Clarity amidst Chaos

2004-03-06T16:28:00.000-05:00

buh bye

2004-03-03T23:53:00.000-05:00

This is the final entry for Clarity Amidst Chaos. Everything from here on will be posted over at Spare Change. Thanks for coming, and I look forward to the next stage of the adventure.

I thank God upon every remembrance of you.

carnival, christian

2004-03-03T20:23:00.000-05:00

The Christian Carnival is up, with many good posts.

Also, too, at the same site, you can take part in a poll to gage what matters in the presidential election.

i'm a mess

2004-03-03T20:18:00.000-05:00

According to the Color Quiz, I've got all kinds of baggage. I had no idea.

The results are too detailed to reprint. And depressing.

I'm really more of a glass-half-full type guy.

Thanks to Sarah for the downer! (really, it's okay)

box score

2004-03-03T11:47:00.000-05:00

Cotter had his last basketball practice/game this morning. They finally got to play against one another. Kelli reports that my son was the stud of the court! He scored fifteen hoops, while two other kids scored one hoop apiece, and nobody else scored at all. The coach valiantly tried to give everyone a chance to play & score, but by the end of the game, even all the kids were shouting, "Give it to Cotter, he'll make it!"

Yeah, I'm proud....so what about it?!?

Baseball starts tonight.

sung to the tune of headin' out

2004-03-03T11:44:00.000-05:00

Just a few more hours until Clarity will be a vacant studio, having moved over to roomier digs.

Update your bookmarks to the new location, which is The home of Spare Change.

It will be a rolling Grand Opening, but we're making progress!

playing church

2004-03-03T00:58:00.000-05:00

Church is not a building
It is not a business
It is not a Sunday morning
A Wednesday night

Church is not
A committee
A council
Or even a team

Church is a body
A fellowship
A group of believers
United in purpose, bound by faith

Saved by grace
Worshipping in truth
Loving one another
Serving all

Church is
God-ordained
Christ-focused
Holy Spirit empowered

Anything less is heresy
Anything more is legalism
Quit playing church
And start being it

an honest question

2004-03-03T00:25:00.000-05:00

Why isn't this offensive to African Americans?

I can't deride Clinton for this label that other people have placed upon him. And that he comes from Arkansas and now has offices in Harlem, he has an undeniable level of popularity with African Americans (though census reports seem to show that fewer blacks were under the poverty level in 2001, than were in either 94, 96, or 98).

It just seems to be to smack of condescension when the person asking to be the "next black president" hails from Massachusetts (with a total African American population of under a half million), and on his own campaign site, he gives special attention to Native Americans and GLBTs, but not to African Americans.

In fact, it appears his greatest tie to the African American Community is that he married one, albeit one who is decidedly caucasian in her complexion and worth $400 million dollars.

last man standing

2004-03-02T23:52:00.000-05:00

To nobody's surprise, Kerry has sealed the deal for his side.

-- Most liberal senator in Congress.
-- 19 years of Gollum-like leadership.
-- Anti-American rhetoric and defunding the military are two of his trademark policies, unless he's actually questioned about them, then he cries about having his patriotism questioned.
-- Apparently served in Vietnam, though you'd never know about it.
-- Has a serious identity crisis, known to repeatedly ask, "Don't you know who I am?"
-- Cannot confidently acknowledge the provision of God's blessings in our history.

Oh yeah...his message is going to resonate.

so what do you think?

2004-03-02T22:00:00.000-05:00

Michael sent me a note to let me know he saw my testimony over at mostimportantthing.org

Y'all should take the few minutes necessary to add your own.

And check out some of these videos to remind you that we all still have work to do.

keeps on tickin

2004-03-02T21:46:00.000-05:00

The Passion took in another $10 million yesterday....($135 million total)

try the prime rib, its delicious

2004-03-02T21:35:00.000-05:00

Cap'n Ed picked my caption as the winner for his contest.

muchos gracias, el capitan!

a friendly reminder

2004-03-02T16:04:00.000-05:00

We're living with the end in "site" over here at Clarity Amidst Chaos. The proverbial plug is to be pulled in just 30 or so hours. Then, you'll have to find us under the new Spare Change Banner:

We've got a great team put together to cover a wide range of subjects, and I'm very excited about it.

Tomorrow you'll receive link/blogroll update information.

Thanks for being a part of this!

you have the right to remain stupid

2004-03-02T09:31:00.000-05:00

from Mikey:

RULES FOR BANK ROBBERSAccording to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. For instance it is reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, this advice is offered to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed:

1. Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't want to be too familiar with the bank. A California robber ran into his mother while making his getaway. She turned him in.

2. Approach the right teller. Granted, this is harder to plan. One teller in Springfield, Mass., followed the holdup man out of the bank and down the street until she saw him go into a restaurant. She hailed a passing police car, and the police picked him up. Another teller was given a holdup note by a robber, and her father, who was next in line, wrestled the man to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.

3. Don't sign your demand note. Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in the name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh, on an envelope bearing the name and address of another in Detroit, and in East Hartford, Conn., on the back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account number.

4. Beware of dangerous vegetables. A man in White Plains, N.Y., tried to hold up a bank with a zucchini. The police captured him at his house, where he showed them his "weapon."

5. Avoid being fussy. A robber in Panorama City, Cal., gave a teller a note saying, "I have a gun. Give me all your twenties in this envelope." The teller said, "All I've got is two twenties." The robber took them and left.

6. Don't advertise. A holdup man thought that if he smeared mercury ointment on his face, it would make him invisible to the cameras. Actually, it accentuated his features, giving authorities a much clearer picture. Bank robbers in Minnesota and California tried to create a diversion by throwing stolen money out of the windows of their cars. They succeeded only in drawing attention to themselves.

7. Take right turns only. Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn and ended up on the Homestead Air Force Base. They drove up to a military police guardhouse and, thinking it was a tollbooth, offered the security men money.

8. Provide your own transportation. It is not clever to borrow the teller's car, which she carefully described to police. This resulted in the most quickly-solved bank robbery in the history of Pittsfield, Mass.

9. Don't be too sensitive. In these days of exploding dye packs, stuffing the cash into your pants can lead to embarrassing stains, not to mention severe burns in sensitive places--as bandits in San Diego and Boston painfully discovered.

10. Consider another line of work. One nervous Newport, R.I., robber, while trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself in the head and died instantly. Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea, Mass., who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted. He was still unconscious when the police arrived.

interesting

2004-03-01T22:39:00.000-05:00

WSJ BOTW points out a randomly discovered link of Tipper Gore at Yahoo. That she is listed as an enemy of freedom. Following the link takes you to a biographical webpage (apparently an official document from Clinton's days), that gives no other hint on why she has been classified as such.

I'm no fan of the Gore clan, but I personally think Tipper is the greatest thing going for Al.

revised numbers

2004-03-01T22:33:00.000-05:00

The Passion passed $125 million for the weekend.

Best Wednesday opening movie ever.

Even better, more people are talking about Jesus than before.

Ahhh...these are good days.

May all the discussion lead to some trusting in Him for salvation.

protecting our borders

2004-03-01T14:48:00.000-05:00

At work, the proliferation of viruses has caused our IT watchdogs to quarantine any files with a .zip extension.

This no doubt rocks your world.

rumsfeldisms

2004-03-01T14:40:00.000-05:00

I enjoyed this compendium immensely.

My favorites:

Donald Rumsfeld"We aren't running out of targets; Afghanistan is."

"I'm not into this detail stuff. I'm more concepty."

"Our task, your task... is to try to connect the dots before something happens. People say, 'Well, where's the smoking gun?' Well, we don't want to see a smoking gun from a weapon of mass destruction."

a house divided

2004-03-01T14:33:00.000-05:00

Tim Blair adroitly reveals the bias at CNN, using its own Gollum-like treatment of unemployment statistics. It's worth the read ---much more interesting than I've made it out to be.

a paradox wrapped in an enigma just for men

2004-03-01T14:12:00.000-05:00

This week on The Apprentice, contestants try to solve the mystery of Trump's hair.

the fugitive

2004-03-01T11:43:00.000-05:00

Last night, flipping through the channels, we came across The Fugitive. The following is pretty close to actual discussion:

Cotter: Hey, that's Han Solo!
Me: That's right.
Kaylyn: Why is he running?
Me: Because they think he did something bad.
Kaylyn: So Han Solo is a bad guy?
Me: No, he didn't do what they said he did.
Kaylyn: So who did?
Me: A one-armed man.
Cotter: Hey! That's 'K.'
Me: Oh yeah. That's right. Agent K is trying to catch Han Solo.
Cotter: Where's 'J?'
Me: He's not in this movie?
Cotter: Is that singing dog in this one?
Me: No, he's not in this one.
Cotter: Who let the dogs out? Woof woof woof woofwoof woof!
Me (to Kelli): That's a little unrealistic...the Chicago Police would not shoot at him if he was unarmed.
Kaylyn: What do you mean unarmed? He's has two arms. I thought you said a one-armed man was the bad guy. I'm confused!
Me: No...wait...Han Solo...does have two arms....'unarmed' means he doesn't have a weapon.
Kaylyn: Han Solo uses his arms as weapons?
Kelli (to me): I am laughing at you, Professor 'Inside the Actor's Studio.'
Me: Let's see what else is on....

that's gold, jerry!

2004-03-01T11:24:00.000-05:00

I've decided to submit my Return of the Kerry submission to this week's carnival of the vanities in honor of the movie's clean sweep at the Oscars (and who else loved M. Moore getting stomped by the war elephant in the opening montage?!?!), and my own conviction that the frighteningly-tall schizophrenic legislator has an evil "I" more dangerous than Sauron.

i passed. do you?

