now serving humble pie

watch this gal figure out a rubik's cube.

i couldn't ever do it without completely dissembling it, or taking off the stickers.

i'm not ashamed to admit it. i was a moron.

but i am impressed by her savant-like ability. though she's apparently no savant.

darwin candidate?

though he didn't die, a young man was severely injured when a firecracker, compressed between the two cheecks not on his face, exploded. usually, fatality is a requirement for the darwin awards. but since this man's genetic reproducability must certainly have been affected, should he be considered?

SOTD III

didn't intend to do two in one day, but nothing makes you feel spry like an unsolicited ad for my very own hoveround.

and here's the (no joke, I promise) text of the canned ham:

Hoveround is Round for a Reason

Drive around.
Move around.
Get around.
Be around.
Fool around.
Stay around.
Play around.
Ride around.
Sport around.
Look around.

Find out how you can own a Hoveround at not cost to you!*

who knew that limited mobility could be such an adventure?

now, I'm only 31, but i am fairly interested in finding out how i can own one at no cost to me. just think, if i play my cards just so, i can be the known as the "crazy young guy on the hoveround!" I can take it everywhere, running into the back of people in the grocery lanes, taking up aisle space in the movie theaters, falling awkwardly out of it in crowded public places, threatening litigation to anyone and everyone within twenty feet of me.

and they call me a dreamer...

Tozer the Bulldozer

I can safely say, on the authority of all that is revealed in the Word of God, that any man or woman on this earth who is bored and turned off by worship is not ready for heaven.
--A.W. "Frosty Mug of Theology" Tozer

SOTD

this product will greet the happy clicker with a mild jolt of sterility-inducing, synapse-interrupting, ohm-my-goodness e-lec-tricity.

cost: six bones.
shipping: free.
instant isolating reputation as the mean-spirited cretin of the home or office: priceless.

spamo'theday

this little contraption doesn't look uncomfortable at all, does it? she couldn't look less awkward if her legs were woven spaghetti-style in an oversized bear trap.

funny?

c&p from mikey's daily stab at hilarity:

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund started chasing butterflies into the jungle, and before long he was lost.

Wandering about, he saw a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. "I'm in deep trouble now!" the dachshund thought. Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and settled down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard was about to leap, the dachshund exclaimed loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here? "Hearing this, the leopard halted his attack in mid-stride, terrified, and slunk away into the jungle. "Whew," said the leopard., "That was close. That dachshund nearly got me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figured he could put this knowledge to good use and trade it to the leopard for protection. So off he went after the leopard with great speed.

But the dachshund saw where he was heading and figured what he must be up to. The monkey soon caught up with the leopard, spilled the beans and struck a deal for himself. The leopard was furious at being made a fool of and said, "Here monkey, hop on my back and watch what happens to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund saw the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sat down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hadn't seen them. And when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund said, "Where's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

an editorial decision

had to drop blog snob advertising.

i appreciated the rare, occasional hit it brought to my site. but today one of the random blogs that appeared on my site came with a nicely packaged f-bomb^®. so, byebye blog snob.

and thank you for your prayers

for Jim, Amy, and Brandon (and his bride to be).

fyi, the wedding is still on for this weekend. please continue lifting them up that it will be a joyful time for them.

spiritual focus day update

heading into day two of the spiritual focus days.

in a word so far....

....incredible.


here's the group leading our time.

I'll be blogging on this for days to come, no doubt.

filthy lucre, cont.

if you haven't read my previous post, do so before reading this one.

go on. do as I say.


okay....I was compelled to continue the previous post because i understand that not all of you who read my blog share my world view that Jesus of Nazareth is in fact, the Christ of God. But just go down the hypothetical road with me for a moment....

...let's say you never knew your father growing up. One day, you received noticed that your father has been identified, and he's filthy rich. And better yet, he's been looking for you. The person who has contacted you is an intermediary for him, and he is thrilled to find you. He wants to connect with you, and better yet, give you access to his vast wealth. His holding include monies that would make the aforementioned Mr. Gates feel in relation to your father like I feel in relation to Mr. Gates. He's got homes...mansions, villas, ranches, estates, cottages...around the country and around the globe. He has every material thing one could buy, and wants for nothing. And you are his heir, with full access, rights and priveleges to everything that is his.

so what's the catch?

you have to publicly acknowledge that you are his child, and that the intermediary was sent by your father to claim you.

oh, and one other thing.

you have to renounce every effort you've ever made to make your own fortune, and pledge not to ever work independently of your father for the rest of your life, instead listening to and following the intermediary for every course of action, with the guarantee that you'll always be satisfied and pleased beyond your comprehension.



would you do it?


if you say no, you're either a liar or a fool.

and if you say yes, then you simply need to understand that this what God offers us in the Christ, Jesus, only with treasures infinitely more valuable than anything we could estimate. You were designed to be an heir of God, with full access to everything that is His. And the Son, His intermediary, is seeking you. The only catch to receiving all of God's heavenly riches is that you have to acknowledge that Jesus is God's intermediary, and follow His every leading (with the same guarantee, fyi), turning your back on your own efforts to build a lasting treasure.

the offer is no joke.

God makes it to you today because He loves you.

and He wants you, His heir, to be with Him forever.

will you do it?

filthy lucre?

How rich are you? >> I'm loaded. It's official. I'm the 57,906,565 richest person on earth!

My first instinct was to disagree with this. But the more I thought about it, it's probably correct (although I'm sure i'm tied with ten's of thousands of others). and it does help give perspective. I have tried to never gripe about how much I make, but like all of you (don't deny it), would like to earn more. Until I notice that I'm in the .965% of the world's wealthiest people, that 5.9 billion people make less than me. then I just fall on my face and praise God for his grace and mercy, and repent of my greed. Oh, how we labor and strive just to move up a few hundredths of that final percentage point.

someone once asked me how much Bill Gates was worth.

I knew it was in the billions, but just how many I wasn't certain.

the person corrected me. He said, "that's how much money he has. But he's worth exactly what you are worth. He's worth one atoning sacrifice of God's Son."

wow...i truly am wealthy.


and so are you.

weather update

having noticed that stormie gulfstream liked to give her reports in two-piece outfits, and that she'd pare down to a bikini every time it hit 85 degrees, she was given an opportunity to relocate to a beachfront climate.

she accepted.

filling in will be a rotating crew of highly qualified trainees.

thank you for your cooperation.

theoblogically speaking, part two

meanwhile, over at the ironically titled (in light of the previous post) avoiding evil, Jim solicits opinions on whether beauty is subjective or objective. My simple answer is thus: beauty is subjective to us, objective to God, and our opinions don't matter, unless they're in accordance with God's.

to briefly elaborate....

what makes something beautiful to us? often, it is by very superficial standards that something is judged to be either beautiful or homely. It is those standards that mean everything to us, and nothing to God.

