i knew he was gay

Okay, Barbie and Ken broke up.

I have to tell you, in all seriousness, I don't like this one bit.

As the parent of children who play with these dolls, I don't like some wonks at Mattel thinking it would be a clever idea to redefine their relationship. I don't remember giving them permission to invalidate the nature of my kids' toys' pretend relationships.

Not a big deal? Perhaps not. But I'm glad my daughter wasn't watching TV when this was reported as news. That's what really sticks in my craw -- that I may have been forced to explain an adult concept to a child in an arena where I'd really rather not. And I still may have to if Kaylyn comes home from hearing about this at school and asks me "what does it mean that they 'broke up?'" She doesn't know what "broke up" means. She has parents who love each other and have kept their wedding vows. She has grandparents who are into their third and fourth generations of marriage. She has four widowed great-grandmothers who have never divorced. I don't need a doll introducing the concept of matrimonial or relational discontent into her life, thank you very much.

Well, I don't really care what these idjits say...when Ken and Barbie interact in the McAnally home, they're still quite happily together. If the folks over at Corporate don't like it, they can go play by themselves.

two thumbs up

Okay...this cracks me up...

Movieoke.

movies I could movieoke:

• Braveheart


• Sixteen Candles


• The Breakfast Club


• Moulin Rouge


• Major League


• Wayne's World


• Shrek


• Ocean's 11


• Grease

There's probably others....



linked by the Patriot.

sung to the tune of torn between two lovers

One is the lover of my soul -- my Savior.

The other is the lover of my flesh -- my self.

You see, I saw this photo over at Broken Masterpieces, and have decided that it embodies everything that i love and despise about this world.

On the one hand, I am totally looking forward to this movie, and I intend to view it as an act of worship. The thought of munching on popcorn and slurping down a gallon of Cola while the depiction of the Christ's crucifixion is just asyllogistic to my limited reasoning abilities.

On the other hand, I am justatinybit suspicious/concerned over the tremendous financial windfall that is about to come to Mr. Gibson regarding the the suffering of Jesus. Please know I'm not judging him... I don't despise him making a profit. He's worked hard at producing this movie and has made a great personal investment. He deserves to be rewarded for it. I don't envy him his impending good fortune (literally). I just am very interested to see how the profits of this movie (which will be significant) will be used. I know that if I were him, it would be incredibly tempting to capitalize on this in a very carnal matter, which is probably just another in a long list of reasons why I'm not him. I pray for him to be protected from such temptations.

On the one hand, I am totally for anything that communicates the sacrifice of Jesus to the general population.

On the other hand, I have a hard time seeing the announcement of His sacrifice surrounded by logos for batteries, automobiles, and an anti-depressant (which is really confusing -- are they're saying the movie will drive you to be charged with depression?) Its the intermingling of religion and commerce that troubles me.

On the one hand, I'm rooting for a Nascar racer for the first time in my life.

On the other hand, that motivation will likely pass as quickly as the pace car after lap 1.

On the one hand....but on the other.....

How do you feel about this?

fivefriday

1. Are you superstitious?
no. not anymore. not since I read that story about that kid whose mother broke her back even though the child *promised* he didn't step on a crack. if you can't trust time-tested wisdom, how can we depend on anything? So, no more salt over the shoulder, or avoiding black cats. In fact, I keep an umbrella in my office opened all the time, just to spite superstition.

2. What extremes have you heard of someone going to in the name of superstition?
I've heard all the stories you've heard. I used to wear this hideous black dress shirt with a red tie and white slacks on (basketball) game days in high school, because it was "lucky." The outfit earned me the nickname Guido, which I've alway's felt was disparaging to Italians, advancing malicious stereotypes.

3. Believer or not, what's your favorite superstition?
I had a chem teacher/football coach who used to say that if you said "rabbit" as soon as you awoke on the first day of the month, your entire month would be a good one. he always asked, 'did you say rabbit?' and i'd never remember, and always felt guilty for not having the discipline to remember.

4. Do you believe in luck? If yes, do you have a lucky number/article of clothing/ritual?
No, I don't believe in luck because it means that God is partial and/or not sovereign. We can discuss that more if you want. I used to love my football number (37) because it was my two lucky numbers, and it was also my brother's when he was a player. His talent didn't transcend to me by virtue of sharing the number. I think its because some no-talent wore it in between our wearing it, and he took all the talent and replaced it with lameness. It took all the talent I had just to overcome the lame-osity that he filled it up with, which certainly resulted in my mediocrity.

Oh, wait, I don't believe in luck. No offense intended, mr. no-talent. I'm sure you're a very nice person.

5. Do you believe in astrology? Why or why not?
No. Because my sign was cancer the crab. Which I always thought was a double shot of bad medical karma. Never wanted either of 'em, so never really followed the stars, so to speak.

did britney read blogger idol iv?

Ms. Spears responded to an altar call.

Good for her. I'm pleased she recognized and fulfilled her need to worship God. I pray (literally) that her response to the Spirit's movement in her life will bear fruit.

colorado blogster

I've added the blogster, a Coloradoan, to the blogroll. He's popped up at a couple other respected sites, so I'm taking some time to check him out.

dude, plead the fifth!

Senator Kerry, you have the right to avoid self-incrimination!

check out this from his own web page...and read the caption to the bottom-most photo!

I really intended to stay out of this, but this was too funny to pass!

Link was offered in Michele's comments.

done this one before i have

Loyalty is one of your strongest traits. Though young and somewhat brash, you also express a deep sense of respect for those around you and try the best you can to please and follow their wishes. Though somewhat shy and introverted, you possess a quiet depth and your goodness radiates. If I were a Star Wars character, I would be: Obi-Wan Kenobi. Take the "Which Star Wars Character Am I?" Quiz by Always Two There Are

maybe not...I don't ever remember being obi wan. although I recently told Cotter I was much more a Ewan Obi than I was an Alec Obi.