2004-03-01T09:04:00.000-05:00

Can you place all fifty states?

According to the quiz, all of Christopher's students should be able to do it...

its official

2004-03-01T09:01:00.000-05:00

We no longer have any babies in our home.

Kelsi turns two years old today.

And if you ask her how old she is, she'll either hold up one finger and say "fee," or she'll hold up the international sign for "I love you" and say, "I don't know what to do."

where's lee greenwood when you need him?

2004-02-29T01:18:00.000-05:00

You're the United States of America!

In school, you were probably the guy who stuck up for the little guy when nobody else would. You keep your promises when nobody else will, you hold other people's feet to the fire to do the right thing, and you're awfully proud of yourself. You're pretty inventive and have a really good sense of justice. You just never get around to asking others to do their fair share, and you get a lot of flak for your independence. Incredible potential remains yours to take advantage of.
Take the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

Just so you know, I took this quiz from the perspective of someone who thinks poorly of America, and I changed the text to suit my tastes. I'm thrilled with the results, and I make no apologies!

I love my country!

take two and call me in the morning

2004-02-29T00:58:00.000-05:00

Here's a little quiz...match up the Corporate Pharmaceutical with the malady it claims to treat or cure (click on the link to cheat).

1. aranesp
2. viracept
3. symbyax
4. mepron
5. augmentin
6. neumega
7. malarone
8. wellbutrin
9. namenda
10. diflucan
11. crestor
12. gabatril
13. hepsera
14. novantrone
15. kadian
16. bextra
17. oxytrol
18. zoladex
19. caverject
20. phenargan
21. pentassa
22. relpax
23. zemuron
24. femring
25. geodon
26. mucinex

a. lower your cholesterol
b. thinning respiratory expectorant
c. sinusitis
d. erectile dysfunction
e. depression
f. anemia
g. female hormone replacement
h. bipolar depression
i. alzheimer's
j. pain relief
k. neuromuscular anesthesia
l. migraines
m. cattle nutrition
n. HIV
o. yeast infections
p. malaria
q. multiple sclerosis
r. hepatitis b
s. arthritis
t. overactive bladder
u. motion sickness
v. low platelets due to chemotherapy
w. schizophrenia
x. epilepsy
y. chronic bowel disease
z. prostate

jesus christ superstar

2004-02-28T16:10:00.000-05:00

The Friday update for The Passion is a very respectable $65 million. It could easily hit $100 million by Monday.

a tale of two quizzes

2004-02-28T15:37:00.000-05:00

Theognome has written two quizzes. They are some of the better ones I've seen.

Here are my results:

Which Old Testament Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

You are the Colossus of Rhodes!

Detail, detail, detail! Any job worth doing is
worth doing correctly and accurately. Like the
Colossus of Rhodes, you will seek the most
efficient and logical way of accomplishing a
task. Never one to rush decisions, you take
into account all available information before
choosing a path. Neat, tidy and organized, you
would rather not lead a group but rather stand
alone. Your downfall is often getting bogged
down in the details.

What Wonder of the Ancient World are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

well, since you asked

2004-02-28T15:28:00.000-05:00

Kin (a well-writing Jewish blogger), asks from the couch, in all sincerity, why Christians don't hold to all the Bible. There's many of you deep thinkers who should engage him in this invitation to dialogue.

Be humble, seek to learn.

self-disclosure saturday

2004-02-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

I found this over at whimsical chaos, and since I always seek to provide clarity amidst chaos, I use that as my excuse to continue the meme.

The instructions:Copy this list into your blog and place in bold the things that you have in common with me. For the items that you do NOT bold, replace them with a fact about you. Leave a link in comments so I can see which of you total strangers are my dopplegangers.

I love Vanilla Coke.
My zodiac sign is Cancer.
I love soda and 2% milk.
I love to read.
I read every day.
I don't fret a bit if I don't have something in the house to read -- I'll just go to the net or the library.
I don't smoke.
I can't stand to be around smoke.
I don't understand why people smoke.
My current jobs are editor, husband, father, churchman, Christ-follower.
I like broccoli.
I love ice cream.
One of my favorite game shows is "Jeopardy!".
I love my mom.
I have lived in Texas.
I can't eat puppies because I think they are tooo cute to eat.
I have Grannie Annie and Grandma Marge left as grandparents.
I don't have any pets.
I've never been to Bermuda or Jamaica.
My favorite colors are navy blue and forrest green.
I am a Neil Diamond fanatic.
I rather be the driver than the passenger.
I enjoy a variety of musical styles.
My chief creative outlet is writing.
"The Apprentice" is one of my favorite TV shows.
I think chocolate is overrated.
I love meeting new people.I love my family.
Spring is my favorite season.
I'd rather be cold than hot.
I don't know how to sew, though we have 2 sewing machines in our home.
I appreciate and use digital cameras.
Our kitchen walls are olive green.
I love to try new foods.
I love learning new things.
I was fluent in Spanish as a student, but once I quit using it, I forgot almost all of it.
I loathe buying all accessories and supplies for a new hobby (I prefer simple things).
I like little containers for stuff.
I don't mind 'messy,' but I can't stand 'dirty.'
I am 31 years old.
I LOVE talking on the phone much.
I hate telemarketing phone calls.
I don't use the word "hate" loosely when it comes to people.
I am curious about people, especially about how other people live.
I'm a pretty traditional person.
I love to watch other people dance.
I can dance if everyone around me wants a good laugh.
I love, love, love, to sing on road trips. Loud, belting, 80's music.I'm not to bad at singing.
I stink at ice skating *so* much.
I love board games.
I don't drink.
I really enjoy thoughtful gifts, even if they cost nothing.
I have grown to love canteloupe.
I would never have a pet snake.
I loathe liberalism.
I love lying in bed and talking with my wife about life.
I really enjoy having "me time" occasionally.
I am a kind of a blogging junkie.
I go to church often.
I believe in God.
I'm smart enough to know that there's lots of smart people and others who just think they are.
I have been known to procrastinate on occasion.
I don't think procrastinating is my friend, and yet I'll dance with her if I'm not thrilled about the alternative.
I always try to be a good person.
I have a knack for remembering things.
I have three children.
I have been married for over 5 years.
I strive to do what is right. Sometimes I mess up.
I am decent at word games.
I could eat Chinese food once a month.
I like to people-watch.
I love getting handwritten letters.
I prefer sending emails.
I love to take pictures of almost anything.
I don't get bored much -- there's always something fascinating to discover.
I enjoy cooking and like trying new recipes.
I love the smell of cooking garlic and butter.
I like candles more than incense.
I am so not the perfectionist, except in little things like my CD, DVD collections, and blogging.
I have never been arrested.
I have 3 kids (in case you missed it earlier....the next person needs to change this to "cats" or something).
I love foreign movies and tv shows.
I love to watch movies.
I don't have any learning disablities (other than thick-headedness), and I don't know my IQ.
I love being dirty -- If I'm playing a sport or working, but that's the only time.
I wish all the people I love lived close to me.
I like minty.
I am very easy going.
I am a planner -- by necessity.
I make lists, but rarely stick to them.
I have a mind.
I don't care if I own a convertible someday.
I love to shop for other people, even though I rarely know what to get them.
I liked the movie "Moulin Rouge."
I getting better at HTML.
I appreciate honesty.
I cannot stand it when someone lies to me.
I have six nieces and nephews.
I love to help people.
I love to give people gifts.
Winter is great.
I would buy more things for people just because ~ if I had more money.
I love to travel.
I love hotels.
I like eating out occasionally.
I am not the quiet observer.
The smell of Vicks Vap-o-Rub totally calms me.
I love to try the testers and free samples at stores.
I prefer showers to baths
An extra hot Caramel Macchiato extra caramel is one of my favorite drinks.
Jesus rocks!

a word of encouragement

2004-02-28T11:16:00.000-05:00

I've spent some time reading your entries, and I'd like to offer some advice/encouragement. I'll leave it up to you what you think is from God and what is from some guy across the blogosphere. If its from the guy, throw it out...if you think some of it might be from the Lord, then hold on to it.

I've been praying for you since you shared your struggles and I praise God for your effort to move beyond the temptation of your flesh. You will never regret determining to live in God's spiritual reality which requires to see your life through eyes of faith that are almost always at odds with the seemingly very real deception of the world. Immersing yourself in the word of God and surrounding yourself with other children of God will help you remain pure and pursue the faith life.

I want to encourage you to do a couple of small things that may help in your effort. The first small thing to do is to change the image on your banner. I don't know who that is, but it is an image that could be a stumbling block to you or others...King David committed not to set any unwholesome image before his eyes, because he knew too well what can happen when one looks upon something that draws his eyes off God and to the lusts of his flesh.

I also commend you on your effort to be a friend to the guy who is having such a hard time with his own personal circumstances. You are a true friend indeed to be willing to give him your time and empathy while he goes through his own traumas. I just want to caution you to protect yourself as you minister to him, because this young man struggles with the same thing you struggle with, and it could be very easy for you, despite being well-intentioned, to fall into a sin if you are not deliberate to avoid it. I just encourage you to have another person present in your conversations and ministry to your friend -- a person who can pray with you, pray for you both, and to hold you accountable to stay true to the path of righteousness. Remember, too, that you are doing the best and mightiest work on his behalf when you faithfully take his need to the throne of grace and ask the Lord to intercede in his life.

