i used to call any general can of carbonated sugared beverage a pop. or maybe on the rare occasion a soda. when i became part of the cotter clan, i learned their word for the consumable was "a coke." now i understand why.
apparently, it's a "colorado thing" compared to a "texas thang."
(the presurfer is responsible for this info linkage, too)
10/25/2003
okay, i'm impressed
watch a three-year old get crazy on a zylophone. in a good way.
thanks to the presurfer for the link.
thanks to the presurfer for the link.
a productive day
Kelli painted the kids' bathroom.
i cleaned the garage to the point of being able to actually park the durango inside. it only took three and a half months.
and yes, i was disproportionately pleased with myself for accomplishing this.
oh, and i painted the mailbox stand and replaced the mailbox. tomorrow, i'll place the address numbers and reflectors on it.
i cleaned the garage to the point of being able to actually park the durango inside. it only took three and a half months.
and yes, i was disproportionately pleased with myself for accomplishing this.
oh, and i painted the mailbox stand and replaced the mailbox. tomorrow, i'll place the address numbers and reflectors on it.
there are too many options for a punny title for this story
so i'll give you the link (look for the "growing pains").
this is why you keep medication out of the reach of children.
despite the incident, the boy's father disavowed owning the prescription drug, citing that he was merely "holding it" for his own father.
this is why you keep medication out of the reach of children.
despite the incident, the boy's father disavowed owning the prescription drug, citing that he was merely "holding it" for his own father.
the real problem is the smelly dump at the end of the road
a family lives on an unfortunately-named street.
by any other name
While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Jim and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."
He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
The rest of the story is not pleasant.
He addressed the men: "For instance, gentlemen, can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Jim leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose, isn't it?"
The rest of the story is not pleasant.
sung to the tune of i wanna know (what you're thinking)
WORDS (some)WOMEN USE
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.! "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that yo! u have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards.! "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)
This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow."
GO AHEAD.
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that yo! u have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"
sung to the tune of i fought the law
Two men are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up and taps on
the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "What the heck was that for?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him with the nightstick, too.
The passenger says, "What did you do that for?"
The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The trooper says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that jerk would've tried that
bull with me.'"
the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick.
The driver says, "What the heck was that for?"
The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When we pull you over, you better have your license ready when we get to your car."
The driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and "WHACK," the trooper smacks him with the nightstick, too.
The passenger says, "What did you do that for?"
The trooper says, "Just making your wish come true."
The passenger says, "Huh?"
The trooper says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that jerk would've tried that
bull with me.'"
sung to the tune of ticket to ride
my entry pass to Dorktown just arrived in yesterday's mail.
I finally received my free XXL
logger hooded sweatshirt, with the ig "" on the chest and a "powered by Google" on the left sleeve.
just in time for my impending jump off thisadly listing arge.
i don't know when i'll have a chance to wear thisad oy, ut rest assured, it will e where nobody knows who i am and i'm unaccompanied y my wife and children.
I finally received my free XXL
logger hooded sweatshirt, with the ig "" on the chest and a "powered by Google" on the left sleeve.
just in time for my impending jump off this
adly listing arge.
i don't know when i'll have a chance to wear this
ad oy, ut rest assured, it will e where nobody knows who i am and i'm unaccompanied y my wife and children.
10/24/2003
a prayer request
from a co-worker's husband's co-worker:
URGENT PRAYER REQUEST from Robert & Heidi Emmett Late Thursday night an 8-month-old little girl named Delaney pulled a hot Fry Daddy on her body. Her Mom, Deena, pulled her out of her walker and also burned herself. They life-flighted the little girl to Scottish Rite and then to Parkland Burn Center in Dallas. She has 40% burns on the trunk of her body. They are going to amputate at least 3 fingers on one hand and will have to graft skin from her Mom and Dad to help repair her. She is in critical condition and her lungs have filled with water. They don`t know if she will live or not. They say the next few days will decide. They live in Florence, Texas and have two other children. THEY NEED AS MANY PRAYERS AS THEY CAN GET. It only takes a moment to say a simple prayer for this sweet baby, and prayer is much more powerful than most people realize! Please- take just a quick minute to pray for this baby girl, and forward this request to anyone else you can. THANK YOU!
so that's how they do it
here's the photo of how you it goes from a block of cedar to a #2 testtaker.
here's the explanation of the process.
clarity amidst chaos...fun and educational, all at the same time.
email mundanity
have you received this? well, rather than forwarding it to all of you, i thought i'd just c&p it here and save you the trouble of having to delete it.
The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV was Fred and Wilma Flintstone.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the US Treasury.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Coca-Cola was originally green.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It is impossible to lick your elbow.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28%. (Now get this...)
The percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38%
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The average number of people airborne over the U.S. any given hour: 61,000
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The youngest pope was 11 years old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The San Francisco Cable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David,
Hearts - Charlemagne,
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Only two people signed the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, John Hancock and Charles Thomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I am." is the shortest complete sentence in the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hershey's Kisses are called that because the machine that makes them looks like it's kissing the conveyor belt.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What occurs more often in December than any other month?
A. Conception.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name requested?
A. Obsession
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. There are more collect calls on this day than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What trivia fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most ironic?
A. He was allergic to carrots.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Q. What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party?
A. Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase "goodnight, sleep tight".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month we know today as the honeymoon.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down. It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill,they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled "Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden".... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.
