12/20/2002

ALERT: juvenile male humor to follow

I apologize in advance for being an immature boy who laughed at this, and decided to post it here:

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn't bother me too much. My gas never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact, I've passed wind at least 20 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!"

The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week."

The next week the lady goes back. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what you gave me, but now my gas - although still silent - stinks terribly."

The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing..."

upon further review

I just went to get a cup of coffee. My secretary doesn't work on Friday's (neither do I), so I had to prepare it myself.

Yeah...I forgot to put the coffee into the actual maker. So all I got was a nice cup of hot water.



Tea, anyone?


I wonder if Brainbench has a test for this?

and one more thing

also took a personality profile from Brainbench. It's assessment of my psyche:

PART 1 -- PERSONALITY EVALUATION:

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trait |<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->| Trait
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Introverted |..................................X.....| Extraverted
Candid |......................................X.| Considerate
Impulsive |......................X.................| Cautious
Excitable |..............................X.........| Relaxed
Practical |......................X.................| Imaginative
Concrete |......................................X.| Abstract
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
|<--|---|---|---- Range ----|---|---|--->|
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
PART 2: OCCUPATIONAL PREFERENCE EVALUATION:

Social people seem to satisfy their needs in teaching or helping situations. They are drawn more to seek close interpersonal relationships and are less apt to engage in intellectual of extensive physical activity. The S type generally likes to help, teach, and counsel people more than engage in mechanical or technical activity. The S type usually likes to be around other people, working in groups and sharing responsibilities. They are good communicators and are interested in how people get along, and like to help other people with their problems. They like nursing, or giving first aid and providing information. They generally avoid using machines, tools, or animals to achieve a goal. They see themselves as helpful, friendly, and trustworthy.

The adjectives most typically associated with the Social occupational category are:
------------------------------------------------------------
convincing cooperative
easy-going friendly
generous helpful
honest idealistic
insightful kind
outgoing patient
responsible social
sympathetic tactful
trustworthy understanding
warm


This is particularly true: especially the part about avoiding using animals to accomplish my goals. I once relied upon a muskrat to put a sermon together for me, and although seven people came forward to receive Christ as Savior, I was rather unimpressed with its homiletical skills.

insomniacal wanderings

found Brainbench in a time of sleepless surfing last night.

Took several online tests.

I am now certified in:
typing and accuracy
english vocabulary

I am now master certified in:
math fundamental skills
english usage

I just missed my 'master's certification' in the vocabulary, and it was the glitch on the test that caused it. I've appealed to the International Board of Meaningless Online Exams (IBMOE), but they denied my appeal. I think the Russian judge was bribed to ensure I'd finish second in the free skate vocab.

I'm really not certain if this is impressive, or just silly. I can't imagine an employer looking at my resume' (if I were to include my results in it) and thinking, wow, this guy's got a Master's certificate in math fundamentals. If I once again find myself in that precarious situation of trying to divide 3/8 by 9/4, this guy will know what to do.

by the way, I now know I type 63 words a minute, adjusted for accuracy. But if you want a 'funner' way to test your skills, go here and click on Word Shark.

cotterisms

from my son, 3, to my wife, 32: "would it be okay if I just called you Kelli?"

12/19/2002

the meaning of christmas: God



Then I saw heaven opened, and behold, a white horse. And He who sat on him was called Faithful and True, and in righteousness He judges and makes war. His eyes were like a flame of fire, and on His head were many crowns. He had a name written that no one knew except Himself. He was clothed with a robe dipped in blood, and His name is called The Word of God. And the armies in heaven, clothed in fine linen, white and clean, followed Him on white horses. Now out of His mouth goes a sharp sword, that with it He should strike the nations. And He Himself will rule them with a rod of iron. He Himself treads the winepress of the fierceness and wrath of Almighty God. And He has on His robe and on His thigh a name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS. -- Revelation 19:11-16

the meaning of christmas: the angels



And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: "Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men!'' -- Luke 2:13-14

the meaning of christmas: to many



And this will be the sign to you: You will find a Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger. -- Luke 2:12

the meaning of christmas: jesus



looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame -- Hebrews 12:2

the meaning of christmas: the shepherds



Now there were in the same country shepherds living out in the fields, keeping watch over their flock by night. And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. "For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. -- Luke 2:8-11

the meaning of christmas: joseph



Then Joseph, being aroused from sleep, did as the angel of the Lord commanded him and took to him his wife, and did not know her till she had brought forth her firstborn Son. And he called His name Jesus. -- Matthew 1:24-25

the meaning of christmas: mary



So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered. And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths -- Luke 2:6-7