Friend, at least to in my observation, the thread running through almost every one of your blog entries is the sincere quest to discover love. You sought it in a woman, and it was unrequited. You sought to replace those feelings in subsequent efforts, and have never been satisfied. It is no easy effort to find the one person who can provide what we all need. Subsequently many, many, many (I could keep typing that forever and still not have written it enough) people either pick the wrong person or settle for something far less than God's best. My only suggestion in this quest is to completely abandon it.

I'm not suggesting monasticism -- I just suggest pursuing the love of God instead. He has said if you seek Him with your whole heart you will find Him. He will meet your needs, and He does desire that you be satisfied with Him. I cannot promise that He has a woman for you, but I can promise if you seek Him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength, you will be satisfied with His will, as He works it out through you.

Once again, I appreciate your heart to follow the Christ. Renew your thoughts continually, letting the Spirit capture every idea and desire and allowing Him to transform it to a belief and action that brings glory to God. I continue to pray for you and I praise God today for the victory He promises is in front of you.

sounding it out

2004-02-28T02:24:00.000-05:00

Cotter (reading): Daddy...
Me: Yes?
C: What's this word?
M: How is it spelled?
C: P..E...N...N...Y
M: Sound out each letter
C: Puh Ehh NNNN NNNN Yuh
M: Remember, when there's a 'y' at the end, it makes an "eee" sound.
C: Oh. Right.
M: Try again.
C: Puh...Ehh...NNN...EEE...Hey, I got it!
M: What is it?
C: Penis!

its one of those 'you have to be there' jokes

2004-02-27T14:49:00.000-05:00

Etherfarm has a hilarious post on Californian concept of US geography.

Now that I live in Back East, I can reflect on my days of growing up in Death Valley, just a stone's throw from the state of Aspen. Aaaah, such fond days, indeed.

Thanks to the Mog, who I have blogrolled, by the way (for his/her own content, not for calling my Kerry's Blues post "brilliant"), for the link.

what do you call a dog with no legs?

2004-02-27T13:30:00.000-05:00

Does it really matter what you call it?

Anyway, I read this caption before I looked closely at the photo, and at first thought vets were being a little extreme:

RALEIGH, N.C. -- A five-legged dog discovered near a state park has undergone successful surgery to remove two of her legs. (11/26/03 AP photo)

but then I saw the photo and decided they probably did the right thing.

nascar dads unite!

2004-02-27T13:15:00.000-05:00

Fans at the Daytona 500 bounce an inflated Air Force One balloon across the crowd in pre-race festivities.

fudging the numbers

2004-02-27T11:38:00.000-05:00

In the comments section of the evangelical outpost's plea for more biblical movies from Mel Gibson, was the insight that The Passion garnered more green in one day than Bowling For Columbine grossed altogether.

Michael Moore is reported to blame careless crucifix and cat-o-nine-tails manufacturers for the murder of Jesus, driven by wealthy fudge-hungry conservatives of the day, including Charleton Heston, still relaxing in comfort after parting the Red Sea and leading the NRA* through its divided waters.

*National Rod Association

sung to the tune of heart of glass

2004-02-27T11:07:00.000-05:00

Heart of Crystal

What is Your Heart REALLY Made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

via Jen

rotk

2004-02-27T10:43:00.000-05:00

Math for Return of the Kerry:

an observation

2004-02-27T10:28:00.000-05:00

The office is not the place to try out the fluency of a newly acquired blaccent.

Boss³: Good Morning, White.
Bradlee Wentworth White, III: Whazzzzaaa?
Boss³: Okaaaay....hey, I sent your report to the VP this morning.
White: no you di-int.
Boss³: Umm....yes, yes I did. And he liked what he saw.
White: Fo shizzle my bizzle? Awwite!
Boss³: (silence, stunned)

fresh from the 99 cent bin

2004-02-27T00:09:00.000-05:00

Blogger Top O' The Box Office:

Quantum Tea's bad movie ID list.

Joshua's effort.

Dowtown Chick's Trivia.

Tim's Film.

Disclaimer: Long text entries were cut this week, because the judges were looking for the stylistic answer of Short Form...short form.*

*By this criteria, my own submission didn't even make my cut, so don't feel bad. It has a lot to do with the ongoing viral war taking place over here, and the subsequent short attention span directly related to it.

for the record

2004-02-26T23:49:00.000-05:00

The Passion took in between $15 and $20 million in its first day.

Update: LJ reports it has earned over $26 million.

the most exciting rose ceremony ever

2004-02-26T23:42:00.000-05:00

Like Tony, I sat with my bride and watched the finale of the Batchelorette the other night. Unlike in previous seasons, I had not seen any of this go-around, so I wasn't wound tight with any emotional baggage.

I could tell within the first two minutes that she should have picked the guy not named Ian. So of course I was completely unsuprised when she picked the guy with no job and a fear of commitment who just happened to be named Ian.

I did see that the next Batchelor scheduled to hit the airwaves is Jesse Palmer, the back-up quarterback for the NY Giants who managed to throw for 500 yards, 3 touchdowns and 4 interceptions this past season. I'm curious to know if there's a stipulation in his contract for fines or suspensions for conduct detrimental to the team. As cheesy as this is certain to be, you can bet I'll tune if they promise a cameo by Al & John, especially if they bring along the Telestrator.

can you resist?

2004-02-26T23:26:00.000-05:00

I made it till about three-quarters of the way through before I gave in.

passion plans

2004-02-26T19:51:00.000-05:00

We're probably going to go see the movie on Tuesday. Our pastor has offered to watch our children that evening. Monday night is Kelsi's second birth anniversary, so we're going to celebrate that on Monday.

Pastor Jim was also very gracious in offering/allowing me to baptize Cotter, which I accepted. We have to figure out logistics since we don't have a baptismal and the waters are pretty cold around here. We're seeing if any family is going to make efforts to come, too. So we'll see. But I'm very appreciative of his willingness to let me have the privilege.

It was actually very cool. He and Stephanie, his wife were out watching The Passion the night Cotter was saved. Pastor Jim said that coming home and getting to talk to Cotter on the phone after seeing the movie brought everything together and really made the depiction of Christ's sacrifice really even more impacting.

No doubt, the same thing will be on my mind in a few days.

git the lil buggers

2004-02-26T19:46:00.000-05:00

this held my attention to the count of 620, and only because I found some reason to not stop 'til I could get 'em all in one fell swoop.

crazy day

2004-02-26T14:46:00.000-05:00

We had an inch of snow fall here in the North Georgia region, which is incorrectly seen as a sign of the Apocalypse, shutting down the world. We had a delayed opening at work, which set everything back by about a century and a half.

So, I have spent the day working on an abacus, setting type letter-by-letter, slogging steadily away on our annual plan book. When I began the day by looking out the window and seeing a light white blanket covering the earth, I thought it was a foreshadowing of a quiet, calm day....and its been everything but that.

On a positive note, boss⁴ bought lunch for everyone who braved the Blizzard of '04^TM and made it in to the office. For everyone, a date with Papa John and his inevitable Italian mistress Ustione Del Cuore.

*Burning of the Heart

responding to passion-ate criticism

2004-02-25T15:01:00.000-05:00

Roger Friedman, over at Fox, has come out with a criticism of The Passion. I cannot label it a review, because it doesn't. Rather, it is an accusation, one that requires a bit of fisking.

He writes:
Accusation:
Is the movie anti-Semitic? Several reviewers have already said it is. I can tell you this: Thanks to Gibson, when non-Jews around the world now see the Jewish prayer shawl, the tallis, on the heads of praying Jews, they will think, 'Oh yeah, those were worn by the angry crowds in "The Passion" who insisted that Jesus be killed and then patiently watched him be tortured to death.'

Response:

Matthew 26:59-67Now the chief priests and the whole Council kept trying to obtain false testimony against Jesus, so that they might put Him to death. They did not find any, even though many false witnesses came forward. But later on two came forward, and said, "This man stated, 'I am able to destroy the temple of God and to rebuild it in three days.'"

The high priest stood up and said to Him, "Do You not answer? What is it that these men are testifying against You?" But Jesus kept silent. And the high priest said to Him, "I adjure You by the living God, that You tell us whether You are the Christ, the Son of God."

Jesus said to him, "You have said it yourself; nevertheless I tell you, hereafter you will see THE SON OF MAN SITTING AT THE RIGHT HAND OF POWER, and COMING ON THE CLOUDS OF HEAVEN."

Then the high priest tore his robes and said, "He has blasphemed! What further need do we have of witnesses? Behold, you have now heard the blasphemy; what do you think?"

They answered, "He deserves death!" Then they spat in His face and beat Him with their fists; and others slapped Him, and said, "Prophesy to us, You Christ; who is the one who hit You?"

Accusation:
Thanks to Gibson, we are reminded that Jesus' friend Judas ? a Jew ? was easily sold out for some gold that was thrown at him in exchange for his betrayal. It's the return of the money-grubbing Jew, straight out of the old anti-Semite playbook.

Response:

Matt. 26:14-16Then one of the twelve, named Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, "What are you willing to give me to betray Him to you?"

And they weighed out thirty pieces of silver to him. From then on he began looking for a good opportunity to betray Jesus.

Accusation:
There's more, of course, but none of this is a revelation at this point. Gibson's Jews are caricatures with bulbous noses. To say they lack compassion is an understatement. They are almost always pictured as an angry, unrelenting mob that wants Jesus dead no matter what. It's so stupid that it's almost not anti-Semitic. It just makes Gibson look like an idiot.

