and just to be clear

Dear Mr. or Mme. Bankteller, Customer Service Representative, Business Associate, Neighbor, Grocery Clerk or Total Stranger:

This is the time of year that I happen to celebrate the birth of the Messiah of YHWH God, called the Messiah, who is Jesus of Nazareth. The reasons why I celebrate the commemoration of this event have nothing to do with Santa Claus, family traditions, the 'spirit' of the season, of the autumnal equinox, of trimming the trees, hanging the lights, wrapping the gifts, or even seeing the look on little ones' faces as they annually fight the growing temptation of unbridled avarice.

I celebrate the birth of Jesus, not Kwanzaa, not Channukah, not Hissmas, or even Festivus. And I celebrate it because in doing so, I honor my Lord and my Savior who was born expressly to die as a remediation and propitiation for my transgressions. I celebrate it with joy since, because of the birth which led to His sacrificial death, I have been reconciled back to God. I celebrate it with joy, with hope, and in the spirit of worship. As such, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't presume that I, like so many others, believe Christmas is all about family fights and crass commercialization. Unfortunately, those things have become a focus for so many who have lost perspective. However, for me, Christmas has nothing to do with these matters, and is instead on something gloriously and eternally more significant.

You may disagree with me. If you do, that is your right. Everybody is allowed to be wrong. I respect your right to be wrong, and will even fight for it. I only ask this -- please respect my right to be right, even if you think I'm incredibly wrong. The fact of the matter is, my saying "Merry Christmas" to you is an act of worship, an action of praise. These words are not merely empty sentimental verbiage of seasonal frivolity -- they are literally an encouragement and exhortation from me to you based in the faith-driven belief that God became flesh so man could eternally be with God. Literally, in saying "Merry Christmas," I am imploring you to receive the good tidings of joy that can be found by placing your faith in Jesus as the Messiah. As such, you have no right to try to keep me from worshipping God in this way. You do not have the constitutional right to be protected from my speech, but I do have the constitutional right to offer these words with gladness. If you disagree, please try not to take offense, just please take the benediction with the spirit in which it is given, which is a sincere offer to receive the abounding love of God.

Truth be told, I am not really concerned if I do offend with you my overt actions and attitudes that "keep the Christ in Christmas." If you haven't placed your faith in Jesus as the Christ, it's not like I can offend you to somewhere worse than the default where you are currently oriented. My hope and prayer is that you will be offended enough to investigate the claims of the One who claims to be both God and man. The reality of the matter is simple -- the only way you'll really have the "happy holidays" you offer as an alternative, is if you actually leave that politically-correct one-oared canoe that is paddling around in circles, and take a step atop the fascinating waters of faith, and discover why Jesus is indeed the reason for the season.

Merry Christmas, my friend. Jesus loves you, and so do I.

Friday5

Jen started it.

1. List your five favorite beverages. Whole milk, coffee, Vanilla Coke, Mountain Dew, and nonsweetened iced tea.

2. List your five favorite websites. I only read a couple blogs daily -- Jen's and Tony's. I read several others often (near daily), but fluid pudding is always good for at least one laugh out loud statement per post (to wit: "Who am I to judge a foot picking doughnut muncher? After all, I’m just a freelancer"). And since I'm being honest, I make a daily stop at uproar and play a single game of bounce out at lunch time, and espn to see if the Broncos' playoff scenario has changed due to any odd variables such as Paul Tagliabue's biorhythms, the winter solstice, golden globe nominations, or the capture of Saddam Hussein.

3. List your five favorite snack foods. The new baked Ritz "Chips" (which we affectionately call "being addicted to crack" in our home -- short for 'crackers,' of course); Mint fudge covered Oreos ( a seasonal delight); and that's pretty much it, though lots of other choices will do in a pinch -- or a handful, whichever is available.

4. List your five favorite board and/or card games. Trivial Pursuit, Seven Up Seven Down (cards), 42 (dominoes), Monopoly, Life

5. List your five favorite computer and/or game system games. This really doesn't apply to me...I've always liked Madden Football, but haven't played it in years.

rest in peace

This is where dead logos are buried.

i'm dreaming...

Accuweather provides this informative map. We leave tomorrow after work on our Tour of Insanity^® -- 4000 miles in 16 days.

We're looking forward to it.

Really.

We'll be seeing Kelli's sister's home for the first time, and we're really looking forward to spending time with them. Then, of course, we'll have a big family get together with her side before heading up to the snowy boot of high "White Christmas" probability in Colorado. Then, we'll beat a path on home just in time to start the new year.

Oh, and our neighbor is watching our home, so don't try to break in.

Nobody's watching our neighbor, though....hmmm...suddenly I'm a little concerned.

i've fallen and ....ahh, you know the rest

You may have heard/read this, but it's news to me....

The Wal-mart After-Thanksgiving-Day-Sale Squashee is a "frequent faller."

I wonder if you can get miles with that program.