~~~~~~~~~~~AND FINALLY~~~~~~~~~~~~
At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow.
and she told two friends and so on...
thinklings has a good post on writing. whether you write for children or adults, for yourself or for others, go read this & write better.
more subtle subversion
also from WSJ best o' the web:
This is from a CNN.com report on Congress's vote to ban partial-birth abortion, or what journalists call "a procedure critics call 'partial-birth abortion' ":
"I applaud the Senate for joining the House in passing the ban on 'partial-birth abortion,' " Bush said in a written statement. "This is very important legislation that will end an abhorrent practice and continue to build a culture of life in America. I look forward to signing it into law."
Now, here's what Bush actually said in his written statement:
I applaud the Senate for joining the House in passing the ban on partial-birth abortion. This is very important legislation that will end an abhorrent practice and continue to build a culture of life in America. I look forward to signing it into law.
See the difference? CNN added scare quotes around "partial-birth abortion" in the president's written statement. No doubt the network would claim this is a constitutionally protected choice, a private matter between a quote and its doctorer.
another WIT?!? post
this one on the school's plan to arm my daughter with an email address. yeah, how 'bout notinthislife@isthisgonnahappen.com
10/23/2003
one step closer to the matrix
mcdonald's is test-piloting self-serve kiosk burgers.
this is just the first step toward human duracells, baby. mark my words.
this is just the first step toward human duracells, baby. mark my words.
i'm my son's transcriptionist
an email cotter dictated to his friend back in Florence ( a boy who is a 7th grader):
Dear Ben,
This season I played baseball but now I moved on to soccer. Do you play a sport? I hope you're having fun, because next time when you come I'll show you all the neat toys I have. I know that Jetter is having fun, I'm not afraid of dogs any more. But, when Gayle sent me a letter she thought I was still scared of dogs and that was really, really crazy, but I am not scared of dogs. I want to show you all the new things at my house when you come here, like our new table, me and Kaylyn's new computer, and uh, that we have a big shelf. I want to show you a lot of new movies that I have that are really cool. My first one is named Larry Boy and the Angry Eyebrows. The second one is Leggo my Ego, And um, we have a new neighbor. His name is Mr. Earl and Ms. Ann. I hope Jetter plays with you a lot because when I come I want to play with him, too.
I hope you write me back.
From,
Cotter
just one more thing. i miss you very much.
from Cotter to Ben
now I'm done.
question of the day
Kaylyn: daddy, do i have my own website?
me: no, dear, you don't.
her: why not?
me: some day, if you still want one, you can have one.
her: hmm.... www.kaylynmcanally.com. i like that.
me: no, dear, you don't.
her: why not?
me: some day, if you still want one, you can have one.
her: hmm.... www.kaylynmcanally.com. i like that.
insert vengeance of God joke here
the lead actor of Mel Gibson's Jesus film took a bolt of lightning to the head.
i think it says more that not only was the guy not killed, he walked away without injury.
the film crew has invited the pair to the producer's trailer for viewing upcoming World Series games, noting that the TV reception improves dramatically with them in proxmity.
i think it says more that not only was the guy not killed, he walked away without injury.
"I'm about a hundred feet away from them," producer Steve McEveety said, "when I glance over and see lightning coming out of Caviezel's ears."
Both Caviezel and his assistant director Michelini were struck. The main bolt hit Caviezel and one of its forks hit Michelini's umbrella.
Neither of the men sustained injuries in the incident.
the film crew has invited the pair to the producer's trailer for viewing upcoming World Series games, noting that the TV reception improves dramatically with them in proxmity.
a look at hatred
this site is a forum posting the celebration of several hacks into pro-israel blog sites, including some very popular producers.
a minor inconvenience for the typologically dyslexic
www.dicitonary.com did not deliver me where i originally intended to arrive.
the power of words
the first article in today's WSJ Best of the Web explains the subtle propaganda by the liberal media against the fight to protect the unborn.
here's a snippet:
here's a snippet:
The New York Times does provide one synonym, referring to "a procedure that doctors call intact dilation and extraction but critics call partial-birth abortion." But "intact dilation" is just a clinical way of saying "partial birth"; the Times' formulation is the equivalent of saying "a condition that doctors call melanoma but critics call skin cancer."
wakey wakey sleepyhead
after i escorted my daughter to the bus, i returned to bed.
and slept an additional three hours.
i feel much better...
aint no virus gonna keep me down.
and slept an additional three hours.
i feel much better...
aint no virus gonna keep me down.
a minor consideration for the typologically dyslexic
i just discovered i can type in www.gogole.com and still get where i originally intended.
that's convenient.
that's convenient.
the gift that keeps on giving
kelli's feeling a little better...but now i'm not.
i'm not hurling, but my head is pressurized to fly at 33,000 ft.
i have been so puny this season. i don't get it.
actually, i get everything. and that's the problem.
i'm not hurling, but my head is pressurized to fly at 33,000 ft.
i have been so puny this season. i don't get it.
actually, i get everything. and that's the problem.
a friend in need
yesterday, i became aware of a close friend who had to undergo an emergency appendectomy on Saturday. From what the doctors have said, he was very close to having it burst (he was in the middle of a youth conference when he was beset by the intense pain) My friend is a faithful minister of God's Word. He is uninsured (which is another issue altogether that causes me to rant like Frank Costanza), now with a *huge* medical bill hanging over his head.
please, contact me if you're willing to help -- in any way.
please, contact me if you're willing to help -- in any way.
good stuff
posted at WIT from the sophorist, about the prophecy of God through the unlikely mouthpiece Caiaphas.
dilbert angst
today's guest artist was a little challenging, just because the drawing are very similar to adams's. but still solveable.