the meaning of christmas: the magi



Now after Jesus was born in Bethlehem of Judea in the days of Herod the king, behold, wise men from the East came to Jerusalem, saying, "Where is He who has been born King of the Jews? For we have seen His star in the East and have come to worship Him.'' -- Matthew 2:1-2

the meaning of christmas: simeon & anna



And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him.... Now there was one, Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day. And coming in that instant she gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all those who looked for redemption in Jerusalem. -- Luke 2:25, 36-38

the meaning of christmas: the world

signs of the impending apocalypse #14

From MSNBC:
Police say mom faked child’s cancer

Ohio woman allegedly employed hoax to raise money

ASSOCIATED PRESS

URBANA, Ohio, Dec. 19 — Police say a woman tried to trick her daughter and community into thinking the girl had cancer so she could raise money, even going so far as to shave the 7-year-old’s head, give her sleeping pills and put her in counseling to prepare to die.


It's always nice to hear these types of stories around the holidays. How messed up does a person have to be to do something like this?

For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. -- 1 Timothy 6:10

But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good... -- 2 Tim. 3:1-3



12/18/2002

a mild diversion

want to play some ping pong

I've beaten the German, but none of the others.

Sholer, Germany 21-7
Matsushita, Japan 21-16
Kong, China 22-20
J-O, Sweden 21-18

I think this is one my father in law will enjoy. and Kelli, too (both of whom can beat me like a rented mule in real table tennis)

postscript: I am a dork

is the caller there?

from baptist press

Mohler defends biblical authority,gospel exclusivity on 'Donahue' By Michael Foust

LOUISVILLE, Ky. (BP)--A lively televised debate about gospel exclusivity Dec. 17 resulted in a sharp contrast between traditional Christianity and liberal Protestantism.

Southern Baptist Theological Seminary President R. Albert Mohler Jr. appeared in studio on MSNBC's "Donahue," defending the orthodox Christian belief that Jesus Christ is the only way to salvation. The program was broadcast live from the cable network's New York City studio.

Although Mohler was called a "spiritual racist" by a Jewish rabbi in the opening segment, it was a debate with a self-professed Christian later in the show that resulted in the most spirited exchange.

Mohler made it clear he believed "Jesus is the only way" and on several occasions quoted John 14:6.

But another guest, Union Theological Seminary (N.Y.) President Joseph Hough, took exception to evangelicals' beliefs, even saying that God could possibly be a "she."

"The basic problem I think here is that their God is too small," Hough said of evangelicals. "For me, I'm passionately Christian. I am a Christian. I believe in Jesus as the one who showed me the way. But I would be the last person to be so arrogant as to assert that my God has so little imagination that she or he could not reach out to other people in other cultures and other ways."

Host Phil Donahue followed by telling Hough, "You speak for me."

Hough also said that "those who claim that they know who is going to be saved" have scandalized Christ's name. "I think God knows who is going to be saved. I'm happy to leave it in God's hands," he said.

Mohler, trying to put the entire panel's debate in perspective a few segments later, said his views parallel the beliefs of the church since its inception.

"This is what Christianity has represented throughout the centuries," Mohler said. "That's just an historical fact. Liberal Protestants, like Dr. Hough, have moved away from a doctrine of biblical authority."

With Hough responding, "That's not true," Mohler posed a question: "Do you believe that Jesus said, 'I am the Way, the Truth and the Life, no man comes to the Father but by me?"

"I don't know whether Jesus said that or whether John wrote it," Hough responded.

Said Mohler: "[But] it was written in the Word."

"Don't you know about historical criticism?" Hough asked Mohler. "... Then you should read a little bit of that. If you did, then you would know that that book was written in the second century." Comments such as Hough's reflect historical critics' suspicion of the Bible's truthfulness by insisting it includes historical inaccuracies.

Mohler responded, "You take the Jesus of your scholarly imagination, and I'll take the Jesus of the gospel."

Hough, pointing to a Bible Mohler had brought, asked, "Do you believe that Bible literally?"

"Yes, I do," Mohler answered.

The entire program had similar clear divisions between panelists. Joining Mohler in representing traditional Christianity were Michael Brown, a Messianic Jew who is president of the Pensacola, Fla.,-based ICN (Israel, the Church and the Nation) Ministries. Flip Benham, president of the pro-life Operation Rescue, joined the discussion by remote.

Hough, Donahue and Rabbi Shmuley Boteach argued against Christianity's exclusive claims, saying such beliefs were dangerous and resulted in the Crusades and the
Holocaust.

Panelists fielded questions from Donahue, audience members and viewers.

Donahue opened the show by asking, "Why do evangelicals -- particularly Southern Baptists -- target Jews for conversion?" He then asked Mohler, "How do we get into heaven?"

"Only by faith in the Lord Jesus Christ," Mohler said.

But Boteach, author of "Judaism for Everyone," strongly disagreed with Mohler's comments.