The story is still about greed, but just a different sort of greed.

i'm slow....and that's okay

I just now learned (to my stunned amazement) that John Rhys-Davies, the giant "best pal" in Raiders of the Lost Ark, is the dwarf Gimli in the LOTR trilogy.


I'm even more impressed with Jackson's filmmaking, now that I'm aware of this.

because i'm a lemming?

No, of course not. I'm blogrolling this entire list as a matter of convenience. I'm all about reading good evangelical work...but can't guarantee all will stay on...especially if they don't ping to the top.

I'm looking forward to reading some good stuff in the days ahead.

koala burgers anyone?

I'm a marauding marsupial. I'm so glad...I was tired of avoiding the plague. Thanks to y'all for pulling me out of the rodentia class.

juxtaposition

Terms and Phrases I never thought I'd see in my own writing:

tingling fingers
for my elbow's sake
sprinkle your keyboard with faerie dust
some lineman's doodis

and that's only been in the past week.

it only hurts when i breathe

I have just returned from the best doctor's appointment ever. They got me in early. The doctor was on time, checked me quickly and thoroughly, provided me with enough samples of my medication that I won't have to buy any, and sent me on my way. I was in the car on my way back to work one minute before my appointment was actually scheduled to begin.

My tingling fingers are due to a compressed ulnar nerve. I've been provided with anti-inflammatory pills that should eliminate any swelling in the myelin sheath covering the nerve that may be partially responsible for the annoying sensation. If the sheath itself is damaged, I simply have to quit doing the things that are causing the healing to not occur; namely, bending it, resting on it, or putting any pressure on it whatsoever. He suggested I even wear an elbow pad to protect it.

yeah....that's not gonna happen. I'd just as soon wear a bicycle helmet around the office and be known as "Bryan, the 'Helping Hand Up' Employee." But I will make a concerted effort to not do the things that irritate it, like putting weight upon it, listening to Barbra Streisand and watching The Simple Life (those last two things just irritate me, but even with the slight risk of second-hand irritation, I'm going to avoid these activities just to be safe, for my elbow's sake).

hey, why not?

Since I'm in the midst of one blogging competition, I figured, why not up the dosage? So, this is my oafish-al entry into the Weblog Review's December competition. You're supposed to click on that link, and magical pixie's will sprinkle your keyboard with fairie dust that will make you instantly more intelligent, more persuasive, wittier, or more interesting -- whatever is your deepest weblog desire.

oh, and if I win...I get a $20 Amazon certificate. It may help me buy the perfect book for a newly crowned monarch.

good idea/bad idea

no need to vote on this one.

good idea/bad idea?

The Ring 2

well?

from the mouth of babes

Kofi Annan
"The U.N. has done as much as it can for Iraq."

deck the ha ha halls

from the inbox:

TOP TEN LEAST POPULAR HOLIDAY TV SPECIALS


10. Rudolph The Insurance Adjuster
9. Mary, Joseph, and the Donkey's Wet, Hacking Cough
8. It's an Above Average Life
7. A Charlie Brown Parole Hearing
6. Frosty 2: The Revenge
5. It's a Claymation Hanukkah!
4. The Whoville Seven
3. Live from Las Vegas: The Grinch IS Elvis!!
2. The Innkeeper's Dental Appointment
1. The Night Santa Snapped

Copyright 1997 Dave Tippett .

this christmas link only cost me $8100

Sent to me from my realtor, who just closed on our Colorado home.

wes clark is vogue

Madonna has thrown her considerable political clout to the camp of Gen. Wes "Dutch Oven" Clark.



Couldn't have CNN selected a slightly less vacuous image to make the announcement?

So many options for the header of this post:

• madonna's "lucky (4) stars"


• like a virgin? madonna picks a neophyte


• madonna's new kiddie book: depraved diva displays dimwitted dem decision


• material girl chooses clark bar


• true blue: madonna wants a man in uniform


• madonna to wes: justify my love


• wes clark '04: "keep it together"

Let us close by referencing the profound philosophical political punditry of one Maddonna Louise Ciccone-Penn-Ritchie, set to rhythmic verse in 1986:

I have a tale to tell
Sometimes it gets so hard to hide it well
I was not ready for the fall
Too blind to see the writing on the wall

A man can tell a thousand lies
I've learned my lesson well
Hope I live to tell
The secret I have learned, 'till then
It will burn inside of me

I know where beauty lives
I've seen it once, I know the warm she gives
The light that you could never see
It shines inside, you can't take that from me

The truth is never far behind
You kept it hidden well
If I live to tell
The secret I knew then
Will I ever have the chance again

If I ran away, I'd never have the strength
To go very far
How would they hear the beating of my heart
Will it grow cold
The secret that I hide, will I grow old
How will they hear
When will they learn
How will they know

Indeed...how will they hear? When will they learn? How will they know?

How will they know?

