cotter's prayer

I'll do my best to recite it verbatim, because it was such a blessing to hear it:

Dear Jesus
thank you for my family
for giving me a good one.
thank you for loving me
you love me so much
as much as I love you
you are my God
Satan thinks he is the lord
but You are the only Lord for Us
help me do the right thing
and give me a good night's sleep
in Jesus' name
amen

the prayer of a four year old has been the most profound I've heard in a while.

I praise God for this lesson tonight.

what a joke-off

so many to choose from:
1. wow, four jokers in this deck!
2. not playing with a full deck
3. there's five million shiites waiting to cut the deck
4. a loaded deck
5. aces are low
6. fool's poker

and on and on and on....

aside -- this is one item I would buy on ebay. how long will it be before its available?

pullin' in to the station

Little Eva, original singer of Loco-motion, pulled into life's final destination today, dying after a long fight with cervical cancer.

Debbie Gibson sent her condolences, and gratitude for providing a hit for my generation of big-haired teenage mallrats.

a good post

by randy. I applaud him for his last paragraph.

hmm...who said this?

The reservoir of good will and trust engendered by the tenor and nature of the coverage of the war in Iraq is helping us all to see that the government of Johnson, Nixon and Clinton is not the government of George W. Bush. This government is one that we can, increasingly, grudgingly, guardedly trust.

--Dick Morris, former advisor to Bill Clinton

Michael Moore hired as Clinton Aide

Bill Clinton was soundly booed at a recent Willie Nelson concert, which apparently angered him and led him to comment on the 'angry republicans.' This shows me that he still just doesn't get it. And the liberals want to say President Bush is the stupid one.

Read the article to look at the spin his aide tried to put on the situation.

clearing up the confusion

Two days ago, at a democratic presidential forum where all the candidates tried to convince the AFL-CIO-types that they weren't a bunch of lazy, rich, two-faced fops, and really did support our troops, Sen. Joe Lieberman yelled out to a largely unbelieving audience, "My hopes and prayers are that today will forever be known as 'V.I. Day.'"

That night, Lieberman was found at the local Village Inn restaurant, dining on Triple Berry Pie with his wife. "Every Wednesday is Half-Priced Pie Night at Village Inn. I hope this never changes," he said, apologizing for any confusion his statement may have caused.

profundity from Mikey's daily funnies

One day on the way home from church a little girl turned to her mother and said, "Mommy, the preacher's sermon this morning confused me."

The mother said, "Oh! Why is that?

The girl replied, "Well, he said that God is bigger than we are. Is that true?"

"Yes, that's true," the mother replied.

"He also said that God lives within us. Is that true too?"

Again the mother replied, "Yes."

"Well," said the girl. "If God is bigger than us and he lives in us, wouldn't He show through?"

you can't spell disenfranchised without FRANCE

have you heard about the Iraqi man who shouted to the TV camera, "I'm changing my name to Chirac because he brought me freedom?"

me either.

that's because it didn't happen.

But I have heard of men renaming themselves Bush and Blair.

not only does France not belong in the rebuilding process, but Chirac should be prosecuted for aiding and supporting terrorism.

you can't spell unnecessary without U.N.

a good editorial on the UN's loss of moral legitimacy

and another thing

we should recruit this guy to take part in a no-holds-barred, last-man-standing cage match with Saddam, Usay or Ippyday Hussein -- or all three -- should any or all be found alive.

Or to sign him up as a new Hollywood action star. I bet you'd never hear him bad-mouthing the Land of the Free!

on LITV (part 2)

translated from Liberated Iraq TV: "We of the Roayl Britain Armed Services were pleased and honored to join with the brave troops of the United States in the dutiful action of bringing the glorious light of liberty to the Iraqi people. For those of you unable to redeem your ticket stubs at a San Antonio Taco Bell, we've also made arrangements to exchange your stubs at any Picadilly Pete's Fish & Chips for a free Captain's Platter with the purchase of a regular size Coca Cola. Thank You and God save the Queen."

on LITV (part 1)

translation upon Liberated Iraq TV: "We came to liberatize the civilitarians from the malevilous opressorship of the Saddam Hussein Regime. If you hold a ticket stub from our military's thorough butt-stompin', it can be redeemed for a free large burrito supreme at any local San Antonio Taco Bell. Thank you and God Bless America."