10/22/2003
throwing a bone
to all you science dorks out there.
here's a bunch of videos of plants growing.
it's actually pretty interesting, if you're the type of person who finds yourself stopping on bill nye the science guy more often than you're willing to admit.
not that i am that type of person, of course.
here's a bunch of videos of plants growing.
it's actually pretty interesting, if you're the type of person who finds yourself stopping on bill nye the science guy more often than you're willing to admit.
not that i am that type of person, of course.
strong in the dork i am, mmm?
here's a report that says spielberg *might* helm the third trilogy of star wars, if it is to be at all.
i'd probably watch those movies if they were made.
i'd probably watch those movies if they were made.
it seems like so much less than that
according to redate, in two days my beloved bride and i will be celebrating our 100 months anniversary.
it's been a joy and a blessing, my dear! i hope we're less than a sixth of the way down the road of our life together!
it's been a joy and a blessing, my dear! i hope we're less than a sixth of the way down the road of our life together!
guesting at WIT?!?
christopher, ever the gentleman, invited me to guest blog over at his site. i discuss kaylyn's first parent teacher conference.
believe me, its more exciting that it looks here.
believe me, its more exciting that it looks here.
one day robots will rule hollywood
according to coming soon, jim carrey will undertake a major role, portraying the cinematic six million dollar man.
so who would be a good bionic woman?
so who would be a good bionic woman?
this just in...bush is right!
a report from the people's republic of boulder says that homeowners in the communal area have grasped the concept that if you remove trees from heavily wooded area, the risk of fire of reduced.
that's exactly what president bush said last november....to the scorn of tree hugging, dirt munching liberals everywhere.
all it takes is a couple of multi-million dollar retreat homes to go ablaze for these folks to get a little perspective.
that's exactly what president bush said last november....to the scorn of tree hugging, dirt munching liberals everywhere.
all it takes is a couple of multi-million dollar retreat homes to go ablaze for these folks to get a little perspective.
i pity da fool
the uk wants the A-Team to return.
Here's their list of top ten they want to see on the air again:
i enjoyed the A-Team when i was 10. but i've moved on emotionally. and hannibal died. and "face" has wrinkles. and despite a likely crush on "Triple A" (i say likely because that was a stage in my life that if you were a female protagonist on a show i watched, i undoubtedly thought we'd one day be husband and wife), my heart now belongs to the woman throwing up in our bathroom.
Here's their list of top ten they want to see on the air again:
1. The A-Team (48%).
2. The Dukes of Hazzard (18%).
3. Knight Rider (10%).
4. Monkey (10%).
5. Dallas (5%).
6. Miami Vice (3%).
7. Minder (2%).
8. Dempsey and Makepeace (2%).
9. Doctor Who (1%).
10. Chips (1%).
i enjoyed the A-Team when i was 10. but i've moved on emotionally. and hannibal died. and "face" has wrinkles. and despite a likely crush on "Triple A" (i say likely because that was a stage in my life that if you were a female protagonist on a show i watched, i undoubtedly thought we'd one day be husband and wife), my heart now belongs to the woman throwing up in our bathroom.
i've never been so happy to see my wife throw up
i'm at home.
won't be going in to work today.
kelli's not well.
i'm not sure she's doing this for me; if she is, she's taken sacrifice to a whole new level.
won't be going in to work today.
kelli's not well.
i'm not sure she's doing this for me; if she is, she's taken sacrifice to a whole new level.
10/21/2003
sung to the tune of what's new pussycat?
sir elton will be headlining for three years at caesar's. he'll try and scrape by on $50 million. he's reportedly upset that Celine's making more money, since he considers himself a much bigger diva (note: naughty language in the link).
rhetorical: will he work with tigers, too?
rhetorical: will he work with tigers, too?
feel the love
gest is suing minelli for $10 million. he's claiming assault, that she'd get all boozed up and beat the snot out of him. expect a counter suit any day now.
and they said that romance was dead.
and they said that romance was dead.
liberal propagandists know flash, too
this is not a game. this is a fear tactic designed to brainwash you into thinking that all arabs are given toward hate and you are a bad, evil person.
there's a couple of faulty premises to this game. first, the missles don't fire quickly enough. second, they aren't accurate enough. third, its designed with the concept that everyone from the middle east views america as oppressors and not liberators.
three strikes and you're out.
there's a couple of faulty premises to this game. first, the missles don't fire quickly enough. second, they aren't accurate enough. third, its designed with the concept that everyone from the middle east views america as oppressors and not liberators.
three strikes and you're out.
dems to declare that bush hates his own momma
though former first lady barbara bush called the democratic candidates "a sorry group," she also laments that her son is no longer listening to her.
no doubt, Terry McAuliffe is already working with the coastal media outlets, whipping up a story on "mothergate."
no doubt, Terry McAuliffe is already working with the coastal media outlets, whipping up a story on "mothergate."
high school connection
someone found my site by doing a search for Montri Srianan, a high school classmate of mine. Montri died in 2002, from a motorcycle accident. Backtracking the search, i found a tribute created by his brother-in-law, with interesting information on his life, his death, and the family left behind.
Montri was a gentle soul and a good man. Offer a prayer for his wife and young daughter.