Indeed...

irony

I try to be a sensitive guy about sensitive things that make people sensitive. However, I had to laugh...just a little...over the fox news story about Madeline Albright's attempted backpedal regarding Bush-Bin Laden conspiracies (thanks to Tony for the link). Of course, its a little funny when a person makes themselves look foolish when attempting to appear smug and condescending. But what evoked the laughter, I confess was this unflattering photo:



underscored with the instructions "Click to Enlarge"*

who knew the Farrelly Bros. were sponsoring news reports?

*to her defense, the above is the enlarged image.

snookered

Today, I press the up button on the elevator. I need to go up one floor, to turn in my housing allowance decration for 2004. While I'm waiting, a coworker* stepped up next to me. She pushed no button. The elevator arrives. I, a gentleman, allow her to enter first. She does. I follow. She has already pushed a button. It is "G" which represents "Goin' down, suckah!" I feebly push "5." Of course, we make other stops along the way, picking up other employees who are intentionally going down, and when everyone gets off on the main level, I stay on, looking like the idiot who is wasting company time by taking wanton elevator joy rides.

Even so, in the life of an elevator, in the end their will be just about as many ups as downs.

*not her real name

pandering to a younger audience

In a blatant attempt to elicit a "cool" from Cotter, I'll later click on this link to the Spider Man 2 Trailer.

And then I'll spend the rest of the evening watching him run around "webbing" everything in sight, drawing all of us into his fantasy, where I'll no doubt become Doc Oc, Kaylyn will be Mary Jane, Kelli will be Aunt Mae, and Kelsi...well, she'll be whatever she wants to be. We pretty much do what we can just to keep her happy.

thanks to the gleeful extremist for the link.

just a reminder

Its been four days since the media has a Dru Sjodin update.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm complimenting or griping about this. On one hand, I don't want updates like "Yep, she's still missing," but on the other, I would like to know about progress in the effort, about any further pressure that is being put on Rodriguez, etc. This is just a situation where no news is definitely not good news.

sycophant? gesundheit!

Southern Musings liked my blog challenge answer. And I liked her blog. So she's been blogrolled.

This should by no means be construed as e-brownnosing.

vigilance

The United States Military leaves no stone unturned in its search for WMD.

you've got the wrong perspective

I'm glad I blogrolled the sophorist. He's got a yummy little post on reparadigming (I don't think that's a word, until now) political time and money.

similar, yet totally different

I'm on day 16 of the tingling fingers phenomenon. It's as though I have a bunch a pins sticking into my pinky, ring finger, and -- when I bend my arm just so -- completely across my palm.

It feels a little like this:


I'm still planning to go to the doc on Thursday morning. My dad, who's not a doctor, but is a McGuyver-ish maintenance planner for a large coal mine, told me of a mine employee who once had his ulnar nerve get displaced at the elbow and cause him similar discomfort. Hearing this has led me, of course, to assume that this is exactly what has occurred to me.

the challenge

Well, the final round challenge for the King of the Blogs came in yesterday, and I've been conscientiously avoiding addressing the issue. I want my reply to be well thought-out for soon to be obvious reasons.

The challenge:

Your significant female other asks you, "Does this dress make me look fat?" How do you respond? Details a Must.

Knowing that my Queen, my bride, my beloved reads this blog and my relationship with her will exist long after the blog does not, I choose my words wisely.

First, I offer a sampling of poorly-conceived mistakes that others may have made when replying to the question, "Does this make me look fat?" Incorrect answers include:

• yes


• kinda


• umm...


• well...


• (pausing for even a moment before any answer whatsoever)...


• AAAUGGH! MY EYES!! SOMEBODY BLIND ME!!!


• No, your cellulite makes you look fat


• No, not compared to most land masses


• It depends on what your definition of "fat" is


• eh?

Also unacceptable responses to this query are any attempts to feign a stroke, a burst appendix, choking on a meatball, tennis elbow flare-up or any other medical emergency. You may not attempt to redirect her attention with compliments to other body features, with the presentation of small baubles or large gemstones, or by pretending to give attention to children who may be imperiled ("What's that Lassie? Timmy's fallen in the well? We better go rescue him!") She will see through your ruse, and you will pay.

ohhh, will you ever pay.

I believe it was Jerry Seinfeld who said something like "the only correct answer to this question is 'no.' Answered quickly, without hesitation, and with emphatic conviction." Jerry Seinfeld or Kofi Anan, I always get those two mixed up. Whoever said it, you have to respect that wisdom.

Now, my bride, who I love very much (and have I mentioned, tends to both faithfully read my meandering thoughts as well as hold me accountable for sharing them with others) have a rather unusual relationship. We have chosen to spice up our relationship with some little-known and rarely-used "Relationship Success Strategies" (RELSUCSTRAT for short).

