a revised commitment statement, we'll have a new look publication, and we're developing an entire new introduction strategy. We've been working to establish strong partnerships with established men' s ministries and working toward a roll-out at convention time in June.

well, we're at the time where we're beginning to offer focus groups and field testing for what has been developed so far. Without boring you with all the details, we're looking at having a majority of our material completed by Dec. 1 so it can be written, field tested, reviewed, printed, promoted, and distributed. With Dec. 1 as a cut date, we have a ton of things to do between now and then.

we're bringing in a consultant next Friday where we'll basically spend the day picking his brain, showing him our work, and letting him praise it or tear it apart. Then the next day (yes, this means working on a saturday -- gasp!) we'll have a focus group of Baptist men from around the country--who aren't necessarily using our material--evaluate the same stuff. Then, the following Tuesday, we'll have another one with men's leaders from various state-level SBC agencies come and do the same. From there, we'll get crackin.

So, now you know my job description just about as well as do I. Be ready to help me out if I give you a call.

threethursday

1. What are your 3 worst fears/phobias?
the fear of cabbage
the fear of palindromes
the fear of fear

2. What are 3 fears/phobias that you've overcome?
the fear of infancy
the fear of alliteration
the fear of right angles

3. What are 3 fears/phobias of others that you think are plain silly?
the fear of faith
the fear of being dangled off the edge of a las vegas casino by a hirsute strongarm nicknamed "the wrench" for a gambling debt you can't repay
the fear of woody allen

Bonus: Have you ever had a really bad experience with one of your phobias/fears – one that you’ll never forget and possibly has scared you for life? well, i think the author meant "scarred," but the only thing that comes to mind is when I got cornered by the angry produce stockboy, who with a cabbage in each hand kept yelling at me, "go hang a salami...i'm a lasagna hog!" over and over. as i cowered in the corner beneath the roma tomato display, my gripping fear gripped me with the fear of gripping fear, exacerbated by his frightening battlecry. it was not pretty. other than that one little episode, no, nothing abnormal about me.

the incessant march of technology

you may notice a little button on the right that says talk to me live. well, you can only make that work if you happen to use it in the evening or early morning when i might be on the pc at home. bold chat doesn't yet support macs. and even when it does, i'll only be able to share *brief* conversations. but it's a cool tool.

you're welcome to try it out; i'd love to hear from you if i'm around. but really, its for future plans, really.

roly -polley-olie

apparently, you can only do one poll at a time. so the previous poll is over. and you can probably guess who won.

well, she's the one who brought it up...down...over...under...oh nevermind

jen asks a couple of vital questions.
or

and her uncle links to the definitive answer.

go make any necessary corrections to your homes...and to your habits (if you scrunch).

UPDATE: upon further review, i can understand and appreciate why females may scrunch. it is an absorbancy/diffusion issue. this is not typically relevant for men's needs, hence the folding. i apologize for my male-centric opinion, and also for even discussing this issue of tissue.

sung to the tune of i fought the law

rhetorical question: why do we* ("we" being all people who commute on any major highway twice a day, five days a week or more) drive like crazy, at least 10 miles over the speed limit, furiously and recklessly (isn't that an ironic word? i may start a grassroots movement to replace it with "wreckfully") trying to get to a place that -- as soon as we get there -- we start counting down the hours until we** can come home...that is...until...(this is still the same rhetorical question, believe it or not)...we discover that an officer of the state patrol or sheriff's department or town constable or any vehicle with rotating, flashing lights mounted to the hood has merged into the traffic stream, and all of a sudden every commuter with screeching brakes and taught seatbelts pretends to be a model citizen of the highway, until the exact moment when the official exits the highway and everone resumes their maniacal driving habits?*

that happened today on georgia highway 400 southbound. traffic was flowing nicely at 75, until for no reason, we became a moving bottleneck at exit 15. as i inched my way up, car by car, commuter by commuter, i finally discovered that it was an "official officer's" car that held us all back***. the officer of what?

the alpharetta fire department.

he decided to set the pace at 55, 10 miles under the speed limit.

and a hundred drivers were afraid he'd radio his buddies if anyone passed him on the left lane.

he exited at 12, and everyone**** drove 25 miles over the speedlimit the next mile until the traffic bottlenecked more naturally, due to an ongoing traffic construction project that will create a roadway that, when completed, will look and perform exactly like the highway it is replacing.