Montri was a gentle soul and a good man. Offer a prayer for his wife and young daughter.
a strong vote for renaming my blog
to stupid things i did today
yesterday, there was a toofer.
first, after finishing cotter's room with touch-up, i went to clean the roller of all the accumulated paint. i dutifully removed the tubular pad from the handle, and began washing it clean. after a couple of minutes of this, i noticed that indigo pigment had collected at the bottom of the pad, while under the stream of tap water. rotating the bottom of the tube upward, i brought the bottom of the tube to the top. what was once the top of the tube was now the bottom of the tube. and the now-bottom of the tube was now oriented perfectly toward my crotch.
did i mention that this pad is a tube?
the funny thing about a tube -- it is an excellent conductor of liquids. especially warmer-than-tepid liquids flowing as a stream from one's tap spicket.
if my groinal area had been on fire, i would have been a hero. as it happened, that was not the case. so instead, i just soaked my pants so badly that my son spent the rest of the evening chiding me that i had wet myself, and maybe i needed to wear a diaper.
which leads us to idiot moment #2 in my double-dip of doofusdom. we ('we' meaning 'kelli') had opened a living room window to get an airflow. i don't think the purpose was to expedite crotch dehydration, but it was a coincidental benefit. come bed time, though, it was time to close the window. so we ('we' meaning 'me') put our ('my') hands on the bottom of the window and pulled with all my might. i don't know why this was necessary. it's not like we're living in Norman Bates's resale and all the windows had been painted shut. Yet, something in my mind equates "shutting and opening windows" with "heavy labor requiring abnormal outbursts of testosterone." I pulled down on that window with the same downward-force necessary to play that "whack a mole" game at Chuck E Cheese (hey, it's where a kid can be a kid, cut me some slack). What I didn't know, or notice, or even check to see, was that the little lock that rotates into place to secure your home from those freaky burglers featured in the Brinks commercials...well it was still in the "open" position.
SOoOoO...when that downward force was applied to the window, that little lock hooked on to the middle row of miniblinds and nearly brought them crashing down upon my head. we were able to minimize the devastation that my effort had on our window covering, but the identical dimples in the center of each of the upper third of the metal slats will forever commemorate the night i closed the window. with a damp crotch.
yesterday, there was a toofer.
first, after finishing cotter's room with touch-up, i went to clean the roller of all the accumulated paint. i dutifully removed the tubular pad from the handle, and began washing it clean. after a couple of minutes of this, i noticed that indigo pigment had collected at the bottom of the pad, while under the stream of tap water. rotating the bottom of the tube upward, i brought the bottom of the tube to the top. what was once the top of the tube was now the bottom of the tube. and the now-bottom of the tube was now oriented perfectly toward my crotch.
did i mention that this pad is a tube?
the funny thing about a tube -- it is an excellent conductor of liquids. especially warmer-than-tepid liquids flowing as a stream from one's tap spicket.
if my groinal area had been on fire, i would have been a hero. as it happened, that was not the case. so instead, i just soaked my pants so badly that my son spent the rest of the evening chiding me that i had wet myself, and maybe i needed to wear a diaper.
which leads us to idiot moment #2 in my double-dip of doofusdom. we ('we' meaning 'kelli') had opened a living room window to get an airflow. i don't think the purpose was to expedite crotch dehydration, but it was a coincidental benefit. come bed time, though, it was time to close the window. so we ('we' meaning 'me') put our ('my') hands on the bottom of the window and pulled with all my might. i don't know why this was necessary. it's not like we're living in Norman Bates's resale and all the windows had been painted shut. Yet, something in my mind equates "shutting and opening windows" with "heavy labor requiring abnormal outbursts of testosterone." I pulled down on that window with the same downward-force necessary to play that "whack a mole" game at Chuck E Cheese (hey, it's where a kid can be a kid, cut me some slack). What I didn't know, or notice, or even check to see, was that the little lock that rotates into place to secure your home from those freaky burglers featured in the Brinks commercials...well it was still in the "open" position.
SOoOoO...when that downward force was applied to the window, that little lock hooked on to the middle row of miniblinds and nearly brought them crashing down upon my head. we were able to minimize the devastation that my effort had on our window covering, but the identical dimples in the center of each of the upper third of the metal slats will forever commemorate the night i closed the window. with a damp crotch.
could you just pull out my i-teeth with a monkey wrench while you're at it?
i was just politely reminded that tomorrow i get to spend the first of two days in an exciting* class about Human Resource Issues. This is silly. but not in the haha-silly way. in the red-hot-sewing-needle-inserted-into-the-eyeball-silly way. i manage noone. i barely manage myself. but because i'm an "exempt" employee (yeah, i have no idea what that term means), and because i have a secretary, i get the pleasure of sitting in on this mandatory marathon of monotony. and to make it even better, i hear from the first group that was forced had the pleasure to go through this class, that the instructor even has a seating chart.
oh goody! i hope i can sit in the very front row, so i won't be distracted by any random temptations to read a smuggled magazine, to doodle, or to fake a coronary trauma in order to be excused.
i'm sure that there will be useful content in it. my perspective has always been that if i can walk away with one 'gem' a day, it was worth it. that means i have to find two diamonds, in a haystack the proverbial size of texas. i've got about 16 hours to get emotionally prepared for this.
