the failed quiz...explained

1. Favorite Team -- Broncos. Explanation: I will root for all teams Colorado. Following in importance behind the Broncos are the Buffs, the Rockies, and the Nuggets. Truth be told there are probably a few teams that are more dear to me than the Nuggets, including but not limited to: The Colorado Crush (Arena Football), The Mammoth (Pro Lacrosse), The Silver Bullets (women's pro baseball), The Gold (Defunct USFL), The CSU Rams, DU Pioneers, Metro State Roadrunners, Air Force Falcons, and the Moffat County High School Bulldogs.


2. Favorite Pet -- Holly. Explanation: Other special pets include Patches, my first dog, an Austrailian Shepherd mix. He chased cars, apparently thinking they were super-powered automated sheep needing corralled. This problem was exacerbated by the extenuating fact that we lived across the street from the hospital emergency entrance at the time. You can put two and two together on that one. Bud was a great golden retriever who used to fetch golf balls. I could drive ball after ball into the hayfields and he would perch at the tee, just out of danger, and watch as I hit. He'd then sprint into the field and sniff and search until he found it. Inevitably, I'd tire before he would. He also liked to protect us from the evil and dangerous threats approaching our yard. Unfortunately, he considered deer and horses as some of those threats. I came home one day to learn that Bud had "run away," which I later understood to be euphemistic for "met a similar fate as Old Yeller."


3. Time Kelli & I have been together -- 10 1/2 years Explanation: This is the question that flawed the quiz. I was lovingly corrected by my bride that our time really is 11 years. It wasn't that I forgot time, but I forgot the important lesson of when recounting time spent with the one you love, never never never "round off." Kelli and I will celebrate our ninth year married on June 24 of this year. We originally re-discovered one another August of 1992, and consider Thanksgiving of that year our "relationship turned serious" date. So even by simple math, one could should consider Thanksgiving 2003 an 11 year anniversary.


4. Closest male friend -- Clay. Explanation: Each of these men is dear to me. Jamie, my brother, Troy, my best friend from high school, and Chris, by closest friend in college. I love one of these guys and thank God for them. Clay, though, is my friend who you'll grow to know better upon the launch of Two Sents. We were casual friends in high school who reconnected at seminary. We talk every week and pray for one another every day. We trust one another with every detail of our lives and go to one another for counsel and support. He's a great source of wisdom, truth, and understanding. Other than Kelli, I have no closer friend. He is a gifted communicator and an anointed minister. I truly look forward to the experiences and insights he and his lovely bride Laura will share with all of us in the area of student ministry as he joins the Two Sents team.


5. Worst Mom's Birthday present -- A series of stuffed owls. Explanation: This question illustrated a trend I am guilty of establishing in gift-giving to my mother. If she mentioned that she liked something, I would give it to her repeatedly until she had to announce, occasionally hysterically, that if she received one more of the given item, she might possibly go insane. The hysterical presentation lent credibility to the claim. At progressive points in our relationship, she received unfortunate series of music boxes, porcelain dolls, ceramic GOP elephants (what began as a "haha-gag" gift, and ended as "I think I'm going to throw up-gag" gift), and of course the nadir of the list, the stuffed owls. I have seen the practice repeated with my mother-in-law, though she's not gone into a conniption (although I wouldn't blame her if she chose to), regarding an overwhelming accumulation of Santa Claus figurines. Kelli has seen similar accumulations of various items, but has assured me that she'll inform me in a calm, rational manner when I've hit the limit on any given gift theme. As far as I'm concerned, I'm totally okay with people continuing to gift me with Bronco/Buff regalia, antique books, and biblical commentaries. Too much is never enough in these categories. But I've learned my lesson. I promise.


6. First Manuscript -- Delta Iota Epsilon Explanation: This cheesy title was the first draft of a hundred-plus page effort about a secret college society where a "rush event" goes horribly wrong. You see, I thought it was clever because the Greek letters of the fraternity were the equivalents to D.I.E.....pathetic, I know. It actually was a decent effort, carnally speaking. I had Kelli read it while we were dating (before I had come to faith). She'd return chapters with huge red X's through entire pages. I'd say, "what's wrong with this?" And she'd lovingly reply, "It's trash!" The other works mentioned were Fish Dance, a short story about a suicidal goldish, despondent over the loss of his tankmate. Let's just say it wasn't a happy ending. To Touch the Sun, another short story about the childhood recollections of a young man horribly injured from a house fire, a bit of a modern-day Icarus. Finally, In Your Eyes was a youthful essay written to a girl I thought I loved, in response to the Peter Gabriel song by the same name. It turns out that I didn't love her so much as I loved the idea of her. Actually, it turns out I didn't really love the idea of her so much as I love the idea of everything except her. In that regard, the title takes on an entirely different meaning than originally intended.


7. Last non-ministry job -- Video Rental Dude I also worked as a courier, an apartment manager, and fraternity president (though the president gig wasn't really a job, I treated it like one). As a courier I drove 220 miles every day, listened to countless books on tape, and got two speeding tickets and a citation for running a red light (that to this day I contend was yellow when I entered the intersection). As an apartment manager, I discovered a corpse, was invited to join a drug distribution ring in exchange for rent, and once had to comfort a Mexican woman abandoned by her husband (and illustrating to me that four years of Spanish taught me nothing about how to comfort a rapidly-but-non-English-speaking, panic-stricken woman with no money for rent). My work as a video rental dude took place in a hospital kiosk with a great Jewish entrepeneur who had a great idea to rent video machines, tapes and camcorders to patients. We were always busy renting movies & video game systems to extended-stay patients, bored with hospital TV offerings. I think of Dave Guttmann often when I watch The Apprentice, and think he'd show these posers a thing or two about initiative and creativity. I witnessed to him often, and heaven only knows the fruits of those efforts. The Lord definitely used him to sharpen me.


8. Most Foolish Prank -- Playing with Quarter Sticks of Dynamite. Explanation: Again, another confusing question, because I have done all these things, and the degree of foolishness was determined by me, solely on the potential to lose valuable extremities. As a youth, I was once arrested (but not "booked," they decided to let my dad execute justice on my guilty behind) for curfew violation. I've had no other run-ins with the law, but I've done lots of other stupid stuff. I've oft said that I could have starred in Jackass, but only if they took away all the safety measures.


9. "Celebrity" with whom I've brushed the closest -- George HW Bush. Explanation. This one was the most incorrect. I've been in the same arena as John Elway, but never closer. The restraining order has a lot to say about that matter. I've also passed by Harry Shearer (of SNL and The Simpsons) and Jerry Tarkanian (former coach of the UNLV Runnin' Rebels!) in airports. But it was crossing paths with President George HW Bush and his Secret Service Contingent on a jogging path at the Cooper Clinic in Dallas, Texas, that will forever stand out as the closest I ever came to someone important (as well as the closest I ever came to being wrestled down by a team of skilled musclemen).


10. Finally, of course, the new blog venture is Two Sents. The count-down continues!