RELSUCSTRAT #1 -- "Truth" -- You must tell the truth. An untrue response to this question will be fettered out more quickly than Gaylord Fokker in the basement hopped up on sodium pentathol. You can say "no" and even think you mean "no," but if their is even the slightest possibility that your "no" might be more gracious than honest, you are sunk. Unfortunately, some mates are uninterested in this strategy because they'd rather believe that love is blind...and also a pathological liar. My mate however, thankfullly, would rather have me be honest between the two of us, and avoid public embarrasssment from wearing something unflattering, than to go out with a poorly conceived ensemble and blame me for days following for not being more discretionary earlier. If you do not have this beneficial quality in your mate, well, I'm sorry that didn't work out for you.

RELSUCSTRAT #2 -- "Timeliness" -- You must not delay. If you delay and say "no," she'll think you meant "yes" no matter how many nights subsequent you invest pleading your case. If you delay and say "yes" (to any degree or variation), she'll think you must really thought she looks like a double-wide in a single-wide lot, and you will never restore your relationship to health, no matter how many dollars you throw at it.

RELSUCSTRAT #3 -- "Tact" -- "No" is inappropriate, because it is too unresponsive. You see, sometimes you'll be tricked with this question. You might get asked this question when your gal knows she looks *fabulous* in her chosen outfit. And you being asked the question is really your open invitation to compliment her profusely and extravagantly. A simple "no" would be an insult. Instead you should say something like this or this. If "yes" is your answer, follow this oft-overlooked rule:

DON'T, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SAY "YES"

To review: truth, timeliness, tact. lather, rinse, repeat. learn it. live it. love it.

To illustrate these principles, let's present a hypothetical situation where just such a situation is presented:

She: Say, honey, does this outfit make me look fat?
Me: You make every outfit look great, but that one isn't my favorite.
She: Does it make me look fat?
Me: I just really like the red outfit better. Why don't you wear that one instead? You look really good in that red one. Here, let me get it out of the closet for you. And, if you wear that red one, I can wear...."

To be able to implement this approach, you'll have to do a couple of things:
1. Be observant enough to know a couple of items in her wardrobe that look good and that she likes.
2. Watch What Not To Wear or Queer Eye or OC enough to learn some basic principles of coordination. Better yet, you could even ask her what you should wear that would complement the alternative clothing choice you suggest. This allows her the brief return to her childhood when you become her living Ken doll and she gets to dress you for the magical ball with Prom Queen Barbie.

As you use these strategies and become more comfortable with them, you will get to the point where you can circumvent the dreaded question all together. I realize that I enjoy a quality of relationship that too few men ever experience, but it is not an elusive golden chalice that is forever unattainable. With perseverance, and the consistent application of truth, timeliness, and tact, you can one day have a conversation that resembles something like this (as she is dressing in a questionable outfit):

Me: You know, that's not really the best outfit.
She: why?
Me: Well, the shoulders are boxy, the print is dated...you've got much better stuff in the closet.
She: OK...like what?
Me: Lots of things. That black outfit...or the one with the belt...lots of things.
She: Yeah, I guess you're right...
Me (later, after a change): Wow, darlin', you look smokin!

and....SCENE.

Highlights:
1. By starting off the conversation, I took control of the situation and never allowed the dreaded question to enter into the paradigm.
2. Offer affirmation that beauty is just around the corner, its just not in the unflattering outfit.
3. Even if I don't know what she should wear, or even what options exist, I've learned how to give enough specifically vague generalities to lead her back to the closet to try again.
4. I ALWAYS return to affirm the new selection.

truth
timeliness
tact

a triumvirate of RELSUCSTRAT wonderment, guaranteed to work, or you get triple your money back.

like a rock

my email said this rock used to be filled with graffiti and vulgarities. Now its viewed with respect and honor.

lockerrooms and the media

WFAA Channel 8 in Dallas-Fort Worth was caught with their proverbial pants down recently when, following a Cowboys defeat, they aired video from the lockerroom where a player walked in front of the camera, wearing only...no, I'm sorry, that man was full-frontal naked! Being the family-oriented site that this is, I'll offer no links to anything tawdry.

But I will share this story with you. My first assignment as a news writer for the Southwestern Seminary was to cover a charity game between the Dallas Cowboy Alumni and Southwestern's Shooters (who were missionaries in court shoes, who happened to have surprisingly well-honed basketball skills). The game was interesting, ending in a 101-101 tie. Easy to put an "everybody wins" type of spin on it.

Well, the only thing that was lacking was some feel-good quotes from some of the 'Boys. Their coordinator, who was handling the media, allowed me to go on back to the lockerroom, but only because I was representing the seminary.

Cool, I thought. I'll be the only reporter in here with the guys. I'll get to pal around, cut jokes about Walls' missed lay-up that could have won it. This will be gr...

AAAUUGHH! MY EYES! SOMEBODY PLEASE BLIND ME!!!!

I walked unprepared into a lockerroom full of naked athletes! Heroes of my youth standing around like they had just finished some competitive sporting event or something!