*except me. I travel with these dale earnhart progeny (they must be, for they all have his #3 decal in their window) daily. but i adhere to the rule of law.
**except me.
***except me. i appreciated his presence on our roadway. i chose to drive behind him at a reasonable distance as an expression of impromptu but sincere support, kind of like a makeshift parade, and he was the grand marshal.
****except me.

this post sponsored by CHiPs...keeping your highway safe from 1977-1983!

all this thinkling is making my brain hurt

there's a good conversation going on over at thinklings, concerning the differences between catholics and protestants.

it'll take me a while (with time that is not my own that i cannot currently give away) to read through the 165 comments (and growing).

check it out. and remember its always important to know what, why, and Who you believe.

i'm my daughter's father!

taking a moment of personal privilege to brag on my progeny's superior intellect. this is an exerpt from an email forward to us from one teacher to kaylyn's teacher:

For a student to be eligible for Horizons, they must meet the qualifying score in three out of the four areas tested. I am still waiting on the creativity test to come back, but looking at the three areas that I have scored, she is already eligible. I am going to go ahead and get the paperwork process together, so we can begin serving her once her parents have signed the consent form. I will be bringing an envelope by your room in the next couple of days for you to send home with her. She did an awesome job in all areas- come by and see her scores! I really feel like when the Torrance comes back, she will meet the score in that area too!

i'm not sure, but i think the Torrance is an assessment for her potential to one day administrate the democratic republic that is the United States of America. so don't be surprised if my daughter is one day running the joint.

i was very impressed that their perspective is to "serve her" through the gifted program. we have been very pleased with the quality of education she is receiving so far.

she's seen the light

even barbra streisand can't stand barbra streisand (second story down, following an insipid one of tim robbins flicking a cigarette).

why my mother can i have no idea.

prayer request

an unnamed coworker needs prayer today...please give it.*


*the coworker has a name, but requested it be withheld for personal reasons.

here comes santa claus...with his team of attorneys

kbtoys is having a thirty percent off sale next week...to settle a lawsuit. why not get some of your christmas shopping done a little early?

i'm ashamed of this

spam from conservative news sources is still spam.

and this is among the spammiest spam that's ever spammed the spamiverse.

it's the little things, really

i have a paper shredder.

paying bills is my excuse to pulverize anything and everything paper-related that doesn't have to be saved or sent back.

and i find myself giggling as i mulch.

i'm orange and black with envy

gail also received a lovely large harvest-oriented basket of goodies from her secret sister today.

i regret to inform you that i've yet to receive anything whatsoever (of material value, that is) from my undercover brother.

why i oughta...no really, i oughta

gail was late coming back for lunch.

not that we're really sticklers about that sort of thing.

she decided that it was more important to stay at joann's fabrics (i'm told that's a store and not a personal favor) and share her testimony of her & bob's experience with cariomyopathy with an employee who just was told she has the same malady, and only 20% of her heart's function.

and what do you know, the woman placed her faith right then and there in Jesus of Nazareth, who is the Christ.

"I need God on my side," she told gail, while voicing plans to go home and talk to her husband about Jesus.

funny -- when you tell people about the saving power of the Christ, neat things happen.

gail was right -- that was more important than anything we had planned for her.

a veritable potpourri of insignifica

i went to this msnbc page to read about the psycho who is trying to sue George Clooney for a fake wrongful death brought on by his discovery of a fake death of a fake child stricken with fake cancer.

the only thing that isn't fake is the lawsuit itself.

i'm not too big on mr. clooney as a private citizen, given his proclivity toward absurdist liberal dogmatic hate speech. i'm only slightly more favorable to him as an actor. i enjoyed him tremendously in oceans 11, and will probably watch the sequel. in most of his other stuff, though (including his run in E.R.), i thought he was a mumbler who always had his head dropped like he was hiding something and would never look you in the eye. this was the type of person i tended to smack around back in my youthful days of failed attempts at social re-engineering.

once a schmuck always a schmuck, i found out.

i've dealt with an unstable person a time or two in my short life, though never a person who had the delusionalomenometer pegged clear off the side the way this person seems to have. i wouldn't wish this misery on anybody. not even george.

the second story in the list o' gossip is titled "friend of bill?" and has a photo of our ex-pres. i wondered if it was still talking about george (who is) or the crazy lady (who we just don't know, yet). apparently, though, the blurb was on Tony Blair (who apparently, suprisingly, is not).

finally, buried in the notes is a message that this dude is the next leading candidate for james bond.


sean and i have had multiple conversations about this.

i think it should be this guy.


or if mr. law isn't available, any of these candidates will do:


the truth is, brosnan does a decent job, and i'm willing to endure another episode of his portrayal. what mgm needs is a gifted writer to jazz up a very fatigued archetype.