*insert the prefix "un-"
oh goody! i hope i can sit in the very front row, so i won't be distracted by any random temptations to read a smuggled magazine, to doodle, or to fake a coronary trauma in order to be excused.
i'm sure that there will be useful content in it. my perspective has always been that if i can walk away with one 'gem' a day, it was worth it. that means i have to find two diamonds, in a haystack the proverbial size of texas. i've got about 16 hours to get emotionally prepared for this.
*insert the prefix "un-"
blaque pot, may i introduce you to kettle black?
the sisters direct us to corrupt christian music....
aah, what a way to start the day!
where to begin....
okay. first let's address the pharasaic attitude that lambasts the musicians. by their own standard of judgment, CCM (ironic acronymn, intentional?) shouldn't be on the internet, because the internet is home to all kinds of corruption and sinfulness. using their same standards, by implication, those behind ccm *must be corrupt and sinful as well.* Susan (same link as above) makes a similar discovery, based on the fonts used at the website. that's the nature of a slippery slope. it doesn't take long before you feel like jello coated in crisco shooting down a sun-baked metal slide in the middle of city park.*
by the items listed at this decent list of pharasaic characteristics, the comdemning website is fairly condemnible. it focuses on outward signs. it nitpicks. it presents itself as holier than they. while i am in no position to evaluate the holiness of the CCM webdesigners, i was disappointed by their shameful promotion that "coming soon, dc talk" will soon be maligned. Oh boy! i thought, i can hardly wait to find another reason to push out more people whom the Christ has already invited in to the circle of acceptance!
don't get me wrong. i'm not necessarily a huge fan of dc talk, or even of "christian music." i have several cds by "musicians" who claim to be Christians. one even by dc talk. and i'm not here to champion their cause (in fact, i'll get critical shortly). furthermore, i am not being an advocate of a "cant-we-all-get-along" mentality (as I have been accused of elsewhere). in fact, i think we who claim to follow the Christ should be more discerning and make more wise judgments than we do currently. i just want to encourage us all to blink often amidst our criticism, because it may help wash out that big piece of timber blurring the vision that casts such a castigating view
there are some things in the "christian arena" very worthy of criticism. i am very critical of major aspects of John Eldredge's Wild at Heart book (another rant for another time)...but i have a responsibility to be charitable to Eldridge, as well as to those who are following it with all of their blessedly wild hearts. Likewise with these musicians who have willingly bore the saddle of the "Christian" label, and for some, may find that its time they pull dixie-chick and change their affiliation. i don't need to doubt their authenticity as believers. i simply cease supporting their cause, their lifestyle, their dysfunction with my finances, with my attention, and with my dedicated online fansite that i run with great allegiance at the expense of my relationship with spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
So what are my gripes about Christian musicians?
is this all that bugs me? no. but it's enough for a start. and why name names? what good would it do? when i come across a performer who's life witness doesn't jive with the message of his/her lyrics, i simply cease listening to that musician. i don't attack that person as a believer. i don't believe i've been given that authority. if someone does something grossly immoral or ungodly, then i have specific responsibilities to pray for that person and confront that person for the purpose of restoration (if possible). i don't believe it is in my liberties to start up amygrantisofthedevil.com or ismichaelwsmiththeantichrist.youbethejudge.net just because the one had a failed marriage and latter has opened a night club for teens. (btw, only one of the two's music leads me to change stations).
that being said, look soon for my new blog corruptchristianblogs.com clarity amidst chaos will be the first site profiled.
*my profound apologies for this analogy.
aah, what a way to start the day!
where to begin....
okay. first let's address the pharasaic attitude that lambasts the musicians. by their own standard of judgment, CCM (ironic acronymn, intentional?) shouldn't be on the internet, because the internet is home to all kinds of corruption and sinfulness. using their same standards, by implication, those behind ccm *must be corrupt and sinful as well.* Susan (same link as above) makes a similar discovery, based on the fonts used at the website. that's the nature of a slippery slope. it doesn't take long before you feel like jello coated in crisco shooting down a sun-baked metal slide in the middle of city park.*
by the items listed at this decent list of pharasaic characteristics, the comdemning website is fairly condemnible. it focuses on outward signs. it nitpicks. it presents itself as holier than they. while i am in no position to evaluate the holiness of the CCM webdesigners, i was disappointed by their shameful promotion that "coming soon, dc talk" will soon be maligned. Oh boy! i thought, i can hardly wait to find another reason to push out more people whom the Christ has already invited in to the circle of acceptance!
don't get me wrong. i'm not necessarily a huge fan of dc talk, or even of "christian music." i have several cds by "musicians" who claim to be Christians. one even by dc talk. and i'm not here to champion their cause (in fact, i'll get critical shortly). furthermore, i am not being an advocate of a "cant-we-all-get-along" mentality (as I have been accused of elsewhere). in fact, i think we who claim to follow the Christ should be more discerning and make more wise judgments than we do currently. i just want to encourage us all to blink often amidst our criticism, because it may help wash out that big piece of timber blurring the vision that casts such a castigating view
there are some things in the "christian arena" very worthy of criticism. i am very critical of major aspects of John Eldredge's Wild at Heart book (another rant for another time)...but i have a responsibility to be charitable to Eldridge, as well as to those who are following it with all of their blessedly wild hearts. Likewise with these musicians who have willingly bore the saddle of the "Christian" label, and for some, may find that its time they pull dixie-chick and change their affiliation. i don't need to doubt their authenticity as believers. i simply cease supporting their cause, their lifestyle, their dysfunction with my finances, with my attention, and with my dedicated online fansite that i run with great allegiance at the expense of my relationship with spouse, children, friends, coworkers, and neighbors.