Oh yeah...I saw 'em all...

Tony "TD" Dorsett...naked, laughing with the aforementioned Everson Walls about the aforementioned missed layup. Yeah, Walls was naked, too.

Ed "Too Tall Jones"...walking out of the shower, toweling dry his too-tall and naked self.

Randy White...White and naked.

The list could go on, as it does in my mind like an eternally-looped horror-filled drivers ed "Dangers of Drinking & Driving" video. Suffice it to say, I was just soverythankful that Tom Landry hadn't shown up to give back to the community. Even though I was no stranger to the lockerroom, having grown up fully immersed in sports, I guess I had closed that chapter in the book of my life and I couldn't have been more out of place if my glasses had been taped at the nose and they had hung me to a wall hanger by the elastic of my underwear.

Well, here I was, fully clothed amidst a bunch of naked giants. I couldn't run out screaming...that wouldn't be professional. Then Touchdown Tony does the most horrific thing imaginable (at least to me, at that moment). He slings his towel around the back of his neck, perches one leg up on a bench, leans down upon it "buckaroo style" and reaches out to shake my hand.

Still naked.

"Tony Dorsett...pleased to meet you."

you have to be kidding.

What else could I do?

I shook hands with naked Tony Dorsett.

I did my best to pretend to be a journalist. I asked questions, never looking up from my note pad. I took notes, never looking up from my note pad. I laughed with them about the game, about missionaries playing basketball, about freaked out reporters who clearly didn't belong in the lockerroom...

...never looking up from my notepad.

I share my traumatic experience with you for this reason. Reporters don't belong in the lockerroom. Cameras don't belong in the lockerroom. And for the sake of all things private and personal, reporters with cameras don't belong in the lockerroom. I don't care if the athletes are exhibitionists at heart or if the reporters are voyeurs in their own heart. I don't need risk seeing some lineman's doodis just so I can get the raw emotion that seems to wan in direct proportion to the time extending beyond the final play. I already have to tell my children to close their eyes so they don't have to see commercials of violently-killed dead people (Thanks CSI!) or of nearly naked models (funny -- I don't think my 4 year-old son needs to know "what's sexy" from Victoria's Secret). Now I have to be afraid of walking-by tallywhackers during my sports cast.

Great....now I'll have flashbacks the rest of the evening.

pistol. fish. barrel.

Howard Dean
"The capture of Saddam has not made America safer."

thank you sir may i have another*

always up for a little indiscriminate flagellation, I just signed up to be evaluated by Blog Review.

the good, the bad, and the ugly

Good News: Clinton Portis's injured knee isn't as severe as originally thought. He has a sprain (as well as one to his ankle). This means he's not out.

Bad News: They still have to play the Colts on Sunday.

The Ugly News: My prognosticative disabilities on display:

Tampa plucks Atlanta
Minnesota raids Kansas City
New England tarrifs New York (Jets)
St. Louis grazes Cincinnatti
Buffalo stampedes Miami
Chicago displaces Washington
Cleveland cages Baltimore
Dallas "stalks" New York (Giants)
Carolina "Roy's Revenge"s Detroit
New Orleans spays Jacksonville
Tennessee "alamos" Houston
Pittsburgh grounds San Diego
Seattle nests Arizona
Philadelphia audits San Francisco
Denver gelds Indianapolis
Oakland freights Green Bay

a chill wind coming

We have rain in our forecast, with temps likely falling below freezing. Apparently, when this happens in Georgia, panic ensues and there is widespread work stoppages. We've seen similar atmospheric situations occur in Colorado. There, though, it's called "a warm December Wednesday morning."

boil your blood to keep the winter chill at bay

Kyle (who claims to have "retired") must knows what makes me tick.

He sends an email that says in the header "blog topic for you"

and the text simply reads...

enjoy this one:

http://www.mpacuk.org/mpac/data/3513187e/3513187e.jsp

Let's see...what direction could I take with this tripe:

a) the "Christian Reverend" who hates his own faith so much that he prostitutes the gospel and castigates evangelicals.

b) the pc poison that says a gift is polluted if it is accompanied by the gospel of Jesus.

c) the ongoing manipulation of truth that takes a time-honored principle-guiding account and corrupts it to fit a political, carnal agenda.

d) the subtle proliferation of lies that attempts to present Islam in a favorable light.

We've supported Operation Christmas Child in the past and will again in the future. I will never apologize for a ministry that provides a chance for a child to come to faith in Jesus as the Christ. My heart hurts for all the children who won't receive gifts this year (and by "gifts," I mean fun-but-frivolous toys for war children, such as hair combs, tooth brushes, socks, paper, and pencils) simply because a bunch of UK secularists are afraid these children might be confronted with the good news that God loves them (as compared to what Islam teaches -- that God is unknowable, fickle, and rewards self-destruction).