"Sadly, Reverend Mohler is a spiritual racist," he said, adding that Ku Klux Klan members once killed minorities in the name of Christ.

Mohler responded by saying that such a person was not a Christian in the first place.

"The Lord himself said we shall know them by their fruits," Mohler said. "Therefore, the authenticity of one who claims the name of the Lord Jesus Christ is demonstrated by ... his love for all persons -- including the Jews -- and his desire that they will come to Christ."

A discussion on judgment, heaven and hell dominated the program. At one point an audience member asked Boteach what he believed about Old Testament verses
describing "sin and judgment."

"Did you realize that I don't give a darn if I'm going to heaven or hell?" Boteach responded. "I didn't have children so that they look after me when I'm an old fool with drool coming out of my mouth. I had them because I love them. I serve God because I love him. ... Why are you so fixated with heaven and hell, punishment and sin?"

Speaking to Boteach, Brown said, "We're saying there is judgment. Everybody's sinned. Everybody's fallen short. It's true."

"What is this judgment thing?" Boteach asked, laughing. "[It's] all we hear."

Hough said he was "not interested in where we're going when we die. I'm much more interested in what our religion teaches how to live."

While some audience members supported traditional Christian beliefs, several expressed outrage at its claim of uniqueness. One said the panel's evangelicals "are more fanatical than half of the people who are causing problems in Israel and around the Arab world." Another audience member said the "saddest part of this entire discussion is that these young children of these bigots are being brought up to mimic and memorize and read [and] not to think for themselves."

Benham disagreed with the description.

"We don't force a dogma like the Ayatollah does, or like the Orthodox Jew does," he said. "Jesus says, 'Come unto me, all ye that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.' It's an invitation to the whole world."

An audience member asked Mohler if a serial killer who believed in Jesus could get into heaven.

"If we take the gospel seriously, it's impossible to imagine that one who knows the Lord Jesus Christ as Savior and as his disciple could be a serial killer," Mohler said. "Then you have another question. After committing that sin, is it possible even for someone who has been a serial killer to come to faith in the Lord Jesus Christ? Yes. We are all sinners, and grace is to those who trust the Lord Jesus Christ -- serial killer, serial liar, serial sinner."

After fielding another hypothetical question about who gets into heaven, Mohler addressed the problem of man's sinfulness.

"The audience assumes what most people these days assume, and that is that the default position is [that people are] going to heaven," he said. "[However,] we are born sinners destined for hell. The miracle is that God loved us so much that he sent his Son so that all who believe in him might have life and life everlasting. That's the good news of the gospel."

Brown agreed, and spoke to the assertion that exclusive views are the cause of wars.

"There's been bloodshed under atheists, bloodshed under communists, Nazis," he said. "That's because human beings are fundamentally flawed -- created in God's image but fallen. We need help. ... Jesus in his extraordinary love died for our sins and says everybody can have a chance."

Pointing to a past comment by Mohler -- in which he said "the biggest problem with Islamic theology is that it kills the soul" -- Donahue challenged the Southern Seminary president to lose some of his "devotion" and work to harvest "love and understanding."

But Mohler said he was doing just that -- loving others.

"The most important thing we can do if we love persons is to tell them the truth, and I believe this is the truth based on God's Word," he said in a comment that elicited applause.

preaching plans

disclaimer: the following agenda is subject to change pending an unforeseen movement of the will of the Holy Spirit

Following Christmas, I'll be preaching A Blockbuster Winter Sermon Series

Sermon will include:
My Big Fat Greek Wedding
Far From Heaven
Lord of the Rings
City of God

I did this once before, about two years ago (in Craig) and the messages seemed to make a connection

Back then, the messages were:
The Patriot (Daniel & Fiery Furnace -- Daniel 1)
The Perfect Storm (The Flood -- Genesis 6-9)
X-Men (living as a Christian -- Ephesians 5)
Gladiator (Samson -- Judges 16)

a shepherd's story

It was a night like no other, though I had done it a thousand times. The sheep calmly grazed by a bright star-filled night. My friends kept watch, commenting on the brilliance of one particular star overhead. I had just laid my head on a stone for a nap when a frightening light filled the air.

Scared sheep don't make good hiding places.


It was an angel, giving words of comfort.

Don't be afraid I bring good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior who is Christ the Lord.

We still weren't quite so sure.

Suddenly, the angel was surrounded by a host from heaven, singing,

Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace and goodwill toward men!

Then they were gone.

After we picked ourselves off the ground, I suggested we go to Bethlehem to find this infant who would give salvation to one like me.
unclean unworthy a sinner

Just like the angel said, when we went into town we found the baby.
Wrapped in swaddling cloths Lying in a manger

Gathering around the infant, we watched Him And we worshipped Him.
Coo Spit up Squeal with delight Cry in hunger

Then, He smiled at me, and dropped off to sleep.