Response:

Matthew 27:37-44And above His head they put up the charge against Him which read, "THIS IS JESUS THE KING OF THE JEWS." At that time two robbers were crucified with Him, one on the right and one on the left. And those passing by were hurling abuse at Him, wagging their heads and saying, "You who are going to destroy the temple and rebuild it in three days, save Yourself! If You are the Son of God, come down from the cross."

In the same way the chief priests also, along with the scribes and elders, were mocking Him and saying, "He saved others; He cannot save Himself. He is the King of Israel; let Him now come down from the cross, and we will believe in Him.

"HE TRUSTS IN GOD; LET GOD RESCUE Him now, IF HE DELIGHTS IN HIM; for He said, 'I am the Son of God.'" The robbers who had been crucified with Him were also insulting Him with the same words.

Accusation:
But the real problem with "The Passion" is that it is graphic beyond belief, and unrelenting. How anyone will be able to sit through this thing is the real mystery. There is blood, blood, everywhere. The violence toward Jesus is sadistic and grotesque. Basically, the entire second half of the film is spent watching Jesus endure physical torture never before seen in a movie. By the time it's done, actor James Caviezel's body is a map of bloody rivers and lakes with craters of flesh excised from his torso.

Response:

Matthew 27:27-36Then the soldiers of the governor took Jesus into the Praetorium and gathered the whole Roman cohort around Him. They stripped Him and put a scarlet robe on Him. And after twisting together a crown of thorns, they put it on His head, and a reed in His right hand; and they knelt down before Him and mocked Him, saying, "Hail, King of the Jews!"

They spat on Him, and took the reed and began to beat Him on the head. After they had mocked Him, they took the scarlet robe off Him and put His own garments back on Him, and led Him away to crucify Him.

As they were coming out, they found a man of Cyrene named Simon, whom they pressed into service to bear His cross. And when they came to a place called Golgotha, which means Place of a Skull, they gave Him wine to drink mixed with gall; and after tasting it, He was unwilling to drink.

And when they had crucified Him, they divided up His garments among themselves by casting lots. And sitting down, they began to keep watch over Him there.

Isaiah 52:12-53:5Behold, My servant will prosper,
He will be high and lifted up and greatly exalted.

Just as many were astonished at you, My people,
So His appearance was marred more than any man
And His form more than the sons of men.

Thus He will sprinkle many nations,
Kings will shut their mouths on account of Him;
For what had not been told them they will see,
And what they had not heard they will understand.

Who has believed our message?
And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed?

For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot,
And like a root out of parched ground;
He has no stately form or majesty
That we should look upon Him,
Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him.

He was despised and forsaken of men,
A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief;
And like one from whom men hide their face
He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.

Surely our griefs He Himself bore,
And our sorrows He carried;
Yet we ourselves esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten of God, and afflicted.

But He was pierced through for our transgressions,
He was crushed for our iniquities;
The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,
And by His scourging we are healed.

Accusation:
Is this disgusting? You bet. It's also puzzling, because what Gibson hasn't done in "The Passion" is explain his love of Christ or his own passion or devotion. We have no idea why Christ is so reviled by the Jews, what he's done to earn their anger, or what he's done to earn Gibson's respect. From the moment the film begins, Jesus is simply a target for unbridled, unrestrained bloodlust. Yes, we get to see the nails driven through him, blood spurting in every direction, skin being torn in the process.

Response:

Romans 3:9-23 What then? Are we better than they? Not at all; for we have already charged that both Jews and Greeks are all under sin;as it is written,
"THERE IS NONE RIGHTEOUS, NOT EVEN ONE;

THERE IS NONE WHO UNDERSTANDS,
THERE IS NONE WHO SEEKS FOR GOD;

ALL HAVE TURNED ASIDE, TOGETHER THEY HAVE BECOME USELESS;
THERE IS NONE WHO DOES GOOD,
THERE IS NOT EVEN ONE."

"THEIR THROAT IS AN OPEN GRAVE,
WITH THEIR TONGUES THEY KEEP DECEIVING,"
"THE POISON OF ASPS IS UNDER THEIR LIPS";

"WHOSE MOUTH IS FULL OF CURSING AND BITTERNESS";

"THEIR FEET ARE SWIFT TO SHED BLOOD,

DESTRUCTION AND MISERY ARE IN THEIR PATHS,

AND THE PATH OF PEACE THEY HAVE NOT KNOWN."

"THERE IS NO FEAR OF GOD BEFORE THEIR EYES."
Now we know that whatever the Law says, it speaks to those who are under the Law, so that every mouth may be closed and all the world may become accountable to God; because by the works of the Law no flesh will be justified in His sight; for through the Law comes the knowledge of sin. But now apart from the Law the righteousness of God has been manifested, being witnessed by the Law and the Prophets,
even the righteousness of God through faith in Jesus Christ for all those who believe; for there is no distinction; for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God

Summary:
This man's problems may seem directed at Gibson, but in reality his objections are in a God who would see fit to allow His own Son to bear the iniquities of the rest of us. Charges of anti-Semitism ring hollow when the accounts are evidenced by historical texts (which is why the gospel of Matthew is the text used here, for it was written primarily to a Jewish audience, as were Romans and Isaiah). Furthermore, why is it that when Jesus is depictively maligned as in The Last Temptation of Christ, there is no cry of anti-Semitism, but when Gibson sticks to the record, he's accused of inciting racial hatred and violence? Jesus considered Himself a Jew. He willingly went to the cross under the banner of King of the Jews. Agree with His claims or not, He was/is One of the Jewish People. Certainly, it is not unreasonable to grant him intrinsic respect for that reason alone.

It's been said elsewhere, effectively. The Jewish leadership of the day is culpable for conspiring to kill Jesus of Nazareth. Even so, each one of us, of every tribe, and every race, and every creed, is culpable today for His death. It is not anti-Semitic to reveal the well-recorded truth that Jewish history is not completely sanitized and victimized, especially when people of other-than-Jewish heritage claim a responsibility as well.

Gibson is not beholden to give more, or even different context. In fact, doing so would not solve the problem, it would only offer more fodder for controversy. His vision as an artist, as a creative person, and as a believer, is to tell enough of the story to compel others to seek Truth. This alone is a worthwhile endeavor:

Jeremiah 29:13'You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

a modest proposal

2004-02-25T13:58:00.000-05:00

Much uproar has been made lately regarding the epidemic problem facing American workers in the technology sector regarding the outsourcing of their jobs to counterparts in India and other far away locales (as this story exemplifies).

I believe there is a simple solution that, like the nose on the proverbial face, is quite plain.

The answer? Reality Television.

As the guru Mark Burnett has demonstrated, America will watch just about anything produced under this "big tent" of pseudo-entertainment programming. So, with a glut of RTV ideas and an increasing cast of out-of-work techies, we may just have a formula for continued prosperity in this land of ilk and money.

From the mundane to the sublime, from the insipid to the inspiring, there is a RTV option out there for every outsourced coder. And RTV can capitalize on the range of emoticons boiling over out there, from rage to resentment, from despondency to even deeper despondency. And while the statiscal evidence is nowhere to be found, it is logical to assume that a contestant's willingness to partake in the self-debasing and ludicrous is directly proportional to the length of time that person has been stuck eating Ramen Noodles and Pop Tarts.

Options abound in this civil union made in Heaven (Heights, Massachussetts, of all places). Playing up on the outsourcing theme, a group of coders could be stranded on an Indonesian island with only a single laptop and a 24.4 modem. From variations on The Apprentice theme to complete a complete ripoff of The Mole ("Who is undermining the team, giving away work to Bangledesh?"), there's more viewing opportunities that a TiVo with a full hard drive.

And once their run in front of the camera comes to an end, alumni can then clog the market of public speakers talking about their experience. They can discuss important topics like:

what went on behind the scenes

how the editing painted a totally inaccurate picture of who they really are

what's up with Donald Trump's hair (piece)

yes, Joe Rogan does hit on every single female

Corbin & Stephen's continued inability to catch the Mole

how life after RTV is strangely and sadly a lot like life before RTV

Remember Desperation + Short Attention Spans * Farcical Situations = Ratings Success.

Let's meet the challenge America. RTV is the answer to our outsourcing dilemma.

a recommendation

2004-02-25T11:33:00.000-05:00

from Mikey a while back, but so good it has to be shared. It comes via the UK, hence some spelling variations:

25TH February 2004

Private and Confidential

FROM:
Mrs A Witness
Acceptance House
Valley of Change
PEACETOWN
CU4 JOY

TO:
Mr A Seeker
14 Lost Hill
Grotsville
Sinn City
RU1 YET

Dear Sir

Re: Reference in support of Application for position of 'Saviour'

Thank you for your letter requesting a personal reference for Jesus of Nazareth in support of his application to join you in the position of 'saviour' in your life. I am delighted to be in a position to give him my highest recommendation.

I have known Jesus for the past sixteen years and have found him to be an honest, reliable and trustworthy person. His dual qualifications as 'Son of Man' and 'Son of God' place him in a unique and, I believe, more than adequate position to fulfill all the necessary requirements for the position in question. In addition, his life--revealing as it does the capability to perform miracles, teach with authority and to forgive sins -- is further evidence of his suitability for the role of saviour. Furthermore, I urge you to consider perhaps the most outstanding of his achievements - that he rose from the dead - precisely to bring about our salvation. This claim is supported by historical evaluation and by numerous witnesses and is perhaps the most conclusive proof of his power and suitability for the position of saviour in your life.