However, God's standard is simple. Does it glorify Him? If so, you could be a one-limbed mutant, horribly disfigured at birth, but from God's perspective, you're gorgeous. It's kinda like the whole Shallow Hal perspective, if you catch my curveball, so to speak.

Every single thing created by God begins beautifully. This is why He repeatedly said, "it is good," during the creation. It's only when the created thing gets "re-created" by man that its potential for remaining beautiful is mangled and it becomes hideously ugly. The human body is a beautfiul, beautiful creation....but look how man has made it un-beautiful by deciding our fleshly perception of beautiful is more accurate or important than God's. Wine is a beautiful thing, and there are more positive references to it than negative ones in the Bible. But because man got his hands on it, we've made it a horribly destructive and ugly thing, and so now more often than not, we're better of just staying away from it.

In a lot of ways, we're like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy when he's in the restaurant describing his relationship with "his sale." Whatever we get in our hands begins beautifully by God. We love it, we pet it, we play with it and before we know it.....


:LSDf;lawjr e;oeujoerup[o;4ur0'9erq''re9u!!!!!!!


we've mangled it, mutilated it, destroyed it.

we truly are Steinbeck's Lennie in Of Mice and Men. "George...tell me like you done before...."

theoblogically speaking, part one

Tony threw out a biblical bone recently, and more than a few Christ followers are looking to make soup, apparently. The question is whether or not a Christian should fellowship with a known, unrepentant sinner. The actual text is:

But now I am writing you that you must not associate with anyone who calls himself a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a slanderer, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. (1 Cor. 5:11)

many good comments have already been made, so I don't have much to add. But all I want to point out is the practical reality that we have to be very careful to not be so very careful that we become Pharasaic through the justification of this verse. When we go down this laundry list of transgressions, we discover that pretty much everybody will fall into one category or another. So I don't think this is necessarily an admonition to stay away from people who are sinners, just because they are Christ followers. If that were the case, the Kingdom of God would be one of millions of islands with no fellowship whatsoever. And Paul, who according to the Word of God (which I take literaly) was the chief sinner, so by this application, would have been exiled from any fellowship whatsoever.

At the same time, you can't use this argument just to dismiss the verse out of hand, either. I think this is where broader implications must be considered. One the one hand, you've got the commands from James that say we must correct our sinning brothers, but Paul commanding to be separate and holy. It's a delicate balance, but not a dangerous nor difficult one. Let's take a hypothetical to illustrate.

Sinning Christ Follower...let's call him Mallomar. He is having an affair with his brother's wife. I, Nougat the earnestly sincere Christ Follower, come to discover the sin. "Mallomar," I say to him in confrontation after much deliberate prayer, "you are wrong to be sleeping with Caramello's wife, Baby Ruth. You must stop." Few would actually argue against this, though some would say we're interacting with a known immoral person, so we've already messed up. But we're trying to correct that person in the spirit of humility, so that's good. If Mallomar says, "you know Nougat, you're right. I'm going to make things right," then you've won that person back to holiness (not to be confused with leading that person back to the Christ and regaining a lost salvation). But Mallomar could say, "Get out of my face Nougat. Not only am I going to stay with Baby Ruth, but I'm also dating her sister Hershey." At this point, you should disassociate yourself from Mallomar.

I think God always wants us to be asking the question "why?" Too few of us do it, on both sides of the belief spectrum. Nonbelievers don't ask why and mistakenly perceive God to be stickler for rules. But we're no better when we don't seek to understand God's reasons for his commands.

First, God is primarily concerned with bringing glory to Himself. If His very spirit dwells within us, then it doesn't bring Him much glory to not only have people engaged in ongoing, unrepentant, blatant sin, but also for a bunch more people to surround that person and act as though the bad behavior is accaeptable. God will glorify Himself through those people who cast Mallomar out of the candy aisle, so to speak, because His holiness will be proclaimed.

Second, God will glorify Himself through Mallomar because God can and will use his expulsion to convict and compel him back toward holiness.

Third, there is a protective element involved, too. God wants to shield us from the damaging effects of sin. If we're having ongoing fellowship with Mallomar, it won't be long before we start looking around for our own Baby Ruth's. It's the whole "one-bad-apple-spoils-the-whole-bunch" syndrome. I see it all the time. You can get two ministers together, two men of God, and too often, rather than edifying one another, they quickly enter into conversations that "test the waters" to see what is their lowest common denominator (whether it be in speech, in testimony, in ideology, theology, or conduct), and then choose to fellowship at that level. This is why we have the tragic testimony of all those men who went to DC for the huge Promise Keepers rally and spent their evenings finding prositutes. It's why you can find two pastors using low-class language with one another. it's why gossip runs like a wildfire through church halls. God tells us to avoid these things because they damage us. They demean us. They degrade us. They defile us. So we are called to be separate from it, as He is.

Tony places this passage in the context of the earlier passage that actually commands us to intermingle with non-believers who are known by the same characteristics. And when you think about it, that's what makes sense. If we are called to be ambassadors for the Christ, then we have to go where His message is needed. If you are willing to do this, God will take you to some pretty exciting, yet "dirty" places. That makes our need for fellowship with holy brethren even more vital. You have to be encouraged, and strengthened for that commissioning. A person who has no fellowship with strong, passionate Christ followers places himself under a heavy burden of temptation and testing. And I don't know about you, but I always liked the "community tests" where we could share our answers more than the ones where I had to blaze out on my own.

To close, sense I didn't have much to say...., one of the most difficult things to do as a believer is to correct a fellow believer without coming across as judgmental or Pharasaic. But we are commanded to use our discretion. It can be accomplished without being judgmental. We have to stand up for right, and to do it with the utmost humility. And you don't even have to wait until you are without sin to do it, because that's only going to happen when you walk into the arms of your Savior, and by then it'll be too late. Certainly the "how to do that" is the really difficult issue...and one for another blog another time.

now, who's hungry for a candy bar?

hill heavenbound?

Paul Hill, the abortionists' ultra-late term abortionist, was put to death today, for his two 1994 murders of abortionists. He said expected to be rewarded in heaven, and was being martyred.

so is he right?

well, i'm of the opinion he falls waaaaaay short on the martyrdom scale, having broken some pretty essential statutes of God's along the way. And I believe that the Lord cares as much as the means as He does the ends. So I'm a bit concerned his reward won't be what he expects.

but even so, the main query remains....will he be in heaven?

i have a hunch that when I get there, it shall likely be one of the furthest things from my mind, if it be there at all. In all likelihood, i'll be too busy praising God for His remarkable grace that allows a sinner like me to enter in to His Holy Presence.

from the dude on the $100 bill

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters."
--Benjamin Franklin

blogging schedule

the next two days will offer a reduced blogging output, as I will partake in NAMB's Spiritual Focus days. The sessions, on spiritual leadership, should be quite good. the material is from ken blanchard, of the One Minute Manager fame.

bear with me.

the top ten list, redux

sent to me from one of my writers:

Moses: "Excuse me, Sir."

"Is that you again, Moses?"