(by the way, thanks to ressurectionsong for this total distraction)

sung to the tune of talking in your sleep

are you suspicious of your beloved?

then send 'em an e-card that spies on their untrustworthy pea-pickin' hearts.

nothing says "i don't trust you as far as i could throw you" like an e-card with "i love you" in the header.

dirty chats
adulterous email
naughty web habits

this thing catches it all.

why worry about big brother when you live in the cyber age of scorned woman?

whoever said romance is dead could not be more wrong.

a tale of two watchmen

we have two security guards who monitor the front door at the North American Mission Board. One who i see every afternoon as i depart for home, and the other who greets me on the mornings i arrive before 7:30 a.m. I'm only assuming that each night, the former greets the latter at a shift change time.

the afternoon guard's name is norm. and rarely has there been a more apt name for a security officer. he is everything you would expect in a man in his profession; hence, norm. he is sandy-blonde haired, largely muscular and stockily framed, with a bushy, walrus-like musctache and an appearance that he could just as easily be repairing your refridgerator or rebuilding your SUV's engine from scratch as he is protecting our facility from outside invaders. even so, he is extremely personable and speaks openly about loving God's Word. but make no mistake about it, were you to attempt to get past norm without your identification badge, and he'd cast aside his much-loved Bible, pin you down with his mutton-shank sized hand and shove you akwardly into his personal hurtlocker and torment you painfully until more universally-recognized authorities arrived on the scene.

norm is a smoker, too. if you happen to leave the building around five in the evening, you won't find norm behind the welcome desk. rather, you'll see him outside, standing beside the rightmost oversized planter (which, as i lean against my window, i can count 7 of, which were installed to thwart any insano-rist trying to drive into our lobby, rather than parking in the lot and walking in, like the rest of the rational-thinking populace). i'd never know he was incindiary, except for the one day i came from the back hallway and saw his covert nicotine addiction satiation. he's really quite descrete, hiding his cancer stick of death in a cupped hand, below the sight line of the planter. a wisp of second-hand smoke might give him away, but i think he's frightened the smoke into not dispersing. despite this unfortunate habit, i'm convinced that, if necessary, he could easily hurdle the large stone shrubbery-filled planter to hogtie and subdue any adversary using only his shoe laces and smoldering cigarette butt.

norm's colleague is norm's polar opposite. not in a "bizzaro norm" type of way, more like an "anti norm" type of way. he is a slight man, short in stature and follicly deficient. he wears large lensed wire-rimmed spectacles. he is a man of nordic descent who's name, fittingly, is bjorn. upon the utterance of his name, i assume that he leaves here each day to go play championship-caliber tennis with a wooden racket, only to later join his 70s musical group to sing kicky tunes about the anguishes of love and disco dancing. also, for some reason, i cannot pronounce his name without feeling like the swedish chef from the muppet show.

"good morning bjorn," spoken out of my mouth somehow sounds like "guud-en miornen, beee-yornen" in my ear. and for some reason, despite his appearance that he'd have a hard time wrestlin' a swedish fish out of a halloween bag of candy, i'm still intimidated by him. maybe its because i've seen the same said swedish chef go crazy with visions of frog legs and pork chops whenever kermit and miss piggy enter his chicken-populated kitchen.

put the chicken in the cupboard one time

and i'm all of a sudden being asked if i can find my way to work without a map.

nuremburg sentencing anniversary

57 years ago, but a mere (approximate) 82 minutes ago from the Lord's perspective*, 21 men were sentenced for crimes that resulted in the deaths of over six million Jewish people.

while we're busy "never forgetting" the horrible atrocity that befell us just two short years ago, let's be sure to remember that the terrorist mindset of today has fostered and festered the hatred of the Jewish people that was judged guilty as crimes against the world just a few decades earlier. The crimes of our recent history were only possible because of the hatred and genocide against our Jewish friends that was -- by far too many for too long in the world community -- so apathetically accepted and despicably denied.

remember.

*for the purpose of illustrating the difference between our perspective and the Lord's, this Scripture is being used as a symbolic point of reference. follow along:

365*57=20805

365,000:1::20,805:0.057

24*60=1440*.057=82.08

just to clarify

by the contents of my previous post, one might be able to assume that i blog au' natural, sans clothing.

that would be an incorrect assumption.

not that there's anything wrong with that.

but remember, i'm a conservative.

so you can only imagine where i put my toothbrush

i get up early in the morning.

i pretty much function on autopilot.

stumble out of bed
climb into the shower
clean up (make a mental note to rinse out conditioner -- i forget that step more often than i'd like to admit).
towel dry.
q-tip the ears (every day, i'm particular about that)
underarm deodorant
body spray
hair gel
brush teeth.
get clothes
go downstairs
turn on iron
check email
read blogs
reset iron that has gone off
write blog or two
reset iron again
recheck email
iron clothes
dress
come upstairs
get breakfast
get lunch
stuff both in briefcase
announce my departure
depart

so i did that routine today, as i do every day. tonight after supper, i was preparing to throw away some food-related trash and i was warned not to throw away a spoon that was amidst all the refuse.