So what are my gripes about Christian musicians?
- when they won't come to lead worship in a church for more money than most congregations have in their budget for a year
- when they keep singing instructions telling saved people how to get saved
- when the apex of their creativity is ripping off something that has proven successful in the secular market (the whole if you liked BoyBand X but hated their wanton sexuality, then try ChristianBoyz...the same funky tunes, but without all the pelvic thrusting! They're not that good, but at least they're safe!)
is this all that bugs me? no. but it's enough for a start. and why name names? what good would it do? when i come across a performer who's life witness doesn't jive with the message of his/her lyrics, i simply cease listening to that musician. i don't attack that person as a believer. i don't believe i've been given that authority. if someone does something grossly immoral or ungodly, then i have specific responsibilities to pray for that person and confront that person for the purpose of restoration (if possible). i don't believe it is in my liberties to start up amygrantisofthedevil.com or ismichaelwsmiththeantichrist.youbethejudge.net just because the one had a failed marriage and latter has opened a night club for teens. (btw, only one of the two's music leads me to change stations).
that being said, look soon for my new blog corruptchristianblogs.com clarity amidst chaos will be the first site profiled.
*my profound apologies for this analogy.
flickball
espn offers another time waster.
i got thrown out of physics class my senior year because of this game.
Mr. Field said, "Bryan, if you want to play that game, you can just leave."
i quickly weighed my options...
....flickball...
....lecture on something physic-related....
and that, my friends, is why today i am a writer.
i got thrown out of physics class my senior year because of this game.
Mr. Field said, "Bryan, if you want to play that game, you can just leave."
i quickly weighed my options...
....flickball...
....lecture on something physic-related....
and that, my friends, is why today i am a writer.
sung to the tune of the itsy bitsy spider
yeah...this lady's crazy.
a spider made her do it.
i wonder if the arachnid told her to make up the lame excuse that quickly fell apart, when questioned by police why she was found unconscious with her two dead children still in the bathtub.
her's is the example that causes me to lament that the centennial state's death penalty is not more 'texan' in its practice.
is this why 'mercy' was my lowest spiritual gift?
a spider made her do it.
i wonder if the arachnid told her to make up the lame excuse that quickly fell apart, when questioned by police why she was found unconscious with her two dead children still in the bathtub.
her's is the example that causes me to lament that the centennial state's death penalty is not more 'texan' in its practice.
is this why 'mercy' was my lowest spiritual gift?
a seal walks into a club...
that's it. that's the joke.
well, they can't all be winners.
but quizilla thinks my style of funny to be:
STAND UP: You are a natural stand-up comedian. You
watch the news with people, and when you give
your opinions, people start laughing. They are
not laughing at you, they are laughing because
what you say is so TRUE. The world is a very
funny place, full of natural comedy. All you do
is repeat various humorous things that you
notice from everyday life. Your unique
perspective on the world is what makes you so
funny. Of all the various comedy types, you may
be the funniest of them all!
How funny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i think they're overstating my case.
well, they can't all be winners.
but quizilla thinks my style of funny to be:
STAND UP: You are a natural stand-up comedian. You
watch the news with people, and when you give
your opinions, people start laughing. They are
not laughing at you, they are laughing because
what you say is so TRUE. The world is a very
funny place, full of natural comedy. All you do
is repeat various humorous things that you
notice from everyday life. Your unique
perspective on the world is what makes you so
funny. Of all the various comedy types, you may
be the funniest of them all!
How funny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
i think they're overstating my case.
while not on the same level of importance as "scrunch or fold?"
how do you put your untensils in the dishwasher -- handle-end up or handle-end down?
without revealing which i do, let me say this is one of the areas in my marriage where i offered concession, not necessarily because i thought i was wrong, but i could at least see the logic in her reasoning.
without revealing which i do, let me say this is one of the areas in my marriage where i offered concession, not necessarily because i thought i was wrong, but i could at least see the logic in her reasoning.
sometimes its better to be lucky...
the raiders fall short by a yard.
which means the chefs are two games up (really three, since one of the two is against the broncos).
i only watched the first half...in between segments of i love the 80s.
really, it was an easy decision. while i love the 80s, i really don't much care for either of the two teams playing last night.
which means the chefs are two games up (really three, since one of the two is against the broncos).
i only watched the first half...in between segments of i love the 80s.
really, it was an easy decision. while i love the 80s, i really don't much care for either of the two teams playing last night.
10/20/2003
i think we got a substitute
dilbert has 'mystery writers' all week long.
i was able to guess this one by the amount of text in the strip --- one of this artist's tell-tale characteristics.
i was able to guess this one by the amount of text in the strip --- one of this artist's tell-tale characteristics.
a small-scale hero
few things in life match the satisfaction of seeing my youngest daughters unfettered adoration when i set aside everything else to dress her Polly Pocket doll with a pair of shoes that she will remove only moments later.