He had no idea what I meant.

Linked to via Jared who no doubt would appreciate your prayers for the complete healing of his precious daughter.

fly little birdy

After months of preparation and more edits than I can count, we're ready to test pilot our men's small group resource. If you are a man, especially one who is a part of or leads men's ministry in your own congregation, and you'd like to look at the effort, I'd love to send you our pilot version for you to give feedback. We need to see if this thing has wings and can meets the need.

If you are interested email me at ameATnambDOTnet.

sung to the tune of do it to me one more time

Again, I apologize for the title, but it happens to be one of the cover tunes sung by the duo mentioned in the previous title.

And I mention that to alert you that Randy has weighed in on the subject, completely apart from the discussion going on here.

they're not gay, they just sing as though they are

Can you name the title reference?

Well, its being used because it was the random thought that hit my frontal lobe as I chase a rabbit here. Gratuitous linkage for the winner.

I'm in a bit of a discussion over at Quality Control, where Jon asked the simple question, "do you support gay marriage?" I gave a verbose non-reply in his comments section, which he very intelligently deconstructed.

Essentially, he called my bluff. It turns out that I'm not able to stick my toe in the water without inevitably diving in head-first. And because doing so might eventually leave water rings on the coffee table, I figured I might as well continue the discussion here, where I'll ruin my own furniture, and where you all have a chance to share your thoughts on the matter.

I'm just hoping I can do a better job than the time I made so many people angry for calling the gay Episcopal priest "Rev. Happypants." Maybe I shouldn't have even brought that up again. Anyway....back to the topic.

I originally stated in Jon's post that the question of gay marriage really wasn't germaine Jermaine Tito Janet Exhibitionism relevant to the real matter, which I also declined to address since it would lead away from Jon's question. I posited that to continue arguing over gay marriage merely continues a sad tradition of both disagreeing sides arguing just against the other side, and not really making progress toward resolution of the real problem.

So, two points...gay marriage, and "the real issue." And to deal with the latter, you must deal with the former. The real issue is homosexuality. A person's opinion regarding homosexuality probably shapes their stand on gay marriage, correct? By logical extension, since my opinion on homosexuality has no bearing on another person's decision regarding homosexuality, my opinion regarding gay marriage will likely carry little influence regarding a homosexual person's decision to marry, regardless of what the "law of the land" declares. History has proven that homosexual individuals will not have a lack of ministers willing to ceremonially validate their pledges of fidelity and union. Homosexual couples will consider their relationships as real and as valid as a heterosexual couples, regardless of whether or not their union is affirmed by legal definitions.

The issue, though, obviously is not only pertinent in the arenas of spiritual and relational bonds. It also carries with it the very weighty matter of civic and legal representations and rights. It should be obvious that theological and/or social conservatives will oppose homosexual marriages because such unions are manifestation of what is perceived to be a moral abomination. Inevitably, this opposition extends to the civic and legal implications, as well. However, what may not be so obvious, is that we have possibly lost the moral authority of our "Judeo/Christian heritage" because of past decisions that have allowed the legality of unions where heterosexual people have cohabitated for a given period of time without embracing a spiritual concept of marriage or have merely declared themselves to be married, and have accordingly been afforded the same rights and privileges of the many others who hold to a traditional, biblical understanding of the marriage union. Under such a precedent, there is a reasonable argument for homosexual people to demand equal protection under the law. However, it is when this reasonable argument is voiced, unreasonable people quickly jump to the front of the fray and misrepresent the issue as well as the possible resolution. So it goes when the secular and the religious determine to tango.

I can understand why vigilant conservatives stand up and speak out against an issue they believe to be in direct opposition to what they believe to be holy. I agree with these people and support their efforts, because I am like-minded. I concur that a silence permitting gay marriage continues a wholly unhealthy moral decline. This is separate and distinct from the civic implications, but certainly related. However, I again return that --for me-- the real issue is not whether or not I am for or against gay marriage. The issue also isn't whether I'm for or against gay people. The issue before the country is whether or not we will or not agree to establish and submit to laws that are deferential acknowledgments and declarations of obedience to the mandates of a divine Creator.

I am not against any person. I am for people, generally speaking. However, if I am truly goin gto be an advocate for every person, I cannot and will not advocate the legality of a pursuit that opposes what has been established by the Creator to be unhealthy and unholy. This is why I do not advocate the legality of homosexual marriage, gambling, abortion, no-fault divorce, legalization of drugs, and so on. This is why I'm not "for" a wide range of laws and practices that our secular culture has accepted and endorsed. It's not that I judge any person who takes part in these actions, for I am a man who has many many flaws of my own and have no moral authority to judge others. But I cannot in clear conscience advocate the construction of a society that facilitates its own implosion.

Jon, in his last paragraph makes his stand quite clear. In doing so, he illustrates why arguing over the symptom is unfruitful. He likens homosexuality to other established minorities. Accordingly, his declaration implies that the issue of homosexuality is devoid of any spiritual implication, which is an intrinsic affront to those who believe otherwise. Calling someone a "Bible thumping hippie" is about as productive and conciliatory as calling someone "Rev. Happypants," even if either one is guilty as labeled! We have two inctractable sides, and no law will completely satisfy both sides.

I think Jon's in agreement with this (the immediately previous sentence, that is), and states that dialogues are then most profitable for the individual as a means for clarifying individual dogma. I concur. I have little hope that my words will do more than cause those who were already in agreement to say in varying degrees, "right on!" and those who were already in disagreement to say in varying degrees, "what an idiot!" However, this is not a fight to be won by bashing one another, literally or figuratively. In fact, I'd submit that the only hope that I and my colleagues have to "win" is to re-evaluate our perception of victory. We must cease thinking so highly of ourselves, and start thinking of those "on the other side" as real people with instrinsic worth, value, and intellect. We should go so far as to actually cease thinking of ourselves and think first and most of them. We need to sacrifice for them, but without compromise. We should serve them, but not abandon truth. We must love them in word and in deed, and trust God to take care of the issues that only He can handle.