To "Rev." Fraser, deal with it.

two from mikey

C&P from the email:

THINGS NOT TO SAY WHEN HANGING THE LIGHTS

~ "You've got two red lights right next to each other, goober. You're supposed to go yellow, green, red, blue, not yellow, red, red, green, blue..."

~ "Up a little higher. You can reach it. Go on, try."

~ "What on earth do you do to these lights when you put them away every year? Tie them in knots?"

~ "Give me that."

~ "You've got the whole thing on the tree upside-down. The electric pluggee thing should be down here at the bottom, not up at the top."

~ "I don't care if you have found another two strings, I'm done!"

~ "You've just wound 'em around and around - I thought we agreed it shouldn't look like a perfect spiral this year?"

~ "Have you been drinking?"

~ "Where's the cat?"

~ "If you're not going to do it right, don't do it at all. Don't just throw them on, like you do the icicles. You're worse than your father."

and

TOP 13 BAD CHRISTMAS GIFTS FOR YOUR PASTOR

13. The Left Behind Series "Practical Survivors Guide."

12. A Monopoly Acts-16 "Get out of jail free" card.

11. A "Begats" Family Tree Chart.

10. A Christian Supply House "Woman At the Well" water cooler.

9. A Gospeland Bookstore Fourth Watch Baptistry swimsuit.

8. Golf Club Covers with the 12 Disciples' Faces on Them.

7. The Damascas Road Auto-fog Light. (It'll blind ya.)

6. A bobble-head statue of the apostle Paul for the back of his car.

5. A LifeWay Dead Sea Bathroom Deodorizer.

4. An Official Cokesbury Hellfire and Brimstone Backyard Grill.

3. A half- size replica of the Popemobile.

2. A rooftop hot tub.

1. Frankincense Aftershave

From Sermon Fodder and Joke A Day Ministries

how much do you know

about the real details of Christmas?

Thanks Sari for the link!

(I got 15 out of 20, but would argue the semantics of at least three of my choices)

how have i overlooked this for so long

Although I recently pruned the blogroll (Reminder -- It is *such* a help if you ping blogroll, so your "cream rises to the top," so to speak, thus keeping me reading and keepin you from being voted off the island), I today righted a longstanding wrong and added both Citizen of the State and Sophorist to the reading list.

Coincidentally, they both have a link to Howard Dean's newest supporter. And because of that, I'll take a flyer at Backcountry Conservative on the blogroll as well.

first things first

I just want to take a moment to thank God for a friend like Tony. When I started blogging, I never thought about what I might gain from the venture. But God has given me a friend, a brother in faith, and a man of integrity. For that I am thankful.

a sine cera etymology

Yesterday, I heard a beautiful explanation for the word sincere. Unfortunately, it just isn't correct.

Dear Word Detective: Someone told me that the word "sincere" meant "without wax." They had a wonderful and compelling speech to accompany this assertion. However, I have been thus far unable to discover where they would have gotten this. Would you care to help me out on this? -- Jerry Rowe, via the internet.

Wonderful and compelling, eh? Well, it is my sad duty to reiterate one of the first lessons I learned, many years ago, about stories often told about word origins, which is that the more fascinating, colorful, and just plain "neat" a story is, the less likely it is to have even a passing relation to the truth.

I think that the theory you've heard about "sincere" and Roman columns is actually a mutation of a very popular story based on tracing "sincere" back to the Latin words "sine" (without) and "cera" (wax). Unscrupulous Roman stoneworkers, the story goes, would sometimes cut corners by applying a thick coating of shiny wax to marble rather than taking the time to polish it properly. So widespread was this shabby practice, it is said, that honest stoneworkers had to advertise their wares as being "sine cera," without wax, to reassure their customers. "Sincere," the story goes, eventually came to be used more generally to mean "honest" and "straightforward."

While this lovely story is not absolutely impossible, it turns out to be something worse -- unnecessary. Most authorities trace "sincere" back to a different Latin word -- "sincerus," meaning "whole" or "pure." Probably based on the roots "sin" (one) and "crescere" (to grow), "sincerus" originally referred to a plant which was of pure stock -- not a mixture or hybrid -- and later came to mean anything which was genuine and not adulterated.

at least the person telling the fabricated history was sincere.

Thanks to The Word Dective for solving the riddle for me.

loco en la cabeza

This news is five days old, but I just came across the link that I had emailed myself. I hadn't remembered why it was so important that I had done so. But after reading it, I was was compelled again to gripe at the insanity that sometimes gets passed as social activism.

Basically, the report of this "study" suggests illegal noncitizens deserve the right to vote. By this reasoning, given the current number of noncitizens already in our country who don't share a love for the country that do say....our citizens, allowing them to vote could introduce a bloc that could conceivably put into office someone who would be an enemy to the democratic republic that has served us so well.