He was ordinarily beautiful

Regally plain


Divinely human


After quietly stepping out, we ran through the streets telling everyone we met
God has kept His promise!


He has sent His Savior!


To God be the glory!




It's hard to believe that was more than thirty years ago.

Just the other day, I watched from afar as Roman Centurians hammered spikes through the wrists and ankles of a rabble-rousing Rabbi. They nailed him to the cross.
His crime?
Teaching about God. Healing the sick. Providing miracles.


They called him a threat a blasphemer an agent of Satan.

Soon the crowds gathered to look at Him who they had pierced
mocking teasing scorning taunting

I was too far away to hear the words He spoke to two criminals on either side of Him.
One smiled peacefully in his last moments. The other wept bitterly in his.

This One in the middle abandoned by everyone. You know who He is

He was that baby

laying in the manger wrapped in swaddling cloths introduced by the angelic choir


His name was Jesus


In the shadow of the cross, the manger seems so far away, so long ago.

And I couldn't go near I was filled with dread

After a horrible silence, He cried out

it is finished


Then He was gone

Friends and followers later took and buried Him in a borrowed tomb.
that was three days ago


But this morning, the most unusual thing happened

Mary, the one who was once a demon-possessed prostitute
Peter, the former fisherman
And the one Jesus loved like a brother I think his name is John

They've come, saying something amazing
They say His tomb is empty
I had to see it for myself

The tomb is empty!


Jesus

The baby born to a virgin
The child who amazed the scholars
The man who performed miracles - just to prove He could forgive sins
The Rabbi who frustrated the establishment

Is alive

He is the Savior!

He is Lord!

He's alive!

signs of the impending apocalypse #13

it has to be a sign of the impending apocalypse if I can actually find, on the Internet, a sign of the impending apocalypse, right?

well, I give you...

12/17/2002

baptist news

Roy Spannegel, an associate pastor at Riverside, has accepted a position on the Missouri Baptist Convention staff as associate director of missions and education (I'm not sure if that's the 'official' title). He is an awesome man of God, and Missouri will be blessed to have him.

Missouri: 1
Colorado: 0

Kingdom: we'll only know in eternity!

12/16/2002

please pray for

Kim Gregorich....prayed to receive Christ as Savior yesterday. planning to be baptized on Sunday.

Just a quick question

do you know for sure what will happen to you when this life ends?

yes no

news of note

From Baptist Press: Ike Reighard joins HomeBanc as chief people officer.

ATLANTA (BP)--Well-known Southern Baptist pastor Ike Reighard has assumed the new position of chief people officer for HomeBanc Mortgage Corp., a loan company with nearly 1,000 employees and $5 billion in loans throughout the southeastern United States.

Reighard, 52, will be responsible for shepherding the company's corporate culture and honing ethical standards and leadership. He also will serve on the eight-member executive committee, a group of HomeBanc's highest-ranking executives.

Reighard, pastor of NorthStar Church in Kennesaw, Ga., near Atlanta, is a former president of the Southern Baptist Pastors' Conference. He served as senior pastor at New Hope Baptist Church in Fayetteville, Ga., from 1976-96 and at First Baptist Atlanta in 1996. He founded NorthStar in 1997 and the congregation has been among the fastest- growing church plants in the Southern Baptist Convention.

"There's been some significant gaps in character that's been displayed in leadership in corporate and government roles," HomeBanc chairman Patrick Flood told the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. "CEOs have gotten way too full of themselves, believing they're the success of the business. The fact is, we play a real role, but the real success are the people who do the heavy lifting -- the workers."

HomeBanc officials had gotten to know Reighard through the company's monthly Bible studies and Reighard's motivational talks to employees.

Reighard told the Journal-Constitution he believes his 28 years in the ministry will help him in his new job, which is chiefly about people. In addition to serving as senior pastor at NorthStar Church, he's adept in leadership and organizational behavior. He's already turned over day-to-day management of the church to others and will preach twice a month for a period of time.

A native of Andrews, N.C., Reighard earned an undergraduate degree from Mercer University and master of divinity and doctor of ministry degrees from Luther Rice Seminary.




This is pretty cool news. The first time I met Ike Reighard was at the first wounded heroes retreat (now called wounded ministers), where he was one of the speakers, and I had been invited to come and cover the event for Baptist Press.

interlude #1: this was an awesome week for me as a young man entering the ministry. It was so powerful for me to be surrounded by two dozen ministers and spouses who were battling through being damaged in ministry. The Lord used that week to deal with me in my sinful way of "fighting to win." I learned that I was not immune from teh potential pitfalls of destruction.

interlude #2: The Ken Cooper Clinic in Dallas is one of the coolest places I've visited. Cooper is the guy who coined the term "aerobics" and is a pioneer in exercise science. I was out on a walk that week around the complex, and watched President Bush (41) cross my path, jogging with a contingent of Secret Service agents. Also, the guy who was the retired Ranger on Walker Texas Ranger (actor Noble Willingham, I've learned) lived there.