How are such efforts manifested? I don't know if I'm the one to say, but I know you don't concede. You just quit fighting the battles that won't make a difference so you can expend your energies on the ones that will. I know that you must fight for Truth because we're all falling for lies every day. But I also know that you treat other people well, you ask for forgiveness when you mess up, and you forgive the other side when they do the same. Be the first person there to help and the last one to condemn. Be ready to speak truth, but only when its established in the context of love, lest it be confused for legalism. Again, I'm no expert, and I'm guilty of breaking every rule I just listed. It doesn't make me a hypocrite. It makes me human. But I'm trying. Because I just so desperately want to keep the main thing the main thing, and let other people deal with the other stuff.

you loved him as Jesus

The Final Cut is the next movie for Jim Caviezel, after The Passion of the Christ.

It looks like its another flick with spiritual overtones, too.

how it works

Cicumstances vary,
Need is constant...

Provisions vary,
Sufficiency is constant.

an open letter

Dear Lady in the Blue Celica:

Today, you and I shared a brief encounter that was no doubt significant. As we both made our southbound commute down Highway 400-19 at approximately 7:13 this morning, our paths crossed in a dramatic way.

You first saw me approaching in my silver Dodge Durango coming up into your rearview mirror at a rate that I can only assume you found to be alarming. I make this assumption based upon the size of your bulging eyeballs which were easily discernable in the reflection of your mirror. The gesticulation of your arms surprisingly did not distract from your buggy eyes, but rather drew attention to them, a bit like Marty Feldman from Young Frankenstein. While it is possible that I may have been slightly exceeding the speed limit, it is even more plausible that you were operating your vehicle in the left land well under the speed minimum, unless of course, your vehicle was a 1906 horse-drawn carriage.

Rest assured, when I repeatedly and incessantly pushed on the horn, it was not to alarm you further, or to possibly compel you to direct your vehicle into the rightmost lane along with the other rickshaws, antique tandem bicycles, and Segways merging into the flow of traffic. I was merely introducing myself to you by giving an auditory Morse presentation of my license plate, which may have been difficult for you to read, given that it would have been backwards due to the reverse nature of mirrored reflections. I thought this might serve as a useful introduction in case we were to ever meet again in a similar situation. Also, the repeated flashing of my headlights were to by no means be construed as a further effort to force your acquiescence. I happened to be listening to my favorite Outkast song at the moment on near-deafening decibels, and the clickety-clack of the headlight dimmer just accentuated the multisensory experience of rapping along with the boys.

As I swerved by on the right, I happened to look over into the cabin of your sky blue minicruiser. Our eyes met for just a moment, but I've seen that look often enough during the daily commute to recognize pure, unbridled terror when I observe it. I openly acknowledge the possibility that your fear was indeed induced by the sight of me, head tilted back, askew as I cupped a quickly disintegrating sloppy, cheesy, saucy breakfast burrito with both hands, while trapping my cell phone between left ear and shoulder. I just want to comfort you with the knowledge that I was actually in relatively full command of my vehicle, driving with my left knee, steering by virtue of the rotational axis point which was the ball of my left foot. I have learned that in these scenarios, the maneuverability of the landcraft increases proportionately with the acceleration of the vehicle, which explains why I vaulted past you so rapidly.

I want to close by offering my gratitude for your thoughtfulness as I promptly and decisively returned to the left lane immediately in front of you. It was tremendously courteous of you to slam on your brakes to provide me with an adequately safe berth between our autos. You quickly became indistinguishible from the mass of other cars, trucks, and SUVs filling the highway as I continued down the road. I just want to return the compliment that you offered by enthusiastically waving the digitary gesture out from the driver's side window, it didn't go unnoticed:

I think "You're #1!" too!

Have a great day and remember to drive safely!

am i the only one #3

Am I the only person who, when an elevator opens as I pass by, and no one is on it and no one is boarding it, likes to imagine that the office's invisible employees are reporting for work?

I'm not pointing fingers, but

There's a funky smell that I can't locate.

I'm thinking one of Kelsi's diapers has evolved into a stinkbomb.

We keep a clean house, but occasionally ask one of the other kids to dispose of her plutionium-grade emissions. I'm not demeaning Cotter, but if there's a television airing anything from Fox News to Playhouse Disney, you can guarantee he'll lose focus on his mission and be found standing in a stupor in front of the tube.

Sometimes with the diaper extended at arm's length, sometimes missing altogether. When you finally get him to snap to attention, he's completely unable to account for time, place, and purpose.

One thing is for certain. It's going to get worse before it gets better. And it can't hide for long.

big week for blogger idol

I've groan to enjoy reeding threw the different interpretations on a given theme. This weak had the most good redes, awn the optic of "Ooops." In know particle ardor:

Andrew misspeaks in church. In my first sermon, I blurted out "circumcision" for no good reason.
Ian gets confessional. We should follow his example.
ljbrown offers a picturesque oops. And he captures the wit of the moment, too.
Ryan thought about spoofing a song. Like me, he changed his mind.
Vania almost peed on her mom. Top that if you can. On second thought, please don't even try.
Joshua offers some passion-ate advice. Coming soon, Bobble Head Jesus with Kung Fu Grip.
Christopher get biblical. And encourages me that God does amazing work with crackpots broken vessels.
Darren talks politics. And shows he already knows more than most folks.
Matt thought about spoofing a song. Unlike me, he went ahead and did it. And pretty well, too.