(note: this satisfaction goes away with the fifth re-fitting of those blasted little pieces of plastic)
(note: this satisfaction goes away with the fifth re-fitting of those blasted little pieces of plastic)
a conundrum
tonight is one of those rare situations where i'll actually be rooting for the raiders.
its odd: in instances like this where two foes of my time compete, i actually find myself thinking of friends who have each of those teams as their favorites. the two guys are friends from my church in craig. i miss the hassling we'd give one another over the triumvirate of loathing that exists perpetually between the chiefs, raiders, and broncos.
good times.
its odd: in instances like this where two foes of my time compete, i actually find myself thinking of friends who have each of those teams as their favorites. the two guys are friends from my church in craig. i miss the hassling we'd give one another over the triumvirate of loathing that exists perpetually between the chiefs, raiders, and broncos.
good times.
an office upgrade
i just swapped out my chair in my office for another that was going unused, just waiting to be claimed.
it is exactly like my other chair.
except it is clean.
the previous chair looked as though its previous occupant had eaten an entire thanksgiving turkey bare-handed and used the upholstry on the arms and the "between the legs" area as a napkin.
it was disgusting and embarassing to have it in residence.
one less thing to distract me.
it is exactly like my other chair.
except it is clean.
the previous chair looked as though its previous occupant had eaten an entire thanksgiving turkey bare-handed and used the upholstry on the arms and the "between the legs" area as a napkin.
it was disgusting and embarassing to have it in residence.
one less thing to distract me.
my new desktop at work
despite being 0-2 in must win games, my unwavering support for the broncos is reflected in my newly updated desktop image, found at macdesktops.com
10/19/2003
great music
go over to emerging minister and listen to greg's music...he's three rounds into 52 songs in 52 weeks. good tunes. good lyrics. good times.
on this date
35 years ago...
James L. McAnally III joined Georgina M. Horgas in the bond of holy matrimony.
we love you mom & dad!
James L. McAnally III joined Georgina M. Horgas in the bond of holy matrimony.
we love you mom & dad!
go broncs
in less than one half...
four sacks allowed
two interceptions
its a wonder they're only losing by 7
four sacks allowed
two interceptions
its a wonder they're only losing by 7
coupling leading the pack
by way of the dodo, that is.
it looks like this horrid attempt at humor will be sidelined for sweeps. it's being replaced by whoopi, which convinces me she must have some photos of an NBC muckety-muck, since she's just as bad as the Must Flee TV that is the show it's replacing.
kelli and i watched about 2 minutes of the first episode of the british re-make. when it became obvious that they were going to attempt to string an entire season out of winkwink nudgenudge sex jokes, we got up from the couch and went on to more productive endeavors. it looks like about 1/3 of their lead-in audience had the same idea.
meanwhile, whoopi is trying to slop together liberal propaganda defined by racial stereotypes and attacks at our elected leadership, and call it humor. again, it doesn't appear that america is buying.
i'd rather watch fear factor where fraternity guys eat monkey intestines and coeds bob for screeching cockroaches in a buckets of bile than catch either of these two misfortunes.
it looks like this horrid attempt at humor will be sidelined for sweeps. it's being replaced by whoopi, which convinces me she must have some photos of an NBC muckety-muck, since she's just as bad as the Must Flee TV that is the show it's replacing.
kelli and i watched about 2 minutes of the first episode of the british re-make. when it became obvious that they were going to attempt to string an entire season out of winkwink nudgenudge sex jokes, we got up from the couch and went on to more productive endeavors. it looks like about 1/3 of their lead-in audience had the same idea.
meanwhile, whoopi is trying to slop together liberal propaganda defined by racial stereotypes and attacks at our elected leadership, and call it humor. again, it doesn't appear that america is buying.
i'd rather watch fear factor where fraternity guys eat monkey intestines and coeds bob for screeching cockroaches in a buckets of bile than catch either of these two misfortunes.
i don't know my own strength
but if i did, i'd obviously understand its not as significant as i'd like to think.
today, as part of painting cotter's room the darkest shade of blue possible without it being confused for black, we discovered that we'd have to move his bed. we (and by "we," i mean "i") tried my best to paint around it, through the slats of the headboard, and even under it. and it looked pretty good, except for the huge spots of white on the wall where i wasn't able to reach or cover.
so it had to be moved. but, because i am an extremely well-organized person who thinks these projects out before iniatiating them, i had with great foresight loaded my son's bed with everything imaginable that would have otherwise gotten in the way. his bookcase (filled with books). his dresser (filled with clothes). his toybox (filled with small refugees in hiding from fidel castro). it was only at this point, when the entire landscape of the young boy's queen-sized slumberland was filled with every possession we currently own, that i determined it was time to relocate it an essential 15 inches to the west.
kelli stepped back and asked sweetly, "do you need any help with that?"
I scoffed. actually, i tried to scoff, in order to show my indignation at the insulting insinuation that i was inferior to accomplish the task at hand. unfortunately, i sucked a big glob of saliva down my windpipe in the attempted scoff, and so it turned out to be more of a "sshhhnnoorrrklleeaaaggh"-type sound. i probably should have seen this misfortune as a harbinger of things to come. but after my bride administered cpr and i recovered, it was time to prove that i'm still a virile testosterone-producing factory of unbridled manliness.
i sauntered over to the passenger corner of the bed's headpost, and squatted down like i was going to uproot a mighty redwood with my bare hands. remembering that my dad once taught me the correct way to lift heavy objects...what was it -- use your back and keep your legs straight, right? -- i proceeded to show that Mr. Seely and his posturepedic was no match for Mighty Bryan Mac, the Mover of Sleep Furniture.
uunnngggooawaaaa
that was pretty much the sound that came out of me.
quite unintentionally.
followed by
*pop*
you know, you'd think that a vertebrae explosively ejecting from one's spinal column would make a louder sound.
and the bed didn't move.
it was at this point that i determined that there was no reason i should selfishly enjoy the experience of relocating the behemoth all by myself. think of the sense of accomplishment that kelli would have by getting to share in the joy of a challenge conquered.