Rhetorical: Why do we work so hard to reward individuals who only want to pluck the fruit of fortune from our nation, without respecting it enough to legally be a part of its constituency? Don't give me the Stuart Smalley "every US citizen came from immigrants" arguement. So what? My family wasn't illegal, as far as I know. And even if they were, I'm not. Beyond that, I love and respect this country enough to abide by the agreed upon rules of conduct and civility.

Truth, I've learned, is simple. There is no need for consideration of a complex system to allow this. Condition: Are you illegally in the US? If yes, leave the voter booth and do not return until residency has been legally obtained. A polite individual wearing the blue jacket with the words "Homeland Security" will escort you to a van that will transport you to a predetermined location.

perspective

Lest you get nostalgic and tender-hearted over the US capture of a feeble old man, just because he reminds you of someone from your past, head on over LGF for two pictures that will re-orient your indignation and anger back to the side of righteousness.

heh

someone on some other blog called him "Evil Santa."

that made me laugh.

i don't want to get off on a rant here, but...

Time asks Dennis Miller ten questions.

A sample:

Explain how the war in Iraq makes sense to you as a response to 9/11. Like there's no chance that the secular state of Iraq and Islamic fundamentalists cohabitate? They both think we're Satan. How about that as a nice point of departure for them car-pooling? I wish there was a country called al-Qaedia that we could have invaded, but there wasn't. (Saddam was) the only one who had a home address.

Now you only have nine more to go

and as a matter of fact

It didn't escape my notice that the Broncos won today....a game that never should have went into overtime.

9-5 with two to go. Playoff scenarios look interesting, but much can change with these last two weeks.

a compendium of saddamondium

Cap'n Ed spent the day having a one-track mind.

And I thank him for it. Lots of provocative, interesting stuff.

which blogger will get a rose, and which will go home....broken-hearted???

In a world where melana+fatsuit=monica-chandler=trista+ryan^wedding=ratings, I've been thrilled to see that I wasn't the first guy voted "back to the bus" on the blogging equivalent of Average Joe. The results are in from the preliminary round of King of the Blogs.

I finished second, only 1.25 points behind some other guy to whom I refuse to link, simply on the pride filled reasoning that if I do, you might actually go to the link and think he's prettier than me. I work hard to be so vacuous and distant that you might inaccurately perceive that I am something other than a poor attention starved hack. The exciting news...at least to me...is that I've made it in to the final round. Little does my competition know that I've been working on my flaming baton routine to the tune of Dueling Banjoes just for this opportunity.

As I mention in my comments at the KOTB site, I'm thankful to have been involved in the process, even if I get beaten like a '04Democrat. And I'm not just saying that because I'm hoping flattery will extend the grace of the judges, or even because in the prelim round I got more strokes than a three-legged long-haired kitten in PETA's assisted-living facility. It's been great to receive feedback and input on the actual words I hammer out here, on the style, content, and design of this medium of propaganda.

On a related note, though it will likely be after all final voting has completed -- I'll be making the switch over to a blogspotless system in 2004. I have a good friend who is working with me on some space, and he brings some tech savvy and an eye for design that will no doubt take the Q level up a notch or four. Now I just need some recommendation on to which platform to migrate.

this is what i meant

I stated earlier that if you fail the litmus test you could just leave. Here's some perfect examples, provided graciously through the work of WSJ BOTW*, of some who are heartily encouraged to expatriate to France:

I had a horrible feeling in my stomach this morning when I saw that Hussein had been capatured.

This is a BIG boost for *. This will be used in campaign literature. It will make Dems and others who opposed the war look bad as well. I don't regret opposing shrub's war of aggression on Iraq but it sure will be hard for the candidates now, unless they press the Where's Osama issue but since a majority of Americans already believe that Hussein was behind 9/11/01 it hardly matters.

All of a sudden I am not confident he will lose in 2004.

Please boost my confidence in shrub's defeat in November 2004.

Look what he has going for him right now:

Dow over 10,000
Hussein captured
The pug CONvention is going to be in NYC around the time of the 9/11 anniversary
A complacent and compliant right-wing corporate controlled media all too willing to act as an arm of the pentagon and white house press room.
His administration did what his daddy did not, supposedly captured Hussein.

The conspiracy theorist in me says that if this is REALLY Hussein then why didn't * and his media minions not wait until Monday to announce his capture?

Needing encouragement that * can be defeated. Now the stuff about Halliburton overcharging the government will be placed on the back burner as the corporate media celebrates the capture of Hussein.

Not feeling hopeful right now. I have a lot of fear of what he could do if given a second term.

and

Pam Bergren: "I personally don't care too much that Hussein was caught--he never did anything to me."


"marsh": "This is supposed to be a war on terror, not a war on tyranny."


Erik Latranyi: "Well, tha capture of Sadaam takes the 'failure to capture' issue off the table. Now that the economy is picking up (mall was packed yesterday), Iraq is getting better, prescription drugs on the way, education spending at an all-time high, no further terrorist attacks--what is left? Oh, yes, the capture of Bin Laden. If that happens, we are completely sunk."