Just a closing thought....I think it to be one of the most maddening trivialities, but it oh so annoys me when somebody spells oops opps. I always want to assume its an unintentional typo, but I inevitably read it repeatedly. Opps. Do you not hear the "ooooooooo" element of it? I'm glad I never mistakes. Well I did once. But it turns out I didn't. Opps!

blog in the spotlight

I've never done a "blog of the month" or anything like that. I'd forget to be consistent. I link pretty often to the ones I hit regularly, and the ones that hit me regularly.

Occasionally, though, I do like to mention a blog or two that I really appreciate, despite not mentioning it all that often.

Case in point is Thinklings. This blog is the source for a hundred entries of mine that I've intended to write, but failed to for one reason or another. The Thinklings crew consistently posts good stuff that makes the motors whir.

Today, for example, you can read front page posts on James Bond, Tim LaHaye in Rolling Stone, and a couple different deep thoughts on important spiritual issues. This blog does a great job of engaging the culture and offering a consistent witness.

twofer

A daily double from WSJ BOTW:

UK kids are being warned about the impotence of cling wrap to serve as a contraceptive or STD barrier. Shouldn't this story be on Scrappleface?

And on the "B" Side...Howard Dean's talking with kids about drinking Whiz Cola:

"Now that we're on dog pee, we can have an interesting conversation about that," Dean said. "I do not recommend drinking urine . . . but if you drink water straight from the river, you have a greater chance of getting an infection than you do if you drink urine."

And they're saying Dubya is a poor communicator? He may make up a word or two from time to time, but at least he's not been caught talking about *this.* Sounds to me like the pot calling the kettle yellow.

c'mon, all the cool kids are reading it

Marla has a good post comparing will power to self control.

about 'face

this might be the most important inane announcement ever. This decision was made during a heightened alert time, over concern of "a terrorist courier."

Thanks to webel for the link.

sung to the tune of....oh my...just see for yourself

Dappled Things has compiled an extensive (but not exhaustive) list of secular music with Christian/biblical references. Interesting stuff.

rethinking my dinner theater plans

You're Honest Abe!


Which Historical Ruler Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


From Tony, who's Bush. Between us, we're quite the pair.

conditional apologies are worthless

I've ranted about non-apologies before, so I won't do it again. I'll just illustrate that Mr. Timberlake's is a perfect example of one:

Justi-fying Timberlake
"What occurred was unintentional, completely regrettable and I apologize if you guys were offended."
-- Said in an acceptance speech at the 2004 Grammies

Translation: What occurred as a backlash to my irresponsible ploy with Ms. Jackson was unintentional and completely regrettable. I apologize if you were offended, but not if you weren't. If you were offended, then you have a problem and I apologize that you are so weak and pathetic and close-minded. I'm really sorry for you that you aren't enlightened and free-spirited like the rest of us, the normal non-puritanical world."

CBS exposes the boob. Nothing like a forced apology to gain airtime and sustain a career.

did she leaf him at the alter?

That would explain why he looked so ash-en.


Ohhh...we got a million of 'em for the story of the two trees that were recently married in India, as an attempt to appease a rain god.

The Bride Wore A Green & Brown Vera Wang


Other punny details:

• It was a double ring ceremony


• The couple had to marry in India due to the USA's restrictive marriage policies


• The groom answered the question, "Wood he ever tie the knot?"


• A neem tree was married to a peepul tree -- they haven't decided which way to raise the twigs


• You could say this cleric was part of a nutty branch of his religion


• The traditional first anniversary gift is paper -- can that be considered cannibalism?


• The reception was highlighted by the talents of Michelle Branch, the comedy stylings of Don Knotts, and a poetry reading by Leif Garrett


• The pair plans to honeymoon in Vegas, staying at The Palms


• They've already settled on names for the twigs, when they sprout: Chipper, Woody, Willow, Filbert, and George Bush.

los carnivales estan presentado

Vanities

Christian

The Bonfire's been burning brightly for a couple days now, with no sign of flickering.

good grief

random $P@/\/\ :

Tired of not being successful with the ladies? Imagine walking in to place and walking out with the 3 most beautiful girls - no fancy car, no wad of cash, no buying them drinks, just all the dirty little tricks of dating you need to know.

Unbelievable. And for what its worth, I'm a little concerned that a guy who is so unsuccessful "with the ladies" can think a series of "dirty little tricks" will equip him to handle three women at once, all vying for his attention and devotion. You gotta learn how to float before you try to swim across the English Channel, buddy.

name dropping

Here's a link to the newly-developing blog written by Dan Perdue, a son of Georgia Governor Sonny Perdue. He's a bit of a techie and a pretty nice guy. I'm excited to learn of another MT guy who knows more than me (yes, that line is a long one indeed), and may be willing to share his wisdom for a good cause.

No, he hasn't offered. Yes, I'm just making an assumption. And you know what they say about assumptions? you show that you're as sump shuns..no...wait...you're a SS ump...no that's not it....oh nevermind.

Just go read his blog.

passion resources

And for all you random hunters who have stumbled across this blog googling for marital aids, my title may be a little misleading. Two SBC agencies are providing evangelistic resources in coordination with the upcoming release of The Passion of The Christ.

NAMB's resources

Lifeway's resources

I pray they help accomplish God's purposes.

news max inside scoop

"You get to a place where, you know, you have to re-evaluate your insides and like, change, because, you know, I'm a monster. I mean I can be," he said, according to the Los Angeles Times. "It's like, you know, I've been offered every kind of excess that money and fame brings and it's not good enough."

Gibson made his remarks during a 40-minute live Q&A before 3,800 invited guests at the evangelical Azusa Pacific University on Saturday.

As he has from the very beginning of the controversy, Gibson emphatically denied that the film, which depicts in exceedingly graphic scenes the suffering of Jesus during the last 12 hours of his life, is anti-Semitic.