sung to the tune of satisfaction

this is the military equivalent of the coach being dowsed by gatorade.

its all about who you know

Bryan McAnally got a resolution from the Texas House of Representatives commemorating his birthday.

a different Bryan McAnally. for his 12th birthday.

and I'll bet he didn't even appreciate it the way I would have.

ann coulter sings evenflow

she adds her two cents on Eddie Vedder's conduct in a Front Page Magazine article:

Weeks after the Dixie Chicks imploded, Pearl Jam singer Eddie Vedder showed he's still got a way with words by repeatedly smashing a George W. Bush mask against the stage during a concert. Predictable heckling and booing broke out – robust even by Pearl Jam concert standards. Vedder asked in astonishment: "You're booing the story, right? You're not booing me?" Published claims that dozens of fans walked out at this point seem dubious, since that would require Pearl Jam's fan base to still number in the dozens.

Vedder continued with a rambling diatribe against the free speech of his audience, during which he announced – in a worldwide exclusive – that next year Americans will no longer be allowed to speak. When someone yelled at him to shut up, Vedder shouted down the dissenters with a microphone and 50,000 amps, saying, "I don't know if you heard about this thing called freedom of speech, man." This qualified as one of the most profound public statements ever punctuated with the term "man."

Soon, Vedder was backpedaling faster than a Dixie Chick: "Just to clarify ... we support the troops." To prove it, he cited his short haircut: "How could we not be for the military? I mean, look at this [expletive] haircut." Vedder said his remarks had been "misconstrued." The band issued a statement saying Vedder was just talking about "freedom of speech."

sung to the tune of waiting for a girl like you

From WSJ best of the web

On March 6, Fox News Channel aired a Bill O'Reilly interview with Janeane Garafalo:

O'Reilly: If you are wrong . . . and if the United States--and they will, this is going to happen--goes in, liberates Iraq [with] people in the street, American flags, hugging our soldiers . . . you gonna apologize to George W. Bush?

Garafalo: I would be so willing to say, "I'm sorry." I hope to God that I can be made a buffoon of, that people will say, "You were wrong. You were a fatalist." And I will go to the White House on my knees on cut glass and say, "Hey, you and Thomas Friedman [sic] were right. . . . I shouldn't have doubted you" . . .

O'Reilly: Nobody will call you a buffoon because I will protect you.

Garafalo: Thank you, sir.

[pollyanna]I'm am so looking forward to that press conference.[/pollyanna]

today in history

a great surrender.

scene of a fierce battle

Thanks to Tony for the image link.



Yeah, I'd say things are under control.

recent disappointments

in a blog that is sure to lead some to ask, "just how does Bryan spend his time?"

I've discovered:

Diet Coke with Lemon tastes like Madge slipped some Palmolive into my no-calorie carbonated carmelized beverage. I can barely gag it down, but my hands sure are smooth, and my pots and pans have never looked cleaner.

Old Spice High Endurance Clear Gel Antiperspirant & Deodorant is not as effective as a product as, say, Borax soap powder or Arm & Hammer Baking Powder applied to one's armpits. On a positive note, though, at their website, I learned which three US Cities are the sweatiest. And don't think I'm going to tell you which they are -- you have to follow the link. I will say this: Don't mess with Texas. Cuz its sweaty down there.

Frito Lay Cool Guacamole Potato Chips are neither cool, nor authentically guacamole-ish. And they've been powdered a disturbingly green, which masks mold, I fear. Unfortunately, there is no web link for this product, but I did find a FAQ list for the company. There is some seriously good reading to be found here, which is nearly compensatory for the inferior flavor of this chip.

another episode of too big for my britches

and "entertainer" Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam recently wore a George Bush mask during a concert in Denver, and later impaled it with his microphone stand and stomped on it until flattened, later citing "creative expression."

I can barely fathom how much idiocy it requires to creatively express one's opposition to the figurehead of a peaceloving freedom bringing nation.

Maybe his act of petulance is somewhat like what I watched on TV as the Iraqi people cheered the toppling of Saddam's statue.

Yes, its the exact same thing.

Only complete opposite in every single imaginable way possible.

His angst-ridden act wore thin about ten years ago, the last time Pearl Jam made a good album. Their first album defined my college experience. But I grew up. Now it's your turn.