His reputation as an unrivalled leader in his field is well deserved and his ability should not be underestimated. His undeniable charisma and personal qualities of understanding, compassion, gentleness, patience and love inspire the fiercest loyalty in his work colleagues and friends. He has an uncompromising devotion to furthering the individual personal development of others. He is also an activist in society promoting with great persuasive prowess and wisdom such concepts as justice, tolerance and the highest moral standards. To this date I have never known him to be wrong. This can make him rather irritating to work with at times, especially for people with strong personalities or conflicting beliefs.

One word of caution with regard to the appointment in question, if Jesus takes up this position with you, he will almost certainly change your life. He will undoubtedly challenge your accepted views on a variety of issues and will also cause you to grow and develop in new, exciting, but sometimes painful, ways. These changes are not necessarily quantifiable or in keeping with today's social perceptions. Whilst all of Jesus' work is of a voluntary nature and attracts no salary, the process of change in your life can be very difficult and I advise you to count the cost before employing him. However, I can reassure you that the final results are always good and beneficial both to yourself and others.

I feel sure that the recruitment of Jesus will bring you significant aid in your proposed venture and will certainly guarantee its eventual success. One final word, if you do decide to offer Jesus the position of 'saviour' in your life, he will also be remaining in that post in the same position here in mine and in the lives of millions of other people around the world!

Yours faithfully
Anne Witness

Copyright 2004 Simone Panday. Permission is granted to send this to others, but not for commercial purposes.

===============================

Mikey's Thot for the Day:
Jesus paid the price for you. You get to keep the change.

more about cotter

2004-02-25T11:08:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty much in ongoing praise since last night thanking God last night for answering our prayer to save Cotter. We've, as I mentioned before, prayed for his salvation ever since we knew he'd be a part of our family. My prayer has literally been, "Lord, please bring Cotter to salvation at a young age, so that he may live a long life of faith, knowing you and making you known."

This morning I read a great quote found in the book Prayerwalking:

Steve Hawthorne"As you pray with God's heart, your prayers will begin to lock in on the completion of God's purpose...

I sit in humble awe that God would provide to us salvation. Last night, Cotter fell asleep wearing the biggest smile I have ever seen upon his face. This came after a wonderful conversation that will forever be one of the most precious of my life:

Cotter: What will I be in heaven?
Me: What do you mean?
Cotter: Will I be little, or grown up?
Me: I'm not sure...you'll just 'be.'
Cotter: I'll just be "Cotter?"
Me: Right.
Cotter: Cool....Will I be able to play catch with Jesus?
Me: I'm sure He will be thrilled to play catch with you.
Cotter: I'll want to be the Broncos. He can be the Jaguars.
Me: Will you let me play, too?
Cotter: Of course. You can be on my team....Daddy, is there a rainbow in heaven?
Me: The Bible says there is.
Cotter: Cool! What else is there in heaven?
Me: Well, The Bible says that there's a giant tree in the middle of heaven, and a beautiful river that flows right through heaven. The streets are made of gold...It's always bright and sunny...There's no more nighttime, and you never get tired and you never go to sleep. And you are never sad.
Cotter: Can I climb the tree?
Me: You'd probably be able to do all the tree-climbing that you'll want to.
Cotter: I love to climb trees.
Me: And you'll get to live in a mansion...
Cotter: What's a mansion?
Me: It's a big, huge house that Jesus is making just for you!
Cotter: Is it bigger than our house?
Me: A lot bigger.
Cotter: Like a hundred and sixty times bigger?
Me: I don't know, but it's a lot bigger.
Cotter: Heaven sure sounds cool.
Me: Doesn't it? I'm so glad we get to be there together...
Cotter: Me, too, Daddy. And Mommy and Kaylyn, too. And someday Kelsi will pray like I did tonight, and she'll get to go to heaven, too.
Me: That's our prayer, buddy. It's time for sleep....

And as my son rolled to his stomach so I could have the privilege of scratching his back to induce slumber, I prayed a new prayer for him:

Lord, thank you for saving Cotter. Thank you for hearing my prayer. Lord, I'd ask now that you'd protect him from the enemy, protect him from the temptations of the world. Give him knowledge, discernment, and understanding that can only come from You. Use Him however you see fit to bring glory to yourself. Give me the strength to be satisfied and submissive to Your will in His life, and keep me from getting in the way of his spiritual growth. Help me be a father worthy of a son who belongs to You. Set him apart to be a boy and then a man who influences others, who impacts the culture and who radiates your love and truth to this lost and dying world. Please don't let Cotter settle for anything less than your will, your plan. Keep him from compromise, so that You would be lifted up, through his faithfulness. Thank you for the miracle of redemption. Praise Your Name!

of course, i don't recommend any of these things

2004-02-25T09:43:00.000-05:00

from Mikey

FUN THINGS TO DO DURING BORING SERMONS

~ Pass a note to the organist asking whether he/she plays requests.

~ See if a yawn really is contagious.

~ Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the preacher.

~ Devise ways of climbing into the balcony without using the stairs.

~ Listen for your preacher to use a word beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet.

~ Sit in the back row and roll a handful of marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for every
marble that made it to the front.

~ Using church bulletins or visitor cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.

~ Start from the back of the church and try to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.

~ Raise your hand and ask for permission to go to the rest room.

~ Whip out a hankie and blow your nose. Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite hymn.

~ Chew gum; if the sermon goes on for more than 15 minutes, start blowing bubbles.

~ Try to indicate to the minister that his fly is undone.

~ By unobtrusively drawing your arms up into your sleeves, turn your shirt around backwards.

~ While people are locating the announced congregational song, step out in the aisle and begin waving your arms as if directing the hymn.

~ Sit close to the front, and during the prayer, turn around backwards, point, and count softly how many people do not have their heads bowed and eyes closed.

~ See how many hard candies you can stuff in your cheeks before your mother, wife, or pastor catches you.

~ Begin coughing and get louder and louder until you get to excuse yourself and leave the room.

~ Choose a different song than was announced and begin singing it as loud as you can.

best. news. ever.

2004-02-24T22:53:00.000-05:00

On a night where I could write about any wide range of issues (and might still), I have the distinct honor and privilege of sharing the news that this evening at approximately 7:45 p.m. EST, Cotter James McAnally called upon the name of the Lord for the forgiveness of his sins, asking Jesus to be his Savior, and receiving the free grace gift of heaven and eternal life.

Tonight, the Lord God has answered the prayers of Kelli and I offered daily for over five years. We praise Him for His goodness and mercy and ask for wisdom in raising this boy in the way he should go.

Thanks to you who have prayed for this as well, we have no words to adequately express our gratitude.

Praise God!

oops2

2004-02-24T13:00:00.000-05:00

With two parents down ill, Kelsi for the first time in just under two years of living, experienced her first moment of parental oversight.

She just tapped me on the back...

Kelsi: Daddy
Me (not looking): yes?
K: Dipuh..wipes
Me: Oh!

She had a single dry diaper set atop the plastic container of wipes. It was time for a soil change.

Let's just say she put that Huggies through what can only be described as "a stress test." It had without a doubt reached its load bearing limit.

oops

2004-02-24T12:55:00.000-05:00

I seem unable to participate in more than two carnivals in any given week. I missed this week Bonfire, which is posted here.

bowling for pansies

2004-02-24T12:29:00.000-05:00

We viewed Bowling for Columbine over the weekend, and we're so thankful for Michael Moore. Without him, I never would have realized that the reason children shoot each other is because rich conservatives force poor minorities to work in confectionary shops for substandard wages in order to satiate the wealthy tyrants' obsession for fudge.

I'm not kidding. That was the accusation.

When the poor folk are slaving away making this chocolate divinity, the homes are left without a guardian, leaving free access to easily-discovered firearms and their weapons, which of course can only result in the children bringing these guns to school where they will inevitably fire at other children because that's what children do, when their parents work long hours in fudge shops.

A couple of things I'd like to know: What is Moore's income? I'd like to see his last reported income tax to see if he just might be described as "wealthy."

Also, how much fudge has Moore consumed? Even if the camera adds 10 pounds, I think the question is fair, in light of the accusations he's tossing around. One might be able to find some indicting receipts in his 2003 taxes shoebox that might finally close the loop and show that we finally have our culprit.

Kids don't kill kids.

Michael Moore does.

But it was the fudge that made him do it.

home sick

2004-02-24T12:17:00.000-05:00

I'm home today. I forced myself to get moving at noon, although my body is rebelling as I proceed. Kelli is in bed, unable to function.

no fever...this is good.

no congestion...this is good.

partially clogged sinuses, total fatigue, and stomach cramping.....not so good.

coming soon to a metroplex near you

2004-02-23T14:40:00.000-05:00

If my life were a movie....

The statement "The part of Brad Pitt will be played by Bryan McAnally" would make sense and everyone would applaud the announcement.

I'd demand (and get)$25 million per every feature-length comedy or drama that played out on my life's screen, as well as a percentage of the residuals and merchandising.

Colorado would be the mecca of the entertainment world and Diddy & Kutch would beg me for Broncos box tickets.

Neophytes would follow in my footsteps wanting to learn "The Bryan Method."

I'd always choose to snip the correct wire, averting disaster.

I'd never need a map or have to make U-turns. Oh, and there'd always be an open parking space at the front of the lot, and I could get out and leave the car running.

Dramatic music would always play in the background every time I said something sensitive, or said something profound.

I'd have a catch phrase...something like, "I told you not to go there!" or "I got yer Spare Change right here...sucka!" (notice the cross-marketing?)

I'd do all my own stunts.

I wouldn't lip sync the scenes from the concert performances. People would be amazed, rather than repulsed, by my singing abilities.