"dear, you can come help, if you want. i mean, i've got it under control and everything. but if you're bored, you can come hold the bedskirt to make sure it doesn't get trapped while i manhandle this thing. its up to you. either way, it doesn't matter to me."
"i'm changing kelsi."
"that's okay... i can wait."
"i'll be right there, mr. ungoowah."
today, as part of painting cotter's room the darkest shade of blue possible without it being confused for black, we discovered that we'd have to move his bed. we (and by "we," i mean "i") tried my best to paint around it, through the slats of the headboard, and even under it. and it looked pretty good, except for the huge spots of white on the wall where i wasn't able to reach or cover.
so it had to be moved. but, because i am an extremely well-organized person who thinks these projects out before iniatiating them, i had with great foresight loaded my son's bed with everything imaginable that would have otherwise gotten in the way. his bookcase (filled with books). his dresser (filled with clothes). his toybox (filled with small refugees in hiding from fidel castro). it was only at this point, when the entire landscape of the young boy's queen-sized slumberland was filled with every possession we currently own, that i determined it was time to relocate it an essential 15 inches to the west.
kelli stepped back and asked sweetly, "do you need any help with that?"
I scoffed. actually, i tried to scoff, in order to show my indignation at the insulting insinuation that i was inferior to accomplish the task at hand. unfortunately, i sucked a big glob of saliva down my windpipe in the attempted scoff, and so it turned out to be more of a "sshhhnnoorrrklleeaaaggh"-type sound. i probably should have seen this misfortune as a harbinger of things to come. but after my bride administered cpr and i recovered, it was time to prove that i'm still a virile testosterone-producing factory of unbridled manliness.
i sauntered over to the passenger corner of the bed's headpost, and squatted down like i was going to uproot a mighty redwood with my bare hands. remembering that my dad once taught me the correct way to lift heavy objects...what was it -- use your back and keep your legs straight, right? -- i proceeded to show that Mr. Seely and his posturepedic was no match for Mighty Bryan Mac, the Mover of Sleep Furniture.
uunnngggooawaaaa
that was pretty much the sound that came out of me.
quite unintentionally.
followed by
*pop*
you know, you'd think that a vertebrae explosively ejecting from one's spinal column would make a louder sound.
and the bed didn't move.
it was at this point that i determined that there was no reason i should selfishly enjoy the experience of relocating the behemoth all by myself. think of the sense of accomplishment that kelli would have by getting to share in the joy of a challenge conquered.
"dear, you can come help, if you want. i mean, i've got it under control and everything. but if you're bored, you can come hold the bedskirt to make sure it doesn't get trapped while i manhandle this thing. its up to you. either way, it doesn't matter to me."
"i'm changing kelsi."
"that's okay... i can wait."
"i'll be right there, mr. ungoowah."
so what am i doing awake at 1 a.m.?
i'm asking myself the same question.
i'd like not to be.
i'm insomniacal at the moment.
so i'm copying (purchased for me, by me, for non-sharing purposes, thank you very much) onto my hard drive, because i downloaded the itunes for windows today (i've opted not to link to it, just because i am too lazy, and everyone and his dog already has linked to it, so find on his -- or his dog's -- site).
i'd like not to be.
i'm insomniacal at the moment.
so i'm copying (purchased for me, by me, for non-sharing purposes, thank you very much) onto my hard drive, because i downloaded the itunes for windows today (i've opted not to link to it, just because i am too lazy, and everyone and his dog already has linked to it, so find on his -- or his dog's -- site).
blogroll additions
i've just added sister's weblog and superblessed to the roll, just days after paring it down.
you know what they say, you can't keep a good blog down.
here's two that prove the point.
you know what they say, you can't keep a good blog down.
here's two that prove the point.
so what do you give out on Oct. 31?
we haven't made our plans yet. i think we'll be attending a fall fest at North Lanier Church, but i'm not sure if its on the 31st or not. we bought costumes the other day.
kaylyn is swan lake barbie
if you knew kaylyn, you'd understand this to be the *ideal* outfit for her.
cotter is spiderman
(he's already expressed an interest in wearing it pretty much on a permanent basis, following the big day of its unveiling).
kelsi will be a clown.
yeah...she hasn't been informed of this decision. we're not exactly certain she'll be in agreement with it.
kelli and i will be mr. & mrs. tom shane. we figure nobody has seen him (except for you who have followed the link), so we'll be pretty easy to outfit.
on a related note, what do you think of this chick?
(note: these are not my children. they are merely models who have been well-compensated to represent my children in regalia appropriate for the festivus season. )
kaylyn is swan lake barbie
if you knew kaylyn, you'd understand this to be the *ideal* outfit for her.
cotter is spiderman
(he's already expressed an interest in wearing it pretty much on a permanent basis, following the big day of its unveiling).
kelsi will be a clown.
yeah...she hasn't been informed of this decision. we're not exactly certain she'll be in agreement with it.
kelli and i will be mr. & mrs. tom shane. we figure nobody has seen him (except for you who have followed the link), so we'll be pretty easy to outfit.
on a related note, what do you think of this chick?
(note: these are not my children. they are merely models who have been well-compensated to represent my children in regalia appropriate for the festivus season. )
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