"I know the spoon's there, I'd never throw it away," I said, perhaps a little too defensively.

"are you sure about that, felix unger?" my lovely bride rejoindered.

"what are you getting at?" I asked, immediately suspicious that my wife was leading me by the nose and i had no choice but to follow.

"well, i went to get some chicken for lunch today..." she began.

i cut her off. "I didn't eat all the chicken. I was sure to leave enough for you," i said.

"well, come lunch time," she continued, dismissing my interruption, "the chicken couldn't be found anywhere. I looked in the fridge and it was gone. so I found some tough, old dry turkey that had skipped the spoiling stage and moved right into the jerky phase."

"But i didn't eat all the chicken!" I protested.

"oh, no, I figured that out," she said, "when i opened the cupboard to get a plate for my turkey chew toy, and there on the middle shelf was our tupperware of chicken breast. and it was stacked like it was exactly where you intended for it to be."

my wife. my bride. the love of my life -- she said she laughed out loud at me.

and somewhere, an angel got its wings.

what's really sad is that it's not the first time i've done this. i've once before put my cereal box in the fridge and our gallon of milk in the pantry. i was able to shrug that one off to solar flares and being overly confused by the florida election ballot controversy. but now i've demonstrated a pattern of feeble-mindedness.

i fear i may never live it down. so every time i throw away a spoon, get my hand stuck in the kitchen drain, or walk out of the house without my pants on, this little escapade will be hanging over my head; the "ace in the hole" so to speak that could one day be used against me to wrest away my legal right of power of attorney.

bronco banalities

the last 10 games between the denver broncos and kansas city chiefs:

broncos wins: 5
home team wins: 6
times where game #1 winner also won game #2: 4
games decided by 3 pts or less: 4
games decided by 7 pts or less: 6
largest m.o.v., chiefs -- 16, 1999 (in KC)
largest m.o.v., broncos -- 23, 1998 (in KC)
average m.o.v, winning team -- 9
average m.o.v., broncos --10.2
average m.o.v., chiefs -- 7.8
total points, broncos:225
total points, chiefs: 213
average points scored, denver as away team: 21.4
average points scored, kc as home team: 22.6
times the losing team outgained the winning team: 1
average yardage advantage, winning team: 101.2
average yardage advantage, broncos: 124.6
average yardage advantage, chiefs: 77.6

based on this scientific data, my prediction for this sunday's game between the broncos and the chiefs is:

Denver: 127
Kansas City: -2

so take that!

christopher has linked up to a quiz that asks, are you a blogoholic?

the results may suprise you (or they may not, because you really don't care....hmm, maybe i should make a poll....or maybe i should make a poll to determine if i should make a poll...man, this is hard, i can finally relate to the stress bill clinton must have went through as he for eight years tried to establish policy based on polling data).

oh? is this thing on?

i'm back. sorry about that.

anyway, here's the quiz data;

Are You A Blogaholic? Results Your Score: 48 / 100
YOUR SCORE
48.0% 48.0 points out of 100

AVG SCORE
43.1% 43.1 points out of 100

7729 people have taken this silly test so far.

2680 people have scored higher than you.

4351 people have scored lower than you.

698 people made the same grade as you.
What does this mean? * 48 points is in the 21 through 50 precent
You are a casual weblogger. You only blog when you have nothing better to do, which is not very often. There's nothing wrong with that. But if you'd post a little more often, you'd make your readers very happy.

see, honey...i'm only a casual blogger. one or two blogs at work, or at home, or on someone else's computer. but just to "get socially lubricated," as i like to say. i don't have a problem. in fact, this quiz is telling me to do it more...to make the people happy.