"I'm afraid it is, Sir."

"What is it this time, Moses; more computer Problems?"

"How did you guess?"

"I don't have to guess, Moses. Remember ?"

"Oh, yes; I forgot."

"Tell me what you want, Moses."

"But you already know, Sir. Remember?"

"Moses!"

"Sorry, Sir."

"Well, go ahead, Moses; spit it out."

"Well, I have a question, Sir.

You know those ten 'things' you sent me via e-mail?"

"You mean the Ten Commandments, Moses?"

"That's it. I was wondering if they are important."

"What do you mean 'if they are important,' Moses?

"Of course, they are important. Otherwise, I would not have sent them to you."

"Well, sorry, Sir, but I lost them. I could say the dog ate them; but, of course, you would see right through that."

"What do you mean you 'lost them'? Are you trying to tell me you didn't save them, Moses?"

"No, Sir; I forgot."

"You should always save, Moses."

"Yes, I know. You told me that before. I was going to save them, but I forgot. I did forward them to some people before I lost them though."

"And did you hear back from any of them?"

"You already know I did. There was the one guy who said he never uses 'shalt not.' May he change the words a little bit?"

"Yes, Moses, as long as he does not change the meaning."

"And what about the guy who thought your stance was a little harsh, and recommended calling them the 'Ten Suggestions,' or letting people pick one or two to try for a while?"

"Moses, I will act as if I did not hear that."

"I think that means 'no.' Well, what about the guy who said I was scamming him?"

"I think the term is 'spamming,' Moses."

"Oh, yes. I. E-mailed him back and told him I don't even eat that stuff, and I have no idea how you can send it to someone through a computer."

"And what did he say?"

"You know what he said. He used Your name in vain. You don't think he might have sent me one of those -- err -- plagues, and that's the reason I lost those ten 'things', do you?"

"They are not plagues; they are called 'viruses,' Moses."

"Whatever! This computer stuff is just too much for me. Can we go back to those stone tablets? It was hard on my back taking them out and reading them each day, but at least I never lost them."

"We will do it the new way, Moses; using computers"

"I was afraid you would say that, Sir."

"Moses, what did I tell you to do if you messed up?"

"You told me to hold up this rat and point it toward the computer."

"It's a mouse, Moses, not a rat. Mouse! Mouse! And did you do that?"

"No, I decided to try calling technical support first. After all, who knows more about this stuff than you? And I really like your hours. By the way, Sir, did Noah have two of these mice on the ark?"

"No, Moses."

"One other thing. Why did you not name them 'frogs' instead of 'mice,' because did you not tell me the thing they sit on is a pad?"

"I did not name them, Moses. Man did, and you can call yours a frog if you want to."

"Oh, that explains it. I bet some woman told Adam to call it a mouse. After all, was it not a woman who named one of the computers 'Apple?'"

"Say good night, Moses."

"Wait a minute, Sir. I am pointing the mouse, and it seems to be working. Yes, a couple of the ten 'things' have come back."

"Which ones are they, Moses?"

"Let me see. 'Thou shalt not steal from any grave "an image' and 'Thou shalt not correct Thy neighbor's wife.'"

"Turn the computer off, Moses. I'm sending you another set of stone tablets."

the balcony is apparently still open

Kyle weighs in on the Chick Flick/Guy Movie Discussion filling our little corner of the Internet. He has very strong points, too, I might add. go check 'em out.

stat of the day

overheard:

from a tech guy to my boss³:

"80 percent of the email that comes in to this building is blocked because it is spam."

something worth viewing on spike? no, that's just his mange

christopher comments on Joe Schmoe, the new "reality" program that itself gives the wink wink, nudge nudge when using the most ironic term in television history.

kelli and i laughed quite a bit in watching the first half of this program. i don't know that we'll set aside a thirty minute block in our viewing schedule to watch the actors help joe make a fool of himself, but it was worth the time and emotional investment of pausing while channel hopping.

and before the fall season begins, my summer reality round-up...

big brother 4...didn't watch it.
the amazing race...didn't watch it.
Paradise hotel....didn't watch it.
race to the altar...not only didn't watch it, but was embarrased for those who took part in it.
for love or money 2...watched the last 5 minutes of the original, might catch the last five of this one, if there's no good commercials on at the time.
fear factor...i'll stop to see what they're choking on, sludging through, or hanging from
who wants to marry my dad? I didn't. so i missed it.
meet my folks...no thanks.
dog eat dog...watched the episode with NFL cheerleaders. rooted for the Bronco (does that mean she's a Mare?). until she lost. then we moved on.
the restaurant -- saw about half of two different episodes. made me want to dine in for the evening, thanks.
The family...watched about 4 minutes of one episode.
cupid...have seen this off and on, and i'm just hoping america makes that chick earn her million by staying with the Ahnold clone for a year.

now, back to your regular programming.

how did i forget to tell you about this?

The driver of a huge trailer lost control of his rig, plowed into an empty toll booth and smashed it to pieces. He climbed down from the wreckage and within a matter of minutes, a truck pulled up and discharged a crew of workers.

The men picked up each broken piece of the former tollbooth and spread some kind of creamy substance on it. Then they began fitting the pieces together. In less than a half hour, they had the entire tollbooth reconstructed and looking good as new.

"Astonishing!" the truck driver said to the crew chief. "What was the white stuff you used to get all the pieces together?"

The crew chief said, "Oh, that was tollgate booth paste."

this anecdote is my little way of sharing the most exciting tale of our labor day vacation. As I had mentioned earlier, we traveled over to American Adventures^® an adventure park for little ones. We had told the children we were driving across Atlanta to go to an inexpensive Kroger. I love children at this age. We even promised they could get one thing of their choosing. When we pulled into the lot, Kaylyn recognized that the sign wasn't for Kroger, but still didn't make the connection. Cotter, though, recognized the logo from their website and began dancing around in his seat like we had set him atop a hot griddle. "American Kid's Adventures," he began singing repeatedly.

"Okay Rainman, calm down," I said to him, as we merged into the line to pay for parking. it wasn't really a long line. We were pulling up to this booth that had two teenage-girl attendants hanging from windows out of both sides. I handed the money over to Kelli as we approached, wanting to make sure we were close enough that the young lady wouldn't fall out from over-extending herself.

let me pause here to announce that this is the point in our weekend excursion that i began an unplanned and inadvertant physics lesson.

it turns out that her falling out of the window was never really a possibility. newton's 1st law says that "An object at rest tends to stay at rest and an object in motion tends to stay in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless some force interferes with its motion." I proved this law as true. The booth, was an object at rest that was staying at rest. My Dodge Durango was an object in motion staying at the same speed and direction until another force interfered with its motion. that object that interfered with the motion was the parking booth and its two teenage girls occupying it.