My morning commute would invariably involve a chase scene

I'd score the winning basket at the end of the world championship. Except it wouldn't be a winning basket, it would be a really good job editing a feature story on the mission work of Bob and Mary Jones, literacy volunteers to Native Americans. And it wouldn't be the world championship, it would be the Summer issue of the magazine. But the crowds would still go crazy and riot in the streets and turn over cars and light fires.

I'd charge $4.75 for 20 ounce Coke, and twice that for a bag of popcorn.

I'd never be seen crying, unless I got dirt in my eye at a particulary emotional scene.

I'd be known as "the Meryl Streep" of male dialects, with voices for Gameshow Host, Movie Trailer Announcer, Tony Montana, Bob Uecker, Evangelical Preacher, and many more.

I'd direct my own scenes. For example, the scene at the office might start with boss² saying the lines, "McAnally, why are you late and why didn't you turn in that draft we're all waiting for?*" And I'd say, "AND CUT!.... Let's try this again, but this time say, 'McAnally, you've saved us again with that perfectly-timed joke about the camel and the one-eyed epileptic. You've been promoted to president and given a bonus of 10,000 shares of blue-chip stock!' Okay....places, everyone, places. Let's nail it this time!"

People would be more impressed and less off-put when I pause to make sure the label of my product is clearly visible, and deliberately mention, "that's why I, Bryan McAnally, always use Breath Assure for my persistant halitosis needs."

The audience would always expect to see my good side.

I'd take a lot of heat for committing a large chunk of my personal fortune to produce a re-telling of the ministry of Jesus Christ, including His crucifixion, burial, and resurrection, relying on the controversial writings of conservative Southern Baptists for my inspiration. The dialogue would only be in King James Version English, though subtitles would be provided, phonetically.

The spin-offs with Kaylyn, Cotter, and Kelsi would prove to be much more entertaining, but the hastily-produced prequel would fail to capture the imagination of the audience, due to the poor casting of Dr. Phil as my father.

I'd have a huge following in Europe and Asia.

Neil Diamond and Anne Murray would sing 80s power ballads remastered by Andre 3000 for the soundtrack.

It would not at all seem unusual for ministers to carry and use lightsabers.

The unexpected revelation of my embarrassing 24-year ago citation for riding my bicycle in traffic would be headline news on Entertainment Tonight.

I would unfortunately not be able to truthfully disclaim, "no animals were hurt in the production of this movie."

People would still be amazed that I was lucky enough to convince Kelli to marry me.

Three words, baby: Syn-di-cation.

I would lose my partner in an unfortunate Baptist Men gunfight when he was ONLY THREE DAYS FROM RETIREMENT...NOOOOO!!!!!

I'd discover the location of all the WMDs.

My acceptance speech would thank my Savior Jesus of Nazareth, my wife and children, and my and Kelli's parents. That's all.

*this has never happened, by the way

getting to be a daily read

2004-02-23T09:54:00.000-05:00

The Evangelical Outpost has good stuff every day. Today's fare includes an apt label of mysogeny to Sex and the City and the inevitability of the phrase "President Schwarzenegger."

bring a friend to the carnival

2004-02-23T09:43:00.000-05:00

The Christian Carnival is inviting those of us who submit regularly to invite others to do the same. If you have a post from your own journal that has a distinctly Christian worldview, written in the past week, share it with others. Send it to:

carnival@king-of-fools.com

Provide the following:

Title of your Blog
URL of your Blog
Title of your post
URL linking to that post
Description of the Post

Cut off date is Tuesday by 8 PM EST.

Then, you can read from all the submissions at King of Fools.

ms. barber cuts to the quick

2004-02-23T09:34:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I attempted to put into this blog, my thoughts regarding the San Fran fiasco. A couple thousand words later, I had said a lot without saying anything, so I took a gulp and hit 'delete.'

I'm glad I did because today, I read Lashawn's post on the topic and feel perfectly represented by her words, brief and accurate.

another prayer update

2004-02-23T09:26:00.000-05:00

Dear Brothers and Sisters,

It is an awesome thing that the Lord will let others pray for you… He doesn't require that we be the ones to go to Him to receive a blessing.. And your prayers blessed us greatly. Bob went through the Inversion of his heart with no complications --- no pain --- and no after affects… Praise the Lord and thank you all…
In Christ,
Gail Miller

sung to the tune of i'd like to teach the world to sing

2004-02-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

The Captain's Quarters is having a caption contest for the Kerry-with-the-git-fiddle pic.

I submitted the original blues tune hammered out below. There are lots of others worth a laugh.

point/counterpoint

2004-02-23T09:09:00.000-05:00

From The Denver Post (which I finally found, after a reading a brief primer on the dulcimer).

againt the trade

None of the possible trading partners could offer a player as prolific as the 22-year-old Portis, Denver's record-setting running back who predicted at this month's Pro Bowl that a 2,000-yard season is in his view.

Anyone who watched him rush for 1,591 yards last season, despite missing three games with sternum and ankle injuries, would not question it.

"I know my 2,000 will come," Portis said in Honolulu. "It's just a matter of time."

While the deal would be met with cheers in Washington, it would be met with even louder cheers in Kansas City. During the Broncos' past two games in Denver against the Chiefs, Portis rushed for 348 yards and scored nine touchdowns.

There are questions within the Broncos organization about whether running backs Quentin Griffin, Ahmaad Galloway and Mike Anderson would be good enough to carry the team through the playoffs.

for the trade

Should Denver land the extra pick from Washington, the team would be positioned to draft one of this year's higher-rated running backs, perhaps even former Ohio State running back Maurice Clarett, with whom Broncos officials met Thursday night.

Moreover, Denver's defense would be instantly fortified and upgraded. Bailey would be the prototype cornerback the Broncos have coveted since they showered millions on Dale Carter during the 1999 offseason. Bailey, 25, is regarded as one of the game's top cornerbacks.

Asked at the Pro Bowl to name the best cornerback in the game, Philadelphia's five-time Pro Bowl cornerback Troy Vincent said: "Cover-wise, you have to look at Champ Bailey. Champ has the best cover skills."

Have I mentioned that I'm torn over this decision?

close, but not quite

2004-02-23T08:59:00.000-05:00

I intended to go to the Denver Post, to read more about the trade possibility. This is where I ended up instead.

this could get ugly

2004-02-23T08:58:00.000-05:00

Interesting developments in recent NFL gossip related to a trade between the Redskins and Broncos.

I was initially incensed about the possibility of losing Clinton Portis, particularly to the Redskins (I'm forever bitter over their drubbing of the Broncos in the Super Bowl). I was additionally concerned when reading about the impending release of Mike "Midnight Toker" Anderson. However, the lure of Champ Bailey is significant. Still, Portis is a premier back in the league, and I'd rather he be scoring touchdowns for us than for anyone else.

I'm torn. Maybe the Redskins would still pull the trigger if we offer Quentin Griffin instead.

good will hung-ing

2004-02-22T00:54:00.000-05:00

William is the American Idol! The people have spoken. I would be willing to wager, if I did that sort of thing, that there's a good number of cast aways, and even some still in the mix, who are more than justalittlebit envious of the arhythmic Asian-American.

shake your bon bon, William, shake your bon bon.

read this twice. then twice more.

2004-02-22T00:37:00.000-05:00

From Brett, from his mom:

Larry Crabb"No one will conclude that God is good by studying life. The evidence powerfully suggests otherwise. Belief in God's goodness and the worship that naturally flows from this confidence depends on the revealing work of the Holy Spirit. When he ushers us into the presence of ultimate goodness, when our darkest tragedy is pierced by one glimpse of invisible glory, then faith is born."

guilty!

2004-02-22T00:36:00.000-05:00

If Mel Gibson held the nail, the Patriot takes responsibility for driving it through His hand. I, too, take responsibility for the crucifixion of Jesus from Nazareth. I mocked Him, chided Him from the crowd, laughed at His pain. And all the while, He took my transgressions upon His shoulders and asked His Father to forgive me. He died, so that I may live. He took man's afflictions, so that one day, I'll receive the Father's affections.

I am not worthy.

He is Lord.

the long face blues

2004-02-22T00:06:00.000-05:00

i'm blue
oh so blue
been on both sides of the issues so long now
i just don't know what to do

couldn't avoid Vietnam
so I signed up for the draft
came back a hero with a scam
and soon showed that i was just daft

Blamed my brothers for bad crimes
joined the protest with Hanoi Jane
protestin' gave me good face times
to make myself a household name

I've faced lots of issues
and just can't make up my mind
Goin' through so many tissues
cuz my character you will not find

and it gives me the blues
the long face flip flop flapjack blues
been on both sides of the issues so long now
i just don't know what to do

I voted for a war I really hated
just because I have no spine
Bush, his duties he abrogated
just don't you ask me about mine

I am both against and for this war
We should stay in and leave Iraq
For your votes I am such a ...prostitute
That if I have to I'll fall on my back

OhHHH...... I got the blues
I got them back and forth flip floppin blues
Been straddlin this fence for so long now
But I still don't have a clue

"Bring it on" is my campaign motto
I can't think of anything for my self
Got more money than the guy who won lotto
Thanks to my wife's ketchup on the shelf

Please don't ask me any question
So I won't tell you any lie
I did not hear your last suggestion
cause that intern caught my eye

Ohhh i got the blues
the long face wafflin ketchup-covered blues
I've stood for nothin' for so long NNNowwwwww
That I've done worn out my flip flop shoes.