I'm Doing It For The People!!^®

I can already hear the response -- "either the person who made the quiz is such an addict himself that he made addiction look sympathetic, or you (meaning me) lied on your answers."

and to that, I only have this to say: yes. yes I did.

maybe i need to blog about that.

count me among the easily amused

the teen slang dictionary was able to provide a credible definition for every word i could come up with, even the nonsensical ones that only exist legitimately within the leathery bindings of my own imagination. kudos.

he must be butter

because he's on a roll. jeph, that is.

he links to this test which predicts the very cheery subject of when you are going to die.

i've done similar tests before, but its always refreshing to see a friendly internet message that tells me that when i reach the age of 76 years, i'll return to the dusts from where i came.

i'll reach this age in 45 years. in 2048. presuming nothing eschatalogical occurs prior to the date of my life thread getting snipped, i'll still outlive man's self-annihilative extinction by five years.

whew... i sure don't want to be around when that happens.

you will rue the day

that i learned of pulse poll, thanks to jeph (and by the way, i voted for "medicine" on his poll, and am surprised that the leader is "history").

here's my first poll (an inauspicious effort, to say the least):

what dress shirt will look best with an enchilada stain?

today our msc missionaries (chuck and kathy) who have been in the office for the past two weeks working on Royal Ambassadors are making a lunch for our department. it shows a bit of their hearts that they've given two weeks of long days and basically anonymous work for the sake of the kingdom, and they wrap up the experience by making a meal for the 20+ of us in mission ed and ops. we're blessed to have them on our team.

we'll be going south of the border at noon today. the border, apparently, is somewhere on the second floor, and the cuisine will be mexican.

my wonderful bride has prepared a peach cobbler (pronounced cobbaler by my boy) for everyone to devour. cobbler is "south of the border," right? if the border that we're talking about is interstate 90, then i guess it is. babelfish translated peach cobbler to zapatero del melocotón, but i think this literally translates into a guy who's hammering produce into the heels of workboots. The actual spanish translation is Empanada congelada del melocotón de señora Smith, desmenuzado para arriba y mezclado con una taza de agua y una taza de azúcar; cocido al horno para 1 hora en 375 grados, but that doesn't exactly roll off the tongue (la lengueta) either.

whatever you call it, you can just call it muy delicioso, and no doubt, i'll take as much credit for its yummy goodness as i possibly can -- puede contar en 'el.

sung to the tune of all of me

jen took this test. so then i did, too.

here's who i am. although i'm already being defensive about the commentary:

Big Five Test Results

Extroverted |||||||||||||||||| 80%
Introverted |||| 20%
Friendly |||||||||||||||| 70%
Aggressive |||||| 30%
Orderly |||||||||||||| 56%
Disorderly |||||||||||| 44%
Relaxed |||||||||||||||||||| 82%
Emotional |||| 18%
Intellectual |||||||||||||||||| 78%
Practical |||||| 22%

Extroversion results were high which suggests you are very talkative, optimistic, sociable and affectionate but possibly not very reflective.

Friendliness results were high which suggests you are very good natured, trusting, and helpful but possibly too much of a follower

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, reliable, neat, and ambitious.

Emotional Stability results were high which suggests you are relaxed, calm, secure, unemotional and possibly too unobservant of your feelings.

Intellectualness results were high which suggests you are very creative, original, curious, imaginative but possibly not very practical.

Overall, you scored highest on Emotional Stability and lowest on Orderliness

and then this quiz revealed this:

You are Abstract Sequential: This makes you 1) very
analytical and objective 2) very structured and
logical 3) very systematic and precise 4)
sometimes you may seem aloof and highly
opinionated 5)people appreciate your ready
knowledge. You learn best dealing with ideas in
an orderly way.


Learning Styles
brought to you by Quizilla

so now you know how to deal with me if we're for some reason one day working together.

righting a wrong and writing a wrong

two things.

1. eric, without griping, calls attention to my lack of capitalization. as i explain to him, i didnt' intend to be this way, it's really just a form of function. if i need to be more vigilant, let me know in my comments, and i'll try to do better.

Really.

2. i intended to add eric to my blogroll a few weeks ago, but have been lazy about that. i typically just hop over to his just straight from my referalls (as I do most people i read regularly, like tony, jen, and mom2all. i don't wade all the way through my blogroll very often, but do check out the folks who update frequently which causes their blogs to rise to the top of the list. again efficiency of movement. but i'll work on that, too.

Really.

oh, and eric and Lee Anne have been added.

in case of emergency, immerse completely

presurfer sends along this link to a information page on how to perform an "emergency baptism."

first off, i'm not making fun of anyone. i believe rev. ken is entirely sincere in his presentation.

i would take odds with a couple things.

1 -- the disctinction that a member of the clergy gets "first dibs" on baptizing someone. baptism is not an ordinance that is reserved for only the clergy. if that were to be true, the great commission would only be valid for the clergy. and we've already got too many christ-followers who act as though that is true, no matter what they tell you they believe. if you belong to the christ by faith, you are empowered and equipped to administer the symbolic action of baptism as a new believer's public profession of faith. this mentality of "laity is the junior varsity to the clergy's varsity" is what brought about famous and popular heresies such as infant baptism, confession to priests alone, "the mother church" and papal infallibility.