Anyway, back to the story -- Ike & Robin gave their testimonies at the Wounded Heroes retreat -- and their lives are phenomenal testimonies to the grace and mercy of God. I'm fascinated that HomeBanc has created this position for which he has been hired. Certainly, in light of Worldcom, Enron, et al., its not hard to understand why. The dynamics at play here are very intriguing, and the potential is limitless. This story has a 'Joseph'-type feel to it, in that Reighard will have a tremendous influence over the world's most important resource -- the human resource. It's easy to be excited for him because this ministry is unconventional, and it certainly is 'front line.'

postlude: the funniest story I remember him telling was that, as a new Christian, he was invited to preach. Scared silly, he invited the congregation to open to John 3, where he began preaching about the meeting between Jesus and Nicodemus. The entire time Reighard pronounced his name Ni'.cod.um.us. (with a long 'i' and a short 'o'). At the end of the message, a congregant politely corrected him, saying the name is pronounced, "Ni.co'.dee.mus" (with a short 'i' and a long 'o'). His very slick reply was something like, "Oh, I'm sorry, I'm just pronouncing it using the common Greek form instead of the Americanized pronunciation." I'm never that quick on my feet.
Just last night in Bible study it took me (literally) five times to get out the word 'millennarianism' correctly. I sounded like Elmer Fudd after 4 cups of coffee.

spreading the cheer

from my dad in the email....slightly edited

I went to the store the other day, and I was in there for only about five minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for worn tires! So I called him another choice name. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care.

My car was parked around the corner....I try to have a little fun each day. It's important.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

point/counterpoint

both from mikey's funnies at youth specialties

Point:
Why Santa is a Man!
By Bill Helker

1. Santa lives at the North Pole.
Anyone who has ever dated/married/been in the same room with a woman knows that unless the air temperature is high enough to cook a small turkey, she will complain about it being too cold. So, there is NO way she would choose the North Pole as her base of operations. The Bahamas would be more to her taste.

2. Santa is fat and jolly.
I dare ANYONE to describe ANY woman as "fat and jolly" to her face and expect to survive! If Santa was a woman, and you refereed to her as this, you wouldn't find coal in your stocking, you'd find a pipe-bomb!

3. Santa at the mall.
Now, I know that others have used the "Mall" example as proof that Santa is a woman. However, you see both men and women at the mall. And let me ask you this...What does Santa DO at the mall??? HE SITS DOWN!!! Do you ever see women sitting down at the mall??? Noooo! Women are running around trying to find a dust ruffle that matches the throw pillows on her sister's day-bed! Men sit...Santa sits. 'nuff said.

4. Santa walks around on rooftops.
I don't know about you, but my wife REFUSES to get on the roof! If there is anything to be done up there, she sends me. In fact, I don't think I have EVER seen a woman up on a roof. The fact that Santa is perfectly comfortable walking around on a slippery, angled housetop is further proof that he is a "He!"

5. Santa likes Milk and Cookies.
If Santa were a woman, we'd have to leave Godiva Chocolate and International Foods Flavored Coffee. Or maybe herbal tea. Of course, if she was still sensitive about the whole "Fat and Jolly" thing, she would demand nothing more than a carrot stick and a glass of water.

6. Santa uses the Chimney.
No woman would ever THINK about crawling into a dirty, smelly chimney. A woman would carry a spare set of keys for every house. Of course, this would never work because she wouldn't be able to find them in her purse.

7. Santa has reindeer.
Reindeer are totally for guys; they are big, hairy, smelly, and have huge antlers. A woman would never use them. She would prefer to be driven around in a stretch limo. Or, if she really wanted to use the traditional sleigh, they would have to be pulled by horses. I mean, what is it with women and horses??

And that's why Santa is a man!

Copyright 2002 Bill Helker. Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.

Counterpoint: SANTA IS A WOMAN

Santa is a woman
I'm convinced it must be true
So many things he takes credit for
Most men just will not do

He spends his days in shopping malls
Passing out candy and gum sticks
He gabs with moms and kids alike
And takes great party pics

Santa always keeps a list
And always checks it twice
Why, isn't that the story
Of every woman's life?