I've got them bluuuu-hooooooos....
Those long face Kerry, both sides are my friend, there and back again, hey i'm a veteran but I hate the military, flip flop somersaultin head-over-heels with myself bluuuuuuuuuuuessssssssss.

kerry's vietnam record will ketchup to him

2004-02-21T23:37:00.000-05:00

From the WSJ BOTW, Kerry is playing revisionist about his own Vietnam antics and statements.we have excerpts of Kerry's accusations and allegations that he threw around like hand grenades while trying to make a name for himself at the expense of his band of brothers:

Several months ago in Detroit, we had an investigation at which over 150 honorably discharged and many very highly decorated veterans testified to war crimes committed in Southeast Asia, not isolated incidents but crimes committed on a day-to-day basis with the full awareness of officers at all levels of command. . . . They relived the absolute horror of what this country, in a sense, made them do.

They told the stories [that] at times they had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, taped wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned on the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the countryside of South Vietnam in addition to the normal ravage of war, and the normal and very particular ravaging which is done by the applied bombing power of this country.

and as the WSJ well-points out...these are indictments against the soldiers, not the leaders as he puports. He has slandered fine men, men of the likes of my own father, and now he has the audacity to slander my president, and call himself a patriot worthy of leading our nation.

Outrageous!

will nader be a nadir to the GOP's reelection effort

2004-02-21T23:13:00.000-05:00

The Evangelical Outpost things maybe so.

I think he has good points.

the most dramatic bidding ceremony ever

2004-02-21T22:23:00.000-05:00

The auction for Helene's engagement ring has concluded.

Someone ponied up a little over $28,000 for the 2+ karat token of ~~undying~~ fickle/bling bling for ratings devotion.

That's a lot of ponies for a used bauble.

junior, i've been meaning to tell you about that...

2004-02-21T22:20:00.000-05:00

CNN reports on a boy who discovered for himself that he was abducted by his own mother fourteen years earlier.

How do you explain that to the kid?

"heh heh...funny story....trust me, you'll really think this is hilarious...."

poor guy.

big day tomorrow

2004-02-21T20:38:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow morning is our first Sunday worship at North Forsyth High School. If you're in the area and want to see what its all about, come at 9 a.m. for donuts and coffee, a good SS discussion, and a great time of worship.

bush commercial

2004-02-21T18:09:00.000-05:00

I don't remember where I saw this, but this ad cracked me up.*

It's okay to laugh...as long as you vote Bush in '04.

*no offense intended to toward our veterans, at home and abroad. I sincerely appreciate the sacrifice of all our Vietnam veterans, even Sen. Kerry's.

y'all come back now, here!

2004-02-21T16:41:00.000-05:00

I got a 72.2% Dixie score on this test.

My bride's influence upon my life could never be more evident.

Link via CSAW.

amen!

2004-02-20T10:03:00.000-05:00

this just in:

The procedure was effective and Bob's heart is back in rhythm. He is asleep and Gail is very relieved. He should go home from the hospital over the weekend. Gail thanks everyone for their prayers.

from potty humor to #1 in the marketplace

2004-02-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Presurfer also links to the interesting story of Outhouse Springs, the fictitious ad campaign that became so popular it went like a racehorse into reality.

what a flake

2004-02-20T09:48:00.000-05:00

Presurfer shows us typeflake. My children will no doubt love this.

talking with kaylyn

2004-02-20T09:45:00.000-05:00

Kaylyn has begun to receive and send email at school. We have access to her account and get to review everything that comes and goes. It's sweet to see her be able to have communication with family and friends. We appreciate all of you loved ones who have taken the time to let her know you're thinking of her.

subtle e-vangelism

2004-02-20T09:18:00.000-05:00

The Random Person Generator

Are you more valuable than a randomly-generated person?

hey ya

2004-02-20T08:50:00.000-05:00

You are Woodstock!

Which Peanuts Character are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

via Patriot Paradox

continued prayer for bob

2004-02-19T15:15:00.000-05:00

from Gail, my secretary:

Dear Family,

I want to thank each and everyone of you for your prayers. The other day Bob said he could feel when God was answering His children's prayers for him and I know that he can. All at once a peace comes over us both and Bob can breath better and is able to get some sleep. Sometimes we get so weary and unable to pray when we are in the middle of a situation but knowing your prayers are lifted up for us is a peace within itself. I can not tell you how much we depend on you and your prayers.

That is why I am coming to you again asking for another round of prayer for a procedure that Bob will go through tomorrow (Friday). We have to be at the hospital at 7:00am and he will be put to sleep- then the doctors will use the defibulator paddles to electro stimulate (Shock) his heart. Success with this procedure is 60% - in Bob's case we need for it to be 100%. If something goes wrong they will keep him in the hospital. If everything goes right he will get to come home probably on Saturday. If the procedure does not work - they will wait for a couple of weeks and do it over again. Bob is now down to 8% infraction rate? which means that when his heart beats and the blood goes into the heart he is only pumping out 8% of it and the rest is backing up into his lungs and other areas. His infraction rate no matter if this works or not will only go up to 10% but that is better than the 8%.

You may think that when you ask about how we are doing or send us a card or call or let us know you are praying - that it isn't much? but it means so very much to us.. God has been so very good to us during this time and prayerfully Bob will receive a new heart before the end of the year. We were told by one of the Co-ordinators that we had faith and reality mixed up ? I told her that faith is reality. We know that the Lord is using us right where we are and He will guide us through this and just maybe we can be a witness to someone or strength to others. This is not to say I do not have weak times - I do - but even in my weakest time I know that faith is reality and God will see us through this.

In Christ,
Gail

on anti-semitism

2004-02-19T14:39:00.000-05:00

I realize that I am treading potentially shark-infested waters, and that even by broaching the subject, I may be lacing up my meat-flavored swim trunks.

Even so, after reading some of the discussion going on at Thinklings and Jen's, I have to ask what constitutes anti-Semitism?

Some things are obvious, and I'm not discussing those matters.

Are the New Testament Gospel Accounts anti-Semitic simply because they tell of a Jewish mob moving in cooperation with a Roman government to execute an itinerant Rabbi, who by coincidence happens to be the Messiah of the Jewish people? Are the NT epistles Anti-Semitic simply because they exhort Christ-followers to witness first to the Jew and then to the Gentile (which too many Christ-followers aren't doing either of)? Is it anti-Semitic to ask this question?

Is it anti-Semitic to reason that Jews today who reject the Messiahship of Jesus from Nazareth could in fact be held responsible for that decision by God? Is it Anti-Semitic to reason that it is exactly this type of denial that fulfills the prophetic words of self-condemnation found in Matthew 27:25? Is it anti-Semitic to reason that this is possible?

Is it anti-Semitic to state that written in the Tenakh itself (in Nehemiah), Israel has in its history disagreed with, disobeyed, and even killed its own prophets -- and paid significant historic consequences for doing so? And if in fact that has occurred, it might be reasonable to think the same thing occurred most recently, most dramatically, and most consequentially with Jesus of Nazareth? Is it anti-Semitic to even consider those possibilities?

I'm not being a smart-aleck. I really am struggling with this. I read about this movie coming out that tells of the crucifixion of Jesus, and that Jewish people and anti-defamation groups are already in an uproar. At the same time, I see more Christian cooperation than ever before (in my short time on this earth), and in amidst at least the orthodox derivations, a genuine love and concern for Jewish people, and a desire to be sensitive to their long history of oppression without compromising the actual message of the cross. I recognize that a large part of the world is ardently and vociferously anti-Semitic. But an comparably large part is respectful and even reverent, recognizing common origins and similar desires to know God and follow Him.

Not terribly long ago, my denomination came under fire for being insensitive (which some could extend to mean "latent anti-Semitism") because of deliberate efforts to evangelize the Jewish person. Why does the Jewish person get to define this as anti-Semitism?

Why is that what is an intended expression of love and care being instead received as a message of hatred and intolerance?

toilet humor

2004-02-19T14:10:00.000-05:00

a real stinker...from the inbox:

The story is told of a lady who was rather old-fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a week's vacation in Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.

She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old-fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE. But when she wrote that down, she still thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter referring to the bathroom commode merely as the BC "Does the campground have it's own BC?" is what she actually wrote.

Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter, he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That BC business really stumped him.

After worrying about it for awhile, he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't imagine what the lady meant either. So the
campground owner, finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the following reply:

blogger idol 5 botb

2004-02-19T13:01:00.000-05:00

As always, lots of good stuff, here's the mental peanut butter of this week's jiffy offerings:

Ande's picture quiz.
Mr. Nath's poetry.
Kristy's "daughter ate a bee" story.
Jenn's great photo.
lj's great photos.
Tim's poetry.
matt's long-eared armadillo photos.
John's greato photo.
Ryan's photo of the beer-swilling nun.

Thanks to all for helping me "Picture X" where 'X'="this."

sung to the tune of simply the best

2004-02-19T12:00:00.000-05:00

Bad Money has lauded my tree marriage entry for having the "worst. puns. ever.*" I appreciate the recognition, and the visits of those who are basically guilty of the blogging equivalent of slowing down and gawking at a horrific road side accident. But you can stake this as the truth...I pine for your attention and I en-tree-t you to "stick" around.

*the actual term is "eye-gouging pile of tortuous pun misery," a quantifiable exclamation that I don't underestimate in its consideration.

proverbs #159

2004-02-19T08:59:00.000-05:00

There is no worse error than to seek an intellectual remedy for a moral grief.

proverbs #158

2004-02-19T08:56:00.000-05:00

Throw mud and you will have dirty hands, regardless whether you hit your mark.

proverbs #157

2004-02-19T08:53:00.000-05:00

Faith is the soul's intake. Love is the soul's outlet.

and now you know

2004-02-19T08:51:00.000-05:00

Ovie gave this to me a while ago, and I've been chewing on it ever since:

What is the glory of God? It is who God is.
It is:
the essence of His nature
the weight of His importance
the radiance of His splendor
the demonstration of His power
the atmosphere of His presence

God's glory is the expression of His goodness and all His other intrinsic qualities.