2 -- exactly what constitutes a "valid" baptism. i agree that a baptism should be in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. my only point of contention is that a symbolic action of faith isn't invalid simply because the administering person maybe flubs or forgets a line. i've witnessed baptism where the youth pastor nervously said, "I baptize you in the name of Jesus." His doctrine wasn't bad. He was just nervous. Should the "senior pastor" have jumped in the water and said, "NO NO NO NO! You've done it all wrong! Let's take this thing again from the top!" Of course not. the first baptism i performed, i remembered all parts of the trinity, but I forgot to remind the gal to bend her legs. I dunked her...her legs went out from under her, and a tidal wave of spa water drenched the backs of the entire rear row of the choir. everyone (except the rear row the choir) got a good laugh out of that one. does it invalidate the experience? no. it made a real, reverent act of obedience memorable and joyful.

3 -- the addenda to the "components" of the baptism, including blessing of the water, the thrice-applied water, the oil (and most troubling to me, the prayer that the believer would receive the gift of the Holy Spirit). anything added to the grace of God is legalism. anything taken away from it is heresy. Either baptism is essential for salvation, or it is symbolic of a gift already given. Either a person receives all of the Holy Spirit at salvation, or he receives none of Him. You can't have these things both ways. The Bible must be our template for administering the ordinances; anything beyond or apart from it invites traditions that honor man and not God.

i understand the occasional need for an "emergency" baptism. but the emergency occurs when the person has the strong desire as well as the ability to obey God's command for believers to be baptized, despite circumstances that normally wouldn't allow for it. Every once in a while, though, it isn't possible for a person to be baptized (like, anecdotally, when a terminal woman with open back wounds that had to remain dry placed her faith in jesus of nazareth as the Christ, and died two months later). that person is no less heaven bound, for if she were, it would render the words of Jesus on the cross to the thief as ugly, malicious lies, and would leave frayed the very thread of grace that God Himself has woven through the tapestry of His Holy Word.
For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body--whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free--and have all been made to drink into one Spirit. 1 Cor. 12:13

a prayer request

please pray for Bob, the husband of my secretary gail. he has been informed that he'll be needing a heart transplant as soon as possible, due to a rapid progression of his affliction of cardiomyopathy. please remember gail and their three adult children in your prayers, as well.

thanks.

annoying bronco stat of the day

this is the fifth time in team history that the denver broncos have started the season 4-0. the previous four times they accomplished this feat, they went on to the super bowl.

(insignificata gratia msnbc)

next month on vh1: the top 50 list of top 50 lists

michele waxes humorously on vh1's overkill of lists -- specifically on the "funny moments in music" one.

proverbs #137

there is nothing too small worth to do well.

proverbs #136

to not diffuse the Christ is to misuse the Christ.

proverbs #135

be careful what you say, for you speak for all eternity.

the state of the google, 2003

after one year of blogging, here's how i register on the big board:

the obvious

#33 bryan

#6 mcanally

#1 (and 7 of top 10) bryan mcanally

#21 clarity

#102 chaos

#1 (and 17 out of top 20) clarity amidst chaos

the obscure

#3 john elway adulterer

#6 Olsen Twins (Google Japan Link)

i realize this was totally self-serving. and i apologize. but in the year ahead, my aim is to get into the top 10 in clarity, the top 20 in chaos, and to just refuse to stop until i have the number one olsen twins references in google japan.

that's my commitment to you.

thank you and God bless the Internet.

hmmm...now i understand

a dictionary.com search reveals that sophomore comes from the Greek roots for foolish and stupid. that makes me feel so much better.

same song, next verse

i rode up the elevator with a coworker today. she exited on floor three, so i was immediately suspicious of her, though i masked my distrust quite well. the door closed, as it is wont to do.

it took me a full minute to realize that neither of us had pushed the "4" button, and i had gone nowhere during the previous sixty seconds.

not my finest moment...

starting off year two in stellar fashion

i accidentally closed the window of my first significant blog of my sophomore effort...before posting it.

this is not a good sign.

actually, this is not a good sign:


but i hope things get better

why churches don't see visitors return

here's a few reasons, based on *real* experiences we've recently had, why we either won't visit or return to a few different churches in our immediate vicinity:

1. pastor never opens the Bible from which to preach.


2. pastor preaches a topical sermon rather than exegetical sermon


3. pastor says in prayer, "Father, please forgive us for being a bunch of peckerheads..." (leading Kaylyn to inevitably ask, "Daddy, what did the preacher mean when he said we were a bunch of....")