The Times reported that when Gibson was asked whether the film will foster anti-Semitism, he said "I'm not anti-Semitic. My Gospels are not anti-Semitic. ... I've shown it to many Jews and they're like, it's not anti-Semitic. It's interesting that the people who say it's anti-Semitic say that before they saw the film, and they said the same thing after they saw the film."

One critic of the heavy marketing of the film, Kenneth L. Waters Sr., assistant professor of the New Testament at Azusa Pacific University, said that while he thinks the marketing aspect is a little bit too heavy-handed, personally, he called the film "gripping and very captivating ... and pretty much held the line as far as the biblical story was concerned." He told the Times he did not think the film was anti-Semitic.

Rabbi Marvin Hier, dean of the Simon Wiesenthal Center in Los Angeles, has seen the film twice and repeated his widely reported charge that the movie is "the work of Mel Gibson" and not a story from the New Testament, a criticism denied by scores of biblical experts who have seen it and testified that it faithfully follows the Gospels.

"As someone who has dealt with the issue of anti-Semitism professionally since 1977, I know about what it is more than Mel Gibson," Hier said. "Every Jew who appears in this film, except for the disciples of Christ, are portrayed cruelly and portrayed as a people with an almost sinister look in their eyes. ... Jews who see this film, I believe, will be overwhelmingly horrified."

Gibson supporters, however, stress the fact that many of those who have seen the film are themselves Jewish, and deny they saw anything anti-Semitic about it.

Speaking of the film's R-rating, Gibson said it is justified given that the scenes of the crucifixion are brutal and relentless. "Part of what I was endeavoring to do was to kind of push it to the edge a little bit," he said. When it was suggested that he could have toned the film down, Gibson responded, "Dude, I did tone it down."

The film premiers in over 2,000 theaters on Ash Wednesday, Feb. 25. Experts say it could recover the $30 million Gibson spent making it in as little as five days.

My pastor just secured tickets to an advance screening. He just laughed when I suggested he try to find me one.

bye bye brogblog

Today is Kyle's last day. He'll be heading away to Hattiesburg, MS, to be a part of BMDMI, as their director of communications. I'm thankful for his friendship and look forward to hearing how God blesses him and his family.

Please pray for their safety as they travel, for their home here in GA to sell quickly, and for a prosperous ministry that impacts eternity.

an editing question

in your perception, is there a difference between saying, "planning where you are meeting next..." and "planning where your next meeting is...."

Which is more engaging, more positive? Should either or both be avoided? Suggestions for alternatives?

its all downhere from here

I can't comment on the following inbox fodder experientially, especially because this has a bit of a feminine bent to it...

Midlife is when
... the growth of the hair on your legs slows down. This gives you plenty of time to care for your newly acquired mustache.

...you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. It's more like splat!

...you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old, you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

...you go for a mammogram and you realize it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in a film.

...you receive the wisdom that life throws you curves and that you're now sitting on your biggest ones.

...you look at your latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I have stretch marks?"

...your memory really starts to go: the only thing you still retain is water.

...the glass is still half-full. Of course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are floating in it.

...you're in the grocery store and you hear a Muzak version of "Stairway to Heaven" in the produce department.

...your 1970's Body-by-Jake now includes Legs-by-Rand McNally (more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of the state of Wisconsin).

...you start pondering the "big" questions: what is life, why am I here and how much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat
before it's no longer a healthy choice?

clark barred

The General has surrendered.

And I'm wondering just how many others will utilize these highly original titles and statements in conveying the same message elsewhere.

Hey, I work for Bush, I'll extend my creative energies in his direction, or at least for his benefit.

decision '04

With the results in that Kerry has "pasted" VA & TN (once again revealing Gore's tremendous [lack of] political clout), reported with near ebulliance by the NBC wonks who could barely conceal their glee that the Nor'easter Blowhard swept through the South against a weak field of competition, I offer this, found at Bible.Org's 10,000 illustrations, this one regarding leadership:

Selecting A New President
When the board of directors of a large food company was considering the selection of a new president, one of the directors worked out this questionnaire:

1. Who of the possible candidates is the best known as a personality to the most company people?

2. Who is the most liked and trusted by them?

3. Who is held in the highest regard outside the organization...in public life and “in the trade”?

4. Who is the most warmly human in his dealings with people?

5. Who has demonstrated the best capacity for selecting able people, and the greatest willingness to delegate authority and responsibility?

6. Who will be apt to do the best job of keeping his desk and mind clear of day-to-day operating problems, so he will have time to think in broader terms of tomorrow and next year?

7. Who does the boldest—yet soundest—thinking?

8. Who is most open-minded and willing to revise decisions when important new facts come to light?

9. Who inspires the best cooperation and exercises the best control and coordination, without “trespassing” on responsibility once delegated?

10. Who is most self-possessed in all situations, best able to adjust to personalities and circumstances and tact and understanding?

11. Who can be depended upon to make the most of a promising new plan or idea?

12. Who can “take it” the best under a heavy load of responsibility?

13. Who is the best builder of the people under him?

14. Who is most likely, in good times and bad, to remember that the basic job of the president is to operate the business at a profit?

In a two-candidate race, between the Appeaser Dem and the Tested GOPer, I'll stick with the incumbent.

truly, wit?!?!?!

Christopher has rendered me speechless with the anecdote of a mother who just might be worthy of losing parenting rights...at least for a temporary period, where she could decide if that was, in fact, her final answer (please excuse me for mixing my infotainment references). Maybe if it were Simon shaming her, she might be compelled to parent.

TWOTD

Demolition Derby mash 'em bash 'em

compounding problem

I'm all for women voting. I'm just saying if you're going to make a TV movie about it, two details.

First, hyphenate compound adjectives.

Second, make sure your lead female actor actually has registered to vote.

guilty

No matter how convincing I sound when I call it "research," the result remains:

Yes, you are wasting time.