I don't have any other source for this...but it's sure good stuff.

sad days at CU

2004-02-19T01:04:00.000-05:00

The Chips are down at the University of Colorado.

The girl who made the squad was raped.

They had parties where recruits were offered sex. Other young women were raped, allegedly, by recruits and players alike.

The program's a mess.

And the coach has the temerity to try to reduce it down to pettiness by saying Ms. Hnida was simply no good, awful (speaking of her football-kicking abilities, that is)?!?!

I remember thinking back when it was such a "big event" that she had made the team that nothing good would come from it. But I had no idea it would be this bad.

I am part of the 75 percent who are calling for Barnett's termination.

explanation: insomnia

2004-02-19T00:52:00.000-05:00

I already filled out one of these today for a student in one of my past church ministries, via my bride. And since I cannot sleep, I took the time to C&P Tony's list, that I saw at Jen's and elsewhere, and am replacing with my own answers that you surely will gloss over and quickly forget:

Name: Bryan

Nickname: Mac, Big Mac, Daddy, Mac Daddy, Daddy Mac, Bry, Byron, Guido, Toes (I grew up in a small town with lots of time on our hands)

Astrological sign: The Crustacean with the Big C

Age: 379 month old today!

Height: 74?

Level of Education: 95 U of Colorado, BA in English Writing; 98 Southwestern Seminary, MA in Religious Education

Occupation: Editor, Adult Mission Education, North American Mission Board

Birthplace: Wheatridge, CO

Marital status: married

How many children: 3

Do you drink (alcohol): No.

Do you smoke: No, unless properly ignited

Favorite outdoor activities: hunting the elusive wapiti, playing sports with the kids, walking with my bride

Favorite indoor activities: reading, writing, ruminating, relating

Favorite colors: navy blue, forest green

Favorite type of music: I dig it all, baby

Favorite musical groups/performers: Anne Murray, Outkast

Favorite soundtracks: Grease, Moulin Rouge

Favorite song at the moment: I Can Only Imagine (thanks Tony), Hey Ya

What?s in your home CD/Casette player right now: Something for the kiddos

What?s in your car CD/Casette player right now: A sermon by Rick Warren to preview for our work

Do you play an instrument: I work on my music, but it's really experimental and defies description

One pillow or two: 1 -- And Kelli's able to tell when I'm using hers, but I can't.

Have you ever had your appendix or tonsils removed: Tonsils, by way of my appendix. It was quite risky.

Do you make fun of people: Occasionally, but it usually backfires.

As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up: A guy named Bill. I don't know why.

What would be your dream job now: I dig what I'm doing -- I'm right where God wants me.

Have you ever been convicted of a crime: Convicted? No.

Places you?d most like to visit: Colorado . . . often (Thanks Tony).

Your first car: 1987 Ford Ranger. Sweet little pickup.

Dream car: GMC 3/4 ton, Extended Cab, long bed 4WD pick-up truck.

Toothpaste: Yes.

Shampoo/Conditioner: Yes, but Conditioner usually doesn't taste as soapy as shampoo.

Favorite season: Spring.

Favorite holiday: I dig 'em all.

Favorite board/card game: 7 up 7 down, Ho!, 42

Favorite hobbies: sports, blogging, basejumping.

Favorite sport to play: Curtis Blow said it best....basketball is my favorite sport....

Favorite sport to watch: Go Broncos.

Least favorite sport to watch: Exteme Ironing. or the WNBA, since they both have a full-court press that is equally dramatic.

Do you have any siblings: 1 brother.

Do you get along with your parents: fabulously.

Favorite place to chill: in a refridgerator crisper.

Favorite place to visit: Rocky Mountain High...Colorado....

What is your bad time of day: Mornings

What is your good time of day: Late Evening. I'm such a night owl.

Favorite perfume or cologne: Eau di' Bryan....I'm clueless about this. My armpit scent is "wild tundra" or something like that, does this count?

Favorite scent of candle: The ones Kelli buys to mask Bathroom WMD (wafting malodorous doodies)

Favorite subject in school: Advanced Composition

Least favorite subject in school: Physics

Favorite magazine: Entertainment Weekly, and Wired

Favorite movie you have seen recently: I think I last saw ROTK, and enjoyed it.

Favorite movie of all time: Used to be Braverheart, but I predict that's about to change.

Favorite TV programs: Mole, Apprentice, Broncos FOotball

Favorite cartoon character: Homer

Favorite food: TBone Steak

Chocolate or Vanilla: Phish Food

What is your bedtime: Usually 11...but not tonight

How many rings before you answer the phone: 2 at least

The first thing you think of in the morning: Coffee.

Favorite thing to do when you?re home alone: Sleep.

Thunderstorms - Cool or Scary: Cool

Pen or Pencil: Pens, by the dozens...I really have an unhealthy addiction to them.

Do you like to drive: I will be the pilot of the motor craft, thankyouverymuch.

What is on the walls of your room: Photos, paintings, accessories...Whatever Kelli wants.

What words or phrases do you overuse: .... (drawing a blank here, sorry)

Coolest things anyone ever gave you: my salvation! And from the earthly perspective, everything we received in response to our home fire in 2000.

If you could pick one super-human power, what would you choose: Mercy!

roll over roll over

2004-02-19T00:12:00.000-05:00

Everyone knows this, but because I long ago started it, I should report that Dean-o has fallen off just so it's in the record (thanks to Tony for my prompt). I think the outrage is that Fox News is reporting this event with the headline "And then there were two."

Dennis & The Rev. are still in this thing. And now that Kuci has a potential first lady, the Rev. can marry them to one another, and then pony up to be the VP. It's a ticket made in heaven, baby!

I'm sad to see Dr. Deanmento go. He was a sideshow, a car-wreck, and a freakish curiosity all rolled up into one screaming, irrational package of vitriol. Good times. Good memories. Maybe he and Nader can partner up and really rock the vote come November.

True Confession: I told Kelli tonight that if Edwards found a way to unseat Kerry, I would at least feel like the worst possible candidate didn't win. I am so amazed at Kerry's lack of conviction and three-decades-plus practice of playing prevailing-wind politics. In the most sincere typestrokes I can offer, I hope that Democrats cut through his smoke and mirrors deceptions and realize he is no more a servant of the people than is that butler dude from Joe Millionaire. To steal from Leno, my hope is that after Super Tuesday, people will be asking Kerry, "Why the long face?"

May the boob be exposed.

duh

2004-02-18T23:46:00.000-05:00

email headline:
John Kerry: Further Left Than He Lets On

Gee, ya think?

cook until insides reach 160 degrees farenheit, or don't read this entry

2004-02-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

These are your options for avoiding spoiled mole.

If you want to risk stomach cramps, nausea, and knowing who the mole is, keep reading.

Within the first fifteen minutes, Kelli and I vacillated so many times you would have thought we were doing John Kerry impersonations. We were Hangin' with Mr. Cooper, then we were piercing Rodman, then we had siliconnected the moley dots to Angie Everhart.

So, big surprise, I was clueless.

But I wasn't surprised.

The only one who would have surprised me would have been Rodman.

I was disappointed in their choice for mole, as it was the second consecutive dip into the supermodel mole pond. Watching this episode about all the clues missed and how Tracey Gold put herself out of the game reinforces why this show is so great.

Baldwin & Bernsen have to come back. They're staples, and they keep us in stitches!

Maybe next time, I'll actually pay close enough attention to actually try to do something other than guess wildly and randomly at who the saboteur might possibly be.

christian carnival

2004-02-18T20:22:00.000-05:00

Up and running, without me.

conflicting messages

2004-02-18T14:12:00.000-05:00

Again, I understand the concept of $P@/\/\, but this one baffled me. Under the tagline of "success:

ncrsease your earoning poswer and gaerner profwessional resspect.
Get the Un1iversity Dewgree you have already earned.
Baqchelors, Masfters, MBsA, or Docdtorate (Ph3D) offered.
aNo reqsuired teqsts,cladsses or bosoks.
Asll the bensefits of being a Univfersity Grafduate are within your reach.
Degdree verificsation and official tracnscripts provided when requested by
emplsoyers and otshers authsorized by the grdaduate.
dConfiwdentiality asssured.
Cnall this numfber: 1-2a12-2048-45v51 (24 hourwrs a dasy 7 dasys a week)
Wle will brerak doswn the wa1ll that has hefld your earpning poewer bpack.
Candie

I get it when a junk email appeals to the basic instincts of a person, but when you're attempting to entice a person to pursue your promise of success, shouldn't you do your best to come across like you are something other than Candie, the potty-trained chimp pounding away on a keyboard, who by the (falsely) darwinistic laws of averages has coincidentally hammered out something that is slightly comprehensible?

stand back

2004-02-18T11:00:00.000-05:00

the bonfire of the vanities has been lit.

I missed the deadline for the Christian Carnival. maybe next week.

styrocafficoncusophobia

2004-02-18T10:22:00.000-05:00

Is there a medical term for the irrational fear of pushing down too hard on the plastic lid as I cover a styrofoam cup, crushing the cup and splashing the hot coffee contained within it, thus scalding myself and anyone within a five-food radius?

If there is, please let me know, because I've got that.

I am afflicted.