Santa's into arts and crafts
He's always making toys
And he keeps tabs on all the neighborhood kids
Knows the nice girls and boys

Santa likes to decorate
They say he has a flair
He can do the trees all by himself
Knows which ornament goes where

Santa does not mind asking directions
There's a lot of deliveries, you know
To houses all over the universe
In cities high and low

Santa makes a fashion statement
That few other men would copy
In a fur-trimmed suit of velvet red
Never wrinkled, never sloppy

Yes, Santa Claus there is a Virginia
And a Mary, Sue and Jane
You must know all of them quite well
For you are much the same

Santa has to be a woman
It's the only thing that's right
Who else would work on holiday presents
All hours of the night

Copyright 2000 Laura Walton. Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.

12/15/2002

who's happier

From NBC: Gore not to run in 2k4

like an old optical illusion



whose smile is larger, the Dems' or the GOP's?

Though I don't think I'm saying much, I really thought he was the most viable Dem candidate.

But much can happen in two years. As we have already seen.

uh oh

someone brought this yummy little sausage biscuits for our Sunday School breakfast.

I had 3

now I have heartburn.

Just in time for worship.

my 2 cents

insomnia hit last night...until I got sleepy.

in that time of awaked-ness, I watched Al Gore on SNL. I was mildly amused at most his material. I didn't care for his Trent Lott impersonation, and not because it wasn't any good. It was just mean-spirited. Lott certainly can blame only himself for the avalanche of criticism. I just don't like the "kick-em-while-they're down" attitude. This Lott issue has illustrated the difference (IMHO) between conservatives and liberals. When liberals make similar statements, they receive 'protection' from colleagues and media. When a conservative chokes on his Nikes, there is no rest or quarter to be found anywhere. This is not a complaint of "poor conservatives." I'm actually pleased that conservatives are holding Lott accountable, although I don't think he deserves the lynching that some suggest. Al Sharpton has acted like this is the greatest offense in the last since MLK's assassination.

I don't know what the stupidest thing I've ever said is. The very first sermon I preached I blurted out 'circumcision' for no real relevant reason. But I know I'm not always the witty erudite sophisticate that I seem to be.

I recently finished Ann Coulter's book Slander. It's an interesting read because she has done so much research to back up what she says. It's a difficult read because she's guilty of the same mean-spiritedness that I mentioned earlier. Wading through that part of it though, are many interesting points that are contextually relevant.

"that's all I have to say about that." -- Forrest Gump

two presents

This year's Christmas is special to us for a couple of reasons. First of all, it is special because it will be the first Christmas we'll be celebrating in our own home since our house fire of 2000. We love spending our holidays with our parents and extended family, but there certainly is much joy found in establishing our own memories and experiences in our own home. We're very much looking forward to that.

But another reason why we're really looking forward to this Christmas season is because this is the time of the year when we get to introduce Kelsi to the world. We decided this year not to send out birth announcements when she was born in February. Instead, we just determined to wait until sending out our annual Christmas card picture with this precious nine-month old little girl joining her brother and sister dressed in Christmas finery. Just this past Wednesday, we got everyone all spiffed up and arranged for the annual wrestling match we lovingly call "photo time."

Our mission that we choose to accept each and every year is to take one roll, 24 photos, of our children. Also, I do my best to accomplish this without losing my patience, my temper, or my mind. This year's attempt didn't start off that well because I told Kaylyn her smile looked fake, which broke her heart, and I had to spend adequate time consoling her and making sure she now didn't look "splotchy" for the photo. Once that drama was resolved, we snapped an impressive seven photos before Kelsi determined she had done her time, and she was making a break for it. We managed to placate her, or more accurately, managed to redirect her attention, and get the rest of the role. And Cotter, for all the times I have commented on his being an adventurous little boy, I must tell you, he was great. And he made sure to let us know just how good he was being.

Last week, we began our countdown to Christmas at our church by looking at the scriptures that share the details of Christ's coming and the visitation of the magi. Today, we're moving from the book of Matthew to the book of Luke and we'll see look at the spiritual truths behind the presentation of Jesus by Mary and Joseph in the temple, and the reaction His presentation caused by two of those who were worshipping there at the time. Read with me, from Luke 2:21-38:

And when eight days were completed for the circumcision of the Child, His name was called Jesus, the name given by the angel before He was conceived in the womb. Now when the days of her purification according to the law of Moses were completed, they brought Him to Jerusalem to present Him to the Lord (as it is written in the law of the Lord, "Every male who opens the womb shall be called holy to the Lord''), and to offer a sacrifice according to what is said in the law of the Lord, "A pair of turtledoves or two young pigeons.'' And behold, there was a man in Jerusalem whose name was Simeon, and this man was just and devout, waiting for the Consolation of Israel, and the Holy Spirit was upon him. And it had been revealed to him by the Holy Spirit that he would not see death before he had seen the Lord's Christ. So he came by the Spirit into the temple. And when the parents brought in the Child Jesus, to do for Him according to the custom of the law, he took Him up in his arms and blessed God and said: "Lord, now You are letting Your servant depart in peace, according to Your word; for my eyes have seen Your salvation which You have prepared before the face of all peoples, a light to bring revelation to the Gentiles, and the glory of Your people Israel.'' And Joseph and His mother marveled at those things which were spoken of Him. Then Simeon blessed them, and said to Mary His mother, "Behold, this Child is destined for the fall and rising of many in Israel, and for a sign which will be spoken against (yes, a sword will pierce through your own soul also), that the thoughts of many hearts may be revealed.'' Now there was one, Anna, a prophetess, the daughter of Phanuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was of a great age, and had lived with a husband seven years from her virginity; and this woman was a widow of about eighty-four years, who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fastings and prayers night and day. And coming in that instant she gave thanks to the Lord, and spoke of Him to all those who looked for redemption in Jerusalem.

Let's look at the first presentation, when Jesus, the Christ child is presented to Simeon. We see that this presentation accomplishes religious satisfaction. You see, God for about 4000 years had been running the earth using a according to a system that was designed to show humanity that they couldn't get to heaven on their own. And as such, He had established a series of laws that regulated and detailed every aspect of life. What we see as we look at this passage is that Jesus, the infant, satisfied every religious regulation under which He existed.

First, we see this principle of obedience exemplified in several acts of obedience. Beginning with verse 21, we discover that Jesus lived a life that was defined by obedience. Jesus had the blessing of being born into a family where His parents desired to obey God. They, according to the law established in Leviticus 12:3, waited eight days to have their son circumcised by the high priest. We also see that, according to the same section of law, they waited an additional 33 days (40 days total) until Mary was no longer ceremonial unclean before they brought Him to the temple for his ritualized circumcision. They made the appropriate sin offering, and even had obediently given Him the name told to them by the angel in chapter 1 verse 31.

It was in this context of obedience that they have this interesting encounter with the man named Simeon. This is what we know about Simeon. He was just and devout. This meant he was obedient to the law. He was well respected and known as one who sought to live according to the law that God had given.

We also see that the outgrowth or purpose of his life was given to the waiting for the one who would be known as the Consolation of Israel. This man had invested his life in seeing the one God had promised as the Messiah. He wasn't playing church games. He wasn't trying to look important. He was just a man who reverently worshipped God, and was counting on God to fulfill His promises.

We see one other important detail - the Holy Spirit was upon him. Oh, what blessed words to have associated to one's identity. He wasn't a man who was operating in his flesh. He was being led by God, guided by the Holy Spirit. And we see that the Holy Spirit revealed to him that his life's pursuit would not be unfulfilled. He would not see death until he had seen the Lord's Christ.

It is under the dictates of this promise that the Holy Spirit led Simeon into the temple. Turn in your Bible to the book of Malachi, chapter 3, and read verse one along with me:

"Behold, I send My messenger, and he will prepare the way before Me. And the Lord, whom you seek, will suddenly come to His temple, even the Messenger of the covenant, in whom you delight. behold, He is coming,'' says the Lord of hosts. (Mal. 3:1)
Did Simeon know this Scripture? I don't know, but I think he probably did. He was righteous. He was just. He had been told by the Holy Spirit that he would see the Lord's Christ before dying. So, I imagine it was with great expectation and anticipation that Simeon made his way to the temple.

And it was when he walked in to the temple, he encountered this couple that had brought their 40-day-old child to do for Him what was right according to the custom of the Law. We see in this verse that their motivation was to do the right thing. They weren't motivated by the ceremony itself, they just knew it was their responsibility to obey the Lord. It's clear that obedience was a very compelling factor to them. And it counters the argument that they were the biblical equivalent to today's counter-culture rebels. They weren't hippies trying to 'bring down the system.' They were seeking to obey the law, to honor God, and to do what was right.

It was in this context of obedience that they encountered Simeon. Now, let's see the observations of this man of God.

First, Simeon makes observations of fulfilled promises. Listen to what he says in verses 29-32. He is declaring that God has been faithful. God can be trusted. He has fulfilled His promises. He has provided His salvation. He has brought the light of the world to the world, to bring revelation to the Gentiles, and glory to Israel.

Then, Simeon offers observations of future promises to Mary. I find it interesting that Simeon is only addressing Mary, perhaps because of the Holy Spirits foreknowledge that Joseph will at some point die early in the life of Jesus. But Simeon offers these words (verse 34-35). He offers a prophecy that is an echo of Psalm 22 and Isaiah 53. And we discover, thanks to the hindsight of 2000 years, that these promises told for the future here, will be fulfilled scarcely three decades later.