Are you wasting time?
brought to you by Quizilla

carry-ed away

From News Max's Left Coast Report:

Jim Carrey has discovered something that a lot of folks in La-La Land and society at large have yet to find out: There's a difference between pleasure and happiness.

Carrey tells Playboy magazine he has given up almost all pleasurable pursuits and is living like a monk.

"I don't eat wheat. I don't eat dairy. I don't smoke cigarettes. I don't smoke pot. All these things I've enjoyed. I live very sparingly," the actor explains.

Carrey goes on to say, "Heaven is the other side of that feeling you get when you're sitting on the couch and you get up and make a triple-decker sandwich. It's on the other side of that, when you don't make the sandwich. It's about sacrifice ..."

I always find it interesting when celebrity lends its voice to spirituality. It's also interesting how he juxtaposes wheat and dairy consumption with tobacco and chronic consumption. I'd also agree that heaven is about sacrifice, but it's impossible to tell if our world views are similar or disparate without further self-disclosure (on his part, that is).

ms. manners-in-training

Kelli: Kelsi, would you like more bread?

Kelsi: Yes

Kelli: Excuse me?

Kelsi: Yes...ma'am.

Kelli: Very goooood..here you go.

Me: Kelsi, would you like more apple juice?

Kelsi: Yes

Me: Excuse me?

Kelsi: Yes...ma'am.....daddy?!?

Me: eh...close enough. Here you go.

got a light?

The latest bonfire has been lighted....bask in the warmth of bad blogging.

what is...a good guy finishing first?

The answer is: Tom Walsh, the most successful Jeopardy champion ever. Here's Mr. Walsh's blog...his success has to be good for his blog, which he mentioned twice in his interview, like any good blogger should.

Links via Gleeful Extremist.

orlando produce, spiritually speaking

Here is the link to Pat Morley's presentation to our state partners in Orlando. Good reading for men who take seriously the matters of Christ transforming every aspect of their lives.

sung to the tune of oops....i did it again

I earnestly tried to write a parody of Ms. Spears' song with a theological message. I was embarrassed with the result, which probably meant it was the perfect candidate. Even so, I have enough self-respect to avoid that train wreck.

The fact is, I am the King of Oops. You've not been on a trip with me unless we've made at least two U-turns. I often say I don't apologize unless I mean it, but I still apologize often. Despite priding myself for communication skills, it seems like 90 percent of the conflicts I meet have to do with mistakes in communication. And the most telling thing is, there has yet to be a day in my life that I can cognitively recall where I have not had to realign myself with the Lord at one point or another. Every single day, I start off with great intentions. I plan to live for him, and if necessary, die for him (although I believe the former to be much more difficult than the latter). I intend to speak up and speak out for His name's sake. I have the most sincere intent to be a living witness with every thought, every word, and every action. But then I get out of bed, stub my toe, and the plans are shot.

It's only by God's grace and provision that I'm anything more than the oafish stooge I can still adeptly manufacture in moments of unbridled self. It is God who gives me wisdom, who provides me with patience and understanding. It is God alone who offers a capacity to love and give that is an otherwise altogether unidentifiable personal trait. If I am a good husband, a good father, a good worker, a good churchman, a good man...it is because of God and God alone. And what is truly amazing is that God has accomplished this in me, through and occasionally in spite of my "oops" moments. God has repeatedly demonstrated throught my ineptitude and total lack of ability that He is worthy, He is able, and He is sufficient. By this, He has shown that if He can accomplish these great and wonderful things in someone so incredible flawed as myself, than how much more so can He through the rest of you.

Friends, I tell you this is no false modesty. I am nothing without God. I bring nothing to the table. Even the things that I once thought I brought to the table I now recognize that I only did because God first provided them to me. Wit, talent, knowledge, flair...all God. And when it fails, its because I have misused what God has given. When it succeeds, its because God has accomplished it. Without God, I would be flat on my face without a single hope, without a single ability to even lift myself off the ground and accomplish even the most basic effort toward accomplishing an aspiration. However, through faith in the Christ who lives within me, I am more than a conqueror. I am mighty and I am victorious. I can do all things through Him. I can move mountains and I can accomplish everything that is set before me. And when those mountains are moved and those tasks are accomplished, it is not I who did it, but Christ through me.

I've learned important lessons along the way from my "oops" moments. Lessons like "don't get in knife-throwing contests with a short-tempered sibling" and "Flinging the dog poo over the fence into the neighbor's yard isn't the same as 'cleaning it up (don't worry, both of those were adolescent 'oops' experiences). '" I've learned recent lessons that you never misstate how long you've been with the love of your life, and you can only forget your password into payroll so many times before the administrators lose their patience. But through all my oops moments, here are some of the most important lessons I've learned, but am still learning, too:

• God cannot love me more than He does at this moment


• That love is based on who He is, not how I'm doing


• God still expects me to obey Him, because He loves me, not "so that He will love me."


• Broken fellowship with God because of my sin is proof of His holy love, not the absence of it


• If I want His fellowship, all I have to do is agree that my sin is sin, and its not His plan for me


• I have just as much or as little ability as the heroes of my faith to hear His voice and discern His will


• You can't spell "opportunities" without "oops." Mistakes can be blessings when they're used as tools for learning

Look, what I know might fill the bottom third of a shallow thimble. But I know this -- God loves me, the King of Oops. And there's no mistaking that.

kelsi's latest vernacular additions

I don't knoOOoow --"I'm inclined to disagree with you."

I don't know what to dooooooo -- "I would greatly appreciate you sharing with me some of what you are eating."

Kaywyn Muh-ee! -- "Kaylyn, my dear sister, I really want your undivided attention!"

shunshIne -- "Please sing You are my Sunshine, I like it so."