I'm willing to be called a pollyanna for this, but it literally baffles me that any American can feel this way, much less write it. I was so thrilled by the news that I headed for church with my Bible left atop the Durango. I at first thought another patriot was giving me a "God Bless the USA We Got Him!" wave, but it turns out he was just alerting me to my oversight. In our Sunday school class, I wanted to talk about it -- not for the whole time, but long enough to at least acknowledge a victory, a cause to celebrate!

And even while I extend praise to the soldiers and the intelligence gatherers and our President, I confess to feeling the same pity for Saddam that I felt for his sons when they were killed. I don't feel sorry for him. But I pity him. What a pitiful existence that will end in ignominy rather than inspiration, notoriety rather than nobility. What a waste. A man who could have given so much spent his whole life taking. A man who could have led graciously ruled mercilessly. He could have established a legacy a of beneficence but will instead be remembered for a patriarchy of tyranny.

What a waste.

*I will gladly link to the BOTW, but I refuse to link to traitors. If you really want to give them traffic, you can do the work yourself.

get a free order of breadsticks with every captured dictatorial potentate

Maybe it's the white tee-shirt under the pseudo hooded sweatshirt, but after Hussein got his shave and a hair cut (TWO BIIIIIIIIIIIITS)*, he looks eerily like an aged version of the dad of a friend of mine that I used to run around with in my early teen years. The guy's name was Dick, and he ran a pizza joint in town. Best pizza ever -- he did the whole cheese in the crust a decade before Pizza Hut did. And he'd add meat, too.

Dick was an athletically-built short New York Italian who played hoops against Kareem when Kareem was still Lew Alcindor. He used to say silly things like "farm out" and "radular," and we actually thought he was cool.

Dick left town when I was a freshman in high school. I just talked with him last year, after losing touch. He got remarried. His new wife was named teacher of the year for the whole country a couple of years ago. His oldest son, who was my good friend, is a mess now. His younger son is now a video game designer.

Wow...I had no idea that capturing Saddam would make me so nostalgic.

When they put him to death for his crimes, I'll find solace knowing that its not you, Dick, who did all those horrible things.

*name the movie.

pass/fail

The litmus test is simple:

Did your heart leap at the news of Saddam Hussein's capture?

If no, you are welcome to exit the country immediately.

a few good words

Psalm 31:23-24
Oh, love the Lord, all you His saints! For the Lord preserves the faithful, And fully repays the proud person. Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the Lord.



Isaiah 13:11
"I will punish the world for its evil, and the wicked for their iniquity; I will halt the arrogance of the proud, and will lay low the haughtiness of the terrible.

the sad, inevitable question

Which Dem is going to be the first to say something stupidly unpatriotic (and possibly treasonous) about this, making it about politics rather than freedom?

I'm thinking Dean.

CAPTURED!

We got him!

In the capital, radio stations played celebratory music, residents fired small arms in the air in celebration and others drove through the streets, shouting, "They got Saddam! They got Saddam!"

About 600 U.S. troops took part in Operation Red Dawn, said Lt. Gen. Ricardo Sanchez (search), the top American general in Iraq. Two other Iraqis were captured along with Saddam, who was found with $750,000 in U.S. currency, Sanchez said.

The operation began after the military received tips from local residents as well as unspecified intelligence, Sanchez said. About 90 minutes after receiving the intelligence, the military launched the raid.

Troops with Task Force 2, the special forces unit set up to go after Saddam, surrounded a farmhouse and looked for Saddam in two specific locations -- dubbed Wolverine One and Wolverine Two -- but initially did not locate him.

The search of the home continued and troops discovered a small hole in the ground. Inside the hole, which dropped about 6 feet into the ground, was Saddam. An exhaust fan had been installed, indicating the so-called spider hole was an emergency hiding spot.

Sanchez said he had no idea how long Saddam had been at the Tikrit location and could not say if anyone had stepped forward to claim the multi-million dollar reward for his capture.

"Today is a great day for Iraq and the Iraqi people," Sanchez said.

psst....

Wanna know Victoria's secret?

She doesn't mean the same thing you do when you say "change your undies." (link is safe)

Here's a teaser:

"Who the heck wants to wear someone else’s underwear. That's not a good thing."

po po poetry

slightly edited work of Paul Gilmartin:

Eggnog, tinsel, falling snow
Silent Night and mistletoe

Trimming trees and hanging lights
Sounds of carolers fill the nights

Shopping hours – long and hard
Visa calls and cancels card

Unpaid bills and mounting debts
Family gathers...depression sets

Conflict starts, harsh words are said
Dysfunction rears its yuletide head

Argument turns to shovin’
Drunken brother punches cousin

Tree tips over; popping lights
Curtains catch; house ignites

No one hears the clanging clatter
As Grandpa Joe fell off the ladder

The Holidays fill your heart with fear
But start planning now, ‘cause we’ll see you next year!

Merry Christmas!