The Durango's right front bumper made contact with the booth with about 2.7 miles per hour of acceleration behind it. My Dodge Durango weighs approximately 4632 pounds, with approximately 520 pounds of payload inside (don't spend too much time trying to figure how that all divides out), for a grand total of 5152 pounds. Now, according to mathematical formula explaining Newton's second law ("the greater the force, the greater the acceleration"), force = mass x acceleration. This means I hit that little booth with approximately 13,910.4 pounds of force.

Newton's Third law came into play at this point, which is "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." the action was striking the parking booth with 13,910.4 pounds of force. The equal and opposite reaction was the near implosion of the booth. Not I, but the Dodge Durango, knocked the whole thing approximately one foot off it's foundation, dislodging everything hanging dangerously from numerous rickety shelves, including a large fire extinguisher that dropped through the floorboards like an iron anchor on a rotted-out seafaring ship. Oh, and any energy difference that needed to be equalized was in fact accomplished through the two startled, bloodflow-halting screams of two teenage girl parking attendants.

Their shrieks of imminent doom quickly gave way to nervous laughter, once they realized their lives would continue. We apologized profusely and asked them to call the manager, to pay for any damages, as well as my high school honors physics teacher Mr. Field, well, just to brag that i finally understood what Newton was trying to say. The manager seemed nonplussed by it all, saying via walkie-talkie, "if no one's hurt, there's nothing much we can do." The young lady, who was no doubt re-thinking earlier claims that she had the best job in the park because it was low-responsibility, protected from the rain, and right in front of a small air conditioner every day, had to be reminded to take our parking monies.

we managed to park without further incident. but if you go to American Adventures and find the happenstance shack that was once surely a prop in a Smokey and the Bandit movie, but is now an askew parking booth, you will pass by the locale where the theory of physics finally entered my practical world.

do not adjust your television screen

this is not the end of your broadcast day...



it's a telescopic image of halley's comet. Something important happened to it, signified by this highly revealing image. Go here to try to decipher the event.

the travelling phenomenon will pass by again in 2062, when I'll be a spry 90 years old. I have a hunch i'll be lookin' heavenward pretty intently in those days (as I hopefully am these days), but not for the interplanetary rock.

i sing my version 'twinkle twinkle little star....'

Mark posts on the ABC controversy going on his his household. I have to say I'm on his bride's side on this one. I always thought the "tell me what you think of me" ending was a little pretentious, especially the older the child gets.

btw, i found this link through blogs for god, which i haven't linked to for quite a while....so here is a gratuitous link to remedy that dereliction of duty.

for future reference

while at Michele's, I saw this link to the history of the apocalypse.

print it out. tuck it away. maybe it can be used like an office football pool. winner gets bragging rights.

news that hits like a punch in the gut

kelli called me on the way to work today to tell me that the wife of a dear cousin killed herself last night. still awaiting more details, but their son is/was due to be married this weekend, and their daughter was married only about a month ago. please pray for my cousin and their adult children as they mourn, and seek wisdom on the best course of action.

thanks.

i'm not feeling so good

this is from vomit.com....C&P with w few edits....i'm just trying to provide a service, so you can retell your vomit experience in a new, creative way. If I missed something objectionable, let me know...there was a lot to catch here).

(whispered) "taste the rainbow..."
3 minutes to great abs
a belch too far
a chunder from down under (kiwi style- newzealand)
acid flavored stew
air the diced carrots
airing out one's gastric contents
airing out the oats
all things re-considered
anorexate
anything in quotes
baby food
barf
barfing belly-bombers
barfing up a lung
bark 'n park
barking at ants
bbrrrraaaaacccccckkkkkk!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
beat me
beeting
begging god while kneeling at the porcelain altar
being a translator for the united nations
being momma bird
belches with speedbumps
bhluuuugh
bile pile
bile surf
biolence
bit spit
blow beans
blow beet
blow chunks
blowing chow
blowing liquid kisses to the china goddess
blowing your biscuits
blowing your cookies
blue-cheese breath
bolus back up
bommel
boot
bouncing rubber food
bowel acid after dinner mint
bowing to the porcelain god
braaaaccchhhhhhhh!
bringing back the baby carrot
broar
brown
b-schpillendanoogets
bulemeate
bulemic symphony
bulimerize
burping churds
buuuuuuiiiiiccccck
call the dinosaurs
calling earl
calling huey
calling the dolphins
calling the irish -- you know o'rourke, o'rourke
carrot fountain
cashin' out the atm
cast up accounts
casting your vote
chamar juca
chemo gift
chewing backwards
chewing your cud
chmod
choke groceries
chowder chunder
christmas cheer
chuck
chuck-e-cookies!
chucking
chumming
chumming fish
chunder
chunder down
cockroach offering
conduct an internal audit
connecting the carrots
cough chunks
cough critters
cough up a furball
dancing with buckets
decorating porcelain
deja food
deja spew
deliver a copy of the starr report to the porcelain chamber
deliver a street pizza
delivering a bile baby
desecrate heaven
disgorge
doin' the buchanan acceptance speech
doin' the chunkeroo
downloading
drive the porcelain bus
driving the bus
earl
eating backwards
eeeeewww!
egest
embrace porcelain
feeding the fish
feeling chunderful
flash the hash!
food escape
food inspection
food recycler
freeing the tater tots from their gastric prison
from the stomach, past the gums, look out family here it comes!
gack'a'rack
gag-o-rama
gak
garfunkle
gargling the gouda
garp!
giving focus group feedback
giving it all you've got!
giving the sardines a better view
giving the toilet a message
gobble bobble
gorilla growl
gorking up the four food groups
gurgling stomach
gut flush
hanging a food rope
hanging chad
harf
have a laugh at the ground
have an accident
having an oral movement
having lunch the second time
hawking
heave
heave ho
heavin' the ho ho's
here's ralph! where's johnny?
hillary clinton
honk!
honkin'
hooark!!
hoover!
horfing
horizontal liquid grafitti
hork
hork some chunkeys
hose down the vault
hot lunch
howling at the moon
huey!!!
hugging the porcelain queen
hugging the porcelain receptical
hurl!!!
issuing a decree
it's a perfect 10 on the linda blair scale!!!!!
it's better the 2nd time
jenbec
jerking out your jujubees
karaoke
karencarpentry
kneel before the porcelain altar
kotsen (that's dutch)
kvas
lancer mes biscuits
last night's leftovers revisited
last night's leftovers revisited, revisited
laugh at the footpath
launch lunch
launching one's mcnuggets
l'barfo
leaving an offering on the big white altar
leaving trail markers
lego your eggo
letting it all come out
licking the ashtray
liquid laugh
loading up the doggy bag!!!
looking at the bottom of the bucket
looking real close for toilet bowl ring!
lung butter
macack
make an alimentary u-turn
makin' takeout
making a call to ralph! from europe!
making chow-mein
making gravy
making love to the porcelain
making sidewalk cookies
making street pizza
malign
marf
michael j. fox
miracle weight loss program
mouth diarrhea
mouth fart
negative chug
o the california roll
oncologic offering
opening ceremonies
oral target practice
overgeven (that's dutch)
oww (cantonese for vomit!)
participating in reverse gastronomy
pavement pizza
pbs-puke broadcasting system
perk
perversi
pitching your porridge
pizza margarita
power chunder
praising the porcelain goddess
pre-hangover post-bottle prayer
protein spill
puck
puke
purge product
purge!
ralph
ralph and earl going to europe in a buick
read my lips
re-checking your groceries
recycled meatloaf
re-doing lunch
refund
regreeting eating
regreeting your grits
regurgitating
relive dinner
rented lunch
retch
reverse chug
reverse gears
reverse peristalsis
revisiting the rhubarb
rewinding dinner
rodham
rolf
rolph, beulah, george 'n bjork!
rosco
round trip meal ticket
ruked
saving vince foster
saying goodbye to hurley
scream a rainbow
scream at the submarines
scream to the porcelain lord!
second course-pureed
secret of chemo diet success
selling buicks
selling buicks to chuck
sharing
sharing lunch with the dogs
sharing the wealth
shout at your shoes
show your breakfast
shunking
sick up
sidewalk pizza
slurp, burp, and urp
snarping
speaking in tongues
spew
spewburger
spilling a pizza
spilling cookies
spillout out your intestinal goodge
spitting tarts
splash
splurg
splurge
spout fruit
spray
spray painting the toilet
spuewwwwww
spuuuuuu
standing on a corner selling . . . buicks
stomach gravy
stomach surfing
strong
super deluxe reverse fooderator
supermodel'd
surfacing that last sub
surrendering your digestive fortitude
swill
taking the take-out out
taking your groceries for a swim
talkin' to th' little people
talkin' trash
talking head
talking in the big phone!
talking norwegian
talking on the great white telephone
talking on the porcelain telephone
talking to god on the big white phone!
talking to ralph on the big white phone
talking to the flowers. ...
talking to the seals
tastin' road kill
tear
technicolor yawn
thank
thanking the toilet
thar she blows!!!......
the big spit
the fountain of spewth
the gift that keeps on giving
the nose-mouth connection (when spewing milk)
the queen's christmas message
the supermodel sound-off
the willies
throw a map
throw the old man out
throw up
throwibg cheezeballs
throwin' groceries
tomorrow's breakfast
toss your cookies
tossing what is good in this world
total recall
touched by the goddess
uncivil forfeiture of the stroganoff
uncle dick
upchuck
uploading
url
urp, slop, bring the mop!
urrrp!
val
vamit amita
vem
verp
visiting hackensack
vomit
vomit ink blot test
vomit master
vomita
vomiturition
vomitus
vote brak
vote your conscience
vuelvo el estomago
waltzing with ralph and earl
wharfing
whistling beef
whork a chunk
woof
working the abs
worshipping at the temple of overindulgence
worshipping the porcelain buddha
wretch
wretch gag splat
yak
yarp
yelling new york at the sidewalk
yogurt flush
you just said a mouthful