4. pastor acting like my family was "professional-grade Christians" because i'm on staff at NAMB


5. church members acting "put out" as we hunted for preschool sunday school classrooms for our children (without assistance)


6. pastor attempting to impress us by naming several NAMB executives with whom he rubs elbows


7. pastor saying "when you are discouraged, you cannot honor God


8. church does not offer sunday school ministry


9. church does not attempt a follow-up contact


10. pastor sends an impersonal, mass-produced note/invitation to return


11. church does not give at least 10 percent of tithes and offerings to the Southern Baptist Cooperative Program


12. church is ashamed to have the word "Baptist" in its name


13. church brags about what it did 20,50,100 years ago because its not doing anything today
    
14. membership is homogeneous -- culturally, ethnically, socio-economically

disclaimer: this is not to suggest that there are no good churches surrounding us. even churches that are guilty of these things are probably, for the most part, decent churches. and it's also not to imply that we are smugly superior and do everything right. i know that's not the case. i just more than ever before have tired of "playing church." I want my worship to be genuine and my service to be an ongoing, prioritized outgrowth of that worship. I want my church to be servant-hearted and ministering. i want my church to be about what we can give the lost, not what we have to offer to the saved. if the church's heart beats for the advance of God's Kingdom through the love for one another and others, no human nor hades can hold it back.

that's all i'm looking for. and if we are so blessed to be a part of *that* congregation, my prayer will be that i do nothing to quench God's Holy Spirit.

this day in history

one year ago, an unknown writer/pastor started a little online journal called clarity amidst chaos.

plans for the off-broadway one man show are now in development, with a subsequent film project in the works as well. Negotiations between producers and Russell Crowe to star as the lead have recently begun, with back up plans to talk with Drew Carey or Kevin James if necessary. Bryan McAnally's Dell Dimension 300 series has agreed to play itself in the movie, with considerations for tackling the demanding dual role of his of Macintosh desktop from the office.
***
thanks to all who have read this even once, much less on a regular basis. i've been blessed by your input and feedback, and look forward to growing with you as our time together progresses.

its as plain on the nose on your face

tired of using cliches, but discovering that old habits die hard? well, turn over a new leaf, and be determined to teach an old dog new tricks by turning over a new leaf and do whatever it takes to get the job done.

take it one step at a time, but always give 110 percent. just remember that it takes a big dog to weigh a ton, and a rolling stone gathers no moss.

this pearl of wisdom is provided by the cliche finder.

broncos to honor zim today

as part of their effort to go undefeated this year, denver invites gary zimmerman to join the ring of fame, and hopefully receive a little positive mojo in the process.

a highly effective consumer of connective sequential experiences

have you rsvp'd? well, don't, unless you're really ready to waste some time.

perhaps the worst children's book of all time

courtesy of strongbad.

this link led me to dig up some old humor once found on the net (slightly edited):

1. Strangers Have the Best Candy

2. The Little Sissy Who Snitched

3. Some Kittens Can Fly!

4. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her

5. The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North Amer-Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!

6. The Kid's Guide to Hitchhiking

7. You Are Different and That's Bad

8. Dad's New Wife Michael

9. POP! Goes the Hamster...and Other Great Microwave Games

10. Curious George and the High Voltage Fence

11. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables

12. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will

13. The Care Bears Maul Some Campers and Are Shot Dead

14. How to Become the Dominant Military Power in Your Elementary School

15. Controlling the Playground: Respect Through Fear

16. What is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?

17. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?

18. Bi-Curious George

19. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

20. Developmental Eschatology and the Postmodern Paradigm of Evangecalism

i don't know what this says about me

but at some point in my life, i will in fact watch this movie.

cotter: lookin' out for his bride

yesterday, my son had a talk.

cotter: daddy?
me: yes?
cotter: when my wife gets pregnant...
me (suddenly very alert and just a tad concerned): yeeeesss?
cotter: well, today ago, i was watching tv, and i saw a commercial...
me: a commercial?
cotter: yes sir. when she gets pregnant, she'll get these big brown scratches on her tummy....
me: yes, she might...
cotter: well, i saw a commercial for a medicine that will make them go away. i'm going to buy that for her.
me: she'll appreciate that, i'm sure.
cotter: right.

(note: cotter confirmed that the link is the accurate product, just so you know)

sunday brunch

1. Which season is your favorite?
football

2. What kind of weather do you like the most?
i really like them all... a great sunny day for a round of golf, spring with lots of wildflowers...autumn with the changing colors, a snowy day, a drizzly day...all are reflections on the beauty, creativity, and majesty of God.