There's a point to all this - not just that Jesus obeyed the law, that He never broke it. The point is not that they met a real swell guy who had some interesting things to say. The point of all this is that Jesus, from the moment of His birth, to the moment of His death, satisfied the religious requirements of God. The book of Hebrews tells us that all the Old Testament sacrifices were insufficient because the priest making the sin offering sacrifice was not himself sinless. That changed with Jesus. He was born sinless and He remained sinless throughout His life. He's the only One in all of history to accomplish it. Accordingly, when He brought His sin offering to the altar, for the first and only time in all of history, it was sufficient.

Following their encounter with Simeon, Jesus, Mary and Joseph then encounter Anna, and when they encounter Anna, we discover that Jesus not only provides religious satisfaction, but He also provides relational satisfaction. Let's look at that second presentation now.

Just as God was good enough to give us some background information on Simeon, He does the same with Anna. We see that she's a prophetess. She comes from a priestly lineage, and that she was what we'd label today as "spiritual." She was an old gal. Scholars are divided on whether she was 84 years old, or if she had been a widow for 84 years. But either way, Anna was a lady who had been around for a while. And the Word says that she was a woman who did not depart from the temple, but served God with fasting and prayers day and night.

Before we go on, I want to pause here to note that Anna was a woman who understood something important. She was a woman who had lived a life dedicated to serving God. Now here she was as a senior lady, and she gives us an example to live by. She wasn't focused on what she was once able to do, but now is unable to do. She certainly hadn't taken the position that "she had done her time," and had earned her spiritual retirement. She had determined that she still had a place of service, and her mission service was to serve as a prayer warrior.

Now, we see, through this presentation of Jesus to Anna two wonderful truths worth embracing today. First, we see that from the beginning of His life, Jesus made a practice of encountering the faithful. It was Jesus Himself who said, "draw near all of you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Jesus has said He will be closer to you than a brother, and that He has chosen to make your very body His dwelling place. God has ordained to encounter His creation. When you read in the book of Acts, Paul preached to a group of people in the areopagus in Athens who were worshipping at a false altar that bore the inscription, "to the unknown god." We know that this is not true god, because God has ordained to make Himself known to His creation.

Friends things are no different today. New Age theology isn't so "new," after all. We see that this is much of what New Age theology teaches - that God is some "unknowable force." That He is not personal, but just a part of a larger collective spiritual entity. But this is not the God I know. The God I know has constantly and continually sought out a relationship with man. He was the one who called Adam, Noah, Abraham, Jacob, Moses, and countless others by name. He is the one who revealed Himself and His glorious plan to His prophets. He is the One who spoke with David, a man after His heart. He is the one who was presented in the temple to the faithful. First to Simeon, and then to Anna, two faithful servants of God, who weren't interested in religion, but were instead consumed with redemption.

And we also see that God encourages us toward fellowship. The next thing Anna did was this: she went and told everyone she could find who was interested in the redemption of Israel. The natural response to a faithful person encountering God was for that faithful person to go and initiate purposeful fellowship with others. She didn't stay in the temple, which had been her practice for quite some time (since that was the detail used to primarily describe her).

For her entire life, Anna had lived a life in expectation and hope that God would send the Messiah He had been promising for thousands of years. And when He did, God chose to send the Messiah first as a baby. And that was okay with Anna. She didn't place expectations on God. She didn't have a preconceived mind set on what the Messiah would look like, how old He would be, and what His reign would consist of. She was open to whatever God had determined was appropriate. And when He sent the Messiah, she knew it was time to tell others.

This is what she didn't do: She didn't stay in the temple. She didn't start up a Bible study class that just talked about what it meant now that He was there. She didn't keep the news to herself. She didn't think her job was done. She was a woman who is much like our awesome group of senior adult ladies - she was a woman on a mission. She had renewed purpose. She had focus. She had a job to do, and nothing was going to stop her from doing it.

Here is the point - Jesus was not only Messiah because He satisfied all the religious requirements, but also because He satisfied all the relational requirements, too. The Bible says that over the course of His life, He was tempted in all ways that a man could be tempted, yet He never sinned. Do you know the only way that is possible is through interacting with humans? When Jesus was presented to Simeon and to Anna, it was the introduction to the religious world of God, in the flesh. And thus began a thirty year relationship with God interacting with sinful man. Jesus, this infant became the man who was known as a friend to sinners. He was identified as the one who hung out in the leper colonies, who dined with tax collectors. He befriended a harlot. He walked the back alleys and stopped at the healing pools. Why? Because He loved people. He was the God who was seeking out the weakest, most feeble, the most hurting, the most needy, the lost. From this very encounter, we see that God made a practice of revealing Himself not to the proud, not to the self-sufficient, but instead to those who were seeking Him.