< mr. miyagi >ahhh....daniel-san< /mr. miyagi >

i've seen this at a couple of sites...so i'll link to none of them.

instead, waste a few precious moments trying to catch flies with your chopsticks.

subscription woes continue

after seeing an "all clear" on my bloglet subscription last night, I went to bed with comforted hopes of seeing the email this morning ensuring all subscribers would be receiving the daily reminder.

alas, 'twere not there.

and i've got the big "error" sign back up....with no explanation as to what my posted error means.

your patience is much appreciated.

today's anxiety

I'm wearing another pair of Keith's socks. They look exactly like yesterday's pair, except for the base color is dark blue, not black. I'm a little concerned that people will think I'm recycling socks.

also, the boxers I'm wearing today bear a strikingly similar pattern to the polo shirt I wore yesterday. I can't imagine anyone discovering this, but I'm even more concerned than this than I am about the socks, that somebody will, and think that the two items were purchased as a set.

coming soon to lifetime entertainment for womenTM

Jen recently asks, "what makes a 'chick flick?'

I agree with a lot of what is presented at her site, except for every single assertion that seems to betray the yang to the chick flick's yin, which is of course, "guy movies." Air Force One, Gladiator, and Braveheart are unmistakably guy movies. If people are being thrown out of supersize jet planes, body parts are being dismembered on screen, or if blood actually splatters on the movie camera at any time, it is, by definition, a guy movie. women are welcome to watch, if they're able to stomach it, but it's not a chick flick, no matter how hunky chunky the leading monkey happens to be.

There also seems to be an ambiguous cinematic realm out there, where it is difficult to ascertain whether or not a movie is primarily estrogen- or testorone-inclined. I think the term 'hermaphroditic' is probably a bit strong, so i'll instead lean toward 'androgynous.' "The Princess Bride" seems (inappropriately) to fall into this category. Some want to argue toward chickflickiness simply because there's a great romance involved. But it is impossible to have a movie about conflagratory rodentia, a six-fingered sword-wielding henchman, and perhaps the greatest line ever before battle -- "'Allo! My name is Inigo Montoya. You kill my father....prepare to die!!!" -- and still confuse this for a chick flick. This is definite guy movie material. Just like when testing for food allergies and you can get false positives, but not false negatives, you can get lots of false positives that might cause you to mistakenly assume a movie is a chick flick, but when the qualities show up that reveal a negative, it must go into the 'guy movie' side of the ledger. And as far as The Princess Bride is concerned....it comes up negative on the estrogen-covered litmus test.

With this stated, I'll give you a representative list of girlie girl movies. This comes from over a decade of fidelity to my lovely bride who tends to like this genre of movie. And from time to time, I'll join her, to show what a Sensitive Guy^® I really am.

Hope Floats -- but my attention span drowns
While you were sleeping -- this movie droned on
divine secrets of the yaya sisterhood -- don't you mean 'the yada yada yada sisterhood?'
two weeks notice -- are we beginning to notice a trend? oh, bullocks!
Steel Magnolias -- "The" chick movie, according to Kelli
Terms of Endearment -- CF, Old School Style
Whatever the sequel to Terms of Endearment Was -- able to squeeze a little more sap out of that weeping willow.
When Harry met Sally -- The inauguration of Queen Meg to the CF Throne (sponsored by International Flavors Coffee, of course)
When a Man loves a woman -- didn't even have humor to redeem it.
Sleepless in Seattle -- but not on my couch while this thing is on for the 1800th time
You've got Mail -- AKA "Now You Owe Me 'Saving Private Ryan'"
The Wedding Planner -- Jenny from the Block taps into a formula
Maid in Manhattan -- actually, in Hollywood's Recyclable Schlock Factory
How to Lose A Guy in 10 Days -- or a snoozing spouse in 10 minutes.
Alex & Emma -- Any time a title is of the names of the two in a couple, guys -- you're doomed.
Kate & Leopold -- see above. it doesn't matter if the dude is 200 years old -- you're still doomed.
Hanging Up -- I tried. They kept calling back.
IQ -- dumb and dumbererer.
Addicted to Love -- that's why these movies sell.
French Kiss -- I'm still boycotting the Frogs.
Pretty Woman -- rich guy falls in love with a whore. yeah, that's beautiful. just like cinderella. except for the whore part.
my best friend's wedding -- there's a reason why the guys won't date you when you're a neurotic obsessive shrew.
dying young -- the best case yet for assisted suicide.
Never Been Kissed -- nothing like painting young male educators as a bunch of pervs after schoolgirls.
Home Fries -- beautiful. white trash love. beautiful.

well, like i said. it's just a partial list. i'm exhausted. I think i need a good cry.

its all about having a good attitude, buster

c&p humor:
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott." "That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope." "That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on
this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the man again came in for his regular haircut. The barber asked him about his trip to Rome. "It was wonderful," explained the man, "not only were we on time in one of TWA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a beautiful 28 year old stewardess who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel-it was great! They'd just finished a $25 million remodeling job and now it's the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us the presidential suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the barber, "I know you didn't get to see the pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, for as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder and explained that the pope likes to personally meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait the pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later the pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down as he spoke a few words to me." "Really?" asked the Barber. "What'd he say?"

He said, "Where'd you get the terrible haircut?"

remembering Mac

It was a year ago on August 28, that my uncle Gene died unexpectedly from a brain aneurism. Over the weekend, my aunt Nancy spread his ashes atop a mountain at Elk Run Ranch, where he was the ranch manager for several years, after a long career at the helm at Saddle Mountain Ranch (both of which are just outside of Steamboat Springs, Colorado). Joining her were my mom and dad, my grandma Marge, and several members of Nancy's family. My aunt Marcella was unable to attend because she is still recovering from the West Nile Virus, and my uncle Loyd was also unable to be there.

I've been praying that this will bring some closure to Nancy, in what had to be the most difficult year of her life. I don't have a memory of my uncle Gene that does not include Nancy. They really were a very special couple. Gene, as I may have mentioned a time or two, is easily the closest person I've ever lost. Many times a week, I'll find myself thinking of him. Whether it be a joke he told (and there were many), hearing a story that he had retold 800 times (as is habitual in our family, especially legends of the hunt), or sometimes even the way I'll notice something that he would have appreciated.

Watching my uncle die was difficult because it was the first time easily-taken-for-granted expectations of his presence suddenly taken away from me. And the reasons for which I mourn have little to do with me any more. I cherish those precious memories that remain. The warmth of his laughter can still bring a smile to my face, and venture it will for all my days to come. But I mourn for my father, in losing his brother and best friend. I mourn for my grandmother, in having to witness the death of her son. I mourn for my aunt, whose entire world must be recreated. I mourn for my children, who will never know first-hand the joy of spending time with Gene. I fear that even my oldest daughter Kaylyn will possess but hazy recollections of a man who was so very special to so very many people.

I had the honor and privelege to be with my uncle in his final moments of his life. After the doctors failed in their effort to repair the aneurism, he suffered several debilitating strokes. He was unable to speak or acknowledge us. Yet, each time I prayed for him and each time I read the Scriptures in his presence, tears flowed freely from his eyes. My fervent prayer was that the Holy Spirit would communicate with him and he would be able to respond. My uncle Gene would never be confused for a religious man, so I wouldn't want to mislead anyone with that type of representation. But on that final day, I received the most tremendous peace that the Lord had answered my prayer.

Gene, like many of us in the McAnally clan, was known most popularly as "Mac." To some, he was "The Marlboro Man." To others, he was the living definition of a cowboy. But to those of us who were closest to him, he was a husband, a brother, a son, an uncle, and a friend. And our lives are better for having been for a time connected to his.

Our cousin Jay wrote a song commemorating Gene. While the theology isn't real solid, the sentiment is sincere and sweet:

Mac's Song
I'll be here in Colorado
The spots upon the fawn
The late frost in the Spring
Dew's glitter on the lawn
I'm everything
Part of everything I love and I have known
I'm every thing I"ll be a part of your forever more.

Chorus
In the winter I'll dance across the mountains
In the spring I'll be the cloud above
In the summer I'll be the breeze that cools you
But I'll always be the one you love
Don't weep for me again our time will come
Don't wait for me your journey isn't done

I'll be the tallest aspen
The whisper in the trees
The blue bird when it sings
The misty sky above
I'm everything
Part of everything I love and I have known
I'm everything I'll be a part of you forever more

Chorus

Like arms wrapped all around me
I'll feel your endless love
As long as you remember
The ways we laughed and loved
I'm everything
Part of everything I love and I have known
I'm everything I'll be a part of you forever more

Chorus

OF all I hold precious
From the start until the end
Are teh times I spend around you
YOu could always make me grin
I'm everything
Part of everything I love and I have known
I'm everything I'll be a part of you forever more

Chorus

When you're here in Colorado
I'll be here, its where I live
Know that when you think about me
That in you I will live
I'm everything
Part of everything I love and I have known
I'm everything I'll be a part of you forever more

Chorus

When your journey's over
and the Lord has let you in
Join me here in Colorado
Where our eternity will begin
We'll be everything
Part of everything we love and we have known
We'll be everything everything forever more.

28 days later

here's a zombie infection simulator. do with it what you will. i don't mean to be an alarmist, but the potential for zombie infestation seems to be a lot more of a pressing problem than anything else we've got on the slate, if this simulator is even close to accurate.

thanks to Steven Wills for the link.

and don't pee in the sink

an absent-minded custodial services technician mistakenly placed a package of disposable toilet liners in the hand-towel dispenser.

i didn't notice until I had a handful of wet toilet liner soggily crumpled between two damp hands.

despite its absorbancy it just felt icky, due to its Kleenex^®-like consistency.

"Oh, this is nice," I said no nobody and everybody simultaneously.

somone laughed at me from a closed stall.

sung to the tune of the birds and the bees

michelle at a small victory has a funny post about the a confusing conversation between parent and child. read, too, the comments for another on a startling conversation about sex. Bill Clinton could have used this argument in his deposition much more convincingly than trying to define the word "is."

coincidental help

recently, i was trying to share with kelli a quote i had heard, but couldn't attribute. Right We Are has said quote listed on their page:

Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has no heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
-- Winston Churchill

i'm 31.

another important change in procedure

today was my last day of the Suave styling gel experiment^TM. Tomorrow, I'll be returning to the Sculpting gel.

you may adjust your personal notes accordingly.

one to grow on

"We desire peace. But peace is a goal, not a policy. Lasting peace is what we hope for at the end of our journey. It doesn't describe the steps we must take nor the paths we should follow to reach that goal."

--Ronald Reagan

from The Federalist

sung to the tune of vogue

today i'll be wearing the first of four pairs of dress socks, purchased over the weekend from Kroger's grocery store, at the cost investment of $1.99 apeice.

The brand name is Keith Daniels. It says on the upper left hand corner, "Keith Daniels men's cotton dress socks."

so maybe it isn't the brand name. Maybe they really are Keith's socks. His address is listed on the back. maybe i'll send him a letter asking if he wants them back.

please forgive me

i was made aware that a link below wasn't correct.

i didn't change it.

sorry.

i wasn't alone

i was just reading my lockergnome email (and you should subscribe, too, if you're at all interested in technology) and they just made an announcement of the return of bloglet.

so it wasn't just my subscription that was messed up.

that both comforts and concerns me.

mooovin the milk

here's a nice little game you can play to wear out your space bar...but watch out for the exploding cattle.

fixed?

i think i fixed the bloglet subscription problem. but we'll not know until tomorrow morning's email arrives.

let me know if you (who subscribe that is) do or do not receive this in your inbox.

thanks.

sung to the tune of should i stay or should i go

i'm contemplating swapping over from blogspot to my own server, with my own domain name. i get 10 mb on my bellsouth account with my dsl. is that adequate? should i just leave well enough alone? give me wisdom, those who are willing to share.

bryan mcanally, intrepid blogger, checking in

this blog entry is to just give evidence that i did not electrocute myself as i replaced our dining room light fixture.

sung to the tune of a dream is a wish your heart makes.

charlie bronson died today.

wish fulfilled.

is that insensitive?

if so...so sorry.

you know, what kind of testimony is your life when television viewers have to tell their children not to watch the screen because of all the people you were shown to have "killed" in your movies? I understand the line between reality and fiction (and at times I wonder if i'm the only one who still does), but his life is known by the fiction, which i think is just more than a little bit sad.

and the presurfian trifecta

i recently confessed to loving the 70's, despite being a loving child of the 80s.

i stand in direct opposition to this guy, who hates everything about the decade that brought us Huey Lewis & The News, Parachute Pants, Footloose, and tshirts with oversized fonts reminding us that "Frankie says Relax."

a quick message for the democrats

please, join the masses who have switched for dean.

< "precious moments eyes" >< doe-like innocence >i promise i have no ulterior motive whatsoever....i really believe he is the best candidate for the democrat's presidential nomination < /doe-like innocence > < /"precious moments" eyes" >

thanks again to presurfer.

so it really doesn't matter that i like the village people?

according to this test, I am not homosexual.

i'd say that its the fact that i'm married to a woman, never been attracted to a male, never dated a male is what would identify me as heterosexual...but okay.

thanks to presurfer for the link.

rif

did anyone else ever take part in a Reading Is Fun program as a kid?

I had become an avid reader as a child, mostly through my dad reading through the Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings trilogy to my brother and me, each night before we went to bed. I was one of those dorky little guys who had a bedside flashlight that I'd fire up after bedtime and crawl under the covers to read an entire Hardy Boys mystery. I don't know how many times I'd hear "turn off your flashlight and go to bed, Bryan!" Every time my mom hollared that at me I was amazed that she knew I was still awake.

I can remember my first read-a-thon. I was in the 4th grade and I was in an advanced reading program along with one other kid in my class. Mrs. Garrett announced the read-a-thon where we were supposed to get people to pledge a certain amount for every book we read. I don't remember where the money actually went, but I have a vague recollection that I mistakenly assumed that I would be receiving the money because I had gone to all the work of gathering pledges and reading all the books. Regardless of who ended up the beneficiary of this literary equivalent to sweat-shop labor, I was motivated. I knew that Kevin (my friend/nemesis) would be very busy, so I had lots of work to do on both ends.

I immediately began hitting the pavement and knocking on neighborhood doors (unsupervised too, I might add -- a thought of allowing my own children to do that today absolutely terrifies me). I remember that our next door neighbor refused to sponsor me. I think this was my motivation to begin shoveling our dogs' droppings into their yard whenever i had pooper scooper duties in our own. And up the street and around the corner I remember knocking on one door and literally being stunned speechless by the beauty of the woman who answered the door. I could take you to her exact door to this very day, though I couldn't tell you a single thing about what she looked like, other than she had dark brown hair. I remember that she opened up the door and greeted me with a friendly smile. I had my pledge sheet in one and and a pencil in the other, and my lower jaw hanging like the hinge had just broken. After what must have been an extremely uncomfortable silence, she asked, "may I help you?" This primed the pump of my mental circuitry, for I answered, "uh...yeah...i'ma....yeah...uhhhh..." and thrust both the paper and the pencil to her. She by this point thought I was a Special Olympian, and sympathetically took both from me and wrote quickly filled a pledge.

$2 per book!

looking back, I should have recognized that I had stumbled on to quite a formula for making some serious money. but i didn't. I managed to thank her, standing agape at her door for at least five minutes after she had shut it and had returned to her regular day.

here's what else I remember from that first read-a-thon:

i got the most pledges for the whole 4th grade.

i read the most books for the whole 4th grade.

i spent that spring spending hours upon hours in the library, reading 3,4,5,6 books a day. And I'm not talking about these little 32 page pulp mill products with 10 words on a page and giant pictures. I was reading Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH, Charlotte's Web, SuperFudge...you know, real books. I rocked! Well, as much as a fourth grade reading dork can rock, that is.

And I remember that when it really comes down to it, many adults who pledged a certain amount of financial reward for every book you read change their tune when you come knocking on their door announcing that you read 217 books. This is when they declare that the real reward should be the gain of knowledge that comes from reading 217 books, or that they don't believe that i read 217 books, or that there is no stinking way they're going to pay anything more than 5 cents a book when the total is 217 books.

yessir....i learned a lot from RIF.

and i learned that even a stunningly beautiful lady won't pay, when she feels like a victim of a bait-and-switch prepubescent scam artist.

oh, and by the way, this little trip down memory lane was inspired by the discovery of Planet PDF's Free E-book Classics.

guess who's been watching i love the 70s?

highlights:

i want tuna. i want liver. i want chicken. please deliver.

i write the songs that make the whole world sing.

they weeble and they wobble but they won't fall down.

a-b-c....1-2-3....

Captain......CAAAAAAVEMAAAAAAN!!!!

This is it (this is it)....one day at a time da da da....

Sit on it, Potsy.

Like a Rhinestone Cowboy....

Squeal like a piggy! Squeeeeeeall!

Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree....

Cellllabrate good times c'mon!

This is How-ard Co-sell

Sweeeeet Caroline....

ahhhhh....good times....good times....

check out VH1 for a whole mess of 70s fun, from ratable photo albums to trivia games, and even ideas for throwing a retro party.

somebody tell me, what kind of mojo is this cable channel working to get us all so nostalgic for the age of bell bottoms, the Carpenters, Pet Rocks, and Richard Nixon?

it must be the hallucinogenica.

motocyclophobia

i don't know if that's a real word, but if it is, i have it.

i'm not afraid of motorcycles in the sense that i go screaming like that girl from Christine at the sight of a Mo-ped

(although the thought of a renegade senior on an out-of-control Scrambler strikes a tad bit of fear into me)



but yes, I do have a slight fear of motorcycles.

enough of one that I'll never own one, much less mount one for recreational travel.

I think it stems from a time when I was very young -- five years old to be precise -- when I was visiting my Uncle Gene and Aunt Nancy with my parents and brother. It wasn't a big deal, they lived in Craig at the time, as did we. But Gene & Nance had recently purchased a billiards table, which was a good enough reason in 1977 to have a party. Coincidentally, my Uncle's fraternal twin brother Loyd, who not coincidentally is also my uncle, had recently visited and painted a scenic vista on his twin's motor cycle gas tank. I don't remember what the picture was, but I remember being impressed enough that while they were all inside engaged in a scientific study of the effects of one's ability to calculate the geometric trajectory of billiard balls while under the influence of Black Velvet, Pepsicola and the Moody Blues, I was undeniably compelled to run my hand over the surface of the gas tank.

oooh pretty.....

little did I know that the Yamaha Street Cycle of 1977 apparently had a little known safety device on the gas tank that caused the the bike to tip clumsily over upon the perpetrator, if said perpetrator tripped said safety device by the act of delicately running his tiny five-year-old hand across its surface.

quicker than I could say "Ponch & John!" I was pinned under that bike like a prize mammoth butterfly in an entomologist's display box.



i was unhurt, other than my shattered psyche that a quarter century later still keeps me from gettin' my motor runnin' to head out on the highway, lookin' for adventure....you know, what ever comes my way....

i was discovered about 45 minutes later, i think as someone from inside was making another run to the liquor store.

its times like this, when i reflect back on times like those, that i thank God once again for His grace and mercy.

anyway, i tell you all this to say (and show), that if i weren't lilly-white scared of motorcycles, and were wealthy enough to indulge myself, this would be the bike of my choice:



this harley looks like its going 95 sittin' there parked with the kickstand down. that, my friends, is a cool lookin' bike.

so cool that it has chased me away into the corner of my own basement, where I am tucked into a fetal coil, typing this blog using a broom stick to hammer on the keys from a distance.

thanks to fireant for the link to the bike. and for giving me nightmares for days to come.

cool discovery of the day!

my brother commented on my site!

i love watching football with my bro, because he makes me look quite sane by comparison.

here's a prediction Jameson...

its going to be a long, long season....for all our teams.

bloglet problems

i don't know why nobody is getting their subscription.

bloglet won't work, nor return my email queries.

i'll search for alternatives soon.

sorry for the messups

and a thought as I depart for ecclesiastical gatherings

I have a great need for Christ; I have a great Christ for my need.
--Some guy named Spurgeon

on a related note

I have issues with...

water walls genetics drugs gender

Take Word Association Test

I really don't have a problem with water. I just didn't understand the test at the very beginning, and it took me a couple seconds to figure where to place the word.

I guess I have a problem with walls. I generally am in favor of them, when it comes to having four of them to support the roof over my head. I am, however against walls when it comes to the church, society, and our political system.

again, mixed reviews on genetics. Positively, I am my father's son (spiritually and biologically). Negatively, I don't believe in Engineering for a better Tomorrow through Eugenics.

once more mixed opinions on drugs. they truly are the good, the bad, and the ugly.

and we all now know how I feel about 'gender.'

thanks to dizzy girl for the link.

veddy veddy intuhesding

thanks to jaboobie, I went to the gender genie and had my previous blog c&p'd to let it guess if I were male or female.

it was right.

although it is an irritant of mine that gender is not "male or female." Gender is "masculine or feminine." Sex is "male or female." But we are so afraid to say "sex" that we have instead replaced it with "gender."

another irritant is the term "pet peeve." I don't know why. it just is.

anyway, the "gender genie" predicts it will be right 80% of the time. But its stats show an accuracy of barely over 50%.

and I'm curious to know why the word "the" is a masculine keyword....

rush is right, but dennis miller is funnier

mr. limbaugh, on the kiss^®:

here you have these two young women, dressed like sluts, dancing like whores, acting like lesbians.

and dennis miller, who filled in for Sean Hannity on the radio on Friday:

the creepiest thing for me is that these two girls had to kiss a grandma in front of all those people

hmmm...that sounds familiar.

how big of a dork am I for wanting to call both of these personalities, wanting to point them to the agreeing insight provided on my blog?

don't answer that.

observation #1: every time I speak or write the term "answer that," I have the mental replay of Yanni Gogolak from The Whole Nine Yards saying "are you gonna ansver that?"

observation #2: by and large, D.Miller did a good job filling in. I continue to be startled and amazed by his conservative turn. But he relies on his established bits the way Vincent Van Gogh would've relied on a Miracle Ear. If I listen to him say one more time say, "The USA is right now simultaneously the most feared, respected, admired & loathed country in the world. In short, it is the Frank Sinatra of the world. And if Chairman of the Board didn't earn his chops rolling over for the yada yada yada.....,"

well, maybe I do need to hear it one more time so I'll actually remember the rest of the quote.

His best lines? "The Clinton marriage couldn't be more about convenience if there was a rack of Slim Jims and a Slurpee machine installed at the end of their bed." and "If Bill Clinton was any more 'low rent,' he'd be a Spring Break destination."

theology/technology dorkdom celebration!

dr. mohler, man of recent note, has his own blog!

very cool.

Thanks to avoiding evil for the alert.

five personal questions for Michael

1. a two parter: what is your opinion of the 10 Commandments Embroglio^®? and, how will the sequel play out in Missouri?

2. what has been the most frightening step of faith you've ever taken?

3. please offer the five most revealing aspects of your personality, via the various results of Quizilla profiles:

4. what are the both the best and worst accomplishments of former Missouri politico John Ashcroft since he's been in Attorney General?

5. Another two-parter: What was your motivation for posting your pic at hot or not? and, how do you think the masses have done in rating you?

meet the press

and here's the Baptist Press article about our recent budget and staff reductions at NAMB.

al mohler agrees with me

Dr. Mohler is president of Southern (SBC) seminary, in Kentucky, and a leading voice for the denomination. He's of the same mind as me in regard to the 10 commandments Embroglio^®

chirp chirp chirp chirp chirp

we've got a cricket in our basement.

and it's seranading me, to the tune of "old freezer motor about to break down."

we got spirit yes we do

CU won!

I confess, I wasn't really optimistic. In fact, when they quickly fell behind 7-0, I contemplated not even watching.

Then Kelsi started clapping every time CSU scored. How did she know to do that?

I'm still concerned that this year won't be that great of one for the Buffs, because their defense seems to have the resolve of the Iraqi National Republic Guard. And their running game needs to make significant improvements...quickly.

I don't know if this means I'm not a great fan, but I turned off the television when they had a lightning delay and CU leading 35-21. I think what it really means is that I'm getting older and the pigskin sport doesn't hold the sway on me that it once did (although my beloved will probably disagree who reminded the children at my first "GET THAT BALL!," "it's okay children...we're at the time of year when daddy shouts at the television a lot."