BushUHpeck -- "Please sing Bushel and a Peck, I like it so."

Teec-kle teec-kle -- "Please sing Twinkle Twinkle Little Star...yes, I do like it so."

Cheeses of me, hiss I know, foda Biboe del meeso. Widowuhns dewimeelong. They weekim stong. YES Cheeses of me. YES Cheeses of meeeeee YES Cheeses of me...dubiboe del meeso -- "Thank you and goodnight. Don't forget to tip your Sunday School Teacher, and try the cheddar goldfish, they're delicious!"

lifts and separates

Here's an entertaining column regarding a surprising reason to agree with Dean, albeit for different reasons. Rumors that President Bush is asking Congress for an additional $33 Billion to fund the investigation are being confirmed.

On a related note, we did see the digitized haze obscuring the elderly lady's bosom. Of course, I'd have rather they filmed it more creatively so it had never been on film, but that wasn't the creative decision. Instead, all they accomplished was illustrating how silly a network can appear when it initially tries to be "cutting edge," only to jump back in fear when colleagues/competitors are slapped on the hand for similar, but edgier, content. The decision rendered ER the dramatic equivalent of Quincy.

what matters to bloggers

Michele offers an exit poll about what concerns you in the upcoming election. Go cast your vote.

no, you're the man!

Indeed, Tony is a generous friend. I threw out the request for a count-down script and before I could blink, he sent it my way.

I'm grateful, brother!

sung to the tune of you gotta fight for your right to 'party'

The interesting, but long, transcript of the Colorado legislature's ad hoc committee interviewing collegians about ideological discrimination on the campus and in the classroom.

I lived it. I took a multiple classes where I was ridiculed, demeaned and denigrated for being a voice of the opposition. I voiced my concerns on multiple evaluations and never observed a response. The result for me was a steeled determination to live for and share Truth. I'm not certain that others resolve to pursue similar efforts.

for coloradoans and the people that love them

from the inbox, slightly edited:

Barbies for Colorado

Highlands Ranch Barbie
This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version.

Englewood Barbie
This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately.

Colfax Barbie
This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash. Preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Cherry Creek Barbie
This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card, and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Commerce City Barbie
This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and beat the tarnation out of mullet-haired Ken when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Aspen Barbie
This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard-print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge. Percocet prescription available.

Thornton Barbie
This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Boulder Barbie
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Aurora Barbie
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Arvada Barbie
She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting.

Greeley Barbie
This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Greeley Barbie or Ken.

Trinidad Barbie/Ken
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

this week, on a very special e.r.

from the inbox:

St. Peter is handling paperwork at the Pearly Gates, when he hears a knock. He looks up to see a man and says, "Be right with you!"

A moment later, he walks to the Gates, and no one is there. So he goes back to his paperwork.

Another knock, same man. St. Peter quickly signs the document he's holding, and walks to the Gates. No one is there.

A bit annoyed he goes back to the paperwork. A third knock, the same man. St. Peter throws down his pen and says, "Hey, are you playing games with me?!!?"

Much embarrassed, the man replies in small voice, "No sir! It's just that they're trying to resuscitate me."

its not the fall that hurts...

A good primer on the necessity of worker's comp.

spamcycle

Today I received nine emails in my work inbox on purchasing codeine 13.

Things aren't that bad. Really.

a simple question

Cotter: Daddy?
Me: Yes son?
Cotter: Does this color look like a booger?
Me (looking): Well...it is a booger. So, yes.
He (flicking it into the trash): I thought so!

the failed quiz...explained

1. Favorite Team -- Broncos. Explanation: I will root for all teams Colorado. Following in importance behind the Broncos are the Buffs, the Rockies, and the Nuggets. Truth be told there are probably a few teams that are more dear to me than the Nuggets, including but not limited to: The Colorado Crush (Arena Football), The Mammoth (Pro Lacrosse), The Silver Bullets (women's pro baseball), The Gold (Defunct USFL), The CSU Rams, DU Pioneers, Metro State Roadrunners, Air Force Falcons, and the Moffat County High School Bulldogs.


2. Favorite Pet -- Holly. Explanation: Other special pets include Patches, my first dog, an Austrailian Shepherd mix. He chased cars, apparently thinking they were super-powered automated sheep needing corralled. This problem was exacerbated by the extenuating fact that we lived across the street from the hospital emergency entrance at the time. You can put two and two together on that one. Bud was a great golden retriever who used to fetch golf balls. I could drive ball after ball into the hayfields and he would perch at the tee, just out of danger, and watch as I hit. He'd then sprint into the field and sniff and search until he found it. Inevitably, I'd tire before he would. He also liked to protect us from the evil and dangerous threats approaching our yard. Unfortunately, he considered deer and horses as some of those threats. I came home one day to learn that Bud had "run away," which I later understood to be euphemistic for "met a similar fate as Old Yeller."


3. Time Kelli & I have been together -- 10 1/2 years Explanation: This is the question that flawed the quiz. I was lovingly corrected by my bride that our time really is 11 years. It wasn't that I forgot time, but I forgot the important lesson of when recounting time spent with the one you love, never never never "round off." Kelli and I will celebrate our ninth year married on June 24 of this year. We originally re-discovered one another August of 1992, and consider Thanksgiving of that year our "relationship turned serious" date. So even by simple math, one could should consider Thanksgiving 2003 an 11 year anniversary.


4. Closest male friend -- Clay. Explanation: Each of these men is dear to me. Jamie, my brother, Troy, my best friend from high school, and Chris, by closest friend in college. I love one of these guys and thank God for them. Clay, though, is my friend who you'll grow to know better upon the launch of Two Sents. We were casual friends in high school who reconnected at seminary. We talk every week and pray for one another every day. We trust one another with every detail of our lives and go to one another for counsel and support. He's a great source of wisdom, truth, and understanding. Other than Kelli, I have no closer friend. He is a gifted communicator and an anointed minister. I truly look forward to the experiences and insights he and his lovely bride Laura will share with all of us in the area of student ministry as he joins the Two Sents team.