3. What kind of weather do you dislike the most?
extreme hot and bitter cold

4. What is the worst kind of weather you have ever been in?
-60 degrees farenheit in Craig, Colorado.
119 degrees in Las Vegas, Nevada.
never been caught in a weather-related disaster, though.


5. Have you ever been out and about in severe weather when you were advised not to?
--quit a job in college painting houses because the "boss" wanted us to keep working as a funnel cloud approached. my $9 an hour wasn't worth it.

since i came up on a google

for someone looking for "olsen twins," i thought i ought to let you know...

we *just* turned off a mary kate and ashley video because one of them (does it really matter who is who?) stated how surprised she was that the adult (Kirstie Alley, in another fine cinematic effort) wasn't "pissed" about something.

"What did they just say?" I asked, immediately thinking I shouldn't have asked that question.

"pissed," cotter said.

"pissed?" i asked rhetorically, in shock.

"pissed," my four-year old son confirmed.

"is 'pissed' bad, daddy?" my six year old daughter asked.

"YES, pi... it is bad. you're not allowed to say it!"

"we can't say 'pissed?'" Cotter asked, as if my previous statement was somehow vague and complex.

"No!"

"Kaylyn, we're not allowed to say 'pissed,'" he explained, in case she was unclear.


**apologies to all family members, future references to this word will be avoided at all expense.

and to explain

why i'm blogging on sunday morning....

...multiple members of the mcanally clan of cumming, georgia, are experiencing a virally-induced interruption of normal gastrointestinal functions, accompanied by low-grade increases in basal temperature and associated normative cognative behaviors.

which, translated, means:

W3RE SIK WIT TEH FLU

my attempt at being all things to all people...

an excerpt from my recent post on worth:

The problem is, your flesh -- your heart and your mind and your body -- all tend to be easily deceived to yield to reign of sin. And when you do so, your flesh says "I don't feel perfect. I don't feel worthy. I don't feel holy. I don't feel righteous." At the same time, the accuser slanders you with accusations of imperfection, even when your spirit, reborn in the likeness of the Son, has established all these things to be true.

now, translated into 12-year-old AOLer:

TEH PROBLEM IS UR FLASH - UR H3ART AND UR MIND AND UR BODY - AL T3ND 2 B EASILY DACEIEVD 2 YEILD 2 R3IGN OF SIN1!!!!1! OMG LOL AND WHEN U DO SO UR FLESH SAYS I DONT FEL P3RFECT!111!1 OMG I DONT FEL WORTHY1111! LOL I DONT FEL HOLY!11! I DONT FEL RIGHTEOUS!!1!!!1 OMG LOL AT DA SMA TIEM DA ACUSER SLANDERS U WIT ACUSATIONS OF IMPARFECTION 3V3N WHEN UR SPIRIT R3BORN IN DA LIEKN3S OF DA SON HAS ASTABLISH3D AL THESE THNGS 2 B TRUE
!!!!11 OMG

i couldn't be more embarrassed

not even if i had stated Robert Palmer was a former world-class golfer.

my alma mater, the U. of Colorado, allowed a charlatain wackjob "pet psychic" to communicate with Ralphie, which in case you aren't aware, is a fullblooded nonhuman american bison. worse still, was that the "commune" between the abnormal paranormal and the CU mascot took place in the home of the university president Elizabeth "Dizzy Lizzy" Hoffman.

is this what my liberal arts education provided?

i just took a multiple intelligence quiz (link thanks to christopher), and here are my results:

You are an Interpersonal Thinker
Interpersonal thinkers:
Like to think about other people, and try to understand them
Recognise differences between individuals and appreciate that different people have different perspectives
Make an effort to cultivate effective relationships with family, friends and colleagues

Other Interpersonal thinkers include
Winston Churchill, Mother Teresa, William Shakespeare

Careers which suit Interpersonal thinkers include
Politician, Psychologist, Nurse, Counsellor, Teacher

in honor of Robert Palmer, former Orioles pitcher and underwear model

since i'm still a little sheepish over my baaaaad error on the still-dead musician (not) being a frontman of the famous trio (that's the last time i get my information from a discussion group by some guy nicked RPalmerite!) , i'm posting a link to a compendium of celebs who have died in 2003, with links at the bottom of each page to the previous year's list.

looks like this year is pretty much on par with others, but not as bad as '99.

this can't be true, can it?

straight male celebrities, being "eyed" by queer (their word, not mine) fashionistas (my word, not theirs)?

concerned enough to post the link, not interested enough to search for the truth.

but if it is, once again shame on you mr. former president. i prefer my ex-presidents to be stodgy, above-the-popular-culture ambassadors of democracy, thank you very much.