Who I really feel sorry for is the poor schlups who paid overpriced tickets to have to watch his creatively expressed anti-americanism.

No, I guess I don't, really. They probably got what they paid for. Too many of them probably walked out saying, while nodding pseudo-intellectually:

"wow, that was really brave.
"Yeah, man. Brave."
"Yeah, man. Brave."
"Yeah. Did you just say the Braves are playing?"
"Yeah, man. The Braves. Dude, did we smoke all that pot?"
"Yeah, man. we did. we're brave."

so funny I forgot to laugh

Oh, now I see that Natalie Maines, Blixie Chix mouthpeice, was only joking.

Of her statement that she was ashamed our president is from Texas, she told a New Zealand paper, "It was a joke and it wasn't planned. And it was really funny at the time. It got lots of cheers, and that's what it was meant for. You see the trouble that you can get into if you speak religion or politics. It gets people very upset."

Ohhhhh...so it's our fault for not having a sense of humor. HAHAHAHAhahahahh....Now I get it. You are ashamed. Because the president is from Texas. And you are from Texas. And He believes in liberty for all people. And you apparently don't. That IS funny. Hilarious! What was I thinking?

So as her two fiddlin' filly friends see their sales drop by 40 percent because of her attempt at "stand up and speak out", they surely wish she'd sit down and shut up. This was one joke that went over like a pregant pole-vaulter.

The real punchline of this joke will be in ten years, at the express line at a Texas Grocer, where Ms. Maines will say to custormer after customer, "Howdy, I'm a Winn-Dixie Chick. Will this be paper or plastic today?"

coming out of the closet

Supporters of our troops, our country, our cause:

Adam Sandler
Ron Silver
Dennis Miller
Tiger Woods
Lance Armstrong
Travis Trit

who else?

and you are?

seems like France is of the mind that the UN should be in charge once the US and Britain finish what we've come to accomplish. That makes sense: follow up a resounding, historic victory by putting Le Keystone Kops in charge. We've given you a job you can handle. Pass around the baguettes to the oppressed and starving citizens of Iraq and quit griping about not getting to stick your greasy cheese-stained hands in the power pot.

Seems to me that they left their invite for a 'say-so' behind when they chose to follow the doomed path of appeasement. Now, I'm not sad to say, not many people care what those croissant-munching subversion monkeys have to say. Except for other croissant-munching subversion monkeys.

'nuff said

parenting 101

tonight at supper, Kaylyn asked my why we have so many dogs since there were only two on the ark.

I proceeded to explain basic genetics, using diagramatic examples.

I'm not sure I made a connection.

surprise of the day

Dr. Kenneth Hemphill seminary of Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary, is resigning. It appears he's taking a gig with the denomination as the national strategist for Empowering Kingdom Growth, a new emphasis for our 19 million-member family.

Dr. Hemphill is a visionary, and I look forward to the same type of results that God brought to SWBTS through his ministry there for nine years.

This also means interesting days await at "the hill."

Iraq dispatch of the day

via WSJ best of....

This from the Omaha World Herald -- Gloria Pressnall received a phone call from her son, who is fighting in Iraq:

"I'm always worried when the phone rings," she said.

Her son, Lt. Col. Mike Presnell, was on a TV reporter's satellite phone, saying he was in Saddam's gold-plated bathroom.

"He told me that he was going to wash his hair and brush his teeth in Saddam's private bathroom," Gloria Presnell said. "The only thing I could say to him was, 'I hope you use your own toothbrush.'"

not a bunny (or a body) to be found

a cool flash presentation on the resurrection.

thanks to Hope McShan.

talk about a fixer-upper

you've heard about a needle in a haystack?

this is called, "find a mustache in a rubble-pile."

overheard in the restaurant that day: "Saddam, it looks like you've got a lot on your shoulders."

by the way

I'm posting right now because I can't sleep. My mind is filled with exciting thoughts for the future (cue Conan O'Brien's In The Year 2000 skit song. I'm putting them down on paper (and p.c.) now, lest they escape in the night. In a few hours, I'll pass them in front of the thorough review of sanity that is my wife. If they still look good in the light of day, we'll see what happens.

sung to the tune of and the walls came tumblin' down

We dropped 4 2k-lb bunker party-crashers into what we hope are the laps of Saddam & Sons last convo. If this turns out to be true, I guess I'll be a bit disappointed that he wasn't already gone, since that was my prediction. But then again, I at various times thought Duke, Butler, Kentucky, Marquette, and Kansas would be the NCAA basketball national champion.

congrats Syracuse.

and I'm excited to see what gets dug up out of that 60-ft. crater.

and this from Kaylyn

Daddy, I think President Bush is handsome, don't you?

a new superhero

Cotter has identified the big green Marvel comic hero starring in his own movie this summer as The Credible Hulk. This is my new name for the US Military.

Big
Green
Bringing credibility where there previously was none.

not making this up

from WSJ best of the web:

Grand Junction, Colo.'s West Middle School has suspended 12-year-old Ben Madison for two days "for saying a four-square officiating call was 'gay,' " reports the Grand Junction Daily Sentinel. "The suspension comes on the heels of a recent District 51 School Board discussion about possibly adding language to its anti-bullying policy saying students cannot harass other students for their actual or perceived sexual orientation."

this is so insipid that my only comment is that this is really insipid. And the boy should show up following his suspension and say, "me and my parents thought that suspension was really gay." Watch the fun ensue.

incompetency defined

The US military has succeeded in 19 days what the UN was unable to do in 11 years.

Hans Blix had better resign, lest he be found guilty of complicity.

Celebrities for Liberty, Inc.

ABSPI -- Michael Moore joins the growing list of celebrities to support US troops. Here, Moore offers a 'victory' signal, telling an audience gathered behind Sunset Blvd. Kroger Supermarket checkout stand #13, that he so supported President Bush and the war against Saddam Hussein's regime that he would donate his newly-awarded Oscar to be smelted and used for ammunition, if necessary.

sung to the tune of white christmas

Italian customs agents have snagged a nativity carved entirely out of blocks of pure cocaine.

apparently, the baby Jesus has a street value of $37,000, and is known for being 'really good, really clean.'

final four wrap up

with the championship game tomorrow night between Syracuse and Kansas (neither of which I chose), I will give my observations.

1. The "Dominant Mascot Theory" clearly does not work. Next year, I'm going back to blindly selecting teams based upon my egotistical notion that I know everything about college basketball despite watching approximately 7 minutes and 27 seconds of actual game action over the course of the season.

2. Nobody in the nation picked this final four. Nobody. If someone told you they did, they're lying. If they show you a bracket to prove it, they made it up after the teams already won. If it is signed, dated, and witnessed by a notary public, its a conspiracy and the notary should be reported for misuse of authority.

3. Kelli did surprisingly well in the annual "c'mon and fill out a bracket, honey, it'll be fun" competition. Better than me. Which means we will never, ever have this competition again. Ever.

4. The biggest upset in this year's tournament is Leslie Visser's face-lift. She even looks surprised by it.

5. I'm "roopin' for" (Cotter's term for 'cheering') Kansas, a Big 12 team, to win. This ensures a victory by Syracuse.

(note: this blog entry was for entertainment purposes only. Please do not use the information contained herein for the purpose of wagering.)

rejected star search competition categories

expository preaching
diaper changing
boil lancing
propaganda dispensing
armchair quarterbacking
flossing
powernapping
'your mama' joke telling
child disciplining
monopoly playing
money laundering

[arsenio]hit the digits America, this is your show[/arsenio]

tis the season

i have allergies.

they first hit in reaction Friday night to something I ate, and have continued unabated through today.

Benadryl works, but leaves me in a stupor.

an eye for detail

Kelli noticed this, and I haven't heard any mention of it on the airwaves...

In the video where "Saddam" is mingling with the crowds, everyone is wearing coats and/or long sleeves.

It was supposed to be over 100 degrees farenheit that day.

Which means, if the video is authentic, the Iraqi murderer & his terrified, threatened ardent supporters are either:
a) very fragile, lest they be damaged from the harsh desert sun.
or
b) very tough, and can wear heavy clothes on fervently hot days.

If (a) is accurate, this explains our relative ease in steamrolling over the Baath regime, but if (b) is correct [sarcasm]then all the peaceniks are correct and they are just too mean for us and we better just pack up and come home.[/sarcasm]

bummer

David Bloom, NBC reporter, dies from a pulmonary embolism while reporting in Iraq.

a rhetorical question

what are the odds that an email is spam if it comes sent to you from Buford Sizelove?