5. Worst Mom's Birthday present -- A series of stuffed owls. Explanation: This question illustrated a trend I am guilty of establishing in gift-giving to my mother. If she mentioned that she liked something, I would give it to her repeatedly until she had to announce, occasionally hysterically, that if she received one more of the given item, she might possibly go insane. The hysterical presentation lent credibility to the claim. At progressive points in our relationship, she received unfortunate series of music boxes, porcelain dolls, ceramic GOP elephants (what began as a "haha-gag" gift, and ended as "I think I'm going to throw up-gag" gift), and of course the nadir of the list, the stuffed owls. I have seen the practice repeated with my mother-in-law, though she's not gone into a conniption (although I wouldn't blame her if she chose to), regarding an overwhelming accumulation of Santa Claus figurines. Kelli has seen similar accumulations of various items, but has assured me that she'll inform me in a calm, rational manner when I've hit the limit on any given gift theme. As far as I'm concerned, I'm totally okay with people continuing to gift me with Bronco/Buff regalia, antique books, and biblical commentaries. Too much is never enough in these categories. But I've learned my lesson. I promise.


6. First Manuscript -- Delta Iota Epsilon Explanation: This cheesy title was the first draft of a hundred-plus page effort about a secret college society where a "rush event" goes horribly wrong. You see, I thought it was clever because the Greek letters of the fraternity were the equivalents to D.I.E.....pathetic, I know. It actually was a decent effort, carnally speaking. I had Kelli read it while we were dating (before I had come to faith). She'd return chapters with huge red X's through entire pages. I'd say, "what's wrong with this?" And she'd lovingly reply, "It's trash!" The other works mentioned were Fish Dance, a short story about a suicidal goldish, despondent over the loss of his tankmate. Let's just say it wasn't a happy ending. To Touch the Sun, another short story about the childhood recollections of a young man horribly injured from a house fire, a bit of a modern-day Icarus. Finally, In Your Eyes was a youthful essay written to a girl I thought I loved, in response to the Peter Gabriel song by the same name. It turns out that I didn't love her so much as I loved the idea of her. Actually, it turns out I didn't really love the idea of her so much as I love the idea of everything except her. In that regard, the title takes on an entirely different meaning than originally intended.


7. Last non-ministry job -- Video Rental Dude I also worked as a courier, an apartment manager, and fraternity president (though the president gig wasn't really a job, I treated it like one). As a courier I drove 220 miles every day, listened to countless books on tape, and got two speeding tickets and a citation for running a red light (that to this day I contend was yellow when I entered the intersection). As an apartment manager, I discovered a corpse, was invited to join a drug distribution ring in exchange for rent, and once had to comfort a Mexican woman abandoned by her husband (and illustrating to me that four years of Spanish taught me nothing about how to comfort a rapidly-but-non-English-speaking, panic-stricken woman with no money for rent). My work as a video rental dude took place in a hospital kiosk with a great Jewish entrepeneur who had a great idea to rent video machines, tapes and camcorders to patients. We were always busy renting movies & video game systems to extended-stay patients, bored with hospital TV offerings. I think of Dave Guttmann often when I watch The Apprentice, and think he'd show these posers a thing or two about initiative and creativity. I witnessed to him often, and heaven only knows the fruits of those efforts. The Lord definitely used him to sharpen me.


8. Most Foolish Prank -- Playing with Quarter Sticks of Dynamite. Explanation: Again, another confusing question, because I have done all these things, and the degree of foolishness was determined by me, solely on the potential to lose valuable extremities. As a youth, I was once arrested (but not "booked," they decided to let my dad execute justice on my guilty behind) for curfew violation. I've had no other run-ins with the law, but I've done lots of other stupid stuff. I've oft said that I could have starred in Jackass, but only if they took away all the safety measures.


9. "Celebrity" with whom I've brushed the closest -- George HW Bush. Explanation. This one was the most incorrect. I've been in the same arena as John Elway, but never closer. The restraining order has a lot to say about that matter. I've also passed by Harry Shearer (of SNL and The Simpsons) and Jerry Tarkanian (former coach of the UNLV Runnin' Rebels!) in airports. But it was crossing paths with President George HW Bush and his Secret Service Contingent on a jogging path at the Cooper Clinic in Dallas, Texas, that will forever stand out as the closest I ever came to someone important (as well as the closest I ever came to being wrestled down by a team of skilled musclemen).


10. Finally, of course, the new blog venture is Two Sents. The count-down continues!

adjust your records accordingly

Cotter McAnally
Daddy....Golf is my ninth favorite sport.

--Today, for no apparent reason

reality answers

1. Survivor All Stars
2. Road Rules
3. The Apprentice
4. Average Joe Hawaii
5. Fear Factor
6. Celebrity Mole
7. Real World
8. Meet the Folks
9. American Idol
10. Surreal Life

last call for altarcall!

Soooo....what do you think about a church in a bar?

Link gracias to Brett, who shares his opinions at his place (sorry, no permalinks).

In the tradition of Boys in the Sink

Weird Al's "I Bought on Ebay"

and, with this in mind...ebay finds:

Drew Barrymore's Eye Booger

Domesticated Flatulence in a Jar

Pair of Very Sweaty Used Men's Socks

Half-Eaten Sandwich

Somebody's Gold- and False Teeth

Aerosole Shoes/Doggie Chew Toy

Three Useless CPUs

Ernie McAnally Baseball Card (no relation...I think)

heyya redux

Here's a re-link to the the Peanuts/Outkast video. I've saved it this time on my hard drive, so now I don't have to google the next time I'm looking to smile, or